Hey, everyone! I'm changing things up and having some fun! Sorry this took a while - I kept leaving it at school! Haha! In fact, that's where I am right now! Wheeee! Thanks to Norn Meow for sending this in! Sorry it took so long! Keep sending stories! I have ideas, but it may be awhile before I get something up! I have to work on "The New Fullmetal Alchemist"... anyway, hope you enjoy!
I do not own FMA - but I did get acrylic nails for prom... they're a mother- to type in!...
Roy and Riza's Cracked-Out Trade-Off
It was a typical day at Central City military headquarters. The Fuhrer was in his office, doing whatever it is that Fuhrer's do; Havoc was taking yet another cigarette break; Breda was in the break room, hiding from Black Hayate; Roy was doing his paperwork, being held at gun-point by Hawkeye; and Ed was… sober? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Ed was not cracked-out, high, stoned, "licking the toad," having visions of pink, dancing bunny rabbits… and, well, you get the idea… Everything was completely
and totally normal. Except for one thing…
"I'm bored!" Edward Elric whined.
"Oh, brother, stop! Why can't you just help out and not complain for a change?" Alphonse Elric admonished.
"Because, Al, this is stupid! Why do we have to even be here?"
"Because, brother, the Colonel asked us, remember?"
"Oh, yeah… well, I'm really bored…"
"Then find a way to occupy yourself," Al sighed. Having an older brother was such a pain…
"Hmm…" Ed thought long and hard. "I got it!" he shouted.
"Really? What?" Al asked curiously. Ed hadn't really been brainstorming for all that long of a time…
"Paper-cutting!" Ed declared, standing up and putting his hands on his hips.
"Um… excuse me?" Al looked at his brother in as quizzical a manner as a suit of armor could.
"Yeah, paper-cutting! I'll catch you later, Al!" Ed shouted over his shoulder as he left to go to Mustang's office.
"This can't end well…" Alphonse sighed. Good ol' Al – his hunches are always right…
…
"Hey, Colonel, want to do some paper-cutting?" Ed asked as he stuck his head into Roy's office.
"Not now, Fullmetal, I'm dealing with enough paper right now as it is!" Roy said frantically as papers flew… Hawkeye was a very persuasive person when it came to making Roy do his work…
"How about you, Lieutenant?" Ed asked brightly, "Care to join me?"
"No, Edward, I don't – I'm busy watching the Colonel. And besides, we've been involved in enough of your little 'adventures' already. I could do with a break."
"Um… what are you talking about?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.
Riza sighed. Ed had no idea that all of his actions and conversations were being narrated by a very bored high-school girl as she sat in the library during lunch one day…
"Ok, ok, never mind!" Ed said huffily. "Party poopers…" he mumbled under his breath.
"BANG!"
"Yipe!" Ed cried as he ran out of the office. Hawkeye was a very persuasive person when it came to making Ed leave the room…
"Well, Colonel, now that Ed's gone, how about we take a break?"
"Really?" Roy asked in disbelief. "But what about our 'Cracked-Out Adventures' story? Don't we need to be doing that?"
"No, not today – Edward will be taking over for us."
'This is too good to be true!' Roy thought.
Riza gave him a sly grin. "Well," she said as she locked the door and closed the window blinds, "let's get started…"
'Oh, shit…' Roy thought.
…
"La-la-la-la!" Ed sang softly as he cut out paper shapes in the break-room. He was actually having a lot of fun… 'This is much better than marijuana!' he thought happily, 'But not nearly as fun as crack!' he gave a wicked grin. "Heh-heh-heh!" he chuckled. "I can't wait to scare Roy and Riza this time!" he cackled, pulling out a plastic baggie, the contents of which… well, I'm sure you get it...
Needless to say that this was all very scary, but not nearly as scary as what loomed outside the window…
"Oh, what a glorious day…" a deep voice said softly. The figure pulled the sleeve of his shirt back, revealing a heavily tattooed, and very muscular, arm. "I will finally be able to kill the Flame Alchemist!"
… Apparently, while this man with a scar and sunglasses was very, very sexy, he was also a very, very bad map reader – he was under the wrong window. He thought he was actually about to deal with the Flame Alchemist! Rather, he was about to get in a fight with a cracked-out Edward Elric… that poor, poor man…
"CRASH!" the sound of glass shattering echoed around the room.
Edward looked up, cracked-out of his mind and still holding a pair of scissors...
Scar looked up. And screamed.
"Aaaaaaaaagghh!" He ran out of the room, bursting into the hallway and sprinting past very confused soldiers. Edward chased after him, scissors held aloft, screaming, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! SNIP-SNIP! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Scar shouted, running down the hallway further, not noticing the yellow plastic sign reading "Caution – floor wet!" Bad mistake…
"Shwooooosh!"
"Aaaaaagh!" Scar had slipped in the water, crashing down hard onto his back.
Ed stopped short, staring at Scar.
"THANKS SCAR!" he cackled, crazily wielding the scissors.
"W-what? A-arent' you going to kill me now?" he stuttered. Then his face turned red. "Why are you thanking me? You should be killing me! What are you, on crack or something?"
Edward got a strange gleam in his eye. "I'm thanking you for slipping and alerting me to the fact that the floor was wet, thus preventing me from making the same mistake," he said rather calmly… eerily calm… "And yes, I am on crack." And with that a large, cracked-out and cheesy grin appeared on his face, and he ran around the hall, screaming, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! PINE BOARD! WHEEEEEEEEEE!"
"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Scar shouted as he quickly got up in the puddle, slipped again, cursed, got up again, and then ran down the hallway and out the front door.
"WHEEEEEEEeee…whee? Huh? What happened? Ow, my head hurts!" Ed moaned, clutching at his head with this free hand. He looked at the other. "And why am I holding scissors?... Oh, that's right! That bastard Scar wouldn't play with me!" he pouted. "And now I'm out of crack!" he sobbed, walking back down the hall to where Al was waiting. "Today sucks…" he grumbled. "But at least I didn't trip and get my butt wet!" he then laughed hysterically, the sound ringing and echoing through the halls. It sent a chill through Breda; it sent a chill through Havoc; it sent a chill through Black Hayate; it even sent a chill down Roy Mustang's spine… Riza Hawkeye was the only one too preoccupied to notice…
Thanks for reading! Yeah, Riza's getting a little "out there"... might have to tone her down a bit:) Please review and send stories! See you guys later! Thanks again, Norn Meow!