A/N: I suppose that these are more like vignettes, as they really are mostly one scene at a time. And while each part of the story does seem to take some time to get out, I do plan on skipping periods of time, otherwise this story could end up an untold number of chapters. {grin} Bear with me, I'm still feeling my way around writing a story, let alone a story as intricate as this. I know that several of the recent chapters have mainly been from Elizabeth's POV, I can explain, when I first started this story, it was originally going to be told from mainly her POV. Before I started posting, though, I decided to change a few things (like Jason was the one with the memories instead of Elizabeth), so a lot of these scenes from her POV are from the original story. It will change as I get beyond what I had originally written and into the newer stuff. Yes, Elizabeth is spending a LOT of time worrying about how Lucky is going to handle hearing the truth. But, let's face it, how many months and months did GH spend on that very subject? We all know how volatile Spencer can be, so I can't say that she would be wrong in worrying. Anyway, the Lucky reveal is coming soon – there are a couple of other things to get to between now and then. Hope that clears some things up! Now, on with the show!
Chapter Eighteen
"Cam's asleep," Jason said, as he stepped off the staircase. Walking around the couch, he sat down facing Elizabeth.
"How many stories did he get you to read to him?" she giggled.
"Two. Then I pulled out my travel guide on Italy and read a chapter to him before he was ready to go to sleep."
"Mmmmmm…..who knew travel guides could be a substitute for bedtime stories?" she smirked, looking up at him.
"Well, I'm pretty sure it's not the book itself, but just hearing someone talking that gets the job done." Picking up one of Elizabeth's hands, he threads their fingers together. "So, you wanna tell me what you were thinking about so hard before?"
Shrugging her shoulders, "I was mainly thinking about how much things have changed. And, I'm still nervous about telling Lucky that this baby isn't his. I know he pinned his entire recovery process on being a father to a child that he didn't even know there was a possibility might not be his. I'm just not sure how he's going to react. He's only been out of rehab for a couple of weeks, and I can't decide if I should tell him in public or in private."
"Do you want me to go with you to tell him?"
"Yes and no." Looking up at Jason, she sees the questions in his eyes, "No, because I don't think he will hear anything I have to say if you are there with me. As soon as I tell him the baby's not his, if you are there, he's going to know it's yours, and he won't listen to anything I have to say. Yes, because I'd love to have your support when I tell him. I know he's going to be angry either way, and that's my own fault for not telling him about the night of the blackout."
"You had your reasons for not telling him. You didn't know that you were pregnant after that night. You didn't know that the baby would be mine. I would prefer to go with you. Lucky's gotten pretty angry and irrational; you've gotten hurt because of his anger. I don't want to risk something happening to you if he can't control himself."
"I would love to be able to say that Lucky would never hurt me, now that he's not using, but I'm not entirely sure that would be true. He's been so insanely jealous of you since he was returned from Helena, I just don't know if I can trust him anymore," she sighed, sadly. "I want to believe that he would never hurt me, physically, but I know that he's going to be angry enough to want to at least hurt me emotionally. He has every right to hate me for not being honest with him."
"No, he doesn't. Yes, he can be angry that you didn't tell him about our night together, that he didn't know it was a possibility he wasn't the father. But, it's not like you are planning on letting him continue to believe this baby is his. Maybe if you continued to lie to him for months or years, let him think that he was the baby's father, then he would have that right. You're not doing that, you only found out that you're carrying my child a little while ago, and he did just get out of rehab. You let him concentrate on having time with Laura while she was cognizant of the things going on around her. You aren't going to lie to him now; you are going to be honest with him."
"Wouldn't you hate me, if I lied to you, even if it was by omission?"
"I don't think I could ever hate you, Elizabeth. I might not understand why you lied to me, or didn't tell me something important. But, I'd like to think that I would listen to you and try to understand."
"That's the difference between you and Lucky. You would actually listen to me, then knowing you, try to make it your fault that I lied. Lucky is just going to be hurt and angry and want to blame me for everything. He won't want to hear anything after I tell him I slept with you and this is your child." She leaned back and rested her head against the back of the couch. "I want to tell Emily, maybe ask for her advice, since Lucky is one of her oldest friends. I mean, if you're okay with that. And if she's not too mad that I slept with her brother and got knocked up, that is."
"Yeah, we should tell Emily. I just don't know if I want the Quartermaine's to know. Edward has been trying to get me back in the family fold for years, and he will just see this as a way to try and drag me back. I don't want our child to be used that way. And you didn't get knocked up, we made love and you're pregnant with my baby."
Thinking back to Alan's death after the MetroCourt crisis, Jason is hoping to mend his relationship with his father before Alan dies in a few months, unless he can find a way to prevent it. Running his free hand down his face, he looks at his beautiful girl, "Although, I've been thinking a lot about how I've treated Alan in the past, how I'm always pushing him away. It makes me wonder what I would do, how I would react if this child didn't know who I am. I guess I've been wondering if I've been too hard on my father."
"From what you told me, Monica and Alan had a very hard time accepting that you weren't Jason Quartermaine anymore. I can understand how angry that had to make you feel, since you weren't that person when you woke. You didn't remember who you were, who they were, and you've told me how they pushed and pushed until you finally pushed back and walked away. I know you felt justified, at least back then, for running away from your family. I've seen how they react to Jason Morgan, and know that they sometimes don't seem to accept the fact that Jason Quartermaine is gone forever. But," she paused, trying to collect her thoughts, "what happens when there's no more time to make things, maybe not right, but maybe, better between you. How do you think you would feel if one of them was gone tomorrow and there was no chance to make a change with them?"
Thinking that she had maybe seen or heard something at the hospital, maybe something wrong with one of his….parents, "Is there something wrong? Is one of them sick or something? What aren't you telling me, Elizabeth?"
"No, Jason, I don't think there's anything physically wrong with either of your parents. I mean, I haven't heard anyone say anything that leads me to believe one of them is sick or anything. I was just thinking that we never know what's going to happen in the future, and I'd hate for you to miss out on reconnecting with them if something did happen," she told him, slightly confused over his worry.
Wanting to table the discussion of the Quartermaine's for now, "Let's worry about that later. I think we've got enough on our plates without adding my estranged and rather dysfunctional family right now. Was there something else bothering you, or was it just Lucky and his reaction?" he asked, almost as if he knew there was more to her earlier thoughts than she had admitted to.
"What are you going to do about her?" she asked, grudgingly.
"Who, Sam?" amused by the fact that she rarely said her name, unless forced into it. It was always she or her and always through gritted teeth.
Rolling her eyes before looking at him, "Yes, that's who I meant."
"Now that I'm officially back in town, I called her and told her I wanted to see her."
"Mmmmmm…and what are you planning on telling her?"
"The truth. That this baby is mine, she and I are done, have been done for quite a while now, and you and I are seeing where our relationship may take us."
"Do you really think it's necessary to tell her about us? Does she really need to know that?"
"I think it would help her to move on, yes. I don't think it's a good idea for her to wait around thinking or wondering if I'm going to come back to her. I think, even if this baby wasn't mine, I need to be honest with her and tell her that I can't let go of what she did that night. Besides, she needs to try to work on her relationship with Alexis. And she needs to focus on her sisters."
"I guess I'm wondering if she's going to try to undermine us. What if she thinks that she is 'saving' you from the likes of me, knowing how much you love her, and I'm just playing you to get a daddy for my two kids?"
"I don't need saving from you, remember, you are the one that always saves me," he smirked.
"Sorry, I just don't want her to cause trouble. And I meant what I said the other day, if you really want to make a go with her, I won't stand in your way."
"What if I want you to stand in my way? What if I want to stand in your way if Lucky wants you back?"
Eyebrows raised at the prospect of Jason actually putting it out there, even a little bit, made the hope in her flare anew. "You would?"
"Unless it's what you really want, Elizabeth. Do you? Do you want for Lucky to be okay with raising my child with you? Would you rather be with him?" he asked, fear creeping into his eyes.
Seeing the fear that she would, once again, choose Lucky over him, broke her heart in two. "No," she whispered. "No, that's not what I want."
As always, his fears about Luckless reared their ugly head, "I just need to know that this is what you want, you and me and our kids, together."
Looking into Jason's ice blue eyes, "Our kids?"
Embarrassed that he had unwittingly admitted how he felt about the toddler sleeping upstairs, the mob enforcer looked down, "Yes, kids. I already think of Cameron as my own. He's so easy to love. I want to be a father to both kids, if you'll let me."
Tears sprang into Elizabeth's eyes as she dipped down to look at Jason, "You don't know just how much it means to me that you want to be a father to Cameron. When Lucky agreed to raise him, he would do things with Cam; he let him call him Daddy. But more and more, he's been spending so little time with Cam, and Cam doesn't understand why his Daddy won't play with him anymore. It's been so hard having to explain to him night after night why his Daddy isn't coming around anymore. And these last few days with you, he hasn't even asked about Lucky. He's been so happy, happier than I've seen him in a long time."
Letting out the breath he didn't realize he was holding in, Jason captured Elizabeth's chin with one hand and cupped the back of her head with the other. He leaned in and brushed his lips across hers, gently, once, twice and again. When she didn't pull back or resist, he applied more pressure. Running his tongue across the seam of her lips seeking entrance, which she granted immediately, tongues dueling and re-igniting the fires that had started burning that hot August night. Wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning into him with her body, she surrendered to the passion that was building between them. Long minutes spent just enjoying their mouths making love to each other, Jason finally pulled back when air became an issue. He rested his forehead against hers and breathed deeply. "I love you, Elizabeth."
Looking in his beautiful ice blue eyes, she can see the love that he speaks of, and she responds in kind, "I love you too, Jason."
Pulling back slightly, yet not breaking their contact, he sighs, remembering that he still hasn't had his conversation with Sam. He doesn't want to start their relationship with his old one still hanging between them. "I want, so much, to make love to you now. But I need to tell Sam first. I want her and I to have a clean break before we go any further. I don't want to disrespect our relationship by making love to you while she doesn't know that we are through. Are you okay with that?"
Smiling gently at him, "And I want my divorce from Lucky to be final, too. While my marriage to Lucky is over, I don't want to disrespect our relationship by making love to you while he doesn't realize that we are through."