Grecian firebolt- The act of applying hot sauce to your penis and having anal sex. (Oh boy...)
Sadik had managed to convince Hera to take him back and the two were, once again, happy (ish-like, kind of, maybe) couple. A couple who were sitting on a couch, snuggled up close to each other, a cocoa in one hand, cocks in the other, and a very steamy porno playing... Wait...What? Well... okay. That was so not the fluffy lovey dovey crap I was expecting... Oh well. They weren't yelling at each other or attempting murder, so I guess it's okay.
Anyway they were watching porno, stroking each other, and sipping hot cocoa. They also seem to be doing it a little dangerously. Seriously. Who jacks off while drinking something hot and potentionally dangerous? This is not starting off as a feel good scene... I'm actually a little nervous to continue, but I must, for this is a very important milestone for them (Sadik and Hera) to have reached.
They were, more or less, watching tv together, amiably. Which is a HUGE milestone. Before they would shag endlessly the second the tv was on and use it as a cover up when their nosy friends and/or Hera's brother called to "check up on them." Read cock-block (Hera's brother's intention) or videotape (Sadik's friends' intentions). Now they were actually watching it. Granted, it was to help speed things up so they could get to the endless shagging, but let's not get technical and just enjoy this semi-fluffy moment...
Until the dude on tv attempts something with the other dude on tv that gave Heracles a terrible idea.
"Lay back baby and let me show you the power of a Grecian firebolt!" Terrible actor dude #1 said.
"Show me your firepower, babe! I can take it!" Terrible actor dude #2 replied.
"A Grecian Firebolt...?" Heracles mused, pausing in his stroking to pay closer attention to what was happening in the (very crappy and cheap) video.
Sadik moaned, not in pleasure, but in displeasure, for Hera was no longer fondling his sac. He tried to bring Heracles' attention back to him, but, instead, Hera completely moved his hand, as well as Sadik's, so he could focus entirely as to what the two (terrible) actors were doing.
Heracles watched entranced at the two male actors, before turning suddenly to Sadik with a mischevious gleam in his eyes.
"We're going to try that and we're going to try it now!" He said dead-serious.
"What?! Hell no!" Sadik replied. He got up to go to the bathroom, presumably to finish off where Hera (once again) left him, but Heracles was having none of it.
Before he could react, Sadik found himself being dragged to the stairs by a very determined borfriend. They stopped only once and that was to get the essential item from the kitchen that would certainy end their lives. Sexually.
Onve in the bedroom Sadik was thrown on and tied to the bed.
"Heh heh, hey babe. We aren't really going ta do this are we?!" Sadik asked in fear.
Hos boyfriend just looked at him, his face completely devoid of any emotion. Choosing to ignore his sissy boyfriend, Heracles peeled his and Sadik's pants and boxers off and proceeded to massage and lick Sadik's cock to life. The poor dick, not knowing what it was about to endure, rose to full attention, proudly standing straight, rock-hard, and tall.
When it was as hard as it was going to get, Heracles moved back a little and brought out Death in a bottle. Burn-the-hair-off-your-chest-and-melt-your-innards hot sauce made with the legendary ghost chilli peppers. On the bottle, in bold, it said "WARNING: Do NOT apply directly to mouth, nose, eyes, or any other sensitive areas on the body. Will cause serious damage if too much is used and can cause death if not immediately treated. Use with EXTREME CAUTION."
"Hey! Wait! Wait! Wait!" Sadik all but screamed rapidly. "What are you going to do with that?"
Heracles sighed and shook his head. "In order to make a Grecian Firebolt, we need three things. A Greek," He gestured to himself, "fire," He pointed to the deadly hot sauce, "and a penis, or bolt." He emphasised the bolt by leaning forward and giving Sadik's penis a nice long lick.
"Why can't you be the "bolt"? I'm circumcised! This will very well end my life! "
"I'm circumcised too, you reject. And there's no way in hell I'm putting this on my dick. Besides, I thought you were the "seme" in this relationship?"
Sadik was going to give up his seme-ness gladly, but it was too late. Down the liquid equivalent to Hell went and Sadik could watch in horror as it met its target.
The second Heracles felt like there was enough lubricant, he chucked the bottle away and plunged down onto the hard shaft.
There was a slight delay in which the men actually enjoyed this new form of having anal sex. The sauce acted as a nice lubricant and it was only slightly warm and tingled pleasantly. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be the entire experience.
In a matter of milliseconds, the sauce went from bearable to apocalyptic-inferno of Death!
"Son of a fucking Jesus Christ motherfucking bitch-skank whore of a mother shitter!" Sadik screamed. He swore his penis was literally disintegrating at the horrible onslaught.
Heracles was faring off no better and thought he would forever shit fire through his ass to fuel the flames of Tartarus. Quickly, Hera untied Sadik and got off of his dick. Together, they fled to the showers, turned on the water to freezing and jumped in.
Sadik was practically crying from the pain as he gently placed his frying dick into the water. Heracles had taken the shower head and was shooting a steady stream of ice water up his ass. It couldn't possibly get any worse for them, or so they thought, but it did.
The door to the bathroom slammed open and there stood Gupta, better known as Heracles' older brother. His green eyes, the only resemblance he had to his younger brother, were darkened in rage.
"You! Bastard! What the fuck did you do to my brother?!" He spat as he rushed over to help Heracles.
Sadik didn't even try to argue that he did nothing and that it was all his damn brother's fault and why the fuck is he here? "Go to the kitchen and grab as much milk as ya can and bring it up here!" He snapped instead.
Gupta glared at Sadik and was going to refuse, but one look at his brother had him thinking otherwise and he quickly left. He came back with the milk and, behind him, Sadik's pereverted no-longer-ex best friends, Kiku and Elizaveta. The two stalkers had a bit of blood streaming out of their noses as they carried their jugs of milk. (Haha! Jugs of milk...) Sadik and Hera groaned at their entrance.
"Hera, you come with me, Kiku and Gupta help out Sadik. Kiku, get as many photos as you can!" Elizaveta said, before dragging Heracles out of the bathroom with a rape face. Heracles looked to Sadik and their eyes met. An almost imperceptible nod from Sadik made him feel slightly better and out the door.
Half an hour later, the five of them were downstairs. Sadik was icing his dick, Heracles had no pants or underwear on and had his legs spread in an effort to cool his anus, Gupta was rotating between glaring daggers at Sadik and glaring flaming swords at Kiku and Elizaveta, and the two aforementioned stalkers were positioned right infront of Hera's spread legs, taking as many photos as they can and acting like a bunch of possessed yaoi fangirls. Heracles didn't care. He wasn't ashamed of his body and had resigned himself to his boyfriend's crazy friends' antics. As long as he didn't find the pictures in places they shouldn't be (i.e. The internet, his mothers' hands, Francis' hands) they could do whatever they wanted.
Gupta finally spoke the question that was on his and the stalkers minds. "Ghost chilli peppers? Really?"
Sadik glared at Heracles and he gave him a sheepish look, then groaned as he went to explain what happened.
In the end, Gupta went upstairs and came down a few minutes later with Hera's essentials stuffed in a bag and a pair of loose pants. Breaking Kiku and Elizaveta's cameras and grabbing his brother, after ordering him to put the pants on, he left.
"I don't want you anywhere near that bastard anymore." Sadik heard him say. The door slammed shut before he could hear Heracles' response.
Sadik blinked several times, trying to make sense of what just happened.
"Hmmm. I suggest you run far away, Sadik. I feer rike word of this wirr get to their mothers." Kiku said, holding his precious camera to his chest.
Elizaveta agreed and the three of them quickly gathered Sadik's essentials and took him to their apartment.
Later on that night, two women's screeches could be heard throughout the city.
"He did what to our baby?! He's dead!" And so they went to kill Sadik, who had to remain in hiding for a month. Poor Sadik. The woes of dating a Greek.
~ Fin.
Okay, so normally I have ANs at the beginning, of this story at least, but i felt that it should be at the bottom for this one. I feel that I should strongly discourage anyone from using ghost chilli peppers, whether its the sauce or the actual pepper, unless you are professionally trained or want to die a slow and gruesome death. It is said the these chilli peppers that come from India (which makes sense) are know to be the equivalent of dying a gruesome death when ingested by an amateur. The label above is one I made up, based on true facts, however the real label says this:
WARNING: This hot sauce will make you bleed through the anus.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to crap blood. Especially since , seeing that it kills your anus, the only way it's going to get there (besides inserting it directly) is through the mouth and stomach and I don't even want to think about what might happen then. -.-'
So moral of this rant, DON'T DO GHOST CHILLI PEPPERS OR YOU. WILL. DIE!
Another thing, I absolutely love the idea of overprotective big brother Gupta. A lot. And, yes, those two women mentioned were mama Greece and mama Egypt. In my headcannon, they are so smart and advanced that they figured out lesbopreg and that's how Greece and Egypt came to be. Not through Roman Empire.
Another thing, this AN isn't bold because, since I am doing this from my tablet, it makes it hard to bold lots of words and I amway to lazy to go through the process.
To the person whose name I can't remember, who left a review saying Greece should give Turkey a Grecian firebolt, funny how you seemed to know what the next topic was about. Thank you, for giving me this idea. It's not what you thought of, but I prefer Turkey to be seme, I aslo thought it would be funnier... ish. *shrugs* No se.