Let's Call It Love
Even when I was out of sectionals, I'd been assisting to rehearsals to make sure they were actually working. I was satisfied to know that that was not the case. Finn was back at Glee thanks to Kurt and Mr. Schue's begging and he finally accepted when he found out Santana and I were out of the competition.
We decided to do a Michael Jackson's tribute. We all agreed on it and surprisingly there weren't any trouble between us, except Quinn wasn't there and she'd been missing practices. We were starting to worry that she would disappear on us at Sectionals. Aside from that little detail all that was missing for Sectionals to be perfect was my amazing voice.
I sighed getting up from my chair. Time was up and we were ready to go home.
"Rachel" Finn voice stopped me at the door. I turned around giving him a small smile.
Finn wasn't exactly looking at me. He was looking everywhere but my face. He hardly looked at me anymore. It was fair even although it truly hurt. I never meant for us to end this way, avoiding each other. I strongly believed we didn't work as a couple but I was sure we could still be good friends. Besides he was still my male lead.
"Hi, Finn" I said softly. He bowed his head smiling shyly. I felt warm and tingly inside. I missed his smile. We exited the classroom side by side. We walked quietly and I was ready to speak when he beat me to it.
"I just wanted to say that I think that while what you did was kind of stupid and selfish, it was nice. You were just looking out for Kurt and making sure he'd win." Finn offered, his smile never leaving his lips.
"He didn't win though." I pointed out.
Finn shrugged. "That's because she's pretty good, and I know Kurt won't tell you this but thank you." His next move took me by surprise. Finn leaned down and left a kiss on my cheek. I dropped my head, a bashful smile on my lips. "Do you need a ride home?"
I shook my head. "I'm fine, thank you."
"Alright. See you later, Rach." Finn said cheerful walking towards his car. I stopped walking and watched him go. I smiled to myself, he had been better, he was smiling again. I was right about him needing Glee. He belonged there.
I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder starting to walk again. Both my fathers texted me giving me their apologies for not being able to come pick me up. Dad was getting home an hour later while daddy was going to be working until late, something about one of his patients having a complication and needing surgery.
I was absolutely okay with walking home. The day had been nice and the weather delightful, not too cold like the days before. I was already on my way to the bus stop when I heard Santana calling my name. I stopped turning around with a smile. She was jogging towards me.
"Still without your car?" I asked once she was beside me.
Santana took a deep breath shaking her head. "Satan won't lift my punishment."
I wasn't able to stop a chuckle. "I am positive that if your mom hears you say that she won't do it anytime soon."
"Then I'm lucky there's only you here." Santana said linking her arm with mine.
"Are you coming home with me?"
"Yeah, I'm in no mood to see Maria yet."
As we made our way out of the school's property, a car pulled over beside us. I recognized the car as Brittany's. The passenger's window rolled down. Artie was sitting there, sitting completely straight looking at his front. Brittany leaned towards us from her seat.
"Want me to take you guys home?" She asked. There was no doubt she was only asking because Santana was with me otherwise they wouldn't have pulled over.
Santana pulled away from me and crossed her arms. "No. We're fine."
"Are you still upset?" A sigh escaped Brittany's lips. I focused my attention on the way Artie was sitting rigid looking at his front. He was clearly uncomfortable, avoiding at all cost to look at us. The tension between these three was growing even more with each day that passed.
"Why wouldn't I, Brittany? And really, this is a conversation I'm not having here and now. So, go. I'm walking home with Rachel. I'm fine." Santana said taking my arm and dragging me away from the car. She was more than upset, I could tell be the way she was clenching her jaw and her frown was deep. "Just keep walking. I'm fine." I nodded and obliged.
It took me half the ride home to finally get Santana's mood lifted a little. I tried to keep her mind occupied with conversations about classes and Glee although none of that worked. I got her attention when I asked her about cheerleading. I ended up enamored with the way her face would light up in such an adorable way that I wanted to wrap my arms around her and laugh with joy. I wondered why I never felt this way with Finn when we were together. Why I never found what he said interesting. Then again it was football. I never understood a thing about it. Cheerleading was different and it was something I actually enjoyed watching.
"Hey, do you have the recording we made of Cry?" Santana asked me taking off her snickers once we got home and walking towards the couch sitting on it, crossing her legs indian style.
"Oh yes! Let me search for it." I answered sitting beside her and scrolling through my phone. I was so focused on looking for the file I didn't realize she had scooted closer to me until I looked up. Her face was so close, her chin almost resting over my shoulder. I could feel the warm irradiating from her body. Santana has a frown on her face looking down at my phone. I didn't move and she must had gotten impatient because she looked up and quirked an eyebrow.
I cleared my throat and pressed play. Cry by Kelly Clarkson was the song we chose for our ballads assignment. It was the perfect song for the both of us. To say that everyone loved our performance was an understatement. We blew their minds; everyone was applauding and cheering by the end of it. Not that I was expecting less.
"Tell me again why we are not singing that song at sectionals?" Santana asked once the song was over.
"Because we can't sing at sectionals, Santana." I answered slumping my shoulders. It was absolutely tragic.
"We'll have Regionals don't worry." Santana affirmed lying down completely on the couch. I was sitting on the edge in front of her. "Unless you pull off another crazy thing"
I gasped. There was no way I was going to be out another competition again. The lone idea was outrageous. "No way. Nu-hu. This is the last time I'm banned from a competition, Santana. I can't be adding dirt to my school's resume. It will look bad on my NYADA application. I got so lucky that Mr. Figgins didn't decide on suspending me" I blurted out in one breath shaking my head.
"Stop talking. I said unless" Santana huffed rolling her eyes. I put my phone on the coffee table and folded my hands over my lap while she threw an arm over her eyes covering them.
"Santana, am I allowed to ask you a question?" I asked hesitantly. Santana lifted her arm for a moment, her eyes narrowed. I rolled my eyes. "Just one."
"Okay fine but I'm allowed to not answer it." She informed covering her eyes once again.
"That's not fair."
"Go ahead ask."
I sighed. It was now or never. "Have you tried talking with Brittany? You know... about... Your feelings" Santana stayed quiet. She didn't move an inch which was starting to making me feel nervous. "I mean, remember the day of the party? When I told you to do it so you guys could get your friendship on the right path? Well, something is telling me you actually haven't. The way you spoke to her a while ago was kind of harsh. Furthermore, Artie was acting weird too as if something had happened between you two. I don't mean to pry. No. That's the last thing I want to do. It's just that, I'm genuinely concerned about you. The last thing I want, Santana, is to see you get even more hurt, and I feel like she's being inconsiderate with your feelings. Honestly, I think that—"
I widened my eyes flinching when a hand was suddenly put over my mouth. Santana was now sitting glaring at me.
"Shut up. I know that she's fucking playing with my feelings. I don't know if she's aware or not but she is and I can't fucking do anything about it." Santana snapped. I nodded quickly and she released me lying down once again. Santana crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ceiling. I looked down at my hands feeling uncomfortable. I didn't mean to make her feel even more upset. It was hard enough to make her feel better after her encounter with Brittany and I screwed it up.
"What do you want me to say, Rachel?" Santana spoke up suddenly. "I know how pathetic I am."
"You're not pathetic." I told her earning a scoff. "You're not" I repeated putting a hand over her crossed arms.
"I am. I knew her answer. She's been telling me no for a while now and I just keep asking her for a chance. She had told me no even before I made her the question which tells me she already had that answer for me, and what do I do? I keep begging. That's how pathetic I am."
"You love her."
Santana sat up and scooted back leaning against the couch's arm looking everywhere but my face. "I said a really hurtful thing to Artie and of course she took his side. That's why he was acting this way today. I can't bear with the idea that she chose someone over me. So, yes, I'm pathetic for not accepting she doesn't love me and just save our friendship."
"You love her. I wouldn't give up either." I repeated once again. She finally looked at me and I offered a soft smile. I wanted her to know I didn't think she was being pathetic. She wasn't. She was simply in love. Santana dropped her head. The next time she spoke, her voice was barely whisper.
"What can I do now? I can't be friends with her with all these feelings wanting to push out of my chest. Hell! I'm even saying cheesy things."
"I honestly don't know."
Santana looked hopelessly at me. That was a look you didn't see on her too often. "What are you doing? You seem to be handling it well."
I dropped my head brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. There were days when I missed Finn so much I got so desperate and had the urge to call him just to hear his voice; and there were days when everything he did or said or the way he behaved in classes, or the way he spoke to other girls sting too much making me realized I was still into him and all I wanted to do was to forget my promise to myself and take him back. However the truth was that I was nearer to moving on from him than Santana would ever be from Brittany. I was realizing that now.
"I just keep going." I finally answered with a shrug. "Sometimes it definitely hurt but I try to focus on things, on people that make it easy for me to keep going forward."
Santana didn't seem convinced with my words. Her eyes were wet and the way she was clenching her jaw so hard told me she was desperately trying to hold back her tears. "You can cry, you know? I won't tell anyone."
She let out some sort of snort mixed with a sob. Her expression was full of anguish; however there were no tears in her face. "I hate him so much. What does he have that I don't?"
Once again I found myself wanting to wrap her in my arms, this time to cry along with her and ask her to please let it all out. I would assure her that I would not let go until she had finally released all her pain. I scooted closer to her and cupped her jaw instead, stroking her chin gently with my thumb. "Nothing."
"He clearly is better than me." Her voice was a whisper. She didn't push my hand away but she was avoiding looking at my eyes.
"He isn't"
"Then why?" Santana demanded connecting her gaze with mine. They were once again filled with anger. She was demanding for an answer I didn't have.
"I don't know."
Santana pushed my hand away harshly and I stood up immediately. It was always like this every time I tried to get something more out of her. We would take one step forward and three back. She would let me in a little and push me farther away. Hot and cold. I was ready to walk away from the couch to give her some space when she took my hand tugging at it. I sat back down and she took my chin making me look into her eyes.
"I'm sorry." She really was.
I shook my head and before I could say anything she kissed me. She crashed our lips together and I kissed her back. I pushed away our conversation because her actions didn't make any sense. It didn't make sense that she was kissing me after telling me she was deeply in love with another person. But then again, this was Santana and I found myself lately wanting her even more every day. I wanted more of Santana. The hot and cold was getting hotter with every kiss and every touch and I couldn't lose it for the coldest parts or for the parts that made sense.
This want grew stronger ever since her last late visit a couple of days ago and that kiss we shared. It started out of nowhere and the tenderness made me completely swoon. She kissed me the way I'd always wanted to be kissed. She let me show her how and she complied. She made me feel things I'd never felt before. Once again Santana imprinted feelings in me I wasn't sure anyone could ever take away.
It wasn't so hard to realize that Santana was different for me. I'd always had the urge to know every little detail of what was going on in my life, of what was going to happen. Everything was a plan. All planed. I had it all under control. But then there was Santana. I couldn't read her. I didn't know what her intentions were. She was unpredictable. Closed up. Her moods would change and she would do things I'd never expected her to. She was sometimes sweet, sometimes aloof and serious. She would be also mean but at the same time caring.
There was also the fact that I loved romance. I loved the old romantic dates. A dinner and a movie, a romantic walk afterwards where she would talk to me about her life and listen carefully about mine. The shy kiss in the cheek when she dropped me home while my daddies spy on us and then make jokes about it making me blush once I was inside the house. Another date before the hesitant but excited first kiss. But Santana was already beyond all that. Our connection was different. It was exciting and it made me feel like I would burst out in flames at any moment. I would just need a simple touch or an intense look from her.
I craved the random, breathtaking kisses. I wanted the touches and the unexpected. I loved not being able to breathe every time she kissed me or I dared to kiss her fearing the worst, finding the best. I loved the unpredictable. Her unpredictable. My urges to control the situation were still there but I didn't want them at the same time. I was fighting against my confusion and I wanted to believe I was winning even when I knew it was going to come back at any moment to take its toll.
"Santana" I breathed out pulling her away gently.
"What?"
"You need to… you need to let me breathe." I chuckled looking up at her. I was now the one lying down on the couch and she was on top of me straddling my hips. Santana smirked down pecking me on the lips; every bit of anger or sadness gone from her face. Santana let her hands roam through my clothed torso, stopping to play with the hem of my shirt. She hesitated; she was testing how far she could go. I wanted to see how far she could go just as much as I wanted to know what was going on through her head, why was she doing this or if she was aware how dangerous this was.
I took her hands and slipped them between my bare stomach and my shirt. Her lips formed a teasing smirk as I arched into her cold touch. I pulled her down by the back of her neck and pressed our lips together. She didn't waste any time to deepen the kiss. Her tongue was all over making my insides warmer and my stomach crazier.
After a moment, she pulled away only to let her lips travel south making a path from my jaw to my neck. I whimpered when she started to nip and suck on a sensitive spot there. I was more turned on than surprised at how quickly she found it. Then again, this wasn't the first time she explored my body.
She shifted her own body until she was laying half on top of me, half on the couch. One of her legs found her way between mine. I unzipped her cheerio's top and caressed the skin I found there feeling her shiver.
I let out a soft moan when she cupped one of my breasts under my shirt as she peppered my jaw with little kisses. I tangled my hands on her hair pulling a little, enough to crash our lips together once again. She bit down on my lower lip earning a throaty sound. Her kisses were intoxicating. She kissed me and I needed more and more. This was the reason why I couldn't put a stop to it.
I pulled away throwing my head back and closing my eyes tightly when she started to add pressure down my body with her leg, the one between mine. She thrust down once again and I whimpered loudly when a strong shiver ran all over my body. Santana didn't move anymore. I frowned opening my eyes. She was looking down at me breathing hard, her lips partially open. Her eyes were dark and looking at me intensely.
"We should stop?"
She was asking not telling me. I nodded even when I pushed my hips up. Santana let out a whimper closing her eyes. She had to be completely crazy to not finish what she started, and I had to be completely insane to let her. I took her by the collar of her top crashing our lips together once again. All I wanted to do was let her flood my senses. All I wanted to feel was her all over, everywhere. I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care what was going to happen next. But Santana pulled away shaking her head.
"We need to stop" She was breathless. "We… need to stop now."
I nodded. My heart was beating so fast. I smiled when she lay back down, resting her head on my shoulder. I could feel her ragged breathing hit the side of my neck. I didn't dare move.
"I'm hungry" Santana spoke up after a moment.
"Me too. Should we go prepare something to eat now or wait a little while before we have to actually get up so my dad won't find us like this and then go prepare something to eat?" I said in one breath. Santana chuckled, the vibrations of her laughter sending shivers all over my body. If she noticed it, she didn't say anything. And considering our closeness she probably did.
"How long before Mr. black Berry gets home?"
Her nickname for my dad made me giggle. I stopped looking at the wall clock. I had completely forgotten about my dad. Luckily we still got time. "Ten minutes or less"
Santana simply nodded snuggling even more into my side. I smiled widely passing my arms around her body as she tucked her head under my chin. I guessed food could wait.
I entered the kitchen humming quietly to myself. Daddy was sitting at the table reading the newspaper.
"Hi, daddy!" I greeted him with a big smile. I put out a glass and walked to the refrigerator pouring myself a glass of water.
"Is there a reason why you're so happy?" He asked folding his newspaper and putting it down. I looked at him over the glass while I drank the water. He was wiggling his eyebrows in a really creepy way.
I put the glass on the sick and walked over to him wrapping my arms around his neck from behind. I left a kiss on the side of his neck. Daddy chuckled lowly reaching with one of his hands to ruffle my hair.
"Is there a reason why you shouldn't be happy, daddy?" I asked resting my chin on his shoulder.
"Oh my. Are you back with Finn?" He asked looking at me from the corner of his eye.
"No"
He hummed suspiciously. I rolled my eyes. This was ridiculous.
"Stop trying to guess. I'm just happy"
"Is the girl you were cuddling with so comfortably a couple of nights ago the reason, dear?" Dad asked entering the kitchen. Daddy laughed. "Or the girl that had you smiling stupidly last night at dinner?
I growled hiding my face on my daddy's neck. "Stop"
"Isn't them the same, honey?"
"Yes, yes, the infuriating girl that comes here to get my baby's attention and gets it completely." Dad answered.
"That's not true, dad!" I cried out pulling away from my daddy who was still shaking with laughter.
"No? You barely looked at me last night and please inform me again where are you going right now?"
"Stop" I mumbled crossing my arms and stomping my foot. He laughed winking at me. It wasn't fair that he was teasing me. Yes, I was going to Santana's house but we were just friends. Friends. "Hiram, help me out."
Daddy stood up and started to help him tie his tie. I was glaring at them. Dad kept with the teasing. "That night she came here late, which can't happen again we already talked about this, she was practically trying to get inside of you. Was there a minimum space between you two?"
"Dad, stop!" I shrieked. I felt my face getting hot at the memory of that night. It was true there was no space between us.
"Aww, c'mon! are you blushing?" Daddy chuckled looking at me. "Let me see!"
He took me by the chin when I tried to hide my face by keeping it down. He started laughing out loud when I finally looked at him. I was glaring but there was no doubt I was also blushing. Dad was chuckling too, he was so enjoying this.
"Rachel, do things have to change now?" Dad asked. The hint of amusement in his voice annoying me even more. "I mean, if you are now interested in the girl then rules have to be applied to her. The same rules we had for the Hudson boy."
I opened my mouth and closed it a couple of times. This was outrageous. They were making fun of me and clearly enjoying it. "Dad!" I shrieked stomping my foot once I was able to speak again. "There is nothing between us! We're friends! And now I'm leaving you two with your irrational and immature sense of humor. I'm going to be late"
"I'm just saying!"
I scoffed walking out of the kitchen hearing their chuckles. The same rules we had for the Hudson boy? Finn was my boyfriend. Santana is… Santana is my friend. Just a friend. I scoffed again when the phrases 'friends don't kiss' and 'kissing wasn't dating' ran through my head. The second one sounded a lot like that ridiculous phrase Santana and Brittany used to say a lot 'sex isn't dating'. Just look where did that get them!
Santana's room was dark but classy and very nice. It looked just like her. I took a seat at her desk's chair. She had recently got home from practice so she was still wearing her Cheerios uniform when I arrived. Walking over to her closet she took off her cheerios top. I tried to get my eyes off her now uncovered back but found myself unable to do so. She noticed this and looked over her shoulder. I looked away quickly feeling my face getting hot.
"Sorry. Old habits die hard" Was everything she said. I lifted my gaze slowly in time to see her throw a t-shirt over her head. It had her last name on its back. I followed her movements as she took off her snickers and skirt. The sinfully short skirt that leave nothing to the imagination. I swallowed hard. I was pretty sure this was the way boys thought about them and the way they leered, following every inch of skin until they reached the edge of the skirt and there was nothing more to see, leaving them to imagine pervert things that were probably way worse than what she would let them do.
I had to take a deep breath. I willed myself to look away from her legs until she realized what I was doing. Was I seriously getting this flustered over watching her changing in front of me when we've done so much more? Yes, yes I was and this was none of her fault, she was used of changing in front of other girls anyway. I dropped my head biting my lower lip nervously. We were just going to be doing homework. That was it.
I was trying to convince myself that it was because this was my first time at her house, but truth was that with every little physical encounter I found myself getting even more and more flustered and nervous around her.
"So? Bed or desk?" Santana asked walking to the slightly open door and opening it wide open before looking back at me. She was now dressed in red short shorts and a grey MKHS t-shirt that looked a little big on her. Comfortable. Santana loved comfortable. For a lot of things.
"I'm good here, thank you." I answered. She shrugged and took her backpack flopping down on her bed.
"Are you planning on sitting all straight up there just looking at me or…? Cause I won't have a problem asking for a new partner." Santana joked flashing me a smile.
"I believe you but there'll be no need for that" I told her opening up my notebook.
We worked in silence, discussing every now and then. I attributed my nervousness to the fact that it was the first time I was on her house, on her bedroom and not because I was developing some sort of attraction towards Santana. We shared a friendship that's been hard for me to build, for us to build. I wouldn't have anything messing with it. Not even the kissing moments, no matter how good they make me feel.
"For the love of God, no! That answer doesn't make any sense!" Santana all but shouted.
"I'll have you know, Santana, that the teacher thought it was a valid answer!" I snapped back. She scoffed.
"She's a fool. I could be a better teacher than her."
A knock interrupted our bickering and we both turned towards the door. There was a girl standing at the door. I recognized her as Santana's sister. I'd seen her besides Santana's mother in several of our glee competitions. She looked a lot like Santana, a little bit shorter, with long curly hair and big brown eyes that were a tone lighter than her sister's. She glanced back and forth between us. During our bickering we ended up sitting across from each other on the bed. I was surprised at the way Santana got off the bed quickly after the girl settled her gaze on her.
"Alex"
"Mom's home" Alex pointed out before waving at me with a small smile on her lips and walking away. Santana had an unreadable expression on her face as she walked back to the bed and took her notebook before going to sit at her desk.
"Santana, are you home?"
"In my room!" Santana shouted back.
"Santana, why haven't you taken down your laundry yet?" Santana's mom stopped once her eyes landed on me. "Good night" She added with a smile.
"Good night, Mrs. Lopez."
"How's your father, dear?" She asked politely with a sweet voice. I looked at Santana who was scribbling down on her notebook as if she was completely alone.
"He's fine. Working a lot" I answered offering a smile.
"He's a great friend of mine, did you know that?"
"Yes, I did. My dad sometimes mentions you when he tells me about work or about some of the cases he works on."
Mrs. Lopez nodded. The smile in her face faltered a little when she looked over at her daughter and saw no response. Santana was completely ignoring us. "I didn't know you two were friends."
"Oh well... We-we actually… we-"
"Things change, mama. We weren't friends before and now we are. I'll take my laundry out tonight, okay?" Santana decided to finally speak. She gave her mom a hard, cold glare that the woman reciprocated.
"I'm so very glad you haven't lost your manners, Santana. I was getting worried you hadn't said a thing" Mrs. Lopez said crossing her arms. She then looked at me, her gaze softening. "Are you staying for dinner, Rachel?"
"I... I'm not sure. I don't want to cause any trouble and—"
"Don't say that. Stay, it'll be no trouble. You're welcome here." Santana scoffed chuckling lowly. Mrs. Lopez seemed to ignore this as she continued to speak. "Finish your homework, I'll tell Alex to help me with dinner. If you're finished before we're done come downstairs to take care of your brother, Santana" Mrs. Lopez ordered before getting out of the room.
Santana made me sit in the living room until they were finished with dinner even when I assured her I could help them out. I eyed the little boy sitting down on his coloring table humming quietly to himself. I smiled when he looked up shyly giggling before covering his face with his hands hiding it.
"So, you are THE Rachel Berry" Alex sat on the armchair looking at me with a grin. My first instinct was to smile, her grin resembled so much her sister's grin instead I frowned processing what she'd said.
"What?"
"Yeah, I've seen you. Singing I mean. You're completely extraordinary." I was blushing there was no doubt about it. "I think you're overrated and my sister thinks so too, don't let her fool you."
"Thank you" I said offering her a big smile.
"Can I ask you something, Rachel?" She questioned getting serious. I nodded.
"Of course"
Alex came to sit by my side on the couch and looked towards the kitchen before speaking. "Just stick around, yeah? Don't let them scare you away. I strongly believe that if my sister can make it then I can too." She said in a soft voice. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes looking at me intensely. I felt like she wanted to say more but Santana's voice got our attention.
"You're not asking her for an autograph, are you? I swear to God I'll kill you."
Alex let out an extremely fake gasp. "Don't swear in the name of God, Sanny, that's sin."
"Bite me" I found adorable the way Santana tried to hide her grin.
"Fuck you too."Alex replied with a chuckled getting up from the couch. She then pointed her finger at me. "But! You do owe me an autograph."
"We'll have time for that later, I promise" I beamed. Alex gave us a smile full of teeth and a wink before walking to the kitchen.
"In a scale of zero to Mr. Schue how embarrassing she was?"
"Actually, she's a good girl, Santana" I said amused. "There are a few things you should learn from her"
"Sure thing" Santana mumbled rolling her eyes. "Hey, Gab! Want to help us set the table?"
Gabriel looked up at me and just like he had been doing broke down in giggles hiding his face in his hands. "Awww c'mon, Gabs. She has a big nose but she is harmless. I promise"
I batted gently Santana's shoulder. She definitely deserved more for that. "Santana!"
"What? It's true! C'mon, Gabs." Santana chuckled. The boy extended his arms at her sister still looking at me with a small smile. Once he was securely in his sister's arms, we walked out the living room to set the table.
"So, Rachel, what are your plans for the future? Have you chosen a college yet?" Mrs. Lopez asked once we were all at the table. There was a lot of tension in the air.
Mrs. Lopez was sitting at the head of the table, her daughters at either of her sides. I was sitting beside Alex. Santana was sitting across from us, Gabriel on his high chair beside her. She was silent focused in trying to stop Gabriel from throwing away all of his food.
"Yes, I'd made my choice a long time ago. I want to make it on Broadway so I chose NYADA. I'm positive that's the right collage for me. It'll prepare me the best way, the way I need to be prepare for it." I answered with a big smile.
"That's amazing, Rachel. You sound so secure about what you want." Mrs. Lopez commented with a nodded, her tone cheerful.
"I can't wait for my audition. I have to admit that I'm nervous even though I'm a hundred percent sure I'm going to get in. I had been preparing for it almost my entire life and I'm not letting it slip from my fingers." I added nodding with confidence. I looked across the table and found Santana shaking her head, an amused smiled on her lips as she feed her brother. Alex laughed at my side.
"Santana wasn't lying when she said you were a little too passionate."
"There's nothing wrong with that, actually." Mrs. Lopez chimed in. "I'm surprised to see a young lady like you so excited about your future. You don't see that anymore these days. Teenagers are too busy thinking about something else lately. Things without importance" She eyed both her daughters before continuing. "I wish Santana was as passionate as you are about her future plans, she hadn't even picked a career yet. I'm hoping she would catch up some of that enthusiasm now that you two are friends."
"The fact that I'm not going around telling my plans doesn't mean I never think about it." Santana said through clenched teeth.
"Santana is very good at performing." Alex commented quickly before Mrs. Lopez had time to reply. I saw the way they were glaring at each other and decided to help Alex clear the air.
"That's entirely true. She's been fighting me for the solos and I have to admit that I would die for having such a beautiful and raspy voice like hers."
"No way! Your voice is unique, Rachel. Sure, San's good but no, don't say that. Your voice is amazing!" Alex all but shouted excited. I felt my cheek getting hot once again letting out a low laugh. This girl was definitely making my ego bigger.
"You're so embarrassing, Alex. You look like a flustered fan."
"Hey! You're just jealous I'm her fan instead of yours. I can't possibly be your fan. My job is make your life a living hell not admire you." Alex scoffed rolling her eyes. Santana mirrored the same gesture across the table.
"I'm a lot more awesome than her. I can do splits in the air; all she can do is sing and sway. Everybody can do that?" Santana pointed out smirking. She looked at me for the first time since we sat at the table.
I faked an overly dramatic gasp that had her chuckling. "I'll have you know, Santana Lopez that I do more than singing and swaying. I can dance and I feel every word and blurt out my heart and soul for everyone to feel with me the lyrics of the song, along with all the emotions the songwriter poured into said song. That's more than just singing and swaying and you perfectly know that."
"Yeah, like that time you sang afternoon delight?" Santana teased.
I broke down into a coughing fit when I saw the frown and the amused smile in Mrs. Lopez's face. I glared at Santana. She was trembling trying to hold in her laughter.
"Really, Rachel?" Alex asked through her giggles.
"That was Miss Pillsbury's idea." I mumbled feeling my face hot under the older woman's stare. This night was proving to be very embarrassing for me. I was going to end up red. "And you know I can't help myself when there's a performance involved."
"As in the school's counselor?" Mrs. Lopez asked alarmed.
That was when Santana lost it. She burst out laughing and Alex joined her, their laughter carrying me in. Definitely, hearing Santana's laughter was the highlight of the night.
After dinner and more chatting with them -that only made Santana grow aloof once again- Mrs. Lopez asked Santana to take Gabriel for a ride so he could fall asleep, it was the only way of making him fall asleep lately, and that way she could take me home too. Mrs. Lopez handed her the keys of her own car since Santana was still grounded.
"Want me to take you home right away?" Santana asked once we were out the driveway.
"I could keep you company for a while if you don't mind."
Gabriel was still pretty much awake. He was throwing subtle glances at us from his car chair on the back seat while fidgeting with his stuffed dolphin.
We stayed silent for a while. I couldn't help but watch her every move. She was frowning like that was what was keeping her from losing her concentration and sometimes she would bit at her thumb nail perhaps out of habit. It was gross but kind of adorable.
While I was watching her, I thought about her behavior towards her mom and it made me wonder what was happening between them. What was so wrong in their relationship that made Santana shut down the way she did around her mother; what was so bad they couldn't get over it.
It made me think of Shelby. Was this the way the relationship between a mother and a daughter was? I felt a sudden sadness at the fact that I would never found out unless I had a daughter and that was not something sure either, my children could be all boys and I would never found out.
Santana looked my way, her frown still in place. "What? Stop staring. It's creepy not flattering as you think. I thought we were over the 'I'm perfect' phase."
I rolled my eyes. "You're so full of yourself"
"So?"
"I had fun tonight. Your siblings are not so bad and you are a good to them. I finally confirmed that you have a soft heart." I smirked looking back at the little boy. He was starting to fall asleep.
Santana scoffed. "In your dreams, Berry. I have to be good"
"You actually love being good to them. I know" I shook my head smiling softly. I wanted to ask about her mom but I was afraid she'll turn me down and get angry at me. However -like always- my curiosity won. "Your mom wasn't so bad either." I offered cringing.
"She's not. She's only good with strangers" Santana said lowly. I nodded looking down at my hands. "I guess you picked up on the tension"
"I... I'm sorry but yes, yes I did."
"As you can see things aren't okay. There's too much pressure on us. You saw the way she got about college. She's not different with Alex. And then there's..." Santana trailed off shaking her head. She pulled over on a street and turned to look at me. "She's unsupportive, Rachel and controlling. She's suffocating us."
"Unsupportive? I'm sure she's just looking out for you. You're her daughter. Just like any other parent, I'm completely sure she wants the best for you and wants to know what you're going to do. I'm positive that she'll support you in whatever path you choose, Santana" I told her reaching out and putting my hand over hers in her lap. She looked down at our hands for a moment before looking up. Her eyes were filled with tears. That took me by surprise.
"She's no different than my abuela, Rachel. She forbade Brittany to come to our house because she doesn't want me turning my siblings gay. Are you sure she'll support me in whatever path I chose for myself?"
Her words were full of anger, tears rolled down her cheeks and she wiped them off furiously with the back of her hand.
"She pretends everything is fine because she lives of what people say about her. Guess where I came from?"She chuckled bitterly. I scooted close as much as I could and brushed my fingers on her cheek wiping gently the new tears. "But I'm tired of following her steps."
"You don't have to, Santana." I told her softly.
"I want her on my side, Rachel." Santana let out a strangled sob, taking her hands away to bury her face on them. "I want her proud of me"
This was what was eating her inside. Santana wasn't questioning her sexuality, not anymore. This wasn't about that. It was about her mom being proud and she wasn't. It was the situation with her abuela all over again. When the whole coming out happened, I saw the way the whole situation took the light out of Santana's eyes. It saddened her deeply. You could see it in the way she talked and behaved. She wasn't the same anymore. And it was way worse because her mom pretended they were okay when they really weren't. She chose to ignore Santana's pain every time and I knew that was the most damaging situation to be in. That was the worst kind of pain.
I pulled her into my arms and caressed her back. She didn't hug me back, she just cried over my shoulder and I let her. Not saying a word. I knew a lot of words but I doubted there was enough of them to sooth her pain, so I let her cry on my shoulder. I felt a knot in my throat and tears threatening in my eyes every time she would take a sharp intake of breath like she couldn't breathe before sobbing once again.
After a while she calmed down and I tried pulling away but she finally wrapped her arms around me keeping me in place. "Thank you" She whispered in my ear. I nodded giving her a soft 'you're welcome'. She pulled away and wiped her cheeks. "And I'm sorry for being so pathetic. I've done nothing these past few days but practically cry my eyes out to you."
"You're not being pathetic, Santana, you have nothing to be sorry for."
Santana gave me a sweet smile and looked towards the back seat. Gabriel was sleeping peacefully hugging his dolphin. "I'm glad he's asleep"
"Me too" I agreed with a smile and then looked at my phone. It was 9:30 already, my dads were probably worried. "Do you want a few more minutes or do you think you can take me home now?"
"I'm good" Santana said starting the car once again.
Santana could come off like the biggest bitch, a flawless person with no more troubles than looking sexy and hot and doing the splits right so she wouldn't earn suicides from Coach Sylvester. What most of them didn't see was that beneath all of that was the true person. A person with a really sweet and caring heart. A normal girl. A girl that was more than frowns and bitchy comments and the aloof person that pretended not to care about anything or anyone. A girl that was struggling with so much pain while trying to hide it. A girl that was very sweet in my opinion, and who would scoot over and kiss my cheek so gently making my stomach jump in a really mortifying but pleasant way. That same girl I was looking drive away from my front door with a huge smile on my face that I was sure I wasn't going to be able to hide from my daddies.
A/N: There! I've been looking suspiciously at this thing for two days now and I just had to post it or else I would never update anymore. I'm not lying.
Anyway did we lose Rachel or what? I don't know...
Ah! Two more things I wanted to say. One! I appreciate your comments and as you know I love replying to all of them but sadly I can't with the guests ones so this is me saying Hi, thank you for reviewing my fic :) You're precious.
and TWO! I'm thinking about birthdays, I mean, not for the story (maybe) but just in general. I think Rachel's is december 18 right? but what about Santana's or Quinn's or Brittany's. How do you come up with a date. So, if you happen to know, would you let me know?
That's it! Thank you for reading and I'm REALLY hoping you didn't end up looking suspiciously at the chapter like I did.