Hello everyone! Long time no see! I'm so horrible! (bad author! Bad author!) I have a whole list of ideas, etc. that you guys have supplied me with, and I'm just now updating! I'm so sorry! I've been so busy! That and I spent 5 days writing this one story, only to decide once I finished that I'd wait to release it on Halloween! I'm such a loser! Anyway, this is just a short little one that'll help me get back on my cracked-out feet after so long of a break between stories! Big thanks to Fullmetalfan and Spirit-Chan for their great ideas! Just read the reviews page to find out what they supplied me with! You guys rock! Oh, and don't worry everyone who's been submitting ideas to me! I have a huge list of names and ideas! I'm gradually working through them all, I promise!

Disclaimer: I can't believe I just now thought of putting this up, but here goes!... Don't do drugs, kids, m'kay? Edward is a trained crack professional! Don't try anything that he does (or any drugs period, for that matter!) I don't endorse drug use in any way – it just so happens that it's such an unlikely topic to be linked with Edward that my inner comedian couldn't resist! So, think of it this way: I'm not endorsing drugs, I'm making fun of them! Get it? Got it? Good! Now enjoy the very short, very funny chapter!

Roy and Riza's Cracked-Out Adventures: Ed's Supplier

Edward Elric sat in a bathtub in one of the large bathrooms of Central Command, eating a loaf of bread and playing with his pocket-whale. He nibbled happily as he splashed the pocket-whale furiously up and down in the water with great splashes. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Who's your daddy?" a voice whispered hurriedly on the other side.

Ed's face lit up in a big, cracked-out smile. "You are!" he cried as he sprang from the bathtub and ran towards the door (don't worry, he was wearing swim-trunks!), leaving the loaf of bread floating limply in the bath water; the pocket-whale breathed a sigh of relief. It was beginning to get a headache…

Ed ripped the door open, and standing on the other side was – General Hakuro!

"Quick, Ed, let me in!" the general beseeched, making hasty glances around himself. Ed held the door open wider, allowing the military officer access to the bathroom. Hakuro stepped in, then looked quizzically at Edward. "You were taking a bath?" he asked.

Edward shrugged. "Why not? You told me to meet you in this bathroom, so I may as well have some fun while I wait!"

"Well, yeah, sure, Ed, that's great…" Hakuro said distractedly, "but a loaf of bread? And what the hell's with that whale?"

Ed shrugged again. The pocket-whale sobbed – no one understood him!

The general sighed. "Anyway, Edward, here you go – straight from the underground drug rings of Lior!"

Ed gleefully jumped up and down, clapping his hands. He was going to have so much fun…

Hakuro smiled, mind formulating great and glorious plans. He was going to have so much fun making his suck-up subordinate's life a living hell…

…

"WHEEEEEEEEEE! SPERM WHALE!" a very cracked-out Fullmetal Alchemist screamed as he ran down the halls and past Roy's office a few minutes later.

Roy groaned, banging his head on his desk. Where the hell did the kid even get all that crack?

General Hakuro poked his head into Roy's office, chuckling as Ed ran screaming by in the opposite direction. "Cracked-out again? Sorry, Roy! That's some tough luck!"

"Bastard…" Roy muttered under his breath as his superior gave a friendly wave and walked back down the hall, laughing. "Just you wait 'til I get my hands on the guy who keeps giving Ed this shit!"

Ahh! The irony!

…

"Hello?" the pocket-whale called out, looking around desperately for someone to get him out of this god-forsaken bathtub. Suddenly he spotted the soggy loaf of bread heading straight towards him. "Damn!" he cried out as the bread ran him over. He just wasn't having a very good day…

…

Hahhaa! That was actually pretty fun! Sorry to anyone who thought it was stupid and bad! I liked it! Heeheehee! Once again, sorry for there not being any updates for so long! I promise I'll do better this year! (school year, that is! Thank god for American Government – it's quickly turning out to be the only time that I have during the day to write!) Please review! And give me more ideas!