Hey, there, everyone! Here's another cracked-out story for you! Mwahaha! Thanks so much to StarShipDelta for telling me this story! Haha! Go to "The Adventures'" review page to see the actual story! Haha! Well, please read, review, and enjoy:)
I do not own FMA – but I did meet a new friend today! She likes FMA, too! With any luck she's reading this right now… I just wish I had caught her name… sigh...
Roy and Riza's Cracked-Out… You'll See…
Everything was perfect! The tables, the flowers, the decorations – the cake – it was all so beautiful – everything sparkling and white. People began to come, sitting at the tables and admiring their surroundings. Riza Hawkeye had butterflies in her stomach as she peeked out at this fairytale world from the curtain door of her changing room.
"Riza! Come on, we have to get to the church! Hey, what are you doing? Get away from there! We can't afford to have anyone seeing you in your dress, yet!" Lieutenant Maria Ross scolded as she walked into the dressing room.
"Sorry!" Riza said as she quickly shut the curtains closed, the butterflies still fluttering around.
"Oh, Riza, you look so beautiful!" Scieszka exclaimed as she too walked in.
Riza beamed. She really did look beautiful – her dress was long and flowy, hair done up with soft curls cascading down, and a glowing complexion – a result of her happiness. She clutched at the bouquet of white roses she held in her hands. It was finally Riza Hawkeye's wedding day…
…
Riza began walking down the ailse-way of a beautiful cathedral, the train of her dress billowing gracefully behind her as she walked; she was the picture of absolute elegance and beauty. She smiled warmly – dazzlingly – at her future husband just a few feet away from her…
…
Roy Mustang tried to swallow, his palms sweaty and face pale. He had never been so nervous in his life… seeing that smile… that smile had always made him go weak in the knees…
…
After what seemed like an eternity to Riza, she – Mrs. Roy Mustang – walked out of the cathedral, rice being thrown all around her, her hand held tightly by her new husband. They were both positively radiant with joy. They got into their limo, "Just Married" painted on the back window; cans tied to the bumper rattled on the pavement as the vehicle made it's way to the reception at the Grand Ballroom at the Fuhrer's residence. The couple kissed the entire way there…
…
Well-wishers clapped as the new Mr. and Mrs. Mustang entered the reception area. There was good food, good wine, dancing, and gifts galore to celebrate the marriage of two of Central Command's most respected soldiers. Finally it was time – time to cut the beautiful white wedding cake. Roy clumsily held the knife, trying to cut a piece for his new bride. He was doing an absolutely terrible job – the poor cake began to look mauled…
"Here, let me do that," Riza said gently as she began to take the knife out of her new husband's hands. Yet a sudden commotion startled her to the point that she almost threw the knife into someone's face. Because at that moment…
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! BANANA PUDDING!" Edward Elric, as high as a kite (and as small as one, too) screamed as he ran crazily through the crowds of people, finally jumping on the table in front of the couple – the one holding the cake – and declaring, "MUSTANG HAS A SHRIMP IN HIS PANTS!"
"AAAARGH! FULLMETAL! YOU – !"
Ed jumped off the table, cake flying everywhere, and began to run around the room again, Roy hot on his heels.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEE! HONK-HONK! WHEEEEEEE!" Ed screamed, running in circles.
Riza just stood there, covered in her wedding cake. Several people began to shout indignantly at the "little blonde crazy-man" who had just spilled cake all over everyone. They, too, began to start chasing Edward.
"WHEEEEEEEE! FLAMING ALCHEMIST! WHEEEEEEE!"
"EDWARD, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
"GET BACK HERE, YOU BLONDE CRAZY-MAN! YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR OUR DRY-CLEANING!"
Riza's face began to redden and she started to shake with suppressed rage. 'No,' she thought, 'I can't get angry – I can't let my emotions get the better of me – I have to stay strong, I have to stay strong…'
"Brother, what are you doing? Get back here!" A concerned and armoured Alphonse Elric cried out as he attempted to get to where his brother was.
"WHEEEEEEEEEE! UNDERWEAR!"
"FULLMETAL!"
"GET BACK HERE!"
"Brother, please!"
'I have to stay strong, I have to stay strong,' Riza continued to tell herself as Al clanked past her. 'I have to stay strong, I have to stay strong…'
"Clank-clank!"
'I have to stay strong, I – '
"Meow..."
That was it – that was the last straw…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!"
…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Riza Hawkeye screamed as she suddenly sat up at her desk and began shooting at a group of soldiers clustered in the room.
Roy Mustang stared… 'Did she just have a nightmare?' he thought. 'But… when did Riza even fall asleep?'
Havoc, Falman, Fuery, and Breda slowly turned to face the office wall behind them that was riddled with bullet-holes, then slowly turned to gape at the seemingly-crazed lieutenant.
'Was she shooting at me?' a very sober Edward Elric thought, sweat pouring from his face as he tried to remain stock-still. 'No, it couldn't be… she aimed too high…' Ed cringed at even implying in the slightest degree that he was short. He cringed again when he realized that he had moved. He cringed a third time when the Lieutenant started shouting.
"YOU!" Riza screamed, pointing an accusatory finger just above Edward's head.
Ed turned around… "Al…?"
"Y-yes?" Al stuttered as he looked nervously around the office – he had just (very loudly) entered the room, apparently waking the Lieutenant from her nap – and disturbing her dream...
"Damn it, Alphonse, you're never invited to my wedding ever again!" Hawkeye shouted at the metal man. The others in the room continued to stare – too shell-shocked to ask her what in the hell she was talking about.
"… Excuse me?" Al asked, apprehension and confusion as plain as day on his armored face.
"You heard me! You're never invited to my wedding again – ever!"
"Why?" he asked sorrowfully. He felt depressed and didn't even know why.
"Because you brought a damn cat to my reception! You know there are no animals allowed in the ballroom!"
A sniffing sound was emitted by the large suit of armor – Al was clearly distraught that he had ruined the Lieutenant's wedding – and what's more, he would never be invited again! Only later would he realize just how little sense all of this was making...
"Lieutenant? What the HELL are you talking about?" Ed asked indignantly. He hated seeing his brother upset.
"AND YOU!" she screamed, the finger of death now pointed at Edward. "You're never invited again either, you little crack-head!"
"Little? Why, you – !"
Ed's comments were cut short, however, as the sounds of a pistol unloading itself of several very deadly bullets rang throughout the office. Ed and Al ran for their lives, slamming the office door behind them – neither of them bothering to stop running until they had made it safely to the next city…
Roy watched the two sprinting figures from the window of his office. He cleared his throat. "Um… Lieutenant?" he began, "What are you – "
Riza fired a shot in the air. "Back to work!" she ordered. "Unless you don't want to come to my wedding either…" she waved the pistol threateningly in the direction of Roy, Havoc, and the others.
"Yes, ma'am!" they all shouted as they began to work at a frenzied pace.
Riza chuckled. 'Hopefully next time,' she thought, 'I'll be able to make it to the newly-wed's bed without being interrupted…' She grinned somewhat evilly at Roy.
Roy Mustang tried to swallow, his palms sweaty and face pale. He had never been so nervous in his life… seeing that smile… that smile had always scared the absolute shit out of him…
Mwahahahahahaaa! I really had you guys going for a minute, there, didn't I? You thought they would actually get married! Hahahahaaa! Well, I'm afraid that if I did that… well, these "Adventure" stories wouldn't be quite as funny, I think… Hmm… maybe I'll write a one-shot wedding story when I have more time… Hmmm… Anyway, please review! Send me in your stories! I'm currently working on another one, have no fear! Haha! Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Ciao:)