Grief
chapter seven
John woke with a start, taking a moment to take stock of whatever state he was in. He remembered waking before, he remembered the panic, and most importantly he remembered Teyla's soothing voice reassuring him that he still had his leg. His heart rate increased at the memories and the monitor attached to his chest gave him away.
"Ahh, its okay John. Carson?! Beckett?! He's waking up!"
Rodney rose quickly, setting his laptop aside. Not being very good in the comforting department, but wanting to do right in comforting his friend, he carefully held onto John's shoulder in support.
Carson arrived, a worried look on his face. The last time the Colonel woke he had experienced what surmounted to be a panic attack. In his pocket, he had a ready syringe full of a mild sedative, just in case. Hopefully John would be more cognitive, but Carson shuddered to imagine what it must be like to wake, not knowing if you were totally intact or minus a body part, especially for the active military man.
"Aye, Colonel...just relax. Try not to move or your injuries will be screamin' at ya! Are ya with us lad? Take your time."
John blinked, trying to focus on the encouraging words. He had a headache which made him frown with pain. Carson noticed and ordered the pain meds that he knew were due anyway. Marie rushed off to fill the order.
Carson offered a sip of water and John knew better than to gulp down too much. Damn...how many times had he woken up in this place! Unfortunately, enough times that the staff kept the bed in the back corner of the main infirmary open specifically for him...damn this galaxy!
John went to speak, but Carson beat him to it. "One, its been three days since your surgery. Two, you are on the mend, with all body parts intact...we will go over your injuries in a minute. Three, Atlantis is fine. So, you can relax."
John smirked. Carson was so smug, like he knew what he was going to ask...except...yeah...deja vu be damned!
John frowned again. His memory of the crash coming to the forefront of his mind.
"Dr Bushnell?"
He knew immediately from Carson's expression.
"There's no easy way to tell you Colonel...Dr Bushnell did not survive the jumper crash. Broken neck due to impact."
Rodney spoke up "John, there was nothing you could do. The lightning strike took out the main power conduit relay. It was a miracle you steered the jumper as well as you did. I, ah, ordered each Jumper to be fitted with seat belts immediately." Rodney looked away shamefully, afterall it was one of his guys that paid the ultimate price for their lack of safety protocol."
John just nodded his head slightly. Bushnell was a good man. His death senseless, due to a lack of basic safety equipment. They were all quiet while they thought about their colleague and said their own silent prayer for him.
Marie broke the silence " Dr Beckett? Uliana is requesting to see Colomel Sheppard?"
John cocked his head. Uliana? He didnt recall any expedition member with that name. He looked up at Carson questioningly.
Carson slipped out to speak with Marie, then came back a moment later, grabbing a chair to sit down on. Between him and Rodney they relayed what had happened. The young woman Uliana, finding him and rescuing him. Her good intentions hampered by her own injury sustained while removing him from the Jumper. The resulting infection and fever combined with weeks of depression and grief from losing her husband, plus the uncanny similarities of John's looks to that of her deceased mate adding to the delirious fevered state that had her believing John was her mate Keon and that she was being given a second chance to save him by doing what she felt she should have done the first time. Which was to amputate the limb poisoned by snakebite in an attempt to stop the spread of the venom. They told him of the difficulty they had finding the hidden shelter. And then Carson told him of his injuries and what to expect.
John was stunned. He supposed he should be grateful that Uliana had come to his rescued. She had had good intentions...it wasnt her fault she had gotten injured and developed an infection that made her crazy. Crazy enough for her to believe he was her dead mate! Crazy enough to want to chop off his leg! Chalk one more up for the Pegasus Galaxy!
He didnt blame the woman, but he didnt want to see her any time soon. He felt bad about that, usually stoic enough to undermine his own emotions, but the truth was, the memory of her crazed look yielding the sharp blade intent on cutting his leg off would dominate his nightmares for awhile yet. He knew he would eventually see her, even thank her but for now...
Carson had learned to read Colonel John Sheppard really well. Hell, he had had enough practice! The man was a trouble magnet with a capital T and his most frequent patient. Never his fault, it just seemed this galaxy had a personal vendetta against their rather selfless Colonel. But though the man seemed to own trouble, he also possessed the same amount, if not more, of his share of luck. Carson shuddered, hoping that luck never ran out..or that trouble would give up on their good Colonel.
"No introductions today, I'm afraid, laddie...I see you are way past tired. i'll send Marie back to top off your pain meds so you can rest easily."
John knew Carson would wait for him to request the meeting with Uliana when he was ready, not before.
-oOo-
To insure they wouldnt see each other before the Colonel was ready, Carson determined that Uliana was ready to be released from the infirmary to a private guest room. All she needed now were checks to make sure the infection was gone and lots of rest. He had talked to her about talking to Dr Heightmeyer about grief counseling and she had been receptive to the suggestion.
Two weeks later, Carson was pleased with John's progression. Though healing well, there was significant numbness in his lower leg and foot, but Dr Rodriguez was still hopeful. The two doctors had conversed and agreed about requesting the Asgard healing device from the SGC in the hopes that it may help knit the multitude of minute severed nerves faster. Time was their enemy now. Severed nerves could take up to a year to heal, if at all.
Carson was also worried about John's mental state. He could already see the signs of frustration. He couldnt imagine the active Colonel to be restricted and compliant for any length of time. Depression was a real threat , but Carson was more worried that the good Colonel would just push himself too hard and undo any healing that had taken place. Another thing that was apparent, was that John had yet to ask to see Uliana. The woman was doing really well physically and her sessions with Dr Heightmeyr had been very beneficial, though she still harbored guilt about what she had done to the Colonel. She was almost ready to be released back to her home world to resume her life there.
Carson knew John still had trouble with nightmares and had insisted he speak with Dr Heightmeyer. Carson would play his cards close and he would dangle the promise of release to his quarters in another week, if and only if, John agreed to regularly scheduled appoints with the psychologist.
He knew both John and Uliana needed closure with one another in order to move on. He would have to push the issue with John.
It took alot of convincing, but John finally agreed to meet with Uliana. John used his own brand of bartering, telling Carson he wanted the meeting in his own quarters, not lying in an infirmary bed. He knew he needed it for himself and figured Uliana needed to see that he was healing too.
Being back in his room gave him a sense of peace, even if it would be only for a short while. Carson had warned him that he would be back in the infirmary once they started the healing device treatments. His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knocking at his door. Teyla answered the door, knowing who it was. She had gotten to know the young woman over the last weeks and held no ill will against her, as she was sure John would not either. Uliana was obviously nervous, wringing her hands together. Teyla stayed long enough to introduce the two and then left. She knew John would be kind, as they had talked at length about what had happened and why.
Uliana nervously began her apology when John stopped her.
"Uliana, there is no need to apologize. You came to my rescue and ended up hurting yourself. In caring for me, you neglected your own injury which caused the infection and fever. I'm so sorry for your loss. You must have loved your husband very much, ah, from what Tomas said, my likeness to his is very close. I know it was the fever and grief that took over. Its not your fault, please dont think that I blame you."
Again, Uliana tried to apologize, but John cut her off. He just couldnt listen to this young woman grovel for his forgiveness when she had not done anything maliciously.
"I wanted to thank you for helping me. It couldnt have been easy for you to drag me to that shelter. I really appreciate all you did. Carson said the potions you gave me helped fight any infection I had and helped me sleep and rest so the concussion didnt get worse. Thankyou."
Uliana didnt know what to say. This man was graciously thanking her, after what she had done. She decided to leave it at that. She had grown stronger over the last weeks, her talks with the doctor had helped her deal with her grief. She was ready to go home and resume her life. No longer wishing to join her husband in death, but able to celebrate his life. And the new life that now grew inside her. The doctors here had determined she was with child and that it was boy. They were also able to pinpoint the approximate time of her concieving to be the very week before Keon had died.
Uliana had one more thing to ask. " Colonel Sheppard, you are an honorable man. Thankyou for seeing me and I thank all of your people for being so wonderful. As you know, I am expecting a child. Thankfully Keon's blood will live on in this child. I would be honored if you would allow me to use your name. I would like to name my child Keon John Ancovali.
John was shocked, but honored. "Please, call me John. And...I would be honored."
Uliana stood to leave and bent to shyly kiss John on the cheek. "Thankyou...John."
He smiled warmly, as she did also. She said her goodbyes. She would be leaving for her home that afternoon.
A week later, the SGC came through, allowing the Asgard healing device to be used on John. General Hammond knew he needed the unconventional Colonel whole and in charge, just as much as he knew the Colonel needed Atlantis. He had scoured the list of available Military commanders and sadly, found none who would be as capable as Colonel John Sheppard had proved to be. Oh, the officers were all highly trained, but none had that special quality that Sheppard had in spades, that allowed him to thrive in another galaxy under the constant threat of a myriad of unknowns.
Two highly trained technicians brought the device through the statgate and after briefing, would administer the treatment over the next several weeks. It was a process that couldnt be rushed.
After three sessions, the prognosis was improving for his leg. The numbness was still there, but was reducing in intensity. John was put on light duty, filling in his time between paperwork with physical therapy and McKaysitting. He often sat in on Ronon's sparring sessions with his troops and had meditation sessions with Teyla. He couldnt say he was bored exactly but he wasnt antsy like he usually was while recuperating. He had resigned himself to taking each day as it came. As long as he continued making progress, he was happy. He knew everyone was pulling for him.
Epilogue
John was back to full duty after four months. The Asgard Healing Device had done an excellent job at healing his leg, though he would always have residual numbness in the area around the wound site, but nothing that hindered him physically.
John and his team, plus Carson exited the stargate. Tomas greeted them as he had done several times over the last few months. A grin was planted on his face. It was always good to see the Atlantis team. It was always good to see the Colonel come, his injury well healed. not hampering his occupation. Tomas marvelled at how fast the man had healed from such a grievous injury. He had worried that the man would harbor resentment for what had happened to him, but Colonel Sheppard had proved to be most forgiving, and had insisted that they not speak of it any further.
Tomas had gotten to know the Atlantis team well and truly felt their friendship was a blessing. His community had benefited greatly with the trade they had established. Their farms flourished with the new irrigation techniques the Lanteans had taught them. in return ,a science team had been allowed to be stationed at the Ancient site for well over a month and were due to go home soon with the information collected.
"Welcome! Colonel Sheppard! It is good to see you once again. It is fortuitous that you come on this day! We have a new member in our community you will want to meet!
Of course, they knew Uliana had given birth. The fine healthy boy was just three days old.
"The naming ceremony is tonight. Will you stay?!"
John was kind of embarassed. He knew Uliana had told none of her people her intentions with naming her child partly after him. He had told his team and had since taken all the teasing that came with it, especially from Rodney.
That night, the proud mother eulogized her deceased mate and celebrated the birth of her son. After much food and drink, the naming ceremony concluded with the naming of the child.
"Now that we have all shared food and drink and celebrated my son's birth, I have chosen a name of two very deserving men. Men with the qualities I hope my son possesses as he grows into a fine young man. Qualities like honesty, commitment, passion and compassion. Qualities I know his father possessed and qualities I have seen the other to possess also. May I introduce you to my son 'Keon John Ancovali"! May he make his namesakes proud!
Fin
Thanks so much for reading my story! I hope I didn't disappoint with skipping over John's recovery...it was more about Uliana and her grief...with a bit of Shep whump thrown in...