Memoirs of a Hogwarts Sixth Year

by Completely Sirius

It all started on the platform. That stupid, bloody platform. I mean, after five years of calling someone an arrogant toerag and telling him to stick his fat head up his stupid, fit arse, it's just not right to fantasize about licking chocolate off of his equally fit chest. But who said I was doing that?

9. A Little Healthy Competition

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Chapter Nine: A Little Healthy Competition

The next morning breakfast was incredibly awkward. I'm going to tell you why.

The night before I had walked into my room to find Macy and Ariel sitting on my bed.

"I really don't mean to pry, Lily, but what were you doing in the boy's dormitory?" Ariel had asked me.

Macy was considerably less polite. "No, what she really means is 'What the bloody buggering hell were you doing in the boys dormitory with James Freaking Potter?' Because we can't imagine a scenario where you would ever go somewhere alone with him, let alone the boy's dormitory!"

I shrugged guiltily and threw my bag by the foot of my bed. "Trust me, Mace, it was nothing. I wanted somewhere quiet to work, and Potter wanted to get away from Roxanna, so we went up there to do homework. We were just working on the Charms paper-"

"Did you get very far?" Macy interrupted me.

"Yeah, we finished-"

"Can I just take a peek?"

But although Macy was easily distracted, Ariel was more of a problem. While Macy was reading over my essay, Ariel kept glancing up at me over the top of An Extremely Detailed Guide of Magical Beasts of the North Americas. She reminded me of how Remus had acted on the train. It was extremely annoying.

At the table I sat next to Ariel, staring glumly into the last dregs of my cereal and trying my best to ignore the increasingly violent under-the-table kicks from Alice; Ariel had told her about my study session in the boys dormitory this morning. I made a mental note to kill her.

"Ow!" I complained as Alice sent particularly painful kick to my shin. "Cut it out, or I swear on Merlin's fat arse I will curse you into next week."

"Excellent." Macy yawned, "She can see how I do on my Charms essay, come back, and tell me what I should write to make it better."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, Lily, as much as I believe you, if I were you I'd turn around."

"Why?"

"Probably because of me." A voice said behind me.

I jumped in surprise and turned my head to see Prometheus Cage, this year's Head Boy.

"Hey," I said, my voice apprehensive. "How's it going?"

Even though Prometheus was only a year ahead of me, I had never really spoken to him. Sure, I had admired him from behind the library bookshelves with Macy, but I had never actually had a conversation with him unless it was during a prefect's meeting. It annoyed my how nervous I was to talk to this very attractive, older (did I say attractive yet?) Hufflepuff.

He smiled at me. "Hey, you're Lily Evans, right?"

"Yeah." I said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. Merlin, he was one fine specimen.

He put his hands in his pockets and put all of his weight on his right leg.

"So Lily, I wanted to talk to you about the patrolling schedule." He casually explained.

"Would you like to sit down?" Macy asked him from behind me, offering him the bench space next to her. I repeated her offer and we squeezed onto the bench. As Prometheus turned to talk to me Macy sent me a not so subtle wink from behind his back.

"Is something wrong with the schedule?" I asked him. As I spoke I saw Sirius whisper something to James a few seats away from us.

"Not at all," Prometheus said, oblivious to his surroundings. "But there have been a few changes. Are you free tonight?"

I felt my eyes widen in surprise. "What?"

"For prefect duty, I mean." Prometheus quickly added. The tips of his ears turned pink. Behind him many things were simultaneously happening. Macy was mouthing 'Go for the gold!', Mary was glaring at me like I had killed her puppy, and James was staring at Prometheus, his face set and hard, ignoring the fact that he had accidentally set the tablecloth on fire.

"Oh," I said to my lap. After a second I looked at him. "Well, I don't think I'd be able to patrol tonight. I've got Astronomy from 11:30 to 1."

His brow furrowed. "Hayley's offering a N.E.W.T. level Astronomy?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I can't patrol tonight. Remus could always patrol with Louis Mallard."

Prometheus glanced back to where Remus was sitting. "Actually, you won't be patrolling with Remus anymore. That's one of the changes that Hermita's insisted upon." He rolled his eyes. "She's insisted that we have inter-house patrolling, Merlin knows why."

I blinked in surprise. "Are you kidding? Please don't tell me that I'm paired with a Slytherin, Prometheus, or I swear I'll have to kill you, bring you back to life, then kill you again."

He chuckled. "No, I wouldn't be that cruel to you. Actually, you're paired with me."

I sighed in relief. "Thank you so much I- wait, I'm with you?"

He chuckled again. "Yeah. You must know that you're one of the top candidates for Head Girl next year, so Hermita's instructed me to keep an eye on you to see if you're up to it."

"You're not serious!" I exclaimed. A huge grin had taken over my face, and I completely forgot about the awkwardness surrounding the morning.

"I sure am. Are you free tomorrow night, then? For patrolling purposes only, of course." Prometheus joked.

He left after I had ecstatically agreed to meet in the entrance hall at half past eight.

"Lily you are so damn lucky!" Macy said once Prometheus was seated at the Hufflepuff table. She smacked my arm. "He's so lush! If you were to look up 'sex' in the dictionary I swear you'd see a picture of Prometheus Cage!"

"He is very good-looking." I replied. Suddenly James Potter was at Macy's side. He leaned over the table, putting his weight on his elbows so that he could properly see me.

"Evans, you must be joking."

Macy scoffed. "Oh, James, come on. Everyone knows that Prometheus Cage is the epitome of a sex god."

"Has your coffee been spiked or something, Rickman? Because Cage is nothing but a nancy boy whose head is filled with frilly knickers instead of brains."

Macy crossed her arms and glared at James, raising her right eyebrow.

"You think so? Well, lets conduct a survey. First, Ariel: Prometheus Cage, hot or not?"

Ariel squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Her eyes flicked to Remus for the briefest of moments before she uneasily looked at Macy. "Why do I have to go first?" She whined.

"Just answer the question!"

"Fine! Well, um, I guess he's kind of-"

"Excellent!" Macy interrupted her, raising her hand with one finger lifted. She shoved her fist and finger into James' face. "You are down by one!"

Then she turned to me."Now, we already know that Lily would snog him, so-"

I held up my hands in front of me. "Hold it, Mace, you can't just go about saying-"

"You mean to say that there is somebody else here who you would rather snog?"

"Honestly, Macy-"

"Is there?" She insisted, waving one hand around the hall.

"Well, I-" I looked at James and felt my cheeks grow warm. He was staring right at me. "I mean, he's attractive but I don't know him well enough to-"

"You are down by TWO!" Macy shoved two fingers into James' face.

He leaned away from her, looking sullen. It was really quite sad, but all I could think about was how amazingly snogable my sex-god looked when he was moody.

Macy's behavior continued all day. She would ask random girls if they thought Prometheus Cage was a sexy beast, and nearly all of them agreed with her. Her smug smile was very wearing, and it was no wonder that by lunchtime I had a strong inclination to slap her. Alice was right there with me (although she had suggested the Squirtono charm, which would have made Macy's voice sound like a chipmunk so she wouldn't want to talk), but even Ariel, the most even-tempered person I knew, sat through lunch with her jaw clenched, looking very relieved when she had to skip off to Care of Magical Creatures.

The day wore on so slowly that I could have sworn each minute had been magically stretched into an hour. I did my best to take notes in class and everything, but between James and Severus it took all of my strength not to pull out my hair. I was sitting in the common room with my mates, thinking that I finally had a break from the awkwardness of the day, when the sex-god approached me.

"Alright, Evans? Is everybody enjoying their homework?" He said nonchalantly, sitting between Alice and I on the couch. James ran a hand through his hair and peered down at me from behind his glasses. Have I mentioned how stupidly sexy he looked in glasses?

"What's up, Potter?" I replied.

"I though you were the one who was insisting on using first names?"

"And I thought you were the one who just called me 'Evans' again."

James chuckled and stretched his arms over his head. "So I did, Ev- uh, Lily, so I did."

Ariel caught my eye and subtly pointed to James with her eyes. I turned just in time to see him attempt to put his arm around me. I roughly pushed him away.

"Nuh-uh, James. I'm beginning to regret this whole friendship thing."

He gave me an innocent look that was way too seductive for my liking. "Hey, Lily, I'm just being friendly."

"So when you sit next to Peter you put your arm around his shoulders?" I wittily responded. Well, at least I thought it was witty.

He smiled at me flirtatiously. "Ah, good point. Anyhow, when were you planning on leaving for Astronomy?"

I turned a page in my textbook. "At around eleven, why?" I replied, keeping my eyes away from him.

"Well, I was thinking that since we're the only Gryffindors taking it we might as well go together."

I bit my lip and didn't respond right away. I stared at the book, pretending to read. How in the world was I supposed to read about rare shrubs when the sex-god had basically just asked me to go to a class with him? Answer: I couldn't.

"Lily?"

"Hmmm, I don't know." I felt my lips twitch as his face fell.

"Oh, come on Lily, please? I don't want to walk all by myself in this big, dark, scary castle!" He widened his eyes and stuck out his bottom lip so that he looked totally pathetic.

"Just do it, Lily," Ariel said from behind her Defense Against the Dark Arts book. "Or he'll keep begging until I finally snap and kill him."

Macy snickered. "He's half dead already from discovering that he's not the most fanciable bloke in the school."

I expected James to scowl, but instead he just grinned at her. "Sorry, Rickman, but that's not altogether true. See, you only surveyed the lovely ladies of Hogwarts about Prometheus 'Pretty Boy' Cage. I guarantee that if you asked them about yours truly, they would give you very favorable answers. Well, favorable to me, that is."

He turned to me again. "So, Lily, what about it? It's not like we're galavanting off to a snog session; we're just going to class."

I blushed. "Well, I suppose so. But if you're not ready to leave by eleven I swear on Merlin's baggy trousers I'll leave without you."

He grinned in success "Brilliant. Meet you by the portrait hole, Ev-uh, Lily." He stood up and walked back over to the Marauders, who cheered as he threw his arms up in triumph.

I groaned. "Uhhhhhhh, I feel like a whore!"

Alice patted my shoulder. "Nope, that's still Roxanna."

I felt a weight on my lap and looked down to see Sylvester, my cat, curling himself up into a tiny ball, staring at me with his slim, yellow eyes.

"How are you doing, little man?" I asked him. He purred and rubbed his head on my knee.

"Sylvester doesn't think you're a whore." Macy assured me. "Just a sacrifice to save your smart, beautiful best friends from the annoyances of James Potter."

"I wonder why James is taking Astronomy?" Ariel mused. She marked her page and set her book aside. "I mean, the real reason. I've heard people ask him and it's a different excuse every time. 'Oh, it'll be an easy O.', or 'So I can sneak around the castle at night without getting in it deep'. I've even heard him say that it's so he can check out Professor Hayley."

Alice looked at me for a second before turning back to Ariel with a shrug. "Maybe he really does want an excuse to sneak around the castle. I mean, the bloke has a thing for pranks and the like."

Ariel shook her head. "I don't think so. He's never had any qualms about getting caught before."

"Listen," I butted in, "There's no telling what he's taking it for. It's probably for some stupid reason, or maybe for no reason at all. This is James Potter we're talking about, not some normal, sane person."

At eleven o'clock on the dot James met me by the portrait hole. He smiled when he saw that I was waiting for him, my eyes fixed on the face of my watch.

"Alright, Evans? Looking forward to class?" He asked as we walked out into the corridor. He hoisted his bag a little higher on his fit, muscular shoulder.

"Yeah. What about you?"

"Oh, I am definitely eager for it to start." He replied, grinning down at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Just remember that we're friends, James, as in 'If you wouldn't do it to Remus, don't do it to me.' Got that?"

His face grew serious, only the twinkle in his eye giving him away. "Yes, Ma'm!" He said, his hand at his forehead in a military salute. I rolled my eyes again but felt a smile coming on.

We arrived at the Astronomy tower in good time. I couldn't tell if we were early or late, since I had no idea how many students were taking the class. I glanced around and saw a few Ravenclaws standing by Professor Hayley, while a pair of Hufflepuffs stared down at the grounds, their elbows resting on the battlements of the tower. I walked to a spot along the chest-high wall where four long, gold telescopes sat on thin, matching stands. James followed me and lightly placed his finger on one of the delicate instruments.

His eyes widened and he instantly retracted his finger. I looked at him questioningly.

"It's hot." He whispered in my ear. I involuntarily shuttered as his breath tickled my face. Not because I was afraid of being murdered or something. Because he was so damn hot and his lips were so damn close to me I could practically feel them.

"Is it really?" I muttered back to him. He nodded and held up his finger, the tip of which had a small, round red mark that was slowly fading away.

"Gather around, ladies and gentlemen, gather around now." Professor Hayley suddenly spoke, her voice sounding abnormally loud compared to the quiet hiss of conversation and the soft blowing of the cool breeze. The Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and James and I stood in a semi-circle around Professor Hayley so that we all had a clear view of her. Professor Hayley was a very average sort of witch, of medium height and build, with dark, greying hair that she kept cut in a chin-length bob. While the average eye would show the signs of exhaustion at such a late hour, her dark brown orbs were bright with energy. Only her hair ad her wrinkles gave away her age. She straightened her hat before beginning again.

"Well, welcome to N.E.W.T. level Astronomy! I am very flattered that you all have taken such an interest in this subject to want to pursue it in a more in-depth matter, very flattered indeed. Though I must warn you, this class will be much more difficult than the Astronomy you have all grown accustomed to over the past five years." She looked around at us all very pointedly. "Because of the infrequency with which this class takes place, I will assume that you have come here strictly to learn, and that I can expect no trouble from any of you." As she said these last few words she stared directly at James, not even bothering to look as if it had been a random glance or anything. I couldn't help but glance at his face, expecting to see that stupid, make-the-girls-go-wild smile, but was shocked to see a look of complete and utter seriousness. I'm not even exaggerating when I say he looked like a completely different person. Yes, a hotter, even sexier, responsible man had apparently taken up residence in the body of James Potter.

Professor Hayley continued, apparently satisfied. "You have already studied the heavens through the means of a traditional telescope. In this way you have become familiar with the different planets and constellations, along with their magical properties. At this advanced level of Astronomy, we will be using very special, delicate, dangerous, and expensive instruments." She motioned with her hand to the gold things behind her. "These are Fortignoculars. They allow the viewer to see much deeper into the heavens than one can with a regular telescope. Believe it or not, there are constellations that are impossible to see without the use of a Fortignocular."

"Professor, how do they work?" Asked a Ravenclaw girl called Laura Claire.

Professor Hayley took a pair of thin, black gloves from the pocket of her robe and put them on her hands. She then picked up one of the sparkling instruments and held it so that we could all see it's shining beauty.

"Fortignoculars are made out of the purest form of gold. It usually takes a well-trained Gringotts goblin about two weeks to properly filter out all of the impurities. Then a very small amount to liquid diamond is added to the gold that makes up the lens tube, along with unicorn horn shavings and scales from a Chinese Fireball dragon. Other dragon breeds can be used, but the Fireballs usually produce the highest quality instruments."

I glanced up from my notes as she gently unscrewed the eye-piece so that we could see the inner tube. I gasped when I saw the small, dancing blue flames that surrounded it.

"The exterior tube is painted with a special glaze that contains powdered unicorn horn to strengthen the gold, but this will not prevent it from breaking if it is dropped or mishandled, so you really need to be careful with them. The inner tube is also glazed, then fitted with a special glass lens that is soaked in a secret liquid. The goblins refuse to tell us what the ingredients are, but I can assure you it contains some kind of mixture of plant secretions. As you can see, the inner tube is surrounded with Gubraithian fire. It heats the inner tube, which then comes into contact with the lens. The hotter the temperature, the further into space you can see."

She replaced the eye-piece and placed the instrument onto it's thin, fragile stand, almost as if it were a newborn child, before turning back to face the class.

"Now, because Fortignoculars are so costly, we could only acquire four, so you will need to split up into pairs. I will give you a moment to do that while I set these up around the tower to give you all some space."

I looked at James, a devilish smile playing across his face as Professor Hayley levitated a Fortignocular set with her wand and carefully made it follow her to the opposite side of the tower.

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "So I suppose-"

"Hey, James!" An annoying voice behind me squealed. I spun around and saw two of the Ravenclaws and both of the Hufflepuffs standing behind me, fixing their hair and trying their best to look seductive. A Hufflepuff girl with red lipstick smiled and pushed a piece of yellow hair out of her face. "So, have you decided who you'd like to partner with yet?" One of the Ravenclaws lifted her skirt a few inches higher, while the dark-haired Hufflepuff folded her arms so that her chest looked bigger.

I felt an eyebrow raise of its own accord. "Who the bloody hell are you?" I asked them.

The blonde Hufflepuff sent me a quick glare before turning her eyes once more to my sex-god. "James, I'm Matilda Ross," She motioned to the other Hufflepuff, "And this is my friend, Ursula."

One of the Ravenclaws literally shoved Matilda to the side. "I'm Heather Brinks, and this is Barbra Droit, James. Either one of us would be a great partner for you because we're both very smart, so if you need help we'd be more than happy to-"

"I think we know what kind you help you'd like to give him!" Ursula snarled as she shoved the Ravenclaws back behind her. "But James deserves a lady, not a whore!"

"Why you little-"

"Ladies, ladies please, don't fight over me." James finally broke in. His eyes flickered to mine in amusement as he held out his hands. The girls instantly looked to him, their eyes growing wide and dopey. I could have sworn I actually heard one of them sigh.

I jumped when he clapped a hand to my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, but I've actually already told Lily here that I'd work with her. First-come, first-serve, darlings."

I turned in shock to protest, but I realized that it would actually be less annoying to be paired with James than with a James-Potter's-fabbity-fab-bum fan girl.

James grinned in apology as the girls sulked off and broke into their own pairs. "Sorry, girls, maybe next time!"

I smacked him in the arm. "You're unbelievable!"

He gave a short chuckle. "What, you'd rather be with one of them?"

I hit him again just a tad bit harder. "Shut it, Potter."

We walked over to a Fortignocular set, and once Professor Hayley had gone over all of the safety rules we were allowed to test them out. I carefully put on the elbow-length gloves, pulling them all the way up for the maximum amount of protection from the scalding metal. As instructed, I held out my arms so that James could check for any holes or loose threads. While it took everyone else about five seconds to check their partners, James spent about a good minute checking mine.

"Come on, Potter, stop arsing around, they're fine!" I told him as I watched the Hufflepuff girls use their Fortignocular to spy into the windows of the Gryffindor boy's dormitories.

After a quick once-over he let go of my hand. "I'm not arsing around, Evans, I'm checking for holes. Do you really want to get a third-degree burn on your palm because I wasn't thorough enough?"

"Just give me your arm." I took his hand and ran fingers all the way up to his elbow, searching with my eyes and my sense of touch for any imperfections. I tried to keep my thoughts professional, but his arms were so fit, and I could just picture them holding me and- No, no, no, no, and no, I was not going to think like that. I dropped his hands.

"No holes."

I turned toward the gleaming instrument and gently picked it up. I held it in my hands for a moment, admiring it's beauty, before I lifted it to my eye.

"What do you see?" James eagerly asked me.

I gasped as I focused the lens, seeing for the first time the crisp, clear outlines of a star. It was a beautiful, shining white ball of light dancing in the inky blackness that was the night sky.

"It's amazing, James!" I whispered as I slowly focused in the lens. It shot past the star into what seemed to be a completely different sky. The constellations were unfamiliar and strange, as if someone had taken a spoon to the sky and mixed it once or twice around.

I took the scope from my eye and looked at James. "You have to see this. It's incredible!"

I offered him the Fortignocular. When he put it to his eye he almost dropped it in shock. I realized that I hadn't unfocused the lens.

"Damn, James, I'm so sorry!" I apologetically said.

He made to wave his free hand but stopped short as he remembered that we had to hold the Fortignoculars with two hands. "Don't worry about it, Lily, it's unbelievable! Have you seen these new star patterns? And the detail, amazing!"

For the rest of the class we took turns looking through the Fortignocular and drawing what we saw on a large piece of parchment. By the time class was over, James and I had become familiar with the new star shapes and had even given a few nicknames. As we walked down the spiral staircase, I realized that I had been worried for no reason at all.

We were walking to the common room when James suddenly stopped.

"What are you doing?" I asked him, taking out my wand in case something was wrong.

He grinned at me. "No need to get dangerous, Evans. I think you can do without your escort for the rest of the night, eh?"

I put my wand back into my pocket and crossed my arms. "Wait, you're leaving me?"

He took a step and a half closer to me. "I knew you were a smart girl." He leaned his face down so close to mine that I thought he was going to kiss me. I tried my best to keep my composure, but when you think that a sex-god is about to kiss you, thinking can become a bit difficult.

"Well, where are you going then?" I managed to whisper.

James flashed a mischievous grin and backed away from me. "Oh, I don't know. I just fancy a walk."

"You're going to get detention, you know!" I called out to him.

"It's never stopped me before, love!" He replied as he disappeared into the darkness.

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