Author's Note: Hello everyone! I'm very very happy about all the comeback from you. All the reviews and favourites and alerts made me jump in joy! :D And thank you for the opinion about the pairing. I'll take all of them into consideration, as I wrote to many of you, and try making everyone happy, myself concluded ;D.
About the chapter, I know I told about the changing POV's, but this one somehow wrote itself and I had no heart to post it differently. Sorry...
And also, I guess some of you may think it's too much of Shinra in the story and about what he speaks, though I firmly believe in him being a catalyst of a kind, so please bear with me on this one... He really is said to be Izaya's only 'friend'... Finally, don't cry as it will help to create interactions between Izaya and Shizuo that we all long for ;D
Cold War Kids – Broken Open
"I have been broken open
By my most trusted friend
I'm up and down that way
It's easier to say that I'm doing okay
Than bother to explain
The water rising"
"I've cut myself with a knife. I want you to come and see if I need some stitches." I announced to Shinra on the other side of the phone.
"Excuse me?" he asked stupidly. At least in my opinion...
"Stitches. If I need some stitches. You know, the thing that you can sew parts of skin together with... I believe it's called stitches..." I replied sarcastically.
"I know. It's not what I'm asking about... You did what, though? Cut? With a knife? You...? Izaya... Were you perhaps under the influence of some illegal substances? As a doctor-"
"You're talking to me about something so irrelevant and here I am, losing my blood and becoming weaker with every second... What kind of a doctor are you?" I snarled.
"A perceptive one. You're Izaya, you don't cut yourself with knives. You cut others with knives...I may believe in paranormal, but not in miracles..." he stated.
"You should start then... I want myself fixed. End of the story. Are you know making reservations and only the chosen ones may found themselves on the receiving end of your patching abilities?" my patience was wearing thin...
"I just value my time... Familiar, isn't it?"
"A rhetorical question, Shinra? Really? Fine... I see that your friendship and doctor's vocation went down the drain. Thank you for your help." I said, hanging up.
What a... How could he be so insensitive! What if I was really bleeding badly and in danger of losing one of my precious fingers? Because, yes... of course I wasn't bleeding to death in reality. Who do you think I am? A knife is like an extension of my hand. I'm a natural. I play the knife, not the other way around. Normally...
As, in fact, I have cut myself. I just wasn't in the need of real medical attention. What's more... It was a precise and well-thought-out act. And no, it's not my hobby or something of regular occurrence. It was a... decoy of a kind. What a better way to lure a doctor to your apartment than an unfortunate accident with a knife and blood involved? That's right... Non easier.
I swivelled in my computer chair, head thrown back, ignoring the pitiful look Namie-san was giving me. She was being treated in two certain ways, depending from my mood I suppose, that is ignored or mocked. She was also a listener. She had no other option, unless she wanted to lose her job... A glorious job of Orihara Izaya's assistant. Who would have asked for more, right...? Well, she obviously did... Almost every time she opened her mouth it was to demand a pay-rise or try to offend me. Poor Namie-san... It's hard keeping one's dignity when every little dark, awkward secret was in your employer's possession. Not that I minded it...
"One day you're going to cut yourself for real and he won't believe in it. Then I will stand at your bleeding body and laugh to my heart's content..." she said flatly, sorting some of the files that I gave her earlier.
"The day I cut myself with my knife for real is the day your brother will return your feelings, ending in a happilly ever after, Namie-san. You know when that is?" I asked, not bothering to look at her expression. I could describe it without a single problem, seeing it so many times before. Flaming irritation, disgust and an almost invisible hint of pain. Heart problems – so amusing!
"I'll pray to all gods for your Karma to finally get to you... "
"Ah... I don't think they'll listen to an atheist with thoughts of incest and who made some people disappear from the streets only to experiment on them..." I chirped happily.
"I'm going for my lunch break. Die in torment in the meantime, will you?" the woman replied coldly and with a load 'thud' of the door left me all to myself. Everyone were so stingy these days...
Boring... I was bored! Nothing of great interest was happening in the town nowadays and it left me craving for some commotion, an intrigue... I had nothing to spend my time on, except for dull second-importance information searching. I could feel my brain shrinking from lack of adequate stimuli... Any longer and I'll become a walking zombie that one could see in stupid television shows. I had books to read, but it wasn't nearly enough. It wasn't what I needed... I wanted excitement, thrill of emotions and the unexpected, a challenge. I couldn't sit still, my body was vibrating almost, put on-hold for too long.
I stopped my chair and my reddish-brown eyes met my gaze in the smooth surface of the window. I could see frustration seeping those the irises. They were pleading me for salvation...
What are you going to do, Izaya? You always have the right answers... You know how to stay intact when there is danger on the horizon. You know how and what strings to pull. Why are you silent now...?
A loud knock on the door roused me from my inner dialogue. I snapped my eyes from the reflection and moved to see who it was... then, perhaps, let the stranger in. It felt as if my own, though mirror, eyes were watching my retreating back. It wasn't on my 'favourite feelings' list. Creepy... Something whispered in my mind that I was creepy after all, but I ignored it. No use for that...
Funnily enough, it turned out it was Shinra with his leather doctor's bag in one hand, looking a little apprehensive. A wide smirk settled on my face as I waited a bit before opening. I did my best to speak with an exhausted voice.
"Hello, Shinra... I thought that I'm a waste of your time... Why are you here then?" I asked politely.
He, on the other hand, scrutinised me from behind his thick-rimmed glasses and pursed his lips in what I suppose was discontent of epic proportions.
"I knew it! I knew that you were lying! There was no way you did that... Just no wa-" I lifted my left hand before his eyes to see and he emitted a hissing sound. It wasn't one of satisfaction, I assure you.
My fingers were thoroughly covered in semi-dried blood. You see, I know how and where to cut. I did it just the right way for a fair amount of blood to flow out of the wound, but not to make it serious. Nice and easy to heal... You'll think that it was superfluous, as Shinra couldn't turn back time and if he was already here the fact that I had my hand injured didn't matter... Well, it did. It saved me a good part of his edifying, moralising prattle. It was definitely worth it...
"I'm..." he broke off.
"Sorry would be a nice start..." I couldn't stop myself. It was at least some fun, seeing him all confused and guilty. Better than none.
"Yes, right. I'm sorry. Let me take care of it." he motioned for the hand and I moved to the sofa, letting him follow me. He started to take out all the things he thought he needed from his bag and put it on the glass table. "How did... happen?"
"Oh, well... I'm somehow... embarrassed about that, actually, so... if you tell someone, I will kill you. Or at least make you suffer a bit..." I told after a false moment of consideration.
"Ok, I won't tell. I'm not a masochist... Unless it's Celty, but then it's entire-"
"Too much info, Shinra. Too much info... I don't care about what do you fancy and fantasize about in that area... Going back to more important things, when I'm deep in thought I tend to play with my switch-blade as you probably know. I was doing exactly that, using it to remove some irritating cuticle from one of my nails absent-mindedly and Namie-san chose that particular moment to kill my ears with a loud shrieking sound. She saw a cockroach, she said. I tell you it was just to piss me off... I ended up dragging the blade over my finger in result, however. There was more blood than I expected, so I called you for advice." I ended up my little story. I know, lame, but in the light of the evidence, so true...
"Nail cuticle and a shrieking Namie-san? A brilliant story... Would she confirm it?" he asked distrustfully.
"Of course she would. But she isn't here now, is she?" I replied with a hint of hurt in my voice.
"A mere coincidence, I'm sure." Shinra said, while finally ending up bandaging my finger, doing a small knot on the wrist.
"A coincidence it is..." I confirmed happily. "Now that you're here, please entertain me as a compensation for your mistrust in my veracity. What's going on with my favourite neanderthal?" I asked feigning innocence.
"You mean Shizuo? That's what it was all about? About him? " he sounded improperly amused and it made me cringe. It wasn't his place for amusement! It was supposed to be my moment. My revelry. My getaway from everyday boredom even if for a mere moment...
"You're spoiling it!" I couldn't stop myself from pointing it out. Was I childish? I was, wasn't I? Damn! I still didn't give a damn... Not in the slightest, actually. It made me strangely satisfied...
"Spoiling what, may I ask? You cut your hand in order to enforce me visiting you, just to ask about Shizuo... What and how am I exactly spoiling? It's unspoilable... It's not sane enough for me to even try. I wouldn't know where to start...!" a single finger was now directed at my face.
"You're dramatising, Shinra. The knife simply slipped and that's that. And I am asking about him because of my inborn curiosity. Nothing else... What you're spoiling is the relative calmness I was able to regain after that nasty and embarrassing accident." I replied casually. Can't let my guard down. That would be inexcusable.
"Then tell your inborn curiosity that it won't be satisfied today. I have no interest in talking with you about one of my patients. It's called doctor's oath. Sorry..." He stood up and made a step to the door. I reflexively caught one of his sleeves.
"Shinra... You didn't exactly remember about that little oath of yours when you told me about Shizu-chan's condition before... Should I mention it to him sometime?" I asked with squinted eyes. I knew how to stop looking friendly.
"Are you trying to blackmail me for information? That's how you do it usually? I'm surprised that you made it up so far... I told you about Shizuo as a friend in need of comforting, not as a doctor, and I thought you'll respect that. Was I wrong, Izaya? You gave me enough reasons to stop seeing you for a while and I wasn't the one who came to you first, right? Are you so desperate to make a habit out of it? If yes, you're on a good way to achieve it... If it was out of concern, believe me I would have told you how he's doing, but we both know it's something else... Even I have a heart, Izaya. You can tell him. It's nothing new that you taunt him and it's not like you haven't seen him either. You would have known about his state even without my earlier confession. He has already forgiven me for that... He has a big heart for a brute, you know? Despite his anger problems and strength. You should learn a thing or two from him." Shinra smiled at me and, though I expected to see irritation, disappointment or even disgust, they weren't there. All I could read from his face was sadness and silent understanding.
"He has nothing of use for me to learn..." I replied firmly, not avoiding Shinra's eyes, but looking straight into them. I wasn't going to lose that one. Not this time...
"Not everything is about practicality and profit. You should know that by now, as you deem yourself a wise man. You observe people everyday, after all..."
"Those are superfluous emotions. They obfuscate one's mind and confuse."
"They make people happy, Izaya. That's what they do. Celty gave me that knowledge, it's empiric. Something you should find believable ..."
"They make people sad and frustrated even more. And make them suffer. A potential target, so easy to manipulate and destroy that it makes me laugh every time I see it..." I said with a fervent, dark joy.
"It's common knowledge that there is no happiness without suffering. You know, Shizuo already came to the conclusion that he's not an indestructible monster, but a human, though a big price he paid for it... Isn't now your time to play the game of truth and dare? I highly recommend it as your doctor..." once again he pointed at my head with his index finger, a wide smile suddenly adorning his face. "And a second advice, better not resort to self-mutilation, because I'll have to confine you for your own good. Then you'll have even more time with Shizuo than you ask for... Bet he will love your company...!" he laughed lightly.
"Ne~, Shinra? Where all that came from? A crappy psychology book on emotions? You want to play a psychoanalyst now? As a friend, I advise you – don't change your medical career. It won't do any good. Giving me ideas again somehow goes against your valuable advice... Thank you for your medical care, I appreciate it. You'll see yourself to the door." I announced. Shinra smiled again, that hint of understanding in his eyes again, but I didn't comment on it.
When he was at the door, he spoke again, though with his back still turned on me.
"Actually, I was meant to pass you a message. From Shizuo. He said, and here I'm quoting 'Make fucking sure who's stalking you, because they're hurting innocent eyes with your damn pictures on the net. If one flea wasn't enough...' end of quote. He also said something sounding like 'fucking perverts', but I'm not sure if it was the part of the message itself... Quite nice of him, being concerned like that, right? Hope it will give you something to think about in the meantime... Oh, and you're no longer banned from visiting me, if that's of any importance. Jā ne..." and he left.
Was that meant as a joke or was he serious? Why would the brute say something like that? A stalker? Pictures? The only thing that came into my mind was the internet blog about my persona... Actually, I was responsible for it, so the thought that he believed that someone... Too good to be true...! It was a fine place to put fake rumours about me and, as I said once before, keep up appearances. It was mostly a job tool. Though I have a fair amount of fun, writing some strange info about me, provoking others to talk about me... But perverts? I don't think there was something on the blog that even the prude Shizu-chan would think of as perverted... So what he was talking about? Besides, how he found that site? I know it was easily accessible, but without looking... Was Shizu-chan trying to find out about me on the net? He googled me or something? Now my curiosity was on full run...
And then I suddenly remembered all the stupid remarks made by Shinra. I clenched my teeth. Why the fuck did he care? He didn't try changing me all those years, so why now? Not to such extent, at least... Was it about Shizu-chan? He triggered some motherly instincts in Shinra or what? Asshole... He knew nothing and yet he pried... The day I learn from Shizuo will be the day I die...