Having Donna in his arms was quite possibly the best feeling in the world. It was better than winning, it was better than showing a Republican just who, exactly, they were provoking, better than being good at his job and knowing it.
Having Donna in his arms was right.
She was still cautious though, he realized. He wondered if it was because of what they were or if it was because of his still aching wounds.
Either way, he wished she was closer.
She stepped closer to him, just for a second, just to bury her face in his neck and smile, then she stepped out of his arms and told him to go back into the living room, that she would have dinner ready in a minute.
He was tired. He hadn't realized how exhausted he was until just then. He was used to exhaustion before, no one who had ever worked on a campaign wasn't, but this was worse. He felt like he hadn't slept in days, though he knew for a fact that he had gotten more sleep in the past few weeks than he'd done in three years.
He wondered the best way to ask Donna to stay with him. He didn't want to be alone, he was so damn tired of being alone.
He needed Donna.
He'd known that all along, it was nothing new. He wasn't quite sure how he functioned when she left to go with that jackass prick of a boyfriend, but it didn't matter, because she came back. She brought order to his chaos.
But this level of intensity, this crazy need to have her here, as if her presence could somehow heal him, this was new and he wasn't sure if he liked it.
He wasn't used to needing anyone. Not in that way.
"Joshua Lyman, go sit down," Donna commanded.
"How did you know I wasn't?"
"I could practically hear you thinking, which means you'll probably start walking around soon, which I forbid you to do."
"You know me too well."
"That's usually what happens when you basically spend every waking moment with a person."
Good. This was banter. Witticism. This he knew.
"So you know me better than your gomer boyfriends. I fail to see the issue here."
"Watch it, or I'll put you to bed with no dinner."
"I'm not five."
"Remember the rules, Josh."
"I don't remember any rules about not comment on your inability to find a suitable boyfriend."
"By suitable you mean one that doesn't exist."
Damn right.
"No. Just no Republicans, gomers, guys only wanting sex with you and ones that keep you away from your job."
And away from me.
These pills were messing with his head.
"Stop being Deputy Downer and go sit."
He did what he was told, flipping through the channels because he couldn't stand to watch the news anymore. Not when he really knew what was going on.
Not that CJ ever directly lied to the press. But there were things that they didn't know that he normally would.
He hated being outside the bubble.
Donna came to sit next to him, putting in front of him a plate of spaghetti.
"You made spaghetti?"
"Try not to get too emotional."
"No, seriously, thank you."
She blushed. "It's nothing."
"Mandy never made me dinner."
"She probably would have poisoned it if she had."
"Probably."
He loved Donna's smile. It was enough to make him grin the rest of the day. There'd been more than a few drunken nights when he thought how great that smile was. He would wonder if she would smile if he kissed her, or if the smile would be greater like he thought it would be.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked him softly.
"Nothing," he lied. Somehow, saying how he thought about her smile after he'd kissed her didn't sound quite right.
"I should probably be leaving," she said.
"Don't."
He didn't even think when he said that. It just came out of his mouth, which happened more than he would like to admit ("Lady, your God is too busy being indicted for tax fraud") but he was usually so careful around Donna, so careful of the finely drawn line. He couldn't possibly tell her to stay, it wasn't something…
Oh hell. He wanted Donna to stay. If he had to charm her and smile and do everything in his power to make her stay, then so be it.
She was going to stay, he realized as he looked at her. She made no move to grab her purse or give him a bunch of reasons why she couldn't. She just stared at him, as if she wasn't very sure what was going on.
He took a deep breath. "I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine. I just…I…"
760, baby.
She smiled. "OK."
"OK?"
"I'll stay."