CHAPTER 7: NEEDS AND WANTS

Sara released Grissom's hand and slowly got up from the table. She cleared the plates and put the leftover pizza in the refrigerator before heading to use the bathroom.

Give him some time to think. Be patient.

It was only 10:30 p.m. and Sara needed to stay awake to stay on her graveyard schedule. She came back out of the guest room carrying her latest forensics journal and sat down at the dining room table.

Grissom was making a fresh pot of coffee. He had poured out the rest of his beer and was sipping on a bottle of cold water. He placed placed the water and the pastries that Sara had bought on the table. His emotions were running the show as he waited for the coffee maker to finish brewing. They had spent three months rebuilding their friendship, met twice at the local coffee house before work, and shared one stolen kiss in the dark, prior to Nick's kidnapping. Now, in less than twenty-four hours, they had ridden an emotional roller coaster that had taken them from worry, to jealousy, to compassion, and back. Is this what love really felt like? Grissom's hand was shaking as he poured two cups of coffee. He steadied himself and carried the cups to the table.

Gilbert Grissom was often credited as being callous and emotionally detached. Yet, he had a deeper understanding of people and their behavior than most everyone at the lab. He was at his best when walking in the mind of a suspect, yet his talents did not seem to encompass the softer side of understanding. His ability to put these thoughts into words were usually his downfall. Sara had seen glimpses of this after her DUI and her suspension. He had reached out to her and held her hand. He was at a loss for words, but he did not shy away from a physical closeness. She had once labeled him as "emotionally unavailable", yet his quiet presence during the case at the mental hospital proved he was anything but that. Just the fact that he got jealous proved to Sara that there was more between them than either had wanted to admit. And now, sitting across the table from each other, Grissom took the lead to push their friendship back on track and to test the waters of a deeper relationship.

"I have never really needed anything or anyone," Grissom began. "I have managed on my own for most of my adult life, as have you. I have wanted to share things, but not really needed to share things with others. I would watch our team in the break room, talking about the latest movie or video game, and I just didn't know how to join in the conversation. So I watched from a distance."

Sara drained her beer and then leaned over and stole Grissom's water. She took a long drink to cleanse her mouth, and then placed the bottle back . Sara knew that she had to share a little in order to fuel the conversation.

"Hank was a diversion. He came in to my life at a time you seemed distant and I just needed some human contact. Our dates were spent holding hands and watching movies. He never spent the entire night at my place. I started to believe that we were in a committed relationship, and it scared me that I could let myself become so vulnerable."

"You are a strong person, Sara," he said. "You cannot blame yourself for his lies."

"I cannot let myself be that vulnerable again," she responded. "I need to understand your motivations."

"When I first met you, in your city and away from the Las Vegas lab, you showed me that I could be myself and you were still interested in spending time with me," he started.

"I didn't find that same companionship when I returned home to Las Vegas. I tried dating some of the women I met at work," he continued, "but I burned most of those bridges by my inconsiderate choice of activities or by allowing my pager to pull me away."

"Recently, I realized that the one person I wanted in my life had been there all along. It was you Sara."

Their coffees had grown cold and untouched. Grissom's ankle and ribs were stiffening up. He got up from the table and limped down the hall. Sara hesitated. She wanted to follow him, but she was letting him take the lead. A few minutes later, he returned dressed in his sweatpants and t shirt, with his pill bottles in hand. He had not taken anything except his anti inflammatory pill. The pain was creeping into his body. Grissom did not want to take the drugs, but he needed them. He grabbed the frozen peas and headed for the couch. Sara was quick to help him get his ankle elevated. She retrieved his water and held it out like a truce.

"You pushed yourself a little too far on the physical side today, didn't you," she said thoughtfully.

Grissom nodded. Sara took up residence on the couch and stretched out her legs. Grissom reached for her left leg. He gently removed her boot and sock and began to rub her tattoo and her foot. As Sara relaxed, Grissom tried again.

"I have not been in a romantic relationship since college," Grissom continued, "even then, work came first and the girl I was seeing got what time I had left over. I don't know what a true relationship involves....as much as I need you, I don't really know where to start or what you expect from me".

He let his words sink in, as he gently lifted Sara's other foot and began to undress it and massage it. His medications were kicking in and he relaxed. Sara contemplated what he said. Her ideas of what a relationship would be like were a bit skewed by her own life experiences. She didn't necessarily need marriage or kids, but she wanted a home and a man to come home to. She didn't need fancy dates to shows and plays with expensive dinners, but she wanted to spend time together doing things they both could enjoy. Sara needed three things.

"I need three things from you and I want three things from you," Sara said. "I need your friendship, your love, and most of all, your trust." This jealousy thing had its charm, but Sara would need to make Grissom understand that when he was in a relationship with her, it was unnecessary.

Sara continued, "I want your time; I want your attention; I want to share your work by night and fall asleep by your side during the day. It seems funny to say we should take things slow, after all the time we have known each other, but I can wait a few more days until you fully recover."

Grissom's faint smile spoke volumes. He finished rubbing Sara's foot and got up for just a minute. He put his frozen peas away and washed his hands. Grissom re-poured fresh coffee for both of them and he headed for Sara's end of the couch. He handed her the coffee and sat down next to her. Grissom pulled Sara to him and kissed her gently.

Grissom was physically and emotionally spent. Sara asked if he was up for some tv before they got some sleep and he nodded. She handed him both remotes and he shut off the stereo and clicked on one of the tv channels. An old romantic comedy entitled "Love is a Ball" was just starting, so he just left the tv on that channel. As the credits rolled, Sara reached over and shut off the tv. She had been curled against Grissom during the movie.

Sara helped Grissom up and he headed for his bedroom. She went to the guest room and changed into a camisole and sleep shorts, brushed her teeth, and scooped up his pill bottles. It was time for the anti-inflammatory pill again. As Grissom came out of his bathroom, Sara met him with his pill. He swallowed it and then wrapped his arms around Sara's waist. Their eyes met and the kiss that followed opened the door to a new world for both of them.