Woohoo! Here's FLAMETAL's story - FMA-ified! (Read the reviews for this story so you can see what I'm talking about) - do you have a good story that could be FMA-ified? Have something you want our cracked-out chibi alchemist to do? Let me know! I have the powers of FMA-ization! (Said in manly voice with big sparkly lights everywhere...) Please read and review!

I do not own FMA - but my long story is really cool!

Roy and Riza's Cracked-Out Date

The Colonel was not really the most romantic of men, but this was something altogether different – for the first time, Roy Mustang was truly in love.

Roy found everything about her to be beautiful and alluring – her eyes, her hair, her scent, the way should could make grown men pee their pants whenever she raised a gun up to their heads… Yes, Riza Hawkeye was the one for him.

Unfortunately she still hated him a little for leaving her stranded in the middle of nowhere the previous week while he had gone chasing after Edward (which ended up not panning out in the Colonel's favor – he chased Ed for over an hour before succumbing to exhaustion and heat-stroke… needless to say, the pint-sized alchemist had escaped). But Roy had decided to try and make it up to her – and profess his love. He decided to cook her a romantic meal for two followed by a romantic movie and snuggling on his couch (A/N: yes, I know that there aren't TV's in Amestris – just go with it). Despite being a lazy ass, Roy was an expert planner, and he knew that nothing could go wrong tonight – well, almost nothing.

Later that evening there was a knock at the Colonel's apartment door.

"Coming!" he called out from the kitchen, removing his apron and putting the lid back on a pot, the contents of which he had been inspecting only moments before. He walked to the entryway, smoothing back his messy, yet slightly sexy, hair. He looked good: casual khaki slacks and a soft grey button-down shirt. But when he opened the door, he noticed that she looked better: her luxurious golden hair was down, cascading over her shoulders. She was wearing a beautiful sun dress of deep red, the material billowing around her knees and showing off her well-toned legs as she stepped into the foyer.

Roy began to gape, but quickly caught himself, saying in a smooth tone of voice, "Riza, please, come in; you look absolutely stunning tonight!" He ushered her in, taking her coat and hanging it on the rack by the door.

"Would you like something to drink?" he offered, "Perhaps some wine?" he asked as he led her to the dining room and offered her a seat at the romantically set table – fine silverware, plates and wine glasses were set out on the table which was covered by a beautiful white tablecloth. The lights in the room were dimmed, and candles were set out on the middle of the tale, along with a single rose in a vase by her place-setting.

"Oh, Roy," she said softly, "this is so romantic!"

He smiled at her lovingly. "Anything for you! I'll be right back with dinner!" he said, disappearing into the kitchen. He came out a minute later with their meal: chicken and pasta in alfredo sauce, served with fresh salad, warm bread, and a delectable chocolate mousse for dessert.

Riza sighed contentedly. "That was wonderful!" she told him.

"I'm glad you liked it," he said warmly. "Would you like to come with me into the living room and we can watch a movie together?"

"Oh, I'd love to!" she told him happily.

Roy was a little perturbed, to say the least – the First Lieutenant never acted like this at the office – he had never seen her so… feminine before. Not that he was complaining, or anything. 'After all,' he thought, 'everyone has a more personal side to them.'

Roy and Riza settled down in the comfy, candle-lit living room. Roy turned the TV on, and the couple began to watch a very mushy, very romantic movie. Roy was just about to tell Riza how he felt about her when –

"Pop!" the TV went out.

"What in the world?" Roy said. He had been so close…

"Do you think the electricity went out?" Riza asked from beside him.

"Maybe…wait right here, I'll go look…" Roy said as he got up from the couch to check the circuit breaker in a box out on the back porch of his apartment. He flipped a few circuits, then shouted through the screen door, "Riza! Is it back on?"

"Yes, it is," she called out to him, "Hurry before you miss the best part!"

Roy hurried back, just in time for a kissing scene.

"Oh, good," Riza said playfully as she pulled him back onto the couch, "You're just in time!" she said before she kissed him passionately.

Roy and Riza were just getting started on their make-out session along with the movie characters when –

"Pop!" the TV went out again.

"Damn it all!" Roy muttered as he got back up to check on the circuit breaker.

Riza sighed. She had been so close…

Roy looked inside the circuit breaker box. 'Odd,' he thought, 'I thought I just flipped these a minute ago…' Roy flipped the same circuits back, then re-joined Riza on the couch, the TV on once again.

"That's better," he said, smiling at her as he sat back down. "Now, where were we?" he asked her in a silky voice.

"POP!" the TV went out – again.

"Shit! What the hell is wrong with this thing?" Roy shouted as he got back up, once again, to check on the circuit breaker. Riza got up to go with him to see if she could help.

What they saw out on Roy's back porch stunned them.

"WHEEEEEE!" Edward shouted, flipping the circuits in the circuit breaker back and forth, then running around in circles on Roy's porch.

"FULLMETAL! Are you on crack again?" Roy shouted at the tiny alchemist who, once again, was partially nude.

Riza began shaking uncontrollably.

"WHEEEE!" Ed shouted again, continuing to flip circuits and run in circles. "ALL HAIL HAMBURGER HELPER!" he screeched.

"FULLMETAL!" Roy shouted. He raised a now-gloved hand. Riza raised her gun (which she had concealed in a somewhat… er… interesting location).

"WHEEEE! BANNANA-BANNANA-BANNANA-BANNANA-ORANGE!" the cracked-out Edward shouted before dashing off of the porch and into the night.

"SNAP!"

"BOOM!"

"BANG!"

Roy gritted his teeth in disgust – he had tried to fry the Fullmetal-shrimp, but the boy was so quick that Roy could barely singe him. He had been so close…

Riza fumed – she had tried to shoot at the druggie alchemist after snapping out of her shock, but Ed was running around so schizophrenically that she barely grazed him. She had been so close…

"Damn it!" Havoc muttered, looking at the now un-occupied couch in Roy's living room through a pair of binoculars. Breda, Falman, and Fuery sighed. They had been out on the roof across the street from Roy's apartment all night, peering into the window with a pair of binoculars, waiting for some action. They had been so close…

And all because of a cracked-out alchemist!

Fin!

Haha! I crack myself up! Thanks again to FLAMETAL! Do you have any suggestions? Ideas? Let me know! Mwahahaha:) Now away - to the pimp mobil! (where did that even start, anyway?)