The Path.14

Drabble: 1000 Words
Genre: Canon { will be A/U later on}
Pairing: Ennis and Jack; Ennis' POV
Disclaimer: AP created'em, I just love'em.

Feedback: Much appreciated.

Thank you all so much for reading The Path and for telling me what does and what doesn't work for you!

A/N: Ennis is torn and his mind awhirl about how to get around this new situation between him and Jack.

It's gittin late. The sun's droppin behind the mountains to the west; need to finish up and head on down for supper.

Saw Jack this mornin, but it seems like a year ago. Wonder how he'll be. I hope he'll be back to his normal self like nothing happened, stead of all serious and shit like he was when he came up here with our breakfast.

"Whoa boy". Take your time, we're in no hurry to get there, Cigar Butt.

Supper smells good, but where's he at? "Here, l'il darlin". Let's get you fed and watered. You can rest while I eat. . . you deserve it boy.

"Jack?"

He says my supper's on the fire. Guess he already ate. Well, I am fairly late. Still. Didn't think he'd eat without me and go to bed so early. Guess he had a rough day of it too. Guess I'll just eat and have a cuppa coffee before riding back up.

Used to be good at this, spendin all my time alone. Nobody to talk to. That was before Jack. My life before Jack seems pretty borin now. He livens me up somehow, his stories, his tomfoolery. . . he makes me laugh. Shit why'd he have to go to bed so early? Maybe he don't feel good. I'll just peek in and check on him.

Jesus Christ. He's takin his shirt off. Foldin it up. . . he knows how cold it gets up here at night. Why is he actin so strange?

"Jack? You alright?"

"Not really, Ennis."

"You sick?"

"No."

"Well, okay then."

Look how beautiful he is. Can tell he's hurt though. Probly wanted me to say somethin to him about what happened. Somethin more than "I ain't Queer."

Well, I ain't got much else to say. Don't even know what to think about the way I treated him. Outa control. That's what I was. Can't just go 'round doin what a body feels like doin. Willy Nilly.

Self Control, that's what makes a man, a man.

I should just eat my supper now, then head on back up to the sheep. That's what I'll do.

Can't swallow food while he's in there feelin bad and wantin somethin from me that I ain't got to give. Not to him, not to no one. 'Fore long he'll turn over and go to sleep. That'll be the best for both of us. Things'll look better in the mornin.

Guess I'll just sit here 'til he does. Wouldn't be no good to the sheep if I did go up there now. Worryin 'bout Jack. Wantin to make him feel good, like he does for me. Jack makes me feel awful good.

I need Jack about now, cause right now I feel like shit. Guess I'm not gonna feel any better till I 'pologize. Tell him I'm sorry for hurtin him. Sorry for not bein who and what he needs me to be. Story a my life. Nobody never cared 'bout me, never tried to make me laugh, never listened to my stories.

Shit, never even knowed I had stories to tell, till Jack come along and pried them outa me.

If Jack don't wanna be my friend no more, I don't know what I'll do.

I maybe just messed up the only good thing that ever come my way. If he won't look at me and smile, or won't grab my hat and run, how will I get through the days . . . and the nights? Become so accustomed to his face and his body near me, round this fire.

I miss his eyes when he looks at me. How he looked at me in that tent the other night, like he was tryin to tell me something . . . something I really needed to know, and wanted to know.

I miss his mouth, the way he smiles at me. Wonder what his mouth feels like and tastes like . . . there's only one way to find out and I ain't about to do that.

And oh Jesus, his smell. I'll miss that. Just bein near him, breathin him in was somethin I come to depend on. Didn't realize that till I don't have it any more.

I miss Jack offerin me whatever he thought I wanted and needed. Did he just do that, what he did in the tent, for me? Did he figure out that I'd been watchin him and wantin him for weeks now? Is that why he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick? Is that what this is all about? Somehow he knew what I been wantin?

If that's it, then he knew it before I did. Not till he unbuckled his belt and got in position for me, spreading his legs wider and wider did I know where my daydreams were takin me.

A man wouldn't do that unless he wanted me too; like I want him. Would he? Even a great friend? A best friend in the whole world? I can't ask him. Already told him I ain't queer. But what if he does want me as much as I want him?

What if my rough ways and plain look has growed on him. What if he stays down here, thinkin on me, while I'm up with the sheep, thinkin on him?

Well, he's finally stopped neatening the tent, he's settling down. Maybe he'll go to sleep now.

But no; I don't want him to go to sleep. 'Stead a sittin here pokin the fire, I want to be in that tent with him. Wrong as it may be, I'm goin in there. . . with Jack.

If my legs will hold me, I'm gonna walk in there and see if it's too late for me. See if he'll talk to me, allow me back into his friendship, and the only place I ever want to be . . . with my Jack.

#

Continues immediately in The Path.15