Let's call it Love
The streets were empty and cold sending shivers all over my body. I put my arms around my body trying to find some sort of protection from the cold, but it wasn't enough. Looking up at the sky, I could tell it was going to get dark soon, which meant I had to hurry because my house was still pretty far away.
I hated Finn, but I hated my feet even more. I was wandering the streets just after I got out of the dance studio and I ended up in front of Burt's machine shop. I wasn't really thinking where I was going, I was just walking. Some habits die hard and after so many evenings going there right after dance class, it was probably normal for my feet to carry me there.
I wished I had borrowed my dad's car, that way I would be able to wander the streets and take my time to think, being safe and warm and not here dying from hypothermia. I needed to think, to figure out what I was going to do with all of the things that were happening, because it wasn't just Finn and how much I was missing him, anymore. It was the play, the way my dream was minimized to nothing, the way it was just give it to me by default, losing all of its meaning; I felt like it was give it to me as a consolation prize. It was the knowledge that Shelby was again in town; that she was going to be in the school every day, reminding me that she now had the baby girl she so desperately wanted. I wanted to just disappear for a moment and came back again and found that all of these problems weren't there anymore, because I didn't even have someone to talk to, now that Kurt was also angry with me thanks to my decision of running for president. I got why he was mad, but I really needed something big to put on my resume.
The dry tears in my cheeks felt heavy and I became aware of the effort I was making to not burst out in sobs in the middle of the street I was in. People knew me in town and I didn't really need them to feel more pity for me; and anyway, I was taught my whole life to always keep my head up no matter what, even if my heart was being ripped from my chest; and feeling like it was, this was proving to be a really goddamn hard task to do.
I stopped shortly when I spotted a huddled at the edge of one of the sidewalks. It was a person and they had their head resting on their knees, shaking so hard I felt the sudden urge to hug them, even when I didn't know who this person was.
Expect that I did, because I was able to see their face when this person threw their head back, taking a deep, long breath. Looking around I recognized the houses surrounding me. It made sense, she lived near Finn's neighborhood. I walked towards the sidewalk and sat down, hearing a sharp intake of breath.
"What are you doing here?"
I studied her face and saw the track of tears down her cheeks, feeling even more the urge to take her in my arms until I was sure she felt good.
"I saw you got to play Anita, I'm really happy for you. I think you're excellent for that role" I said, smiling softly at Santana.
Santana looked at me for a moment without even blinking and I knew she was aware that I'd been crying too. After a whole minute Santana looked away and wiped her cheeks roughly with one of her hands. "I thought you were mad at me."
"What?"
"You seemed pretty upset that day in the bathroom." Santana said so softly, I barely heard her.
I honestly had forgotten about our encounter that day. I wasn't really angry with her because she didn't have anything to do with what happened with Finn, I was just so angry with myself in that moment and Santana happened to be there.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you, Santana." I apologized.
Santana shrugged. "Whatever. And yeah, I'm perfect to play Anita, everyone knows that. It sucks what Mercedes did to you, though"
"Its okay" I said looking at my shoes, now it was my turn to shrug. It really wasn't okay and I cursed myself internally. I guessed Santana didn't want to talk about what happened to her, at least not with me, so I chose a different subject to distract her, but I didn't think in the fact that I was choosing a wounded subject to avoid another.
"It still sucks" Santana said softly. I agreed but I didn't say anything, I just kept looking at my shoes.
I didn't know how much time we spent sitting there just making each other company, but at least the silence wasn't uncomfortable and it felt nice to have someone just sitting with me in silence when I was feeling so devastated.
"I'm sorry" Santana said weakly after a moment. I looked up quickly, Santana was still refusing to look at me. When she was truly apologizing with someone, she never saw them in the face. I came to learn that about Santana, but at least she admitted when she was wrong. "I didn't mean to tell them about-"
"Would you want to come home and hang out with me?" I blurted out, stopping her. Honestly, I was sick of that subject being the only thing between us; and I needed it to end.
Santana looked at me wide eyed and I couldn't blame her, I was the one who didn't come up with anything better to stop her from finishing that sentence. I turned my head away from her and closed my eyes waiting for her rejection.
"Yeah, I'd love to" Santana said in a weak tone. I looked surprised at her. Whatever happened to her must've been really hard because she seemed so devastated.
I just nodded, pushing my surprise away before Santana had time to change her mind. "Then let's start walking"
"Actually" Santana said, putting her hand out of her pocket and I flinched when an alarm biped across the street. "We don't have to"
I smiled softly and stood up, offering her one of my hands. "I'm glad I ran into you then"
For the first time Santana managed a weak smile letting herself being lifted with my help. "I guess so"
"It's almost dinner time. Are you hungry?" I asked, hanging my coat by the door and receiving Santana's. I eyed quickly her cheerios uniform and she noticed this which somehow made her uncomfortable.
"I had practice this morning. I don't go around dressed like this all the time if that's what you're thinking"
"I wasn't thinking anything, Santana" I said, shaking my head. "You didn't answer me"
"No, I don't feel like eating" Santana huffed, crossing her arms.
"Look, I'm sorry if somehow I offended you, it wasn't my intention. Can we please move on now?"
Santana nodded but refused to look at me, choosing instead to look around the living room. "Whatever, what now?"
"I don't know, what do you usually do?" I asked with a shrug. I was starting to think this was a bad idea. I didn't have a clue of what to do with Santana there in my house, and I was starting to feel anxious to think I could bore her to death.
"On a saturday night? I usually go to a party and get drunk until I can't think straight" Santana said, finally looking at me. "Not that I do, anyway."
"Yeah, I'm not doing that" I told her, walking further into the house towards the stairs, and beckoning Santana to follow me.
"Then what do you do?"
"I have movies, music and books. That pretty much is enough to entertain me on a saturday night." I answered, crossing my bedroom's door.
"Impressive" Santana said and I could hear the amusement in her voice.
"What?"
"I was hoping to find the smurf's land crossing this door."
I rolled my eyes. "You couldn't help yourself, could you?"
"No" Santana chuckled, making me smile. I couldn't help it, I was starting to miss her obnoxious comments.
"Then what is it? What do you want to do?"
"Well, I'm sick of books and music, with school and glee is enough. I think I can handle a movie." Santana said quietly, her gaze still traveling around the room.
"Well, then make yourself comfortable while I'm going to find my dads' DVD collection, so we can pick a movie" I told her putting my bag over my desk and walking out of the room.
Santana was curled on my desk chair a blanket covering her from the cold, while I was laying on my bed under the covers. We were in the middle of the movie and I was sure Santana wasn't paying attention at all. Ever since the movie started she'd been looking into space, sighing even now and then. It was obvious that she was still thinking in what happened to her, that had her so distressed when I found her sitting in that sidewalk.
"Are you alright?" I asked out loud. She jumped a little and turned towards me. I barely saw her face because we were in the dark, only the faint light of the TV was lighting her face.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
I shrugged. "You seem upset and…" I trailed off and looked away from her face. I didn't want to pry, it didn't feel right.
"It's been a rough day, that's all." She made a pause and turned towards the TV, I thought she wasn't going to say anything more but she spoke up again after a moment. "I just needed someone and… whatever, I'm fine, at least you're making me company"
I smiled a little at how Santana's voice dropped with every word and made a face, as she was berating herself for saying something she wasn't supposed to. We fell silent and I was turning my attention towards the movie again when a knock and the sound of the door opening alerted us.
"Hey, baby girl, I'm just-oh." My daddy stopped when his eyes landed on Santana's figure. I stopped the movie and smiled at him.
"Good night, daddy. Turn on the light, please." I asked him, and he complied immediately, smiling surprised at Santana. It made sense, he wasn't accustomed to see people in the house except Kurt, Mercedes or Finn, and after the recent events it was clear they weren't coming anytime soon.
"Hello, Mr. Berry" Santana said with a polite smile.
"Daddy, this is-"
"Santana Lopez, I know." Daddy said smiling at me. "I had the opportunity to meet your father before and I'm pretty sure Leroy and Maria are good friends. This is a small town, you know?"
I looked at Santana and could see she was surprised by my daddy's words.
"Anyway, did you guys have dinner?"
"No, daddy, we haven't had anything yet. I offered something to Santana, but she wasn't hungry at the moment." I answered and he looked at Santana.
"Still not hungry?"
"I'm fine, Sir."
"Well, I am. I'm going to make some food and if you two change your mind come down, alright?"
"Yes, daddy, thank you"
"Enjoy your movie" Daddy said, turning off the light and closing the door.
"He's…" Santana made a pause and I raised my eyebrows waiting for her to continue. "Perky"
I giggled at her amused tone. That was usually what people thought about him. "I've been told I'm a lot like him"
"And here I was trying to figure out who he reminds me of" Santana said with a roll of her eyes.
I giggled again and hit the play button. We kept watching the movie in silence, until Santana let out a loud shriek startled me.
"Oh my God!"
"What?" I said, putting my hand over my chest and getting out of the bed quickly, running towards the light's switch to turn on the light. "What is it? What is it!"
Santana was with her arms raised, looking down wide eyed at her covered lap. I frowned at the bump under the blanket. "T-there's a-an animal!" She shrieked again and I started to laugh loudly, finally understanding what was happening.
"W-why a-are you laughing? Get it off!" Santana shrieked again, looking annoyed at me. I couldn't help but laugh even harder.
"Oh, come on, Santana. It's just Shorty" I said walking towards her.
"Shorty?"
"Yeah, he must've entered when daddy opened the door." I told her, taking off the blanket from Santana's lap. "There you are, big boy" I cooed and chuckled at the way Santana was eyeing with disdain the big black cat curled in her lap. He was looking back at Santana with annoyance from being ripped from his comfy place. Shorty was my baby and he was a really friendly cat, he was harmless. Santana was just overreacting.
"Shorty? This thing it's easily bigger than you! And I never saw you like the type of person who have pets"
I looked confused at Santana. "Why? I love animals"
"Take him off of me!" Santana shouted, wriggling her hands in the air.
"Alright!" I exclaimed, taking Shorty from Santana's lap and cradling him in my eyes, smiling down at him. He was purring and I could feel the vibrations in my chest. He was such a cutie, Santana was being really dramatic. "I don't get why you're reacting this way. Brittany loves cats, I guessed you'd be used to it, since she has one"
"Tubs never tried to get over me. In fact, he hates me." Santana said, brushing her lap with her hands. "I think he thinks I'm trying to steal B from him or something"
"Well, Shorty here likes strangers. She used to climb over Finn's back and-" I had to stop myself when I realized what I was saying. I promised myself I would try to not think about him but it seemed like it was a really difficult thing to do, since he apparently was present in everything I did or say. I looked away sadly when I noticed Santana looking at me curiously, like she was trying to figure something out just by looking at my face. I put Shorty down and he climbed immediately on the bed.
"Do you want to go down now and eat something?" I asked, changing the subject while watching Shorty make circles in the middle of the bed before lying down, curled into a ball. "Daddy would appreciate the company"
"Okay" Santana simply said, and I looked at her out of curiosity. Our eyes locked and I had to look away quickly because Santana's burning eyes were like trying to read my thoughts and it was just so uncomfortable.
"Thanks for inviting me over, Berry. It was cool" Santana said, unlocking the driver's seat door.
"No, thank you for coming, I had a great night"
"Yeah, me too"
"See you on Monday?" I asked feeling hopeful for some reason; it didn't last too long because Santana avoided my eyes with an unsure expression and I understood I was asking too much from her. "Goodnight, Santana"
She looked at me again and opened her mouth only to close it again, clenching her jaw tightly. "Yeah, night, Berry"
I watched her climb in her car and drive off without even giving a brief glance back. I didn't know why I was expecting something different from Santana. We just spent a night together and like she said, she needed someone to hang out and I happened to be there. We didn't even talk much, just about the little bit of the movie we managed to see, and about Shorty. Santana even talked more with my daddy than with me. We weren't friends, we were just classmates. Still, I was expecting something more from Santana. It was just… I didn't have a clue of what and why.
The day couldn't go any worse, I swear, between seeing Finn switching between looking miserable and flirting with the Cheerios and Santana throwing looks at me that I couldn't figure out; and seeing Shelby walk down the halls like nothing ever happened between us, it was making me go insane; and adding to all of that, I had been slushied just when I was about to step into my next class after lunch hour. I shrugged it all off since it happened frequently anyway.
After I finished putting on my clean clothes, I stepped out of the stall ready to go to class. I was actually out the door when hisses outside the bathroom stopped me. I recognized the voices and taking my things from over the sink, I hurriedly entered the stall again, climbing on the toilet seat.
The bathroom door opened such force, hitting the wall that the sound made me flinch. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to prevent any sounds from coming out.
"I thought you'd be there, honestly I don't know what I was thinking" I heard Santana's harsh tone, followed by Quinn's dry laugh. Luckily they didn't check the bathroom stalls looking for any intruders.
"Why would I be there for you? Did you forget I needed you last summer and you weren't there for me?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you now? And no, don't come with that. You know I would have helped you if you would've come to me, but you didn't!"
"We were friends! You were supposed to reach out for me!" Quinn yelled. Her voice was filled with anger and it was the first time since school started that I heard some kind of emotion in her voice.
"Were?"
"Yes, were. I have new friends now. Friends that'll stick with me"
Santana let out a sarcastic laugh. "The skanks, of course"
"They've proved to be better friends than you"
"You know what? This is boring me"
I really didn't know how it happened what happened next, but one second I was looking at the dirty stall's door and the next I was looking into Santana's shocked eyes through the mirror. I figured Quinn had pushed her against the stall's door because of the way Santana was clutching at her shoulder with one of her hands.
"What are you doing here?" Quinn hissed, pushing Santana away and taking me by the arm forcefully, yanking me down of the toilet. My eyes were still locked with Santana's, but this time I was seeing directly into them.
"I—I was-"
"You shouldn't be sticking your nose everywhere, manhands!"
I sent Santana a panicked look when Quinn opened the toilet's lid, her hand gripping tightly at my arm when I started to struggle against her grip. I was aware of Quinn's new hobby. Santana didn't react, she was like frozen in the place just looking at me with a blank expression.
"Since it seems like you already washed your hair, another bit of water won't hurt"
"Quinn- I wasn't- It wasn't my intention to-" I was trying to make her stop. What she was about to do to me was unsanitary. I didn't want her to shove me into the toilet, I could catch a disease and die. I threw another panicked look towards Santana and she seemed conflicted, her gaze traveling between us. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes preparing myself to be shoved into the nest of germens. Just hoping they were at least cleaned this morning, and perfectly knowing they weren't.
"Shut up, you-"
"Fuck off, Quinn, leave her the hell alone" Santana finally said, just when Quinn was about to drop me on my knees.
Quinn smirked, and pushed me towards Santana. I released a breath of relief and stood behind Santana, getting on my toes to look at Quinn over her shoulder. "Relax, Lopez. I wasn't actually going to do it. I was just seeing how much of a friend you are, since you brag so much about it."
I felt Santana's body tense and she let out a heavy breath. She was probably glaring at the girl in front of her.
"And don't try to deny it because I saw you leaving my neighborhood with her. So low, Santana, so low." Quinn said with a laugh, walking out of the bathroom.
I dropped my head waiting for Santana to say something. She didn't. She just started to walk towards the door.
"Santana…" I breathed out and she stopped turning around, burying her cold eyes on me. I took a step back, trying to push away the sick feeling in my stomach.
"No, we're even now"
"What?"
"You and Finnocence are over in part because of me, and you let me spent saturday night with you when nobody gave a shit about me. Well, this is me paying you off. We're even. I just helped you so I can get you out of my freaking mind" Santana told me, turning around and walking out of the bathroom.
Paying me off? What was she even talking about? I was confused. Santana was playing this hot and cold game, and I didn't have the energy, with all the crap I was going through, to figure her out, to think in her words and honestly I wasn't sure I was going anywhere if I did. I took a glance to my cell phone and saw I was thirty minutes late to my class, so I took my bag from the stall's floor and walked out of the bathroom.
I was in the middle of recording one of my weekly music video when my phone ran, reminding me I forgot to put it on silence and messing everything up. I groaned, turning off the camera. Nobody ever called me and now they choose this exact moment, really?
"Rachel Berry talking" I answered with annoyance.
"Look, I know I was mean and rude last week, but…"
I frowned taking the phone away from my ear and looked at the phone's screen for the first time, Santana's name was adorning it. I put the phone back on my ear.
"…I understand, you're pissed but I need you to help me"
I didn't catch all of she what she was saying, but she sounded desperate; I could tell even when she was trying so desperately to hide it.
"Berry!"
"No need to scream. What do you want?"
"Are your dads home?"
"Yes, my dad's home, why?"
"Shit!" Santana groaned. I was actually starting to worry, Santana was acting really weird.
"What is it? You're making me nervous"
"Can you come down?"
I walked to the window and opened the curtains, peeking outside for any sign of Santana's car. I didn't see it anywhere. "Where are you?"
"I'm at the left side of the house, under the small window. Please, come down" Santana asked me, almost begging.
I bit my lip and closed the curtains. "Alright, give me a second"
"Please, don't tell your dad I'm here"
"I won't." I assured her, hanging up.
Luckily my dad was in the basement doing some paperwork while listening music, which meant he was so concentrated he wouldn't hear a thing. I got out of the house without any trouble. I rounded the house and like Santana said, she was curled under the downstairs bathroom's window, her knees to her chest with her arms around them. Her hair was down and was cascading down, covering her face which she had down. I felt my stomach drop at the sight and ran towards her.
"Santana?"
She lifted her head quickly at hearing my voice and I gasped, putting my hands over my mouth. I let myself fall on my knees in front of her.
"Oh my God" I whispered, watching the bruises on Santana's face and the path dry blood left as it made its way down one of her eyebrows and nose. "What happened?"
"It's obvious, Berry, I got into a fight" Was her answer, but she seemed to realize she shouldn't be being a bitch with me in that moment. I shrugged it off, though, I was more worried about her injuries.
"We need to clean these wounds, let's go inside." I told her, trying to take her hands to help her stand up.
"No!" She exclaimed, putting her hands away from me. "Your dad can't see me like this. He'll call my parents"
"Santana, you can't hide this from them."
"Actually I can, with a little make up. They're not that bad, I just need to clean them but I can't go home this way. My little bro would see me and then I'm screwed. I have enough troubles already." Santana said looking pleadingly at me.
I bit at my lower lip. I couldn't just force her to come inside and I had to help her. "Alright, just give me a minute." I told her, getting up and running into the house again. I came back minutes later once I collected all the things I was going to need: gauze, soap, an ice bag, a bold with water, some towels and my make up kit.
"Thank you, I can do it myself, so—"
"Let me." I told her shaking my head once I was kneeled again in front of her. I expected her to fight back but she just nodded and I proceeded to clean her face carefully.
It didn't take me too long to clean her face and it was because she was so still she was barely breathing. I smiled at her when I finished. "Now, you need to put this on your cheekbone for a moment." I said putting gently the ice bag in her cheek. She hissed and I took my hand back. "Sorry"
She stopped me with a hand in my wrist. "It's just cold"
I hummed in understanding and looked into her eyes for a moment until she took the ice bag and held it against her cheek herself. I cleared my throat and sat beside her against the wall. We stayed silent just waiting.
I was feeling so curious. I wanted to know what happened with her last week. I wanted to know what happened tonight. I wanted to know why she got into a fight. Why she came to me after what she told me in the bathroom. Here she was again playing this hot and cold game that was starting to annoy me.
I looked at her and she was looking back at me. I let my eyes wander all around her face, she was right, it didn't look so bad without the dirt and the blood. "Can I ask what happened?"
"I'd prefer you don't" Santana said shaking her head slightly, looking suddenly angry. "It's better if you don't get involved."
I nodded and put my phone out, checking the time. "I think it's better if you get ready to go home now, it's getting pretty late"
"Yeah"
"Come on, I'll help you cover them; and you need to clean them and put more ice when you're alone in your bedroom, alright?" I said, opening the makeup kit.
Santana stopped me. "Don't bother. I'll do this. You've done a lot for me"
I wanted to protest, I wanted to help since she didn't want me to know what had happened; but she was looking at me so intensely, I just nodded and handed her the kit, sitting once against the wall to avoid her eyes. I watched her cover the bruises, flinching every time she hissed from the pain.
"How does it look?" Santana asked after a moment, putting the mirror down.
"Perfect"
"Ok" Santana said with a sigh, putting all the things back in the kit and handing it to me. "Thank you"
"You're welcome"
"Alright, I'm going now. I don't have my car with me, so…" Santana said, standing up. I started to gather all the things while nodding.
"Be careful"
"Yeah, bye and thank you again, Berry"
"Santana?"
"Yes?"
"Please, be careful" I said, looking up at her. I was suddenly feeling so worried about her. This wasn't normal and if she wasn't going to let me know what was happening, at least I was hoping she would understand what I was really trying to tell her, that I needed her to take care of herself. She looked at me for a moment before nodding and starting to walk away.
A/N: Hope this made sense. I'm tired and this was hard. This is a bunch of ideas I have flying around in my head and I'm trying to mold them into this story, I really hope its working. Anyway, thank you for taking your time to read this.