For some, the last summer before their senior year of high school means the last opportunity to change things, maybe who they were, or who they wanted to be. For others, it meant no change, because they still didn't even know who they were, or who they wanted to be. Regardless of what it meant for each person, change or no change, for most people, it meant the very last chance for them to do whatever it is they needed to do before their lives changed forever.
For Santana Lopez, the last summer before her senior year meant spending time with the girl she loved. It meant a last chance to be with Brittany Pierce before their lives probably took separate paths. It meant trying to figure out what was more important: the talks and the looks, or being with the girl who made her happier than anyone in the world.
For Quinn Fabray, it meant coming to terms with and finally being honest about every part of herself she'd kept buried for nearly her entire life. It meant trying to erase three years of wrong she'd done to Rachel Berry. It meant building a friendship with her so she could one day be able to tell her how she really felt (and show her that they were perfect for each other).
It was after school on the first day back from the last summer before most of the members of the William McKinley High School glee club's senior year. The campus was nearly deserted apart from the Cheerios practicing on the football field while Sue yelled at them through her bullhorn, and also the 13 members of the glee club in the choir room, waiting for Mr. Schuester.
"Okay," Mr. Schue said as he walked in the door of the classroom, and set his bag down on the chair next to the piano. He walked over to write on the dry erase board. "For the first assignment of this year, you'll have two weeks instead of one. It's a bit more challenging, so I think the extra time with be necessary."
"Uh, Mr. Schue," Finn started, a confused look on his face, "What are 'Double Duets'?"
Brittany absentmindedly replied. "That's two blankets, right?"
Santana smiled at Brittany who was sitting a few seats down from her in the second row. Brittany gave one back.
Mr. Schuester walked away from the dry erase board to stand in the center of the room. Waving the marker, gesturing towards Brittany, he shook his head. "So close again, Brittany. So close. But no." He put the marker down to hold between his hands. "Double duets are when two people sing a song to two other people. The first two people pick a song that applies to the second two people. Each pair has already been picked, but who each pair is singing to will be chosen by fate."
"Fate again, Mr. Schuester?" Rachel laughed.
Santana looked down to where Rachel was sitting in the front row. "Yeah, Berry. Who are you gonna all Suzy Pepper on this time?"
Rachel rolled her eyes and tapped her pen on the open notebook she had laying on her crossed legs. "That's old news, Santana."
Mr. Schuester gave a nervous laugh. "Yes, old news. And I'm not going to be involved in the assignment this time. Now, onto the pairs. Brittany with Rachel."
"Oh no! Berry's going to fall for Britt! Just like she did you! Mr. Schue, you have to change it!" Santana nearly jumped out of her seat as she said it.
Puck looked down to her from where he was sitting in the back row, "Getting a little defensive about your 'best friend', aren't you San?"
"No, Berry's crazy!" She said, turning around to look at him.
Rachel turned her head, though didn't shift in her seat to look directly at Santana. "While I can appreciate your concern given my past actions and would be open to a relationship with a female should the right one come along, I am in no way attracted to Brittany."
"Rachel, did you just say you were gay?" Finn asked from a few seats down from her.
Rachel whipped around in response to his question, and with clear annoyance in her voice, answered. "No, Finn. I was merely stating that I wasn't confined to the terms of heterosexuality. My two gay dads raised me in a very open and loving environment. Why would I ever want to cut off the potential to love or be loved because of one's gender?"
Quinn cleared her throat, and putting on her best HBIC tone on, cut in, "Can we just get on with it?"
Rachel turned to look at her, sadness in her eyes as Mr. Schuester continued. "Yes we can. Tina with Mercedes."
"Sweet!" Tina said as she jumped in her seat, high-fiving Mercedes.
Mercedes smiled wide. "This is going to be great!"
Mr. Schuester watched the exchange, smiling. "Glad you girls are happy. Next pairing is Puck with Lauren."
"Awesome, Puckerman, awesome," Lauren said from where she was sitting next to Puck, as she fist-bumped him.
Kurt, sitting a chair away from Rachel to the right, raised his hand slightly, and began, "Mr. Schue, if I may ask, how did you come up with our pairings?"
"Well, I had a little helper," he replied.
Sam, who was sitting next to Mercedes, asked, "So, why did Miss Pillsbury pick these pairs so far?"
"Uh…what makes you think it was Miss Pillsbury?" He awkwardly laughed as he ran his hand over his hair.
"Please, Mr. Schue. You two are so obvious, it's cute," Mercedes said.
Talking quickly, as to continue on with the assignment rather than talk more about this, he responded. "As a guidance counselor, I suppose she thought the pairings were appropriate. Next we have…Santana with…Quinn."
Quinn couldn't hide that she was slightly taken aback. She raised her eyebrows, and then scrunched them. "Me and Santana? Rachel and Brittany? I want to know why, Mr. Schue."
"You'll have to ask Miss Pillsbury, but there's no switching," he once again answered quickly, moving on.
"I wasn't…I just…" Quinn looked at Rachel as she spoke, her voicing fading out, and looked away quickly when she saw Rachel turning around to look back at her.
"We're gonna kill this, Fabray," Santana said, leaning over the empty seat between them.
Quinn glanced sideways towards Santana, took a deep breath, and with her eyebrow raised, said, "Right."
Mr. Schuester clapped his hands together. "Okay, for this next pair, since we have an odd number, Blaine Anderson has volunteered to join us. He'll be with Kurt." Kurt smiled big and sighed, as Blaine made his way into the classroom.
"I like a dramatic entrance. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to sing with Kurt, Mr. Schuester," Blaine said as he took the seat in between Kurt and Rachel.
"Thank you for making our numbers even!" He said as watched Blaine sit down.
Mike, who had been silent as usual, spoke up from the back row where he was next to Tina. "Uh, Mr. Schue, why didn't you just pair Kurt with one of the other guys? Since, I don't sing, I'm not going to be a very good duet partner to whoever you have me with."
"Mike!" Tina said, lightly slapping his arm, and nodding towards Blaine.
Mike looked down to where Blaine sat, speaking to the back of Blaine's head. "Oh, I'm happy you're here, Blaine, I'm just concerned for my partner."
Blaine turned around and waved him off. "Oh, it's fine. I didn't take it that way at all." He gave Mike a nod and smile before turning back around to face forward.
Mr. Schuester finally answered his question. "Mike, it wouldn't have been fair to exclude you. You're partners with Sam."
Santana tilted her head, and smiled. She leaned back in her chair to speak towards Mike and Sam. "There you go, Mike. Sam's ginormous trap will make up for you not being able to sing. Problem solved."
"I thought I told you to stop with the mouth comments, Santana," Sam responded, not having looked at her when she was talking.
She leaned forward this time, around Quinn to look at him, and shrugged. "Like I listen. I'm just keepin' it real."
Mr. Schuester cleared his throat. "That leaves Artie with Finn."
Artie, who was actually wheeled right next to Finn, turned to high-five him, but was ignored. He quickly dropped his hand, and pretended it never happened.
Sam saw, and drew attention to himself by asking, "Who is going to go first to pick who they're singing to?"
Mr. Schuester walked over to the piano where one of the black hats they wore when they performed 'Toxic' sat, and picked up a clipboard. "We'll go in the order I have written down. Oh, and I almost got you all in the right order this first time. Rachel and Brittany, you go first."
Rachel stood up from her seat and set her notebook down on the chair, smoothed out her skirt, turned to wait for Brittany to walk down a step, and the two walked over to the piano.
Reaching the piano, Rachel turned to face Brittany. "Do you want to pull a name or shall I?"
"The duck in the hat might bite. You can go, Rachel," Brittany's eyes moving between Rachel and the hat.
"Very well." She reached in and pulled out the slip of paper. With both hands, she slowly opened it. When she saw the names that were written, her face suddenly became very rigid. She turned to face Mr. Schuester, and through gritted teeth, she said, "Artie….and Finn".
Rachel set the paper down and turned back to her seat, she shot Finn a death glare. Brittany shot a quick look at Artie, who looked away when she made eye contact with him. She then looked towards Santana as she sat down next to her, and Santana smiled like she was up to no good.
Mr. Schuester laughed as he looked up from writing down the pairing. "Alright. Brittany and Rachel sing to Artie and Finn. Fate is being funny today."
Rachel was sitting, with her right leg crossed over her left, her right foot shaking back and forth, showing her irritation. "There is nothing funny about it, Mr. Schuester."
"Well, I'm sorry, Rachel. There is no switching here, either," he said, looking down at his paper.
"I know what song you and Britt can sing, Berry," Santana offered, leaning towards Rachel to speak directly towards her.
"Ah, yes," Mr. Schuester cut in, looking up. "This reminds me, you're able to help each other out. But I'd like it to be a surprise for the pair you're singing to."
Rachel turned around slightly in her seat to address Santana once Mr. Schuester had finished. "I have a few in mind, but I am willing to hear your suggestion later."
Santana leaned forward slightly more, and matter-of-factly replied. "Mine will be what you go with."
Before Rachel could retort, Mr. Schue continued on. "Next up are Mercedes and Tina."
Once the two girls got up from their seats and walked up to the piano, Tina gestured towards the hat for Mercedes to pull a name. Mercedes opened up the paper and beamed. "Sam and Mike."
Tina quickly went back to her seat, put her arms around Mike's neck and kissed him. Mercedes went back to her seat and smiled at Sam as she sat down. He smiled back and winked.
After Mr. Schuester wrote their pairing down, he called out. "Next we have Lauren and Puck."
The duo made their way down the stairs and over to the piano. Lauren got there first, reached in and grabbed a piece of paper from the hat without hesitation. She looked down at the names on the paper and handed it to Puck as she turned around to look in the direction of who they'd be singing to. She smiled, lifting her eyebrows at them. Puck read aloud, "Kurt and Blaine."
He set the paper down and walked back to his seat following Lauren. He spoke to the both of them as he walked up the stairs. "I've had a song I've wanted to sing you two, so right on."
Blaine smiled at him as he sat down. "That's very nice of you; we look forward to hearing it."
Kurt nodded once in agreement and chuckled. "Yes, we're very interested in what you have in store for us."
Mr. Schuester looked up when he was done writing the pairing. "Glad you're happy, Puck. Next up, Quinn and Santana."
Quinn got up and slowly put her notebooks down that she had on her lap, she looked up to see Santana standing next to her looking impatient. "Don't have all day, Fabray."
"I was just…" She said softly as she stood up.
"Doesn't matter. Who's picking? You or me?" Santana asked as she began walking down the step.
Quinn had a nervous look on her face as she followed Santana. Once she got up to the piano to meet her, Quinn turned to send a quick glance at Rachel and then she looked back to Santana. "You can pick."
As Santana reached into the hat to pull out a piece of paper, Quinn subconsciously closed her eyes. Santana had a slip of paper in her hand now, and when she saw what Quinn was doing, she asked, "You all right, Q?"
Quinn obviously hadn't realized what she was doing and quickly snapped her eyes open. "Oh, uh, yeah."
Quinn shifted her head down and her eyes went towards Rachel. Santana was the only one who would be able to see, and she understood right away. She gave Quinn a look of sympathy only she could see, as she remembered a conversation they'd had over the summer.
Ever since Quinn's breakdown in New York, Santana had tried to make a point to be there for Quinn. Santana cared about people more than she liked to admit, and just like Quinn, being a bitch was protection for her. Figuring out her own feelings about Brittany and attraction to girls in general was making her less angry, but she was still hurting. She could, hell anybody could, tell that Quinn was hurting too. But Santana and her fellow ex-Cheerio had a lot in common, and she was determined to help Quinn and in turn, hopefully help herself.
Quinn and Santana were sitting in the middle of the blonde's living room floor, across from each other, picking over the remains of a mini tray of celery and carrots. Quinn's mom was still at work, and they'd just finished 'But I'm A Cheerleader'. It was Santana's choice. She had a plan, but Quinn blew it to smithereens with what she said as she brushed off her hands over the tray. "Santana...I know how-" She brought her hands down in her lap, and finished her sentence quietly. "I know how you feel…about Brittany."
Santana had been watching her grow nervous as she spoke, and when Quinn was done, looked away towards the TV watching the menu of the movie. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"But it's okay, Santana. I'm trying to tell you that. Everyone will accept you, at least everyone in Glee. We're a family, remember?" The sincerity in Quinn's voice made Santana's insides twist.
"Stop it, Q," she continued to pretend to stare at the TV, not even really focused on anything.
Quinn's tone turned harder. "No, don't you shut me out. I'm trying to be your friend."
Santana turned her head back to face Quinn. "I don't want your friendship; I want you to let this Brittany thing go."
Quinn was not having it. "I won't, whether you want to be friends with me or not. I won't let you go on like you are."
"Why not?" Santana asked, shrugging her shoulders. "We don't like each other. We haven't had a real friend moment all year until New York."
"That's why we're here right now. Because you were there for me when I needed it, and I'm going to be here when you need it." Santana's insides once again felt like they were in knots as Quinn's tone returned to sympathetic.
Santana turned on the defensive, crossing her arms, and turning to look anywhere but at Quinn. Santana didn't understand why she could feel tears in her eyes. She hated this. Feeling so much and she hated that she wanted to talk to Quinn. The plan was to get Quinn to talk, not the other way around. She couldn't let her in this much. She had too much to lose. "Well, I don't need it. Thanks anyway."
"Please talk to me," Quinn spoke softly.
She turned her head back quickly. "I don't want to talk to you!"
Santana felt the tears flow over her eyes. She watched Quinn's eyes follow the tears as the slowly rolled down her cheeks, and after a moment, Quinn sighed. "Do you love her, San?"
"Please don't," Santana's voice cracked, but she remained watching Quinn, pleading in her eyes.
Quinn waited for a moment before continuing on. Santana knew she would keep on. Quinn cared. "Have you talked to her about how you feel? I know you sang that song with Ms. Holiday, but have you talked to her?"
Santana looked down to the floor to the right of Quinn. She mumbled, "Yes."
Quinn shifted how she was sitting. "How much does Brittany know about how you feel?"
She closed her eyes, and answered in barely a whisper, "Everything."
"That's good then, right?" Quinn asked, the smallest smile on her face.
Santana shook her head. "No. It's like we haven't moved at all."
"Maybe you need to make a grand gesture. Make her see how serious you are and how much you love her," Quinn shrugged her shoulders as she made the suggestion.
Santana was silent for a moment. She wiped the last tears that had fallen with both of her hands. She looked straight at Quinn. She knew Quinn could tell what she'd said had made Santana angry. She responded in a way that she knew would get Quinn angry right back. She was going to do what she originally set out to do before Quinn blindsided her, because she couldn't take much more of this. She needed Quinn's focus elsewhere. Her voice was loud and shaking. "A grand gesture? Do you have any idea what that would do to me? I'm barely hanging on as it is." She lowered her voice slightly. "I'll do that the moment you admit you're in love with Rachel Berry."
Santana's statement did exactly what she'd meant it to. Quinn looked at Santana, shock written on her face, and loudly demanded, "WHAT?"
Santana, aware that she had the upper hand again, responded. "You heard me."
Quinn shook her head, and forced a laugh. "Oh, I heard you. You're crazy."
"No, I'm not. I have good gaydar. Plus, you kind of scream it anyway," Santana said as she waved her hand towards Quinn.
"I'm not gay, Santana," Quinn said firmly, trying to not sound defensive.
Santana kept on. "Q. You know you are."
"I am not," she responded, her voice a little higher pitched.
Santana shrugged. "Fine. But you've got it bad for Berry."
Santana saw Quinn's face change when Santana brought Rachel up again. There was anger in Quinn's voice when she responded. "Keep her out of this."
Santana pushed a little harder. "Why? Because I'm right? You are gay, Fabray, and you love Berry."
"I said, LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!" Quinn yelled as she quickly stood up, tears now streaming down her face as she ran towards the bathroom.
"Why are you being so defensive if I'm wrong?" Santana yelled after her as she stood up and followed her.
Two feet away from the bathroom, Quinn slammed the door in Santana's face. "You can leave now, S! Leave with your gaydar and your Brittany/not Brittany feelings! Leave me alone!"
Santana leaned against the door with her right shoulder. "I'm not leaving, Q."
"Get out of my house, Santana," Quinn called through the door.
"No," Santana said flatly.
She heard Quinn slide down the door to sit on the floor. "Fine. But get away from this door."
Santana decided to quietly sit down against the wall to the right of the door. She sat for a while thinking about what she was going to do. She wanted to confide in someone, but that meant making herself vulnerable. Quinn was really the only one she could confide in other than Brittany, who she couldn't exactly talk to about this, since she was involved. She had Karofsky too, but that wasn't going to happen.
And despite having just been the one to make Quinn go lock herself in the bathroom, Santana wanted Quinn to be happy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her happy, and didn't know if she ever truly had. She knew she was right about this, and she knew that if Quinn would just admit it to herself, she could be happier. That's what was happening with her. Kind of. She'd be happier when she was with Britt.
Hearing Quinn quietly crying on the other side of the door brought Santana back to her original thought and following through with what she'd planned to do today in the first place. She turned her head slightly towards the door. "You're right, you know."
"I said go away, Santana."
She sighed, and rolled her eyes. "And I'm saying I don't care."
"Fine. But don't talk to me."
"Right," Santana turned to sit so she was leaning against the wall with her shoulder, facing towards the door. "That's not gonna happen. I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. Then you're going to talk and I'm going to listen."
"No, that's not going to happen."
"Okay, I'm starting now," Santana leaned her head against the wall, looking up towards the ceiling, thinking of Brittany for a few moments, waiting for Quinn to object. When she didn't, she continued. "I like the way she makes me feel. Not the 'I get butterflies every time she looks in my direction' kind of feel, but how she really makes me feel. It was her who made me finally be honest about it. We'd just- she's the one who said what we were doing was better with feelings."
"Feelings do nothing but get you hurt in the end."
She moved her head away from the wall, and looked at the door. "I think that sometimes, but B gives me hope that I'm wrong."
Santana heard Quinn's head hit up against the wood of the door. "Who are you anymore and why do you even care?"
She sighed. "Because we're in the same position, Q."
"Not really, no."
"Why? I'm gay and in love with Brittany, but can't be with her. You're gay and in love with Berry, but can't be with her," she said it more flippantly than she meant to.
"Santana. Stop bringing her into this."
Santana heard the sadness in her voice, but she just wanted Quinn to say it. To admit it, not just to Santana but to herself. "Tell me why."
Quinn didn't say anything but Santana heard her crying again. "Okay. Then tell me this. Why should I be open about who I am when you aren't?"
Quinn sniffled before answering. "I- I just can't."
Santana softly shook her head, even though Quinn couldn't see. "But I can?"
"You're a lot stronger than me, S."
She leaned her head back against the wall, and closed her eyes. "No, I'm not. Look at all you've been through," She paused for a moment when she thought about what she sounded like. "Q, you're making me soft."
Quinn let out a slight almost forced laugh.
Santana waited an instance before she asked her next question. "Quinn, how long have you known?"
She heard Quinn take a deep breath and breathe out heavily before she answered. "I haven't…I haven't been sure I'm completely…that. But I've loved Rachel ever since the day I first saw her."
Santana didn't say anything for a moment. She just smiled to herself at Quinn's admittance. Not because she had been right or because she knew for sure she wasn't alone now, but because this was the first time in a long time Quinn was honest about her feelings at all, not even just about this, and didn't hide them.
"San?"
"I'm here," Santana softly said.
"I-" Quinn hesitated before continuing. "I've already lost almost everything. If I...were to admit this, I'll lose what little I have left."
Santana thought about this answer before. This was part of the plan after all, getting her to talk about all of this. "And if you don't you'll continue to be miserable for the rest of your life."
Quinn laughed, and not out of amusement.
"What?" Santana asked, not understanding.
"I'll be miserable either way. This way is easier."
"Why?" She knew the answer already. "Because this way you'll never know if Rachel loves you back?"
Quinn didn't reply, though Santana didn't expect her to, and they sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Just when Santana almost couldn't wait any longer, she heard the door unlock and slide open next to her. She watched as Quinn crawled out of the bathroom, her eyes red and her make up smeared.
"Rachel could never love me, San." She barely got through the sentence when Santana opened her arms and Quinn collapsed into them sobbing.
Santana stroked Quinn's hair and rubbed her back as she allowed Quinn to let it all out. She decided it was best not to say anything to Quinn's comment. Now wasn't the time, and she knew there was a lot more to Quinn's crying right now than just that statement.
After a time, Quinn's sobs finally let up. Santana didn't even notice she had been crying too. "Damn you, Q, making me cry." She brushed her hands lightly over her cheeks to rid them of the few tears that had fallen. "Only Britt is allowed to do that."
Quinn sat up sniffled, and wiped her face with the back of her hands. "I'm sorry about that."
Santana smiled at her. "You're not. It's cool. I'll get you back."
"Oh really?" Quinn looked at Santana and smiled back.
She nodded. "Yeah. Some way."
"How did this even happen? I was supposed to be helping you." She was still trying to wipe every trace of tears from her face.
"You were trying to take the focus off yourself. We're a lot alike in that way, too, I guess. Here, you're kind of failing." Santana reached over and wiped under Quinn's eyes with her thumbs. "All better."
She smiled and asked, curiously, "Why do you not have anything to say about it being Rachel?"
Santana was sympathetic with her answer. "Because I know how you feel. To have what you want right in front of you and not be able to do a thing about it out of fear." She frowned slightly at Quinn, who she could tell didn't like her answer, so she tried to lighten the mood a bit, and softly bumped into Quinn. "Though I do not understand for the life of me why Berry."
"I-" Quinn began, but Santana cut her off by putting her hand out in front of her.
Santana put her head down, closing her eyes. "No. I don't need to know why." She brought her hand to her chest, and opened her eyes back up to turn to look at Quinn. "Please don't torture me with all the reasons you love the most annoying girl I've ever met."
"It's charming." Quinn blushed, and lifted her shoulders slightly as she said it.
"I'm trying to help you, Q. Don't gag me," Santana reacted with feigned disgust, pushing her hand further against her chest.
Quinn laughed lightly and softly shook her head. She looked down at her hands in her lap. "We're quite the pair."
Santana dropped her hand down. She raised her eyebrows and slowly nodded in agreement. "That we are, Q. That we are."
