Later 7 Steps in the Right Direction
Inuyasha's fears about being less than welcome as his friends settled down to married life proved unfounded. He knew of course that Sango was pregnant having scented her body's changes, and had teased Miroku mercilessly about not waiting. Miroku was unabashed; in fact he was positively puffed like a peacock, as he and Sango had only been together once before their wedding. Sango was mortified however, what would people think? Kaede, who had to know to expect the happy event about six weeks earlier than she would have thought, just chuckled and said 'once was all it took'.
However the news was happy for the couple; but it meant that Miroku brought forward his plans to ask Inuyasha to partner him in his livelihood, as Sango would have her hands full in preparation for the twins. At first Inuyasha was hesitant; not just about Rin's welfare and his promise to Sesshoumaru, but also because he didn't want to be too far from the well and his only link to Kagome.
Unfortunately another side effect of Inuyasha being away was that his and Sesshoumaru's paths no longer passed so often. If Inuyasha was with Miroku for a few days, then Rin was left vulnerable and although Sesshoumaru had got an almost permanent guard in the village, he usually felt he should use the time to visit and check for himself that the girl was safe. At first this was not a problem but it was not conducive to building up his Little Brother's trust in him by coming to know one another better.
On the other hand Sesshoumaru was learning a lot from Rin; they often sat as they had used to when they travelled, and even though the weather was now getting cold Sesshoumaru always had a fire and used his tail to keep the girl warm. He learned about new stitches, some functional, some decorative and their purposes; he learned about herbs and what they could be used for. He learned how to cook various meats and the different vegetables and how delicious vegetables cooked in just the embers of a night fire were first thing on a cold morning.
Sesshoumaru was not at all interested in any of these things, but he got pleasure from the play of light across the child's face, as she expressed her pleasure at the new skills learned. She even showed him the pinpricks and blisters on her tiny fingers with the same pride as he might have once shown his father cuts from his sword training. Her uninhibited emotions amused him which was surprising when he considered how he had tried viciously to suppress the same in his mercurial baby brother years ago.
However as Rin picked the autumn fruits or late flowers, and as she danced and sang as per usual, she did alert Sesshoumaru to another potential problem, this time involving his little brother. Rin took her responsibility of being attentive to Inuyasha seriously and not only because her Lord had asked it of her, but because she was a thoughtful and kind little soul. Rin had noticed that Inuyasha had started to stay away from the village for longer periods of time; and instead sitting in Goshinboku.
But he was no longer sitting comfortably on his favourite branch but much higher and more precariously perched, right near the top. She had asked him once why he was up so very high only to be told that the view was better and he could see so much further. Sesshoumaru asked what everyone else was doing at these times and was informed that the monk was either busy in the village or digging his garden and planting. He had also built another small extension to his hut and Rin, Sango and Kaede were sewing clothes for the babies.
Rin also mentioned that one day Inuyasha had come back to the village with a lot of wood and then placed it in a communal woodpile, but he had been angry and gritting his teeth, growling if anyone went near him. Kaede had even scolded the hanyou publicly for being so rude but privately asked him if he wanted the villagers scared so much that they might forget all he had done and chase him away.
The alarm bells went off in Sesshoumaru's brain and while Rin carried on chatting and playing, he mulled over in his mind all this new information. It added up to one thing only as far as he could see; Inuyasha was feeling oppressed and imprisoned. A solution formed meant it had to be implemented immediately as far as the Daiyoukai was concerned and he resolved to speak with Inuyasha right away.
Once he had said goodbye to Rin at the end of his visit and returned her to the old Miko's hut, Sesshoumaru went and followed his nose to find Inuyasha. He was as Rin had indicated, right near to the top of Goshinboku. That however was no barrier to Sesshoumaru who leapt up and alighted gently on the same branch and sat next to his brother.
"It has come to my attention that I am stifling you Inuyasha."
"Keh! What are you talking about?"
"In my desire to keep Rin safe I have realised that you feel compelled to stay close to the village when I am not here. I know that there are times you wish to run and leave for a while. It is making you bad tempered and you may fall foul of the villagers."
"Don't worry, your kid is safe here; they won't kick me out or who else will protect them?"
"You mistake my concern Inuyasha; I am not worried about Rin's safety if you were forced to leave. This is your home at the moment, but I feel I am imprisoning you here."
"No, no you ain't; I have to protect them, even more so now Sango can't fight so much." Inuyasha sighed and Sesshoumaru nodded in understanding; his father's final words to him now made sense, personally with his care for Rin and latterly even Inuyasha's pack to some extent when they were in the spider ball. He had found that although they meant little to him, they did mean something, and as of yet it was confusing.
"What are you doing with all the rabbit skins? Sesshoumaru asked changing the subject and wanting conversation with his brother. Inuyasha's eyes glazed for a moment as he glanced at the skins set out along a branch close to the one they were resting on.
"They'll be soft and warm for the pups when they come; Kaede said she knew of a leather worker who would make them into cloaks…he'll make them for her in return for a boar. I already gave her it."
"They will be a most generous gift and gratefully appreciated Inuyasha, your friends will know what this means to you."
"Feh! It means nothing, pups need warmth."
"Indeed." Silence followed for a while and the brothers watched the setting sun together.
"Tell me Sesshoumaru, do you ever think of having pups."
"One day I shall of course; I shall have a mate and sire the next heir, there is plenty of time."
"Is that…is that all your pup will mean to you?" Inuyasha whispered horrified. Sesshoumaru halted and watched his brother's face; there was more to the casual question than the Daiyoukai had first thought.
"No, of course not; but my pups are not reality yet, I have not even got a prospective mate. But I would wish to be no less to my pups than father was for me."
"He was a good Papa? Kind and he loved you didn't he?"
"Yes to all those Inuyasha; he was also very firm, but I remember he usually only had to raise his voice in displeasure to reduce me to tears."
"You…cried?" Inuyasha was surprised at the admission.
"It has been known…father was my world. I would wish my pups to feel the same way for me."
"I won't have pups."
"You are only a pup yourself Inuyasha; I wouldn't suppose that pups would have come to your mind yet."
"Of course they came to mind, I was going to mate Kagome; I had to think of pups." He turned his face away and Sesshoumaru could scent the unshed tears. He tried to encourage his brother; after all, Inuyasha shouldn't give up everything just because the Miko was no longer available. In fact he could finish growing up himself before choosing another mate now that the pressure was off him to mate too early.
"Well, pups can still be in your future; sometime later, when you find a new mate." It was only because Sesshoumaru was obviously not trying to taunt Inuyasha with his statement that saved a huge row. That and the fact Inuyasha was too weary to fight, but it gave an unusual gravitas to his response; sometimes Inuyasha felt way older than Sesshoumaru who was still decidedly naïve about some things.
"Oh Sesshoumaru, do full youkai feel love at all? Of course they do, deeper probably than humans given the extent of their hatred when a loved one dies." He muttered to himself; but Sesshoumaru heard him. Inuyasha looked straight at his brother and smiled; "You hated me and Mama because you mistakenly felt we had replaced you in father's affection and because of it he died for us. You understand what love is Sesshoumaru, only too well; you love your human child, you love your mother and even Jaken has some of your affection."
"This I admit and have never denied; you omit yourself in that list however, I have said that I no longer hate you, father's decision was his own."
"Hmm…well just try and imagine the love you could have for a mate and see if you could replace her so easily; use your imagination. Could you replace Rin with another human child so quickly?"
"No…perhaps my statement was a little callous, but surely you can see that there will be someone in your long life you could learn to love and have pups with."
"No Sesshoumaru, you are wrong; only Kagome could let herself love me, she had no preconceived ideas on hanyou, but I would not have had pups with her if we'd had to live here. I would not willingly bring them to a world that hated them for just being alive to grow up with hate glaring at them wherever they go, or even for just playing in public."
"Things have changed for you in that light Inuyasha..." Sesshoumaru was once again assailed by his brother's distress.
"It would have been different if the well had stayed open, pups would have family that loved them other than Kagome and me; they would have somewhere to go if anything happened to me."
"Other family, Inuyasha? I am family to your pups." There was just a hint of offence in Sesshoumaru's tone that was enough to bring the moisture back to his brother's eyes; it was something he had never thought he would hear his brother say. "What other family is there to claim you and yours?" That was definitely jealousy.
"Kagome's family Sesshoumaru; I miss them so much, especially her Mama and her little brother. The old man is a bit of a pain but…"
"Tell me of these humans that cause you to remember them with sorrow." Sesshoumaru cut in.
"They have always been kind to me; her Mama calls me her child and son in the same way she does her own offspring. She has been the closest thing to my Mama I have ever had; we'd talk when Kagome was at school, l and she was a good listener…and encouraging." Inuyasha smiled wistfully "She could even be mad at me but I knew she always loved me too. Then there was the old man, well he was harmless; just didn't like anything youkai, not that he'd ever met any before me."
"Any others?" Sesshoumaru said coldly, he knew there was another but Inuyasha was reluctant to speak of his relationship with Souta; however he knew his older brother wouldn't stop his questions until he knew everything.
"Souta, Kagome's little brother; he looked on me like I was his big brother in a way. He always wanted me to play his games and he even copied me, tried doing my attacks in his own way. He wasn't fierce enough though, but he was a cute kid really; it was nice having someone think I was the best hero around, he looked up to me to set an example but I wasn't too clever at that. It was nice though, to be followed and copied; hero worshiped Kagome called it…"
Inuyasha petered off remembering when he had been the hero worshiping follower; at least his end result with Souta was nothing like the last time Inuyasha had been with Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru understood all too well what Inuyasha was indicating and his jealousy surged, but wisely he didn't let it come forward to his speech or scent. Besides, he knew he was not entitled to the feeling after never having given Inuyasha any reason to feel wanted.
"You would have stayed there given the chance wouldn't you? You would have let the well seal with you on the other side if possible without so much as a 'by your leave' to me, your brother and your Lord?"
"What are you on about now Sesshoumaru? I didn't think you would care if I vanished from the face of the earth; in fact you'd be pleased and if the well had sealed I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye to anyone including my friends, let alone you. Besides, I don't know; perhaps if Kagome had wanted me to stay I would 'a, maybe I'dve been able to, but she only wanted her Mama so the decision was made."
"You would have given up your life here for an uncertain future; what would you have done?"
"I dunno alright; but it's not so great here either for me is it? Like you said I don't belong anyplace and that brings me right back to never wanting pups. At least when I'm killed I'm gone, not leaving any trace of me; that should keep everyone happy." The wave of self pity was obvious but genuine and he carried on;
"I'd love to have pups; little ones to love and who will love me back, real family and a little home filled with mate and pups. But that's not how it'd work, they wouldn't hate me for who I am, but they might for what I'd selfishly done; I need no heir I'd only want them for themselves. I want them Sesshoumaru cos I love pups and I could sure do with their love back but…forget it…it's never going to happen."
Sesshoumaru was staggered at Inuyasha's depth of feeling; he didn't fully understand it as it was the boy's human heart which could jump from one emotion to the next. Sesshoumaru as full youkai felt things differently; whichever emotion was predominant tended to stay there until it was fully dealt with. One either wanted pups or one did not, Inuyasha jumped from one to the other; but taking time to work through all that the whelp had said, Sesshoumaru finally understood and nodded.
"Your human heart is difficult for me to fathom sometimes Inuyasha; but I promise I will try and I am glad that you are still here and not lost to the future like your Miko. I know that is not fair on you but I would not be able to make amends to you if I could not reach you."
"You wish to make amends to me?"
"Yes, for a while now in fact; you are important to me Inuyasha and I wish to build instead of destroy. What can I do or give you to prove my intent? What reparations do you require?"
"You don't want to kill me anymore? You aren't just biding your time or something?"
"On my honour, I do not lie when I tell you your life is still mine; but to protect alone. I am your Lord and your alpha, that has not changed; but the desire to end your life has. You will live Inuyasha, you have inheritance in the West which will become yours to manage when you reach adulthood and I will take care of it until then, just as I have always done."
"Thank you." Inuyasha replied softly and the great weight that had overshadowed his life lifted and he felt faint with relief.
"What do you want in proof of my intent and as recompense for your ill treatment at my hands?" To Sesshoumaru's credit, he did not flinch at what Inuyasha could demand; he would have met the conditions too, as honour demanded. Inuyasha felt pity for Sesshoumaru, the Daiyoukai honestly believed that the hanyou would wish for him to feel punitive measures; he had been without family himself for too long and now only thought in terms of politics.
"I need nothing further from you than for you to keep your promise, and as I know you will do that, I am content. You will not harm me or any under my protection?"
"I thought you understood that?"
"I do, I was just clarifying it. Is it too much to ask you to try and be my brother and always be civil when we speak, despite my dirty blood? It would make it much easier for me when I take over my inheritance."
"You wish for nothing else?"
"I do not need material gains and they would not prove in any case that your intent was to no longer harm me. Your word is good enough and you are my brother, of course I forgive you if that is what you wish. I can't say we will always get on, there is still a lot in my past that can catch up with me; but if you can understand that, then that is all I need."
Sesshoumaru was humbled by his brother and for the second time he reached to pet Inuyasha's head and this time the boy did not pull away but welcomed the caress.
"It feels good to not be fighting Pup; now we can move forward." He used the term of endearment deliberately; he had called him it on the rare occasions when there was a glimmer of harmony between them in the distant past. He also generously made no comment on the tears he could once again scent that the word had caused in his Little Brother. When he had Inuyasha's attention once more, Sesshoumaru informed him that he would provide a pair of Inuyoukai guards to watch over the village at all times, thus freeing Inuyasha if he felt the need to escape from time to time.
TBC