Disclaimer- i own nothing.

Chapter 21.

Sm yawned. Dean could see his mouth widen under the mask. It was a simple human reaction but it caused him to wonder, and ask Sam a few seconds later,

"What was it like...in the coma," he asked.

Sam shook his head slowly and glanced at Dean. Dean recognised the look. It was like he was slightly nuts. Dean accepted it with a nod.

"Probably felt the same as yours," he answered. Dean frowned, slightly confused. "I talked to dad while you were away. Why do you want to know anyway?"

Dean shrugged, as if to say i dunno.

"It was not weird, if you really want to know. It felt like I was asleep and dreaming. And no, before you ask, I am not telling you what I dreamt about."

Dean laughed. "As long as it was not a long running freaky nightmare of yours." Sam frowned. He looked away. Dean bit his lip, worried he had said the wrong thing. Sam

lifted off the oxygen mask. His hands were trembling slightly. Dean shook his head.

"Nah, nah Sammy, put it back on. You need it." Sam shook his head. "I do not want you to misunderstand anything. I need you to hear this, loud and clear."

"Vaguely ominous, but okay." Dean lifted his own oxygen mask to his face. He felt the much needed rush of air down his sore throat. He gulped it in.

"Over the past couple of weeks I have not really been myself," Sam began slowly. Dean nodded found himself thinking of the moodiness. He thought of the nightmares and the long silences.

"You are greiving."

"It was guilt." Sam said quietly

" It is normal to feel guilty after someone close to you dies."

"Do not patronise me Dean." Sam said quietly, "I feel guilty because I could have prevented her death. I could have saved her, She should not have died." Sams voice was filled with quiet anguish.

"Again, it is normal. but we can't-"

"I saw her damn death before it happened. I saw everything. Days before it happened, right down to the last detail."

Dean was quiet for a second, trying to comphrened what his brother had just told him. "Do you mean you had a...vision?"

"You could call it that, yeah," Sam could not look at Dean. Instead, he stared at the white cotton bed sheets.

"Have you...i dunno.. had any before?" Sam shook his head. Dean tried to find some comforting words, to show his brother that he was not freaked out. He could not find any. Instead he asked,

"Why are you telling me now?"

"Nearly dying puts things into perspective."

Dean nodded, agreeing with the logic. He did not say anything for a few minutes. Neither brother looked at the other.

"Sorry." He apologised, unable to find anything else comforting to say. Sam nodded. "We will get through it though. Thanks for telling me."

xxxxxXxXxXXxXx

"How is the bruise doc?" Dean asked cockily, looking at the mans chin. The doctor shifted from one foot to the other. It was clear he was uncomfortable. Dean was certain he seen his gaze flick to the restraint on his arm.

"I have your test results." Dean recognised the look on the doctors face. He had seen enough ER reruns, to recognise the bad news look. Something was happening to him

and, despite super docs assurances, it was not nothing. Dean glanced over to Sam who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. His face was turned away from them and he had

been quiet for over half an hour. Dean could only hope he was sleeping.

"On a scale of one to ten, how screwed am I?" The doctor did not answer immediately. "Your condition is extrememly serious, there is no doubt about that..."

Dean listened silently, nodding every few seconds. He heard the doctors words, absorbing his news quietly. The words had a sobering effect on him. Also, he could also

hear Sam, talking to him. He was louder than the doctor. Sam trusting him with his secret and trustng him to take care of it, like any little brother would. He thought of his

dad, from whom he had still not discovered his reasons for disappearing. He really did have time for treatment. He had to be strong. His family needed him.

"do not tell them." Dean said.

"But they will realise once you begin your treatment course. Why don't you just tell them now?"

"I don't want any treatment," Dean was adament.