She
knew it was wrong. She knew what she did was absolutely not
excusable.
She knew it and still it felt so good. It felt so
right. And she definitely
didn't regret it even if she thought
she should feel guilty. And she felt
guilty. For lying to David,
for cheating on him, for even letting Peter kiss
her right now.
She knew it and she couldn't help it.
When Kelly thought about
what they just did, with Peter still resting on top
of her,
placing butterfly kisses on her neck, she tried to form a sentence
to at least make this awkwardness go away. Awkward - that's
probably not the
best word to describe it, Kelly thought looking
at the ceiling.
Peter Gallagher, the man she always felt
attracted to. He finally showed her
that he wanted her too. All
the time. But it was too late. Too late for her.
Because she was
engaged and made a promise to herself and to David when she
said
"Yes".
Realising that everything that was going on in
her head was just confusing,
she closed her eyes and tried to
think nothing for a second. It didn't work.
Month ago she had only
him in her mind, the man she had just slept with. The
man that
was always more than a friend to her.
A few hours ago she had only
him in her mind, the man she was engaged to,
but also the man
that had disappointed her.
Now there were two men and Kelly knew
from that moment on that this other
man in her mind, wouldn't
disappear as quickly as she wished he would so she
could
concentrate on being happy with the other. This man was not going to
leave her mind. Peter.
He didn't know what to do or say.
Smelling her sweet scent, kissing her warm
skin, sleeping with
her - it felt wonderful. Sleeping with Kelly, he stopped
his
thoughts. I slept with her.
Peter knew there was another women.
Not just a women - his wife - the mother
of his children, but he
couldn't help but thinking if he still loved her
that much why
didn't he think about her before he slept with Kelly? Why
didn't
he stay home with her to watch telly? Why did he watch it anyway and
wasn't with her, doing exactly the thing he wanted to do to Kelly
and why
was he not that desperate to spend time with her as he
was with Kelly? Why
was it Kelly he waited for to arrive at work
and not his wife so she'd
finally come home to him?
Kelly
still didn't know what to say and when Peter pulled his head out of
her neck and looked at her she felt this tension again. Not a
sexual one. It
was just awkward to be there with him. She
couldn't deny that she was
attracted to him, that the sex they
just had was probably the most
passionate she ever experienced
and that he was really more than a friend,
but on the other hand,
they were friends. Good friends. And colleagues. She
wasn't used
to him lying naked on top of her, kissing her neck. It was then
when
she realised that everything she thought she knew suddenly turned in
a
complete different direction and she didn't know if it was a
good sign or a
bad one. Peter wasn't the sweet friend she
could've fun with anymore, she
saw him as a man, that was
unfortunately too good in bed and an amazing
kisser. But did she
really want to see him that way? Was it worth that she
hurt
someone else for it and Peter even three? No.
At least she wasn't
ready to admit it yet and even if she already knew she
couldn't
change what happened, she could still pretend and maybe everything
would work out itself. She spent 4 years pretending he wasn't
more than a
friend, why skip now? she thought ironically and
sighed.
Peter still looked down at her, his beautiful blue
eyes sparkling, but Kelly
broke the connection their eyes had
anyway and looked down, feeling slightly
embarrassed that she, a
soon-to-be-wife , just slept with him without a
second
thought.
He saw her looking uncomfortable and knew he had to
break this awkward
silence if he didn't wanna ruin everything he
ever had with her "Kel..." he
started but she
interrupted "I'm sorry, Peter, but...I think you should
probably...leave".
"What?" asked Peter in
disbelieve and shifted his body a little away from
hers.
"I..I'm
sorry i know it's my fault" she started but Peter interrupted
her
before she could finish the sentence "WE decided to do
this Kelly...it's not
your fault" he said, looking down,
being hurt.
Kelly saw the sadness in his eyes and couldn't bear it
any longer. She
lightly pushed him away so she could stand up.
While she collected her
clothes from the floor, she whispered
"sorry, I gotta check on Leo" and then
left the
room.
Peter was speechless. They didn't even really talk about
it... Did she think
it was a horrible mistake? What was happening
now? He knew holding back was
difficult before but now that he
knew how it is to be so close to her, he
knew he couldn't just go
on with his life like nothing happened. What was
about him? About
HIS family?
Being disappointed with himself and Kelly, he wiped
the tear away that had
made its way down his cheek and started to
put his clothes back on.
Looking one last time back into the
apartment he shared his first and
probably last time with the
beautiful women that meant the world to him, he
turned around and
left her, remembering her saying she didn't want him there
anymore:
"Leave..." "Leave..." and he left.
When
Kelly left the living room she already knew that she wouldn't "check
on
Leo" as she told Peter. She just needed to escape. Escape
from the man that
meant so much to her. She knew she needed some
time to herself. She was
overwhelmed with guilt and confusion,
nothing but chaos in her head.
Everything happened so suddenly -
it wasn't planned. But it felt amazing.
And even that was an
understatement.
She leaned herself against the wall in the hall,
not knowing what to do or
say. Last night her heart took action,
not her head as usual. She didn't
know what she was doing because
if she would've known her head would've
forbidden her to sleep
with him. But it was her heart that told her it was
okay. That it
was right.
Kelly sighed and realised that what she said to Peter
was neither fair nor
did she mean it.
She wanted to tell him
that she felt guilty because of David. She wanted to
tell him
that she was confused and didn't know what to do now. She wanted to
tell him how amazing he was and the night they shared. She wanted
to tell
him how gentle and sweet he was with Leo. She wanted to
tell him that he was
the best lover as well as best friend she
could ever hope for. She wanted to
tell him how important he was
to her. She wanted to hell him that she needed
him in her life
like the air she's breathing. She wanted to tell him all
this,
but when she returned to the living-room he was already gone.
After
many tears, one shower and many tries to make the baby stop
screaming,
Kelly lay on the couch, eyes closed and finally
feeling some sort of peace.
She couldn't stop thinking about Peter
or more David because he was the one
she cheated on but she knew
if she told him what happened he would be hurt
and would leave
her- she knew how proud he was, after all he was just a man,
too.
"Kelleeeeeeeey" she heard when the door
closed soundly. She suddenly sat up
on the couch to be met by a
drunken David.
"David, are...you drunk?" she asked in
disbelieve. That really didn't happen
often. He was too proud to
lose control.
"NO" he said getting angry
immediately.
Kelly got up from the couch and walked over to
him.
When she helped him out of his tie and slipped his jacket off
of his
shoulders he suddenly grabbed her and pulled her against
him. From that
position she could feel his erection immediately.
No, she just thought when
she tried to get a little away from
him, but his only reaction to this was
pulling her tighter
against his body.
"Mhhh you showered, you smell nice" he
said and buried his head into her
neck. Smelling how much he
really drank she tried to get away even more,
knowing that he was
only after one thing.
"David..." she tried but he
already pushed her in the direction of her
bedroom "I want
you.." he said, not like a suggestion - like an
instruction."
David" she said again this time a little louder while she once
again tried to push his hands away that now rested right on her
ass and
tried to get into the dressing gown she had been wearing
since she came out
of the shower. When they reached the bedroom
David pushed her on the bed and
covered her lips with his, again
not the best kiss Kelly ever received.
She thought about a reason
she could tell him to stop, when she saw the baby
still lying
next to her bed "David...Leo" she said and David really
stopped
for a second and looked at his son. Kelly sighed a sigh
of relieve when he
stopped and slightly let go off her, but her
expression quickly changed when
he murmured "so? he is too
young to know what's going on anyway Kel" .
The next thing
she felt was him opening her dressing gown, covering her lips
once
again with his and gripping her hands roughly while pinning them over
her head.
She knew then that it wouldn't make sense to try to
get away or tell him to
stop anymore. So she just tried to relax
to make it not any worse than it
already was.
When she felt
him pressing her further into the pillows and touching her
breasts,
all she could think about was Peter and how gentle he was. Only a
few hours ago. She tried to black out the image of drunken David
on top of
her, eyes closed and thrusting sharply into her until
he was "done".
She tried to think about Him. How
considerate he was of her feelings. How he
put her pleasure
before his. How he waited for her nod of confirmation
before
starting to do anything to her she might not want.
When she felt
her so called "lover"'s weight pressing down on her once
again, she sighed in relieve- so it was finally over.
Seeing
that he was about to fall asleep on top of her, or still inside her,
she used all her weight to push him off of her and he rolled to
the side,
groaning and falling asleep.
Kelly sighed, close to
tears. There couldn't be a bigger difference than the
one between
Kelly's two last times of "love-making". Looking to her
side she
saw David already asleep and snoring soundly, obviously
satisfied for this
month.
She made her way quietly out of the
bed and grabbed her dressing gown to put
it back on. She then
made her way into the bathroom and locked, turned the
shower on
and stepped into the warm water. There she could finally show her
true emotions, finally cry the tears she held back for so
long.
What happened to her life? To her happiness? To
romance?
Thinking about the sex David made her just have and the
night she shared
with Peter, her sobbing only seemed to increase.
Silently she leaned herself
against the shower and slid down to
the floor where she rested her head
against the wall, with her
knees pressed to her chest.
Why did something that should feel so
wonderful and be an intimate act
between two people who love each
other feel so wrong and something she
herself always put as one
of the most terrible things in the world, feel so
damn
right?
Peter spent the whole day outside, walking through
a near by forest and
thinking about Kelly. He tried everything in
his power to forget her. But he
couldn't.
First he thought it
was just because he had incredible sex with her and she
was so
new, so different from his wife. But when his wife called and he felt
not even the need to explain to her why he wasn't coming home, he
realised
hat everything he knew changed and he felt this certain
place in his heart
empty, knowing only one person who had ever
the ability to fill it and to
make him feel complete. Kelly
Rowan. I am in love with Kelly Rowan, Peter
whispered to himself
and closed his eyes "I am in love with Kelly".
The
next few days went terrible for the both of them. Neither slept.
Neither
called. They both felt sad, because they didn't know
where they stood and
they both thought it wasn't the best way to
part the other night. Both were
afraid that they lost their best
friend as well as the only person they
could turn to. Peter
thought Kelly was mad and didn't want him. Kelly
thought Peter
was mad because of her behaviour the other night. Both felt
guilty
because of what they did but still weren't ready to lose and give up
on the other one. When they both came to the realisation that
they had no
clue how to continue or what to say, they just left
it that way and decided
to wait as long as they could to have to
make a decision.
And the day was there, finally.
Work.
6:00am,
LA.
"Hey you guys, how was everyone's weekend" Josh
greeted the cast.
Everyone murmured a sleepy "good".
Peter
and Kelly stood in the middle of the crowd, as far as possible away
from each other because they still didn't know what the other was
thinking
and they didn't talk after Peter left Kelly's
apartment.
When Josh told everyone the scenes he wanted to get
done today, Kelly and
Peter were kinda shocked to hear that there
was another Kandy scene on the
agenda for today, but they didn't
dare to look at each other when Josh
announced it because they
wanted to act as casual as possible so the others
wouldn't even
think about the possibility that there was something wrong
between
the two of them.
"Peter come on" Josh yelled from
his position next to the camera man.
"Sorry..uhh
i...forgot...my line" he said looking anywhere but at
Kelly.
"Your line? Peter, there is no line to say, just kiss
Kel and push her to
the bed, god i feel like I'm working with 5
year olds" Josh said annoyed
that after the 9th take they
still hadn't the scene.
"Sorry" he murmured and looked
at Kelly, seeing she was just as
uncomfortable as him "I..need
a break, Kel we need to talk" he said and
heard Josh
groaning.
"Fine if it helps you guys finally getting
professional again, god damn, i
thought your take would take an
hours and it's done, but obviously not" Josh
said, shaking
his head.
Kelly nodded, knowing she really needed to talk about it
with Peter. Kelly
made her way into the dressing room, followed
by Peter when they heard Josh
yelling "Patrick, Susan, break
- if Kelly comes back and her make up is
ruined - Sophia stays
here and does the stuff again".
After Peter had closed
the door behind him he turned around and looked into
her eyes.
Suddenly he didn't know what to say anymore even if he spent the
last days thinking about nothing but her.
Kelly felt exactly
the same. She couldn't say a thing.
Once again she looked at those
beautiful eyes that looked at her.
When Peter gazed at her, he
thought she probably was the most beautiful
person in the world
and he finally found the courage to speak "I...i know
you
think it was..." he started but when he was about to say "a
mistake"
,Kelly suddenly grabbed the collar of his shirt and
pushed him on the couch
and kissed him. When he felt her licking
along his bottom lip he quickly
opened his mouth and granted her
tongue entrance before caressing her
tongue with his. He was
surprised but couldn't help but feeling over the moon
that it was
her that really initiated a kiss with him.
"Amazing" she
said breathless when they finally broke apart.
"What?"
asked Peter just as breathless, looking at her
questioningly.
"Amazing. I think it was amazing" she
said pecking his lips one again.
Peter couldn't have been more
confused and happy at the same time. He softly
stroked her face
with his cheek and she said "I'm sorry, that i..." she
started but Peter silenced her by placing a soft kiss over her
lips "I know.
It's complicated".
Kelly nodded and
looked down, but Peter lifted her chin so she had to look
into
his eyes "Kelly I..." he started but she put a finger to
his lips and
caressed it softly while she spoke "I know. You
are married. I'm engaged.
It's..it's impossible".
Peter
put a hand over the finger she had placed on his lips, kissed it
softly and then put it away "No. I wanted to say that, that
I'm in love with
you Kelly. I fell in love with you the moment
i was introduced to you. I
tried all these years to pretend and
tell me that it's just because I'm
attra.." he started but
Kelly was quick to stop his rambling and pushed her
lips hard to
his, while pressing him down on the couch. She had been waiting
for
this moment for years.
Peter didn't know what was going on and
what had gotten into her but he
definitely wasn't
complaining.
When Kelly broke the kiss after what seemed like
forever, she said "Me, too".
Once again Peter didn't
know what she was talking about or maybe he did but
just wanted
to hear her say it "what?".
"I...love you Peter"
she said and kissed him once more before she said "but
we
can't...". Before Kelly could say the thing he was afraid of,
Peter
jumped in "I know, but...I can't just go on with my
life like nothing
happened".
"Me either" she
admitted sadly and looked down to his chest she had been
rubbing
absently.
"So what are we going to do?" Peter asked
hoping she had some perfect
solution for their "problem".
"I...i
donno but i can't just...leave him" she said and felt a tear
prickle
down her cheek. She wished nothing more than that she
could just be with him
and leave David. But she couldn't. Because
she had promised.
Peter felt sad, but understood exactly what she
meant. He couldn't just
leave his family either- they both had a
lot to lose and there were a lot of
people involved that could
get badly hurt- not only them. Before finishing
his thoughts he
quickly wiped her cheek dry and pulled her into a hug while
rubbing
her back up and down to calm her "Shhhh i know... i know".