Let's Call It Love

The first hit didn't hurt much. The second… that one hurt like a motherfucker. I threw a punch right at her nose and she hissed in pain, her hands flying to her face.

"Fuck" I muttered shaking my hand. My knuckles were burning. That didn't take away the satisfaction of watching her in pain though.

"Stop, Mack! Just leave her alone."

"In what side are you, Fabray? She was the one who came here to stick her nose!" The Mack snapped glaring at Quinn. I smirked at watching the blood running down her face. Bitch earned it.

"And who has it broken now?" I mocked with a chuckle. The next sting took me by surprise. I didn't expect the Mack to connect the back of her hand with my cheek so quickly and so hard. I was ready to throw myself at the bitch when Quinn stepped between us.

"Just leave."

I clenched my jaw looking into her blood shot eyes. It was so hard to look at it and it was even harder to know I was unable to stop her. I felt powerless and frustrated. "Come with me."

The Mack released a mocking laughter. "How romantic"

"Leave, Santana. You don't have anything to do here."

"Quinn—"

"Leave!" Quinn yelled in my face. It made my blood boil. It didn't help that the last thing I saw before turning around and storming away from them was the triumphant expression all over Mack's face.

I reached my car at the school's parking lot. There was still a period left but I needed to get away. I couldn't get inside with my face swollen anyway. I rested my forehead against the hot metal taking a few deep breaths to calm myself and to try to ignore the tingling pain in my face.

"Santana!"

I rolled my eyes straightening myself. I wiped the blood in my lip out. "Not now."

"Wait, what's going on?" Brittany asked. I didn't turn around to see her expression but her voice gave away her worry and the wariness. I opened the car's door ready to get in when she took me by the shoulders turning me around. "Again?"

Brittany cupped my jaw gently with both her hands. I avoided her worried blue eyes as much as I could but she turned my head and searched for my eyes finding them easily.

"What happened?" She asked brushing her thumb over my lips. I pushed her hand away. Her gentle touch was becoming unbearable.

"Quinn happened."

"She did this?" Brittany asked alarmed.

"No. She didn't touch me."

"Then who did it?"

"Look, B, I need to go. I need to be away from here." I told her getting inside of the car.

"I'll go with you." Brittany said getting hold of the car's door preventing me from closing it. When I looked up at her hesitant searching for the right words to say no, she kneeled down in front of me taking my hands. "Please stop pushing me away. I miss my friend."

I clenched my jaw and nodded accepting her offer when I saw the hurt in her eyes. "Okay, we're going to your house."

Brittany nodded and kissed my hands quickly before going to sit on the passenger seat.

I miss my friend. It was so funny I had to push back the urge to snort. She still clearly didn't have a clue of how much it hurt to hear that. All this pain was probably my fault anyway, I wasn't going to be anything more than that and I cursed myself for being so stuck with these damn feelings.

Brittany's room wasn't so different from the last time I was there, except for a few things I could recognize as Artie's. Some vests and gloves mixed with things I've left behind when we'd had sleepovers.

I ran my fingers through the new pictures over Brittany's little table. I felt the rage and jealousy build up in my chest at seeing her so happy sitting over his lap in most of them. The feelings were suddenly washed away and replaced with selfishness. I felt selfish for wanting her to be with me when she looked so happy. Did she look that happy when I was still around?

"Come, S, have a sit." I turned around just in time to see her close the door behind her with her foot. "Chelsea said this would do."

"Are you sure she isn't going to rat us out with your parents?"

She shook her head. "I promised to clean Tubs bathroom for a couple of weeks even when it's her job. She won't say a thing." I hummed taking the soaked gauze and looked at my face in the mirror Brittany was holding up for me. At least it wasn't so bad this time, just a cut on my lower lip and a bruised cheek. Sighing I started to clean the wound on my lip. Brittany flinched when I released a painful hiss.

"Hurts too much?"

"A little" I answered through clenched teeth.

"What's going on with Q, San? I'm really worried about her." Brittany asked after a moment. I finished and stood up walking towards the bathroom. I got rid of the gauze and proceed to wash the rest of my face.

"San?"

"You really don't want to know."

"Of course I want. She's my friend too and we've been distant lately. I miss you guys so much." Brittany said and I watched her shoulders fell. "Especially you"

I sighed walking over to the bed. I sat down and she handed me the ice bag. I put it over my bruised cheek. "I'm here and about Quinn... Well, the idiot can't get anymore cliché. I honestly don't know what's going on in that head of hers. I'm sure that cheap hair dye she's using just roasted her fucking brain."

"Is it the Skanks? I thought she was getting better since she came back to glee but she's behaving so strange like she's not herself."

"Maybe she isn't."

"And what do you have to do with it? Why are you getting hurt? You're not lying to me, are you?"

"No, I'm not." I told her placing my free hand over hers to calm her down. "The Mack did this."

"Why?"

"Quinn's on drugs, B."

"That's it?"

I shook my head. "I know we've done this before. I couple of times and that's it, just for experimenting and shit but Q's deep on this. So deep they're dealing with a drug dealer. That's Mack's issue with me getting in the way."

"Is that so bad?" Brittany asked.

"I guess. If Mack's getting this angry is because they're shit deep into this." I told her getting up from the bed. "But you shouldn't worry about it and don't mention this to Quinn. Don't tell her I told you, I still don't know what they're capable of."

"Is she going to be okay?" She asked looking down at her hands"

"I hope so, B."

"Are you going to look out for her?"

I nodded. "Sure, I promise you I'll look out for her more."

Brittany let out a sigh and stood up from the bed pulling me into a tight hug.

I didn't waver in my promise because that was my plan anyway. Quinn was my friend. It didn't matter how stupid or cliché she was. Like seriously? Knocked up at sixteen, thrown out of her house, disowned, she then went all dark and twisted and now she was on drugs? Not only consuming but messing with a drug dealer? She seriously was looking to fuck up her entire life there was no doubt about it.

I got home late that day feeling completely drained and sore. My dad was sitting on the couch with Gabriel fast asleep against his chest. It was a surprised to have him home. I tried to be as quiet as possible but he heard me anyway.

"Is that you, Cheerio?" He asked quietly.

"Yes." I answered leaning against the living's threshold. He had his feet over the coffee table. Maria was clearly not home, she wouldn't have him doing that. The tv was on but with so little volume.

"Why don't you come sit with me for a little while? I'm interested in knowing why you're getting home so late."

I put my school bag down and walked to the couch sitting down beside him. Dad looked at me with a smile that disappeared as soon as he saw my face. "Hija, what the hell?"

I rolled my eyes shaking my head. Maria would have killed him for saying that while Gabriel was present, even if he was asleep. I pushed back the urge to roll my eyes again. Being home was so stressful when someone was controlling your every move. How could he live like that?

"Nothing, dad. I'm fine."

"Santana—"

"Drop it, dad. It's nothing."

"This is why you're getting home so late?"

Gabriel stirred on his sleep threatening to wake up. Dad hushed him back to sleep caressing his back. "I'm going to lay him down on his bed and then we'll talk. You stay here and wait for me."

I was so tired all I did was nod and watch him stand up and head towards the stairs. I leaned back on the couch closing my eyes.
After our talk about Quinn, Brittany went off all afternoon about her plans for her campaign and then some more talk about Artie and how Rachel dropped her presidential campaign to support Lady Hummel's.

What was Rachel thinking about? Why would she do that for him when he had done nothing but talk crap about her for the last few weeks. 'A piece of offering' Rachel has called it over text. 'Total bullshit' I texted her back. Rachel was definitely something else.

I felt movement behind me and I opened my eyes in time to see my father sit on the armchair.

"So?" He asked. He was looking at every inch of my face. The doctor was anyway, not my dad.

"I got into a fight. I already took care of it. I'm fine and I'm tired. Can I go to my room now?"

He sighed tiredly coming to sit beside me. An arm was passed over my shoulders. Now dad was here. "Can you just sit a little more with me, Cheerio?"

I nodded and he squeezed me hard against his side turning the volume of the tv up. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out.

"He's my friend, Santana and I need him on my side"

"Fucking learn to drop it. You're not my knight in shiny armor. Get the fuck out of my shit."

I rolled my eyes putting the phone again into my letterman jacket. Apparently Rachel and Quinn were going after the "most moronic" award. Thinking about I probably was too for not minding my own business.

"Brittany?"

"No."

"How are things with you two?"

"Dad, don't."

He stayed silent and I thought for a moment he had dropped it. "You know I'm not your mom."

"But you do everything she wants so it's the same."

"Is this why you've been fighting lately? Because she doesn't let her come anymore? Is this why you're getting into fights again? Maybe your anger is getting the best of you."

I scoffed getting up from the couch. I wasn't having this conversation. Let alone with him and even less after the day I had. I didn't say anything just went to grab my backpack and headed for the stairs.

"San, talk to me."

"Night, dad."

"You're always complaining I don't have time for you. Well here I am."

I froze at the stairs. I couldn't believe he was throwing that at my face. It wasn't my fault he was barely home. I shook my head and kept walking. I wasn't going to bite the bait. It wasn't my fault he preferred his work over his family. It wasn't my fault he abandoned his children, and it was definitely not my fault that he let mama take over our lives and control them to the point of making them miserable. He could come talk to me when he had the balls to face her.

Things were intense with the group now that they were ready to vote for the next class president. I was waiting for Brittany to show up so Jewfro would stop whining and make his damn interview already and shut up about it.

I crossed my arms and looked at my nails bored. People were getting in and out of the gym excited for the event. I spotted Rachel entering and looking around in a frantic way. She was clutching her bag to her body.

If I thought better about it, I didn't see her in most of the morning and she hadn't been around in all the time Kurt and their group were present. She was definitely up to something. I approached her quickly, stopping her for entering one of the voting booths.

"Where are you going so fast?" I asked dragging her away by the wrist. Rachel shrieked startled looking around nervously.

"I'm-I was- why?"

"You're nervous."

"I'm not!" She said freeing herself from my grip.

"Yeah, you are. What are you plotting, Rachel?" I asked crossing my arms. Whatever it was, I had the feeling it wasn't going to be something smart.

"No-no-nothing."

A stutter.

I narrowed my eyes. "No-no-nothing? You clearly are. You..." I trailed off snatching the bag out of her hands. I opened it quickly. Just like I imagined it was stuffed with ballots. "Tell me, please, you aren't doing it."

"What? No!" Rachel hissed taking her bag back and closing it.

"You're cheating so he can win the election." I snatched the bag back. "You're not doing this!"

"He needs to win!" She blurted out finally admitting the obvious. "Please, Santana! He needs to get into NYADA. I need him to and this is his chance."

"Is this about him or you?" I snapped. She stayed silent, a frown adorning her features. This was clearly not an act of selflessness.
I took a deep breath. "Do you really need this?"

Rachel simply nodded. This was Rachel doing something for herself. It didn't matter what could go wrong with this plan or that I was supposed to be against it because I was on Brittany's side. If Rachel needed Lady Hummel with her in New York, fine.

"Screw it." I said giving her the bag. "I won't tell anything. Just do it quick and-"

"Do what exactly?"

"Shit!"

Sue was now standing in front of us, a creepy grin on her face. She had her eyes in Rachel's bag. How did I forget about the Coach?

"I'm curious as to what is this you're doing, Streisand, that Sandbags over here is so eager to cover." Sue took Rachel's bag from her hands forcefully when Rachel tried desperately to keep it.

"Don't open it here, coach, just…" I trailed off when she looked at me with narrowed eyes but then she looked at Rachel who was avoiding coach's eyes like the plague. Couldn't blame her, the woman was scary as shit.

"Just because Sandbags is asking me, I'm not attracting attention towards this. But you and I are going with Figgins now!" Coach yelled in Rachel's face. Rachel flinched nodding quickly.

"Wait, what about me?" I asked starting to panic. I knew what this could mean for Rachel.

"What about you? Are you trying to tell me you're stupid enough to betray Britt-Britt and lose your spot in your stupid choir sectionals AND in my Cheerios Nationals or… I don't know… get suspended?" Coach said with her low, creepy voice. The one she used with the new Cheerios. I swallowed hard. "Sure you are but I'm not! So you go support your girlfriend over there and you'll stay quiet and I'll consider the magnitude of your punishment."

I cringed at Sue's words. It didn't matter how small or big the punishment was, one of Coach's punishments meant hell so I might as well be dragged into this anyway. Rachel's sad look over her shoulder made me take the first step. I wasn't going to leave her alone.

"Santana!"

Out of Sectionals. Both of us. Just like Coach said would happen. That was Figgin's punishment. Mr. Schue wanted me out of the Cheerios Nationals just for the sake of being fair, but neither he nor Figgins could get me out of it for fear of facing Coach Sylvester's rage.

I wasn't too worried about that. Now Coach was so going to make me pay for not following her orders. She was going to find the best way to physically torture me without touching a hair on my head. I cringed at the thought alone.

"Santana!"

Turning around I was faced with Brittany strolling Artie in my direction. They stopped in front of me. Brittany was looking at me concerned.

"I thought you were on my side. You were my campaign assistant"

"I'm on your side, Britt."

"But-"

"And the stuffing, Santana? I can't believe you would go as far as cheating on a clean procedure like this one. And why exactly? You're not even friends with Kurt." Artie spoke up crossing her arms.

I chose to ignore him. "Look, Britt, it wasn't my idea. I was trying to convince Rachel to not do it and then Sue showed up. I'm on your side"

"Are you, Santana? Because lately it hasn't seem like you are."

Honestly, I would have taken those words out of Brittany's mouth but they coming out of, of all people, Artie's just made me lost it.

"What the fuck is exactly your problem, wheels?" I hissed leaning down, both my hands coming to rest at either side of his chair. He leaned back looking scared for the first time since he started to open his huge mouth. "If I say I'm on her side, it's because I am!"

"I've been here, Santana"

"And what does that mean exactly!"

"That you haven't batted an eyelash even when she needed you and now you go and pull up this betraying her!" Artie stuttered out that being so fearless for someone who was cornered. I took him by the collar of his vest.

"You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Yes, I know! I'm her boyfriend and I've been here to see you not being able to get over your jealousy and support her!" He was still talking even though he had his eyes practically closed and his hands up. "She's with me now you should accept that and stop messing with everything she does from now on. She chose me and you should get over it!"

I tightened my grip and he let out a pathetic whine. He was too scared for someone that was letting his tongue run. "I honestly don't know why she chose you and whatever you know? You're a still a loser and you know what makes it worse? That you are one that can't walk!"

"That's enough!"

A hand was put over mine and I let go of his vest brusquely. I looked up at disappointed blue eyes. I was aware of the words I'd said. They were harsh and completely wrong. The problem was I was too proud and hurt to take them back. Artie was right in a lot of the things he'd said but that was something I wasn't admitting.

"You need to go." Brittany said.

"Whatever, Britt. See you around." I simply said swallowing the lump on my throat. I walked away but I still saw her kneel down in front of him comforting him in such a gentle and caring way. The way she used to do with me, probably better. He was her choice. I was never that for her.

Dinner with my whole family after the fiasco with Brittany wasn't really a good idea. All I wanted was to get to my room and not get out of there until the next day or go to a late drive around town to try and clean my mind alone. Neither of that was happening thanks to Maria.

I sat silently feeling Gabriel little kicks on my thigh while he ate contently on his high chair beside me. I wasn't in the mood for eating so I just opted for pushing the food around the plate and listening to the conversation going on between my sister and my parents.

"So there's a boy!" Dad said with a chuckle making Alex blush. She shook her head not looking up at him, a shy smile on her lips.

"There really isn't"

Mama let out a throaty laugh. "There's nothing wrong with there being a boy, hija, just remember what I've talked with you about not letting any boy pressure you."

Alex groaned out loud. I shook my head at hearing my dad's laughter. He was having such a good time watching his younger daughter get embarrassed… or having the chance of watching her at all.

"How come you guys are only embarrassing me? Why don't you ask Santana if there's someone and giving her the sex talk!"

"Easy, Alex" Maria said pointing a finger at my sister and then pointing at Gabriel.

"Because we all know what having someone means for me and she's not having any of that here" I finally spoke up.

"Santana" Dad said as a warning. It was late, mama was already glaring at me. She was naïve to think Alex was clueless about me being gay. If anything she'd been my biggest support.

"No, because I know there isn't someone but that still doesn't mean you can't talk about your day. So go ahead and tell us." Mama said throwing at me one of her fake smiles I hated so much.

"I prefer not" I said with a humorless chuckle, flinching when a sharp kick collided with my thigh. I was starting to get annoyed by it. The whole happy family reunion was making my blood boil inside of me, and the way my dad was sadly looking at me. The fact that he was aware of what was going on and he still chose to not say anything just made everything worse. "My day's been crappy enough as it is"

"Santana, language." Mama said putting down her fork before looking hard at me. "Honestly, Santana, why do you do this? We were having a perfect conversation until you—"

"Until I decided to blow it up?"

"Yes"

"Maria..." My dad said as a warning but that was it. That was all he always did.

I chuckled bitterly standing up. "I'm out"

"No, you're not. You haven't eaten yet."

"Whatever"

"Santana, sit down. You're not getting your car back anytime soon if you keep up with this behavior."

"Well, mama, wait for me to care" I said walking out the room. I ignored their calls as I took my house's keys and my letterman jacket before getting out the house.

I walked quickly through the neighborhood wanting to get away. I wanted to feel bad for my sister. Alex missed dad and I blew up one of the few dinners he had the chance to share with us in two weeks. I couldn't. It didn't take long for the tears to escape my eyes. I let them go. I didn't care anymore. Everyone was going to see now how pathetic Maria Lopez's daughter was. They were all going to see me crying and when they asked I was going to tell them to go fuck themselves.

"Bitch, wait up!"

Crap.

The one missing. The one that had still to shit on my day. I didn't stop walking but it didn't take her too long to reach me. Soon she was beside me. I wiped the tears on my cheeks with one of my hands.

"Why are you whipping now? You're such a loser. Is this Berry rubbing off on you?"

"What do you want, Quinn? I'm not in the mood"

"Clearly" She pulled out a cigarette and lighted it up. I was dying for having one.

"What do you want?" I repeated my question. She shrugged and offered me one. I took it. I hadn't had one in weeks. I lighted it up, inhaling sharply. It felt so damn good.

"Just making sure you're not too angry at me"

"Did I break the bitch's nose?"

"Yeah, I think is now a little crooked."

I smirked and she bumped her shoulder with mine. "You need to back off, though, this is any of your business and she had the right to punch the shit out of you."

"You won't hear me saying this out loud again but I'm worried about you, shithead. I want you out of it" I told her sincerely.

"I can't"

"Why not? Shit, Q, you couldn't pick any other way of getting back at the people that wronged you than this? You're fucking yourself up. Are you aware of that?"

"I'm not doing this for them and it isn't like I want to be on drugs, Santana, if that's what you're thinking" Quinn said shaking her head.

"No? Because I've seen you so happy surrounded by them. This is a new level of low for you."

Quinn stayed quiet for a while. She was frowning, probably deep in thought. I thought for a moment I had reached her, that she was going to give it some thought, maybe stop it, but this couldn't be so easy.

"You know what, S? Fuck you. This isn't what you think it is."

"What is it then?" I asked. Quinn gave me a hard look and stopped walking. This was actually the first time that she looked me directly in the eyes tonight.

"You tell me. Because it seems like you already judge me. So what is it, Santana?" She said turning around and walking in the opposite direction.

Why was it that every little relationship in my life was an utter and complete mess? Every one of them. I felt tears start to build up in my eyes again with the lone thought of how lonely it felt to not have someone to actually lean on. The proof was that I was walking alone in the streets dragging my misery not being able to count with someone. Not my parents, not my abuela, not Brittany or Quinn. My sister had her own problems to deal with; I wasn't going to bother her with mine. I didn't even have Rachel.

I was sure I had messed it up with Rachel already. She was probably angry at me. She had walked out of Figgins' office without a looking back and I didn't see her after that. If I had only let her do what she was going to do maybe we wouldn't be out of sectionals. Maybe she wouldn't be out of sectionals. I still had the Cheerios competition but she was out of hers and that wasn't fair.

I pulled out my phone and sent her a text. "Are you mad? Can I come over?"

Rachel didn't answer right away which meant she was either busy or actually mad as I imagined. I waited ten minutes and nothing. I wasn't spending the night alone again. Not with so much to think about. I looked on my phone's directory and sent a text to the person I was looking for.

"I'm coming over"

It took two minutes to get an answer.

"Ok"

The feeling of skin on skin was nice and hot. I didn't know that was what I actually needed. It didn't matter that it wasn't with the person I was craving. I needed the touch.

His skin was soft and hot and it felt good against mine. I let my hands travel all over his chest while he carefully put the beer bottle on my lips.

"Can you believe I actually missed this?" Puck said huskily against the skin on my shoulder. We were both sitting on his bed shirtless. I didn't say anything. I pulled him in and crashed our lips together once again. Drinking was great. Kissing was even better. I couldn't do talking.

Puck was a great kisser. He always made me feel sexy and hot no matter what mood I was in. But he wasn't always the first choice. I had Brittany for that. If he could make feel that way, then Brittany could make me feel even better. I didn't have that choice anymore.

Wanting to get rid of the thoughts I let our kisses turn more aggressive. I was willing to let him get any further. Give him what he wanted. It didn't matter what I felt afterwards.

He let his lips travel down my neck, his hands all over my body and if felt good. He knew what he was doing. I opened my eyes and saw my phone on his night stand in the moment it received a text. Too caught up in the way Puck was making me feel I ignored it completely. He kissed me again on the lips and lied me down, leaning down over me, one of his legs between mine. He grinded down hard making me release a loud moan. He smirked down at me and attached his lips to my neck once again.

The thing with having his big body and the way he smelled and the roughness of his touch always made me think about how gay I was and how much I needed and longed the always gentle touch of a woman. Reason why I stopped coming to him. But there was also the fact that it didn't matter how gay I was I only ever had been with two women in my life. Boys? Countless.

As he worked my body I kept having flashbacks of my times with Brittany. I tried to push them away but it was getting harder. He didn't realize I wasn't with him anymore. Once he was all turned on, all he cared about was getting his released and honestly? I didn't care either. I'll give him what he wanted and he'll have me entertained for a while. Or at least that was what I was thinking when I came to his house. It clearly didn't work because she was back in my head, while he was fucking me. I wanted her out so I changed the person in my head.

I thought about the afternoon in that shitty hotel room Finn picked and that I never thought would become one of the best places of my life. I thought about her scared expression and the way she would bit her lip. I thought about smooth skin, smooth legs and perfect round breasts that felt so good against my hands.

I thought about the gentleness she got out of me which I didn't think was there for anybody else. Just Brittany. But there she was a fragile and innocent girl that needed it and I wasn't against giving it to her. I ended up realizing that I never went against it just because she was her.

I thought about the way she touched me and how amazing it felt to come right there against her skin. I recalled the need, the urgency of the moment, imagining myself right there, riding her leg while she looked up at me with her eyes full of lust. All of those feelings made me live it all over again just in time. I felt it all over again. I came right there with him but it wasn't because of him. I gave him what he wanted. She gave me what I wanted.

Puck pulled himself off of me and lay beside me breathing heavily. I grinned keeping my eyes still closed. He said something I couldn't hear clearly. She was still there, laying down, looking at me, smiling lazily, looking beautiful. I didn't want to open my eyes.

I felt the bed dip under Puck weight and I opened my eyes.

"I'll be back. We're going for a round two that's for sure." He said over his shoulder, walking towards the bathroom. I took my phone from his nightstand quickly. I had four messages. I opened the one I was waiting for.

"I'm not. You can come if you want."

It was late. The message was from hours ago and still I felt the need to go to her place. After my encounter with Puck I felt the need to see her. It was almost eleven. I wasn't sure she was going to be awake. I had to try.

Luckily her light was on. That was good. I looked around and was ready to send her a text when I spotted some little rocks on the sidewalk. I smirked picking them up. It took her five rocks thrown at her window to finally show up. I waved my phone at her and dialed her number. She disappeared into her room once again.

"Santana, what are you doing?" Rachel said on the phone.

"Coming to visit you, let me in."

"It's eleven." Rachel said as a matter-of-fact. "And as you clearly know I have a phone you didn't have to throw rocks at my window. That's obnoxious."

I snorted. Rachel of all people. "I was being romantic" I said looking up at her. She smiled and shook her head.

"At least you got the window right"

"Are you letting me in or not?"

Rachel looked over her shoulder and I couldn't believe she was actually hesitating.

"Tick tock, Rachel."

"I'm coming, I'm coming" She finally said hanging up.

Once I was up in her room I started to look around searching for the cat. "Where's my little buddy?"

I heard her giggling lowly. "He's sleeping with my dads tonight. And I need them to stay that way so you need to be quiet."

"Sure"

I eyed the books over her bed and the open laptop. She was doing homework. I sat on the floor against the bed instead, where I was getting used to sit. Rachel walked over taking a spot beside me.

"You said you aren't mad but I still want to say I'm sorry for screwing your plan" I finally said breaking the silence. She shook her head putting a hand over my knee.

"It's okay"

"I got you out of Sectionals"

"We both are."

"Yeah but-"

"It's alright, Santana. And honestly? You didn't have to do that. Coach Sylvester had already spared you the trouble and this had nothing to do with you. I should be the one saying I'm sorry, anyway."

I frowned. "Why?"

"I was the one getting us out and completely let one directions without its stronger competitors. My plan was bound to fail." Rachel simply said. I couldn't believe she was apologizing. Sometimes I didn't understand her. I scooted closer to her until our shoulders were touching. We stayed silent just sitting there for a while. It was kind of nice.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked softly.

I stayed silent for a while. How was I supposed to answer to that question without breaking down in sobs. I looked over at her. She was waiting quietly for my answer. I shook my head. "Do you want me to give you an advice, Rachel?" She leaned her head back against the bed and nodded. "Don't ever, ever tell what you feel. People can't hurt you that way. You can't hurt yourself that way. Seriously, my life is completely fucked up because I decided to play the honest. So, the answer to your question is no. I'm not alright."

Rachel stayed silent and searched for my hand. I needed the contact so I met her halfway. Her eyes were questioning mine. I hated the moments she chose to stay quiet. The moments I needed the most for her to fill the silence where those moments she probably needed to stay silent. I suddenly felt the urge to touch her more. Have a different kind of contact so I did it. I lifted my free hand and brushed her cheek with my fingers. The gentle touch made her close her eyes.

I brushed her bags away from her face over and over again. I loved doing that. I loved the softness of her skin. I was enjoying it. I let my hand travel down her face, cupping one side of her neck. She opened her eyes, a sigh escaping her lips.
Rachel was shuddering. I allowed myself to think it was because of my touch. The room felt too hot to me. I smiled and she closed her eyes again. Both her hands squeezing mine. It felt so different touching her than touching Puck. This felt better. Right.

I tested the waters and leaned in closing the little distance between us. My lips brushing hers. Just a touch. Rachel's hands were in my cheeks in seconds when I started to pull away keeping me in place. I let her guide the kiss. I was willing to play by her rules. She kept the kiss slow and sweet unlike the ones we had shared before. Her lips touching mine over and over again. There was no tongue. Every now and then we would open our mouths and our lips would fit together making my stomach do some weird flips.

I pulled away opening my eyes. Rachel kept hers closed but a huge smile was on her face. I dived in once again. The urge to kiss her when she licked her lips got the best of me. She conceded another sweet and slow kiss.
Rachel was the one that pulled away this time. She opened her eyes and bit her lower lip letting out a long deep and content sigh. I grinned.

"Can I stay here tonight?" I asked. I wasn't ready to go home yet. Rachel simply nodded and stood up.

After I changed and she cleared her bed we were settled ready to sleep. The same way we were used to when I stayed over. My head on one side, hers on the other. Just like that drunken night I was wide awake. This time there was no Shorty to annoy me and keep me entertained, just my thoughts and the silence.

"Santana?"

Rachel was awake. I hummed letting her know I was too.

"Can I..."

She didn't finish her question. I waited but it never came.

"You can't sleep?"

"I'm trying."

"I can't sleep either."

"Can I..."

"What?" I was getting impatient.

"Promise me you won't kick me when I do it." She said hesitant.

I smirked. "Do what?"

Rachel stayed silent again. I felt her move and the next thing I knew, she was laying near me. I felt a hand on my shoulder pushing it. Once again I let her guide me. My back was towards her now and her front was pressed against it. All she wanted was to spoon. I felt her little body against me making me smile.

"That was it?"

"I didn't know how to ask. I like spooning. Maybe this would help us sleep." Rachel whispered near my ear. I could feel her breathing on my skin. I felt my chest tightening. Her arms around me and her body pressed against mine made me feel… safe. I felt tears pricking in my eyes and I pushed them back. I couldn't have her knowing I was crying. Luckily we were in the dark. And I sure as hell didn't want to feel the pain rising on my chest. I'd been trying to push her away because I couldn't have another person in my life to disappoint. I didn't need her disappointed in me. But lying there with her, I knew it was too late. I might as well just stop pushing her away.

I felt her breath becoming slow with every second that passed. She was falling asleep. I scooted even closer to her and closed my eyes. I didn't know how things were going to turn out for us tomorrow or the day after that. I liked the idea of us being friends. Weird friends if I considered the kisses. We never talked about it, though. It was like an agreement between us. I preferred that way to be honest. One thing was sure, Rachel was my friend and I stuck to my friends. As long as she wanted to be mine I wasn't going away any time soon.

A/N: I love this one. I love Santana. So much.

So, I've been having seconds thoughts about this story but I'm finishing it no matter what. Just like I'm saying now "When in doubt, write for yourself". That's what I'm doing but still... any comment, any idea you have whatever let me know, it can be really helpful and I appreciate it.

Anyway, thanks for sticking with me. You guys have a nice day and be good or... bad.