Disclaimer: The Show Victorious, its characters and other associated copyrights are property of someone else and not me.

The Last Resort

Chapter 6 – Putting her back together.

Tori's POV

"Jade, you are not a monster." I repeated in a calm soothing voice.

She needed professional help, and bad. But until I could get her there, I needed to be her strength. A burden which I would glady bear.

As I suspected, imaginary Jade remained silent as the real one continued uncontrollably cry in my arms. I would gently rock her while slowly rubbing her back. I just let her cry it out, barely noticing the tears coming from my own eyes.

I had never seen Jade so completely broken and lost. My mom must have heard the sobbing and poked her head in the door with a worried look in her eyes.

"Is she OK?" She mouthed to me.

The simple answer would be, no she's not ok. Not even remotely ok. But I just covertly waived her off and she quietly closed the door. With ever sob, with every painful moan, with every utterance of "I killed her" my heart broke even further. Once upon a time, I deeply resented Krista for taking my place. But seeing the woman I love so distraught at Krista's loss, erased every bit of that resentment. In fact it made me feel bad, for feeling that way at all. I was the one the screwed up, I had no right to be resentful of the person who took my place.

Jade continued to cry, sob and wail for I don't know how long. But eventually her moans and sobbing grew quieter as she fell into an exhausted sleep in my arms. I had guessed she was up most of the night crying and was completely exhausted.

At this point I gently pulled back the covers on my bed and placed her in it. I wanted to slip myself in bed with her, to comfort her and feel her close to me again. But I would just be wrong, not to mention disrespectful to Krista. I wanted Jade, but not like this. So I pulled off her boots, pulled the covers over her sleeping form and let her sleep. I placed I kiss on her forehead and quietly left the room.

Outside the room I leaned up against the wall and tried to think. Try and fathom the horror and tragedy of the whole situation.

"Is Jade Ok?" My mom said softly as she came from downstairs. "She must have been crying for an hour."

I rubbed my face with my hands. "My god. She is so broken, so guilt ridden."

"She came here and said she needed to speak with you. Normally I would tell her no as you were asleep, but this was different. She looked like she barely slept a wink."

"I'll bet she didn't she cried herself to sleep in my arms. She's sleeping in my bed right now."

"Did something happen in there?" My mom asked.

"Long story short, she picked the route home that she took in an impulse to see how their new car would handle on twisty turn type roads. She also wanted to see how it handled in the rain. She feels totally responsible for Krista's death. It was still an accident though." I didn't mention the fact that Jade had been teasing Krista only moments before her death, no one needed to know that.

My mom gasped but before she could say anything. "Could you do me a favor. I need to take quick shower, could you watch over her for me. I don't want her to be alone."

My mom nodded and I headed into the shower, being as quick about it as possible. Heading back into my room I found my mom sitting next to my bed.

"She's still asleep." My mom whispered. "Is there anything you need?"

I thought for a moment. "Yes, big favor please. Go to Jetbrew, get me a large coffee; Columbian dark with 1 cream and 2 sugars. If they have any raspberry Danish left than get one of those."

My mom gave me a puzzled look.

"Mom, that's her favorite coffee and what she loves to eat in the morning. I think it will make her feel a bit better. You don't need to rush."

My mom quickly nodded and left the room. Alone, I threw on some clothes and parked myself in the chair next to the bed. Like that one night so long ago, she looked so peaceful and quiet. Off all the things I wanted to do or say at that moment, I simply held her hand. It's not what I need or what we need, it's what she needs.

I sat there watching over her for almost an hour when my mom showed up with the coffee and Danish. She put them on the nightstand and left. Soon the room was filled with the crisp smell of coffee. Soon Jade quickly started to stir and within minutes her eyes quickly flitted open.

I let go of her hand and gave her a pleasant smile. "You can keep sleeping if you want, but I got you some coffee and a Danish. I'm guessing you haven't eaten or drank anything this morning."

Still looking a bit drained and very heartbroken, she slowly reached over for the cup and pulled it to her lips. After a second to smell it she wordlessly took a large drink. She put down the cup and took a large bite from the Danish.

"You remembered what I like." Jade said with a weak smile, which quickly faded.

"Just eat and drink, Jade. It will help you."

Jade took another drink and sighed. Before she could speak I asked. "Tell me about Krista. I only met her that one time and I can't say I know really anything about her. Usually when Cat or Andre would bring her up, I'd quickly change the subject."

Jade remained quiet for a moment than began to speak. "She loved Music, she was a lot like you in that respect. But she was more of a classical music lover. She would practice for hours. I'd be at the computer in the living room and listen to the music drift through the wall. Sometimes she would record her practice sessions and listen to them. So she could pick out the parts that she was making mistakes on. I loved listening to her play. I never thought I'd like classical music but she just pulled me in."

"That's nice. Perhaps I could listen to one of those practice recordings. I'd very much like to hear her play." I heard she was very talented. Though she's gone, I could least get to know her music.

"Just as long as you return them. I loved her smile, it always made me feel good. The fact that I was constantly crabby and bitchy never phased her, not once. She just ignored my bad moods and acted as if everything was alright. Don't get me wrong, she could get mad. Like when I would interrupt her practicing. She hated that."

For an instant Jade smiled again. "She loved Christmas. But she wouldn't open any presents until Christmas morning. Our family would always open them Christmas eve. We had a huge fight our first Christmas together over when we would open presents."

"I'm sorry."

Jade let out a small laugh. "Don't be, we had some fantastic Christmas make up sex afterward."

I think Jade could see the look of slight discomfort in my eyes as she said it as she immediately apologized. "I'm sorry."

I waved my hand in front of me. "No, don't be. Please continue. But I'll bet she won the fight, didn't she?"

Jade nodded. "Yes she did. She could be feisty. As I said she would ignore my bad moods and be cheerful, but if I backed her into a corner she wouldn't back down. Her family had money and she was used to dealing with upper class people. Her manners were impeccable, when the situation called for it. My mother loved her, but Krista knew my mother was a phony the second she laid eyes on her. She would laugh at my mom's pathetic attempts to impress her parents and their rich friends. My mom kept trying to worm her way into their social circle."

Even thought it was painful for me to hear about Jade's life with Krista, I kept listening. It seemed to help Jade a bit, especially when she talked of happy times. But I kept listening for what seemed like hours. Any pain or discomfort I felt, I took as penance for my own sin. Eventually I grew to know Krista very well; a kind talented girl who loved Italian food, watching the morning sunrise, playing music and of course was madly in love with Jade. I don't doubt, had she lived, they would have lived happily ever after.

After telling me a funny story about how Krista had a horrible habit of hogging all the blankets, Jade looked at me with a tear running down her face. "How do I live without her, How do I live with this guilt?

Hearing that causes me to pause for a moment, as I once asked myself those very same questions after my breakup with Jade. Eventually, I said. "It's a cliché but you take it one day at a time. If that's too hard, than one hour, one minute or one second at a time. What ever you can handle."

Jade must have recognized the sad far off tone of my voice as she quickly remarked.

"Oh….You…had."

"Nevermind me. Just take it as much as you can handle. One thing that may help is to do things to atone for you sin. For example, did Krista have a favorite charity?"

Jade appeared to think for a moment. "Yes, there was this one she supported. They raised money to buy musical instruments needed in high schools. Lots of budgets are being cut and the music program is normally one of the first to go."

I pointed at her. "There you go. It sounds like you acting career was beginning to take off. You've had several movie and TV roles already Cat tells me. You can be in a position to raise lots of money and awareness for this charity. If this was Krista's cause, then you should champion it. Where ever she is, she will see you are trying to make up for what you did."

Jade nodded. "That's a good idea, Vega."

I paused again and collected my thoughts. I had no idea how she would react but I needed to say it.

"Jade, I'm more than willing to help you and can stay if you like. But I do think you need serious professional help. You're extremely depressed, severely guilt ridden and emotionally distraught. I think you really should check yourself into…" I began to say before Jade finished my sentence.

"A psych ward?"

I leaned forward and looked Jade straight in the eyes. "You need to get a handle on this Jade. I've heard that Mercy Hospital has a nice facility. Please. Look, you know her. What would Krista want?"

"Now you're trying to stick me in the loony bin." Imaginary Jade said, breaking her silence.

Jade sat there quietly thinking for several minutes. I half expected her to blow up and storm out. Instead she just sighed. "She wouldn't want me like this. You're right." She said with a note of resignation.

"You've made the right decision Jade. I'm proud of you."

"I killed my girlfriend, no one should be proud of me." Jade said bitterly.

"Stop that!" I said quickly in response.

Jade remained quiet for at least 10 more minutes. Finally she got off the bed and looked at me. "Could you take me to Krista now. I need to see her."

I knew she would want to see the grave eventually, but I was worried if she's ready for this. "Are you sure you can handle it."

"I need to see her. But just stay nearby, OK." Jade said with a shaky voice.

"Ok then, Let's go."

Well Jade is on the road to healing with Tori's help. But facing Krista's grave will be a true test for Jade.