Chapter 69

Thwack thwack. Thwack thwack.

His muscles ached and his body glistened with sweat as he pounded the heavy bag one punch at a time. On the verge of being consumed by his rage he didn't know what else to do but try and sweat it out. Piece by piece his carefully constructed life was falling apart. In one moment he had experienced unprecedented happiness, building his life with Nathalie and her children and in the next moment it was gone. Failure was an unfamiliar result for him but there could be no other assessment of his performance. She needed him - she had been drugged and nearly assaulted - she was pregnant and likely scared and he, rather than demonstrate the requisite patience and love that she continually gave him, had reacted aggressively. His fists found the bag over and over again as if absolution for his part in the madness could be found at the end of a punch. His legs started to shake from exhaustion as he continued to pound on the bag. He wanted to bring Nathalie home, he needed to be the one to bring her home but he was foiled at every turn. He was a failure and when Nathalie was rescued she would see him for who he was and it would be over. Exhausted and physically spent, he pulled off his gloves, tossed them across the room and slid to the floor. Leaning his head against the wall, he wiped the sweat from his eyes with the back of his taped hands.

She had quickly become so central to his life that he found it difficult to remember what it was like without her. He missed the way their bodies wrapped around each other at night - the feel of her breath on his skin as she slept. He ached to see her smile because he was convinced that one of her smiles was for him alone. But the one thing that left the greatest hole in his heart was knowing she was pregnant and he was missing even a minute of it. The Devanes and the Scorpios may be concentrated on rescuing Nathalie and Patrick but he was going to ensure, one way or another, that his grandmother paid with her life for what she had done.

Lulu pushed open the door to the gym and scanned the room before finally seeing her brother slumped in the far corner. Crossing the room, Lulu slid down the wall beside him. "Hey" she said quietly. "You're back."

Nikolas opened his eyes but didn't look at his sister. "Got back a few hours ago."

"Any word on Nathalie?"

He shook his head. "There's a whole group of people working on it so I'm sure they'll find her -them - soon."

"They?" Lulu raised her eyebrows. "They? What about you?"

"What about me? All I'm good for is providing the funding."
"What on earth are you talking about?"

Nikolas shrugged one shoulder. "All the heroes have arrived - the Spencers and the Devanes including Robin's superninja cousin or something. No doubt he looks good in a cape and tights. They don't need me."

Shocked at her brother's defeatist attitude, Lulu moved in front of him and pulled his hands down to her lap, untaping them. As she unraveled the tape, she stretched out his hand, massaging the palm and his fingers. "Having a bit of a pity party?" she asked quietly.

"Something like that" he mumbled, staring over her shoulder.

"Ethan and I went to see Gracie to tell her that her mom had the flu and couldn't come to the hospital for a while."

"That's good" he said flatly.

Cupping his chin, Lulu forced him to look at her. "What's going on with you?"

"Nathalie's missing." Every time he said the words they sliced at him, deepening wounds that were not being given the chance to close.

"That much I got - from Brenda, not you by the way - but Nikolas - what is wrong with you? Why aren't you looking with them? Why aren't you out doing something?"

He shrugged. "I caused this Lulu - Helena has Nathalie and it's my fault. And how will I ever be able to live with myself if something happens to Patrick? If I bring any kind of pain to Robin and her family beyond what I've already brought?"

"You? You did this? Did you start working with Helena and not tell me? Did you *tell* her to kidnap Nathalie?" Giving her an incredulous look, he shook his head. "Didn't think so."

"You don't understand..."

"So tell me."

Nikolas closed his eyes. Sharing confidences had never been a strong suit of his. Cassadines, particularly the men, were raised to be strong, stoic and unfailingly independent. Confiding in another person, telling them your fears or worries was a sign of weakness that could be exploited by an enemy or adversary. Cassadine men were caretakers not care receivers. He had been well trained by his family and had held much back during his marriage to Emily and engagement to Courtney but Nathalie had been different. Her quiet resolve, her strength and her complete love for him had opened him in ways he was not used to. As they built their trust with each, established their relationship, he became accustomed to telling her his feelings and worries. They would often lie in bed at night, legs tangled round each other and with gentle prodding she would get him to reveal more of himself. Never once did she make him feel weak or less than for doing so. But her absence left him at a loss on how to voice his feelings without her encouragement. He felt lke a man with a foot in two worlds.

Discomforted by his slience and the far away look in his eyes Lulu moved beside him and put her arm around his shoulders. "Here's the thing Nik - you saved my life - twice. Once when I was a baby and then ago a few months ago. I didn't think I could go on, I didn't think I had anything to live for - I felt totally hopeless and you, you kept giving me hope in a million little ways. You made sure that I would never know what it was like to be alone and so now it's my turn. You must be scared out of your mind but you don't have to be alone - I'm here for you."

Dropping his head to her shoulder, Nikolas let out a heavy sigh. "Do you know she's pregnant?"

"I heard."

"I was horrible to her Lu. I was as mean as I could possibly be to her and those were the last things I said to her. The last thoughts she has of me are me yelling at her."

"Last thoughts are not the only thoughts."

Lifting his head, Nikolas furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "Just that they aren't her only thoughts of you Nikolas. You don't think she's going to remember all the good times - the moments between you - your proposal - first kiss - the day you told her you loved her - whatever. She won't only remember the bad." She pulled on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "It seems to me you have a choice here - you can sit here, feeling sorry for yourself, for the things that were said or you can get over yourself and start working on bringing her home so you can apologize to her and remind her of just how much you love her."

Nikolas smiled gratefully at his sister, amazed at the thoughtful, insightful woman she was becoming. "Are you giving me tough love Lu?"
"I am. And I'll kick your ass as many times as it takes for you to get your shit together" she smiled.

He pressed his lips into her temple, feeling lighter for the conversation. "I love you Lulu."

"Me too big brother."

*******

Aidan sat on the couch bouncing Rian on his knee. "I can't believe you have a baby" he remarked wondrously.

"Almost two" she said patting her stomach.

"You're a long way from the person I hung out with in Paris."

Sitting down beside him, she touched Rian's cheek. The house had been abuzz for hours until Robert gave everyone their orders and they dispersed leaving Robin alone in the quiet. Aidan had checked in to his room at the MetroCourt before returning to visit with his cousin. The silence in the house had unnerved her and despite her constant assertions that she was coping, she was grateful to see Aidan back on her doorstep. "I'm not that far from her."

Aidan smiled at his cousin, admiring the confident, assertive woman she had become - more and more like her mother every day. "You know, I never thought it possible but both your mother and your father seem to like your husband - he must be quite a guy."

Robin smiled at the memory of her parents and her uncle doing their best to intimidate him but in typical Patrick fashion he wasn't fazed by it at all. "He is - you'd really like him."

"Well if he has had any part to play in your happiness then I'm sure I will." Rian began to fuss and Aidan gave him his pinkie finger to suck on.

Settling against the back of the couch, Robin tucked her legs underneath her. "So how is it that you have been following Helena?"

Grinning, Aidan shook his head. "Nice try cuz, but I can't talk about it." Robin arched her eyebrow. "It's an ongoing investigation and my clients wouldn't be too happy if I started broadcasting their intentions."

"Fine. Then tell me how it is that you know Nathalie."

"Heard that did you?"

"Yup" she smiled. "As did her fiance who looked like he wanted to hurt you, so spill."

"I haven't seen her in a number of years - I still get Christmas cards from her and the like but it's probably been eight or nine years."

"That's all very interesting but you still haven't told me how you know her" Robin pressed good naturedly.

He shrugged. "We met in military school. Her parents had enrolled her in England and we were in the same class. She was tough and mouthy and contstantly in trouble."

"And you fell for her..."

"Hard" he grinned. "You know me and bad girls Rob."

"I do" she giggled. "Like a moth to a flame."

"Pretty much. We dated on and off until her parents moved back to the States. I would run in to her every once in a while after that and then one day I got an e-mail from her telling me she was getting married - I was happy for her. We haven't seen each other since."

Robin tapped her finger against her chin. "Were you....were you in love her?"

"We were kids Robin - it was a different time - we were different people."

Picking up on his desire to change the subject Robin simply nodded. Reaching over to the coffee table, she picked up the photo of Helena's partner, Anthony. She traced the outline of his face with the tip of her finger. There was something about his eyes that unsettled her, they were cold and familiar. She wracked her brain trying to think of other encounters or run-ins with him but was drawing a blank.

Seeing the look of concentration on her face, Aidan pursed his lips together. "What's going on in that big brain of yours?"

Shrugging, Robin continued to stare at the photograph. "I can't help but think this is about me."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyebrows raised. "Helena has Nathalie because she's pregnant."

"But we don't know why she has Patrick" she countered. "And maybe it's about me. There is no love lost between the Scorpios and the Cassadines. Patrick's value is strategic if I'm the ultimate target."

"Uh-oh"

"Uh-oh?" Robin repeated, meeting his eyes.

"I know that look" he pointed to her. "Your wheels are turning and that means you're going to want to do something."

"Maybe if Anthony is so desperate to talk to me that he keeps making up excuses to run in to me I should help him out."

Adian narrowed his eyes. "I really don't like where this is going."

"I can be bait" she said simply. "I can draw him out and then he can lead us to Patrick and Nathalie."

"No way - not a chance" Aidan said quickly. "There is no way we are using you as bait of any kind."

"Why not? He is clearly interested in me - let's use that."

"Robin - you're pregnant and while I haven't met your husband, I feel confident that he would kill us slowly and painfully if we let anything happen to you."

"Well in order for him to do that he would need to be home. This would be a way to get him home."

"It's too dangerous - we don't know anything about this guy. It's out of the question." Robin opened her mouth to protest but was cut off by the shrill ring of his cell phone. Taking her son from his lap Robin watched as Aidan walked to the kitchen to take the phone call. She picked up the photograph again and stared at it. He was the key to getting her husband back.

"I have to run" Aidan said as he came back in to the room.

"Okay" she smiled. "Thanks for coming back."

Leaning down, he kissed Rian on his cheek. "Bye little one" he said quietly. Kissing Robin's cheek, he looked at her intently. "We'll get him back Robin, I promise."

Smiling confidently, she nodded. "I know."

"Promise me you won't do anything without checking with one of us first?"

"I promise" she agreed, hoping her cousin didn't notice she had crossed her fingers.