Chapter Five: Friends and Confrontations

"Well, it could have been worse." Alice offered. We were in the Great Hall now, eating lunch. Or in my case, trying not to be sick.

I pushed my plate away in disgust. "I can't even eat. That was probably the worst class I've ever had."

Ariel patted my shoulder sympathetically. "It'll get better, Lily."

"Yeah," Frank said, "Don't let Snape ruin your year. He's not worth your time or attention." He took a huge bite of a sandwich piled high with meat and cheese.

I sighed and leaned my elbow on the table. "I know."

I wearily watched Roxanna further down the table, flirting her pants off with James. As I watched her something awoke in me. It wasn't jealousy or dejection or any other kind of negative feeling. It was strong and thirsty, like an unquenchable fire, and it enveloped me as a flame would parchment. It felt as if I had been dipped into a pool of hot, think dripping determination and insight. I knew what I had to do.

"You are completely right, Frank." I announced. "I will not let that idiot control my happiness."
"Hear, hear!" Alice and Macy said, looking pleased at my sudden change in mood.

"Good for you!" Ariel cried. "You deserve better!"

"I do!" I smiled at them all, "From this second on, I will not let the past influence my future. In fact..." I stood up. The maddest impulse filled my mind, and as if my body had been taken over by some spontaneous, wild specter I walked down the table to where the sex-god was sitting with the Marauders.

Without the slightest trace of fear or embarrassment I stood behind James and tapped him on the shoulder. When his eyes fell onto my face he smiled, and the normal Lily would have turned to jelly at the sight of his brilliant hazel eyes beneath their dorky glasses and his messy black hair and his very fit arms. But this Lily was not the normal Lily.

"Alright, Evans?" the sex-god said to me, smiling that amazingly perfect smile. I grinned right back and sat down between him and Remus.

"Potter," I began, amused by their shocked faces, "I've decided to forget the past and every stupid thing you've ever said to me. I accept your apology from this morning, and I've decided that we would make excellent friends. All of us." I looked around at them and laughed; Sirius had dropped his sandwich but his hands were still in midair as if he clutched an invisible one; Remus stared at me with his mouth slightly open; Peter was rubbing his eyes and shaking his head as if I were a mirage he was trying to see through; James just stared at me, looking as sexy as ever.

"You...Are you- er- uh- wait..." Remus finally sputtered.

I smiled at him and nodded.

"You want to be friends. With us." James said the words as if they were a long-lost dream come true that he still couldn't quite believe. "You're not serious."

"Completely serious." I smiled at him. "And since we're friends now I can call you James, right?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded.

"And of course you can call me Lily now, so feel free." I stood up. "I'm going to go sit back with Alice, but since we're all friends we should consider sitting together now. Bye, Remus, Peter, Sirius, James!" And I walked away with a new spring to my step, thanking with all my heart that ghost of spontaneity.

When I sat back down next to Macy everyone stared at me as if I were a mad looney escaped from a looney bin. I smiled at them all, probably looking like a looney escaped from a looney bin. But I didn't care. I was exuberant.

"DId you just...?" Alice weakly asked me.

"I sure as hell did!" I proudly said.

"Wha...?" was all Ariel could manage to say; Macy was speechless, which was a first. Frank alone was not perturbed in the slightest.

"Nice." He said, "If you wanted a fresh start, that was definitely the best way to go. Better that you joke around with the Marauders than compare makeup spells with Roxanna and the Minions."

I laughed. Everything seemed ten times funnier than usual.

When I went off to Charms with Alice, Frank, Macy and Ariel the four Marauders joined us. We all walked through the corridors, chatting animatedly, though things between us and the Marauders were still a bit awkward. I tried to bridge the gap by first talking to Remus about prefect duty, and by the time we had reached the Charms corridor we were all talking and laughing as if we'd been friends for years. As we walked into the classroom I noticed Severus, sitting at a table with one of his Slytherin friends, talking in quiet voices. When he saw me his face remained unchanged, as if I wasn't there at all. When he found James, however, his eyes narrowed in dislike. I didn't dwell on him. I wouldn't let myself. Plus, I was sitting once again near the sex-god and his fit arms and legs and bum.

When the bell rang at the end of the lesson, I ran out of the door. I'd had an idea in the middle of the lesson. I quickly ran through the crowded hallway, deftly swerving around students and ghosts alike, following his long black hair in the sea of people. At last he turned onto a less crowded corridor. Sprinting, I skidded around the corner and continued my chase until I was right next to him.

"Hello, Severus."

He flicked his eyes to mine before looking away. Continuing to walk, I waited for a reply of some kind. When he gave none, I continued.

"So, that was some lesson, huh?" Still nothing.

"Look", I said, losing my patience. I grabbed his arm and stood in front of him, blocking his path forward. He tried to get around me, but finally gave in to my stubbornness, folding his arms.

"What do you want?" he asked, his voice full of bitterness.

I hoisted my bag higher onto my shoulder. "I want to apologize to you. For losing my temper with you last night."

Severus just stared at me, his black eyes giving away no emotion. I couldn't read his face, couldn't tell how he would react. I looked at my shoes, feeling conscious about his unwavering stare, how intensely his eyes had gazed upon me.

"Okay..." he finally said. I glanced back up at him to see that he was still staring at me.

"And, er... I, um-, well," I stuttered. I looked up at him helplessly. "Oh, this is ridiculous. Would you stop staring at me like that?" He blinked.

"I'm not staring at you," Severus glanced at the floor. "I'm just looking at you."

"No, you were staring," I insisted, "It was making me nervous."

His face suddenly changed. "I made you nervous?" he smirked.

I felt my cheeks grow warm as I glared at him and continued on.

"Anyway, if you'd like to talk to me, meet me by the painting of those skeletons playing cards after dinner. I'll be there until half-past eight." I turned and walked away.

"Lily, wait!"

The way he said my name made me pause. It brought back long gone memories of a better time, an easier time. As I turned to face him I could smell the soft scent of trees and cotton, hear the buzz of insects and the twitter of birds, feel his hand in mine and the soft prickle of grass. Before my eyes I could see what used to be, how it was meant to be. But with a blink the vision dissolved, and all I saw was the Severus of now, the future of now. The future of that past was dead.

"Sev?" I whispered breathlessly.

He swiftly walked to me and softly grasped my hands.

"Do you mean it? Is it for real?" he breathed, his face close to mine, our noses almost touching. I wanted to back away but found myself rooted to the spot. I couldn't. I wouldn't. That love was dead.

"Yes." I murmured. He was much too close. I could smell his salty, spicy skin, his sweet perfume.

As he backed away from me I leaned forward, a part of me wanting him to stay, wanting him again. I shoved these thoughts into the back of my mind, willing them to disappear. That love was dead.

"I'll be there!" And with a swish of his robes he was gone.

Needless to say, this was not at all how I had planned things. I mean, I hadn't counted on fancying James Potter's bum, hadn't counted on Roxanna also fancying James Potter's bum, and definitely hadn't believed that a part of me still loved Severus.

Merlin's pants, what was wrong with me?