Ok, peeps, here it is! "Adventures" number 11! Congratulations again to Yumizuki for submitting the 100th review! OH, and FYI – I'm going to hold one of these contests for every 50th review – these are more special than normal requests because I am bound to incorporate anything you provide me with! I will say, though, that I think it'd be cool if the next winner submitted words or places or something like that – unless you give me a lot to work with like Yumizuki here… Anyway, enough babbling! I have one (possibly two, I need to check) story ideas I need to get working on next, so have no fear! But once again, whoever submits the 150th review is the next "winner!" And now, for Yumizuki's winning "Adventure!" Laaa!

I do not own FMA – but have you guys seen the collector's box for DVD 10? Sweetness!

Yumizuki's Cracked-Out Adventure

"Papa, papa, papa!" little Elysia squealed as she ran past the pond full of singing ducks and flew into her father's arms. A grinning yellow sun smiled down on then from a creamy pink sky.

"There's my little girl!" the misty form of Maes Hughes squealed back ads he fiercely cuddled his small daughter. Fluffy lamb puffs bleeped as they skipped around the loving pair.

"Your poor mommy!" Maes lamented, "A widow, having to raise you by herself!"

"No, daddy, she's not a widow – a maid does that now!
Maes blinked, looking down at his daughter in surprise. "Dows what?" he asked her, confused.

Wash the windows! That's what widows do!"

Hughes laughed. "Oh, Elysia, you are sooooo cute!"

"And now that she's not a widow anymore, she's all mine and nobody else's!"

"Elysia," Maes lovingly chided, "that's awfully selfish of you!"

"Daddy!" Elysia cried out indignantly, placing her chubby little hands on her chubby little hips, "I'm not a fish, I'm Elysia!"

Hughes laughed as the ducks sang and the lamb puffs bleeped, until a large, purple foot crashed down onto the earth, and everything tumbled into darkness.

…

Bright red polka-dots shining in the darkness, streaks of lime green and electric blue zigzagging throughout, lit up by a shower of multi-colored shooting stars; a large "burp" followed by a "bang!" and then everything is covered in fog…

…

The sky brightened, and the fog condensed into white, pearly walls, the sun glinting off the marble. A large oak door opened, and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye strode through, file in hand.

"Falman, Fuery, Havoc!" she barked.

"Yes, ma'am!" they shouted as they snapped to attention. A blue squid lolled lazily through the air in the ensuing silence.

Riza pulled out her gun. "You are three of the finest soldiers in Amestris, are you not?"

"Yes, ma'am!" they shouted. Though frightened by the gun coupled with Hawkeye's incredibly deadly aim, they had no need to fear – they were answering truthfully; they really were three of the finest soldiers in Amestris. Go figure.

"Good," Hawkeye said as she put the gun down. The men breathed sighs of rlief. "Here," she said, handing them each a mountain of paperwork that had popped out of nowhere.

They staggered under the weight, wide-eyed.

"These are your assignments," she told them coolly. "You are to complete these geometric series and sequences and the probability that they will occur using only your knowledge of the number of days in the month of July and the number of letters in the alphabet. Pretty simple, isn't it?"

The mens' heads reeled with all of the information, yet only one thing concerned them; Fuery opened his mouth to speak, but cowered under the weight of the papers and Hawkeye's stern gaze. He looked back at Falman and Havoc, who nodded to him encouragingly. Fuery gave a firm nod back. He would do it, he would ask her –

"Lieutenant," Fuery squeaked fiercely as the blue squid floated past his face, and the walls blinked yellow and green, "we have a question for you!"

"Yes?" she asked sternly.

"How many days are in July and now many letters are in the alphabet?"

Hawkeye stared blankly at the earnest and oh so serious soldiers. She then pulled out her pistol and began to shoot, a lavender smoke filling the room. When it cleared, the blue squid floated lazily through the empty, blood-spattered room. "Bloop," it said before the room began to spin and change colors.

…

Everything spun faster and faster until there was only a Technicolor blur. Then everything stopped; seconds later a sandstone temple appeared with a "pop!" Orange and green striped slugs oozed through the walls and the sandy ground, leaving behind a goopy chartreuse slime that bubbled and steamed. The door to the temple slammed open, and with a "whoosh" the door rushed up, leading to a long, dark tunnel.

…

Flashing lights shone at the end, and with another "whoosh" a room appeared, complete with altar, candles, and pews. An old man and a young woman stood at the altar, arms held high in the air.

"Oh, great Sun God!" they shouted, "Shower down Thy Snickers!"

And with those words, nutty and nougaty candy bars fell from the void above.

Rose Thomas whooped and jumped up and down. Father Cornello stuffed his face with chocolate.

Trap doors in the temple floor suddenly opened, swallowing up Rose, along with several slugs and Snickers bars; another long, dark tunnel had been entered, everything within it falling. From above could be seen the stubby legs of Father Cornello waving frantically back and forth – he had been too fat to fall through the trap door.

Back in the tunnel, Rose and the slugs vanished in a puff of periwinkle smoke. Only the Snickers remained, and as they fell they became different colors, covering the whole spectrum. Then the tunnel ended, and the Snickers bars fell with a chocolaty, colorful splat to the floor of the Central Military Headquarters break room.

…

Heymans Breda snored loudly on a bunk bed. Edward Elric angrily tried to chase the "blooping" blue squid, but got soon got tired, as it's nearly impossible to catch something that floats five feet above your head.

"Stupid blue squid," Edward muttered, yawning. He looked around. There was only one bun k in the room, and Breda was on it. 'Oh well,' Ed thought as he curled up at the foot of the cot by Breda's feet; he fidgeted for several minutes, trying to get as comfortable on the cot as he could, considering the (very) limited space.

Water began to cascade down the walls, and the soft sound of gently flowing water filled the room.

…

Breda's eyes snapped open. "Bathroom!" he grunted, still half-asleep. He started to get up when he saw it – that thing, that monster! It was waiting for him at the foot of his bed! Waiting to attack him in his sleep! It was –

"LABRADOR RETRIEVER!" Breda screamed as he quickly jumped from the cot and clambered his way up on top of a large, fuzzy pile of purple polka-dotted coconuts that was conveniently in the corner of the room.

Havoc, Fuery, and Falman rushed into the room as a sleepy Edward groggily got up to see what all of the commotion was about.

"Th-there, right there!" Breda cried as he pointed a shaky finger towards Ed. "L-labrador!" he managed to say before convulsing with fear.

Edward blinked. "What?" he asked, puzzled.

Suddenly, the fleece door to the break room was flung open with a resounding "whump," rather than a bang (the door was, after all, made of fleece), and ten military policemen wearing purple leotards and pink tutus bounded and pirouetted into the room as they raised their Daisy rifles at everyone in the room; everyone, that is, except for Breda, who was currently rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb atop the stack of now yellow and crimson (but still fuzzy!) coconuts. Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Edward raised their hands slowly into the air – while a shot from a Daisy rifle was by no means deadly, it did hurt like a mother.

Then, the head police officer strode through the door. "I'm the Queen Fairy!" he announced as he straightened his tiara. "Now, what seems to be the problem? We got a call about a scream – a murder, perhaps? Illegal drug dealing? Robbery? Hmm?"

"Oh, no, officer, it's nothing like that!" Havoc said in relief. "What happened, see, is that – "

"Quiet, you pansy!" the officer barked, now resplendent in a gorilla suit. Havoc blinked, taken aback by the officer's rough mannerisms.

"You there," the officer said, facing Breda, "what happened?"

"L-labrador!" Breda stuttered before returning to quaking atop the pile neon green coconuts, which were now rattling due to all of Breda's shaking.

"Hmmm…" the officer said thoughtfully as he stroked his chin. "You there!" he shouted at Edward, brandishing a rubber chicken threateningly. "Are you a labrador in disguise?"

"Of course not!" Edward said hotly.

"Y-yes he is!" Breda squeaked from the coco-nutty corner of the room.

"Aha! Evidence! You're coming with me, dog!"

"I'm not a dog!" Ed shouted, severely pissed off.

"Well, you're yellow like one," the fairy queen – er, police officer, stated matter-of-factly, "and you're small like one, too!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALL?" Ed shouted as a volcano out in the hallway erupted, matching his mood. Shrimp fell from the sky, making "splat" noises as they hit the floor.

"Officer, it's just a misunderstanding!" Fuery pleaded as wiped his glasses free of shrimpy goo. "Edward, here, he's – "

"A labrador!" the officer shouted accusingly as he straightened his safari hat which had popped out of nowhere (but did handily have an umbrella built into the top of it).

"NO I'M NOT!" Ed screamed.

The squid floated around the room, oblivious to the shouts, arguing and fighting below over whether or not Edward was, in fact, a labrador retriever; but the squid was terribly pleased with all of the free shrimp.

"ENOUGH!" Ed screamed as a fuzzy, sparkly, vermillion coconut sailed past his head. "Where's that bastard Colonel? He can clear all of this up!"

"Fine…" the officer sighed as he hiked up his lederhosen. He was terribly disappointed – having to leave a fight – and all that free shrimp, too!

And so they all left the shrimpy break room and marched towards the Colonel's office, Daisy rifles and all. Everyone, that is, except fro Breda – he ran home. And the blue squid – he went home with Breda.

Edward banged on the Colonel's flowery office door. "COLONEL!" he shouted as he pounded at the door with his metal fist, "OPEN UP, DAMN IT!"

There was no answer. The police officer ordered his men to shoot the door down. And so they fired their Daisy rifles at the door. Two hours later, the Colonel's office door fell to the ground, a bright pink, marshmellowy pile of goop.

The policemen marched over it, many being sucked in and re-emerging as flying monkeys with blue felt bowler derbys. Ed, Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and the police officer, who was now in a lime-green chicken suit, walked into the office and looked around. No one was there – save for a few red and green-striped penguins shuffling around by the Colonel's desk – and there was certainly nothing out of the ordinary.

"Damn it!" Edward growled. The officer began to stride towards him with a studded collar and leash. Seeing this, Ed desperately looked around for any sign of the Colonel. Suddenly, through the now-falling snow, he saw an ornately carved oak mahogany door. 'Odd,' he thought, 'I could've sworn that's never been here before!' Nevertheless, Ed lumbered over to it, having to pass through several snow drifts on his way. The others followed in his wake. They peered over his shoulder as Ed grasped the door's handle. Edward pulled, revealing –

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Edward screamed as he bolted upright in bed. He sat and the edge of his bed, panting and trembling all over. He put a shaky hand to his brow, wiping away the cold sweat.

"Brother, what's wrong?" Alphonse cried out as he quickly came clanking into the room.

"It was so scary, Al, so scary…" Ed whimpered, covering his face with his hands as he tried to hold back the tears. The images flashed through his mind…

"What, brother, what? Did you have a bad dream? What did you see?" Alphonse asked hastily, presuming only the worst; he was very unnerved by how upset his older brother was. 'It must have been pretty awful,' Al thought, 'like some kind of "Twilight Zone," or purple feet, or orange penguins, or something scary like that…' Al began to panic.

"I saw… I saw…" Edward said through gritted teeth, mind in complete and utter anguish. "I saw… Roy and Riza making out in a closet!" Ed cried out, sobbing.

Alphonse sighed and quietly patted his brother on the back, trying to soothe him.

'That's the last time,' Ed thought with a final shudder, 'that I EVER take crack before going to sleep!'

…

Fin.

Hahaaa! Once again, congrats, Yumizuki! Hope you guys continue to read and review my "Adventures" story! And remember, if you do review, you just might get lucky and be my 150th reviewer and win! Wheeeeeeeee! See you next time, my cracked-out readers:)