Not wanting to feel completely useless while she was recovering, Robin had taken it upon herself to get the shop's books in order. She had noticed a lot more going out than coming in lately what with the new pastries that for some reason refused to entice anyone and the scant amount of customers during the week. It was all she could do to keep the bakery case filled and Lucas paid. Morgan's camp had been made possible by her mother, but Robin refused to think of that as a handout. She would pay Anna back just as soon as she could and she had made that quite clear when her mother had offered her the money. She thanked God she had adequate medical insurance so she had come out of the hospital without having to pay a penny. At least, she didn't have to worry about monthly rent on top of everything else. Though it had seemed extreme to everyone else, Robin had put back enough to cover rent for their loft for the next twenty-four months, just in case.
There were rumors that a Starbuck's was being built a few streets over from Sweet Indulgence, but Robin would not be deterred. She had dealt with competition in stride over the last few months and this was no different. Her customers were loyal and she knew they wouldn't abandon her even if the talk turned out to be true. Several times, she had contemplated asking Courtney for a bit of help, but she would sooner bite her tongue off than bring her financial strains to light. Along with being Robin's best friend, Courtney was also Morgan's aunt. As stated in Sonny's letter, if she was unable to care for Morgan, he would go straight to a family member. Robin assumed Courtney since she was immediate family. So, Robin had kept her mouth shut, and struggled longer than she would ever admit to keep her little shop from going under. If it hadn't been for Bobbie, Robin knew she would have driven herself into the ground. It was that opportunity, that fateful partnership, that proved giving up was not an option.
Robin lifted her legs one at a time, pulling the soft fabric of her violet lounge pants away so that she could inspect the darkening bruise that circled her knee like Venetian red glass. She touched her skin and cringed, her fingers running over the rough texture. Alan had suggested she go through a trial of physical therapy, but Robin had been impatient to leave and more than capable of returning to everyday life as she knew it. Besides, Lucas had called this morning and informed her of the empty-looking feeling her store held now. He had been doing his hardest, had even asked Bobbie to help him, but she still needed to get a handle on things. As soon as she could make it to the elevator without incident, she would hop in the first cab she saw and get to work.
Her right leg wasn't as bad, but there was still a bruise, this one starting at her ankle and running around her leg so that she had a hard time bending her knee. Her ribs had been saved from the list of sore body parts, but her arms hadn't been as lucky. The glass had been removed, but there were scars left in their place, and she had thrown on long-sleeved shirts since she was released from the hospital two days ago to cover the damage. She hadn't suffered whiplash or any further injuries. For the most part, she was sore, lived with a constant headache, and was babied by everyone that came by.
It was then that she heard someone pounding on the door. Thankful for a distraction from her whiny thoughts as well as an excuse to stand up, she hobbled over to the front door and slowly undid the chain. Instead of greeting her sweetly as she had been expecting, Patrick took one look at the way she was leaning against the wall and cursed darkly, "Why aren't you using your crutches?"
"I don't need them. I haven't broken anything." Robin countered, wishing she could cross her arms without fear she would lose her balance and fall into Patrick's rigid arms.
"So I see. Would you do me a favor and…" He paused and dropped his car keys. "Pick those up for me?" His challenge caused Robin's eyes to darken immensely.
"You're just being lazy." Robin insisted.
"You can't bend at all, can you?" Patrick challenged.
"Fine. No, I can't. Get your own damn keys." Robin turned her back to him, hoping she came off as tough instead of a stumbling mess.
"Where are your crutches anyway?" Patrick took a minute to scan the room fully, but he couldn't see anything even resembling them.
"You mention those crutches again and you'll need them." Robin warned, her back still facing him.
"Got it." Patrick replied, retrieving his keys. "How are you feeling?" He asked, watching her take great lengths to sit down without scrunching up her face in obvious pain.
"I don't understand why everyone is making such a big deal about this." Robin grumbled, straightening her work folders and putting them behind the chair pillow for later evaluation.
"What are you hiding?" Patrick wondered, his eyebrow lifting in question.
"Nothing. I haven't the slightest idea what you're even talking about." Robin said, raising her chin.
"You're working, aren't you? When you should be taking it easy." His tone was condemning, but his eyes were playful as he took his seat.
"You won't tell on me, will you?" Robin met his stare with a teary-eyed expression.
"Oh God, you're not going to cry, are you? Please don't do that." Patrick begged.
"I've had it up to here with people telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing." Robin sobbed, making certain that she squeezed out a few more tears. "Don't any of you realize that I know my own body? I know when I'm pushing myself too hard."
"Do you?" Patrick argued, wiping her tears away with his left hand.
"Sure I do." Robin went on.
"Robin, you were in an accident. A serious one. What part of that is not clicking?" Patrick snapped, seeing through her subterfuge at last.
"My car was in an accident. I just happened to be riding in it for moral support." Robin joked, but Patrick didn't take the bait. "Stop being so serious. I'm not sure how to handle you this way."
"Get used to it. Until you get better, you're stuck with me." Patrick promised, shaking his head as if he didn't understand his own logic.
"And when I am better? Is it back to hating each other?" Robin wanted to know. "I'm only asking so that I'll know how to act around you later on." She added in a shaky voice.
Patrick tilted his head to the right and leaned in to kiss her. It was a soft kiss, one that involved absolutely no haste. A comfort kiss, she decided. Her right hand rose to rest upon his cheek as she scooted closer. "I never hated you." He whispered, pulling back too soon.
Robin scoffed at his answer, sitting back in her chair. "Now you're lying to me."
"I wanted to hate you, but I never quite could." Patrick said. "I blamed you for Logan's unhappiness, because it was easier than placing the blame on him. It was unfair and I apologize."
"I don't want your apologies." Robin assured him.
"What do you want?" Patrick asked.
"I don't know."
"I think you do."
"I don't want to be fragile, not for anyone. I've been hurt more than once and I'm not looking to set myself up for another fall."
"We're in agreement about that." Patrick replied.
"Things are already complicated and we're not even together yet." Robin sighed.
"Yet?" Patrick picked up on the one word she hadn't meant to add.
"We can't do messy." Robin declared.
"We've done well so far." Patrick reminded her.
"You can't commit." She motioned her hand toward him.
"And that's a problem for you."
Robin gave him an incredulous look. "I don't like to share either." Repeating his words from the bakery.
"Let's go into this with our eyes wide open." He suggested.
"I don't do casual."
"Have you ever?" Patrick prodded.
"No." She admitted.
"Then, what's the problem?"
"The problem is that I can't enter into this sort of agreement. I wouldn't even know where to start."
"I happen to be an expert at this sort of thing."
"Yes." Robin nodded. "And that's just the trouble."
"You want monogamy?" Patrick offered.
"Do you really think you'd be able to provide me with that kind of reassurance?" Robin pursed her lips together.
"I keep my promises." Patrick insisted.
"And how many times have you left with your countless lovers only for them to wake up alone?"
"That's a very harsh assessment."
"Did I miss anything?"
"I make an excellent breakfast."
Robin dropped her head in her hands. "You just don't get it, do you? My life is a lot more complicated than you seem to realize. Even if you could commit to me, which by the way I'm not saying I believe you can, I'd always have to wonder if I was hurting you."
"My first test came back negative." Patrick emphasized, unconsciously running a hand through his hair.
Robin raised her head and dropped her hands into her lap, her jaw dragging the ground. There were tears in her eyes when she asked, "What do you mean, your test came back negative?"
"You told me you were HIV+ when I tried to get you out of the car."
"I did?"
"Don't you remember?" Robin shook her head, so Patrick went on, "I got tested when you were brought into the hospital. Nurse Lee gave me some meds to take."
"You thought I hurt Logan, didn't you?" Though she posed it as a question, there was guilt in her eyes when she lifted her head.
"No, I thought he'd given it to you." Patrick corrected, intertwining their fingers.
"When I was seventeen, I fell in love with a boy, Stone Cates. Mac automatically assumed that he was trouble--"
"And I bet you were right there defending him."
"Of course. At that age I thought I knew everything."
Patrick coughed loudly. "It's a good thing you've grown out of that phase."
Robin found herself smiling in spite of herself. "The more Mac told me to stay away from Stone, the more I wanted to be with him. I can understand his concern now. If Sonny hadn't taken him under his wing when he did…I don't want to think about it."
"Sonny Corinthos did something good?"
"He thought of Stone as a little brother and would be the first to admit it. The one thing Sonny asked from him before he started work was to get tested. He'd been on the streets for most of his life." Robin took a breath and gripped her fingers into fists. "His first test came back negative, so we thought we were safe."
"Did you use protection?" Patrick asked bluntly.
"What does that matter?" Robin challenged.
"I've been doing a lot of research since I was exposed and, with the right precautions, the transfer rate is minimal."
Robin didn't say anything for a long time. When she spoke, she continued her story, "Once his six-month test came in, there was no denying the results: he had full-blown AIDS. His first thought was that he had spread the disease onto me. I didn't have the energy to even consider that I could be infected." Robin tucked a loose strand behind her ear. "I didn't even want to get tested when the subject came up and trust me, it came up a lot."
"What convinced you?"
"Stone. He told me that he wouldn't be able to die in peace unless he knew. So, I got tested and my first two tests came back negative." She unconsciously squeezed Patrick's hand under hers. "I was lucky. My prognosis was hopeful and Alan kept insisting that my viral load was next to nonexistent…that I could live a full and happy life. All I could see was my first love dying in front of me."
"When did you tell him?"
"Not too long after I found out. I'd been hesitant to, but I finally broke." Robin pulled her hand away so that it was no longer touching Patrick's. "Stone didn't live very long. He was end stage, terminal, and even lost his sight. It wasn't until the day he died that he turned in my direction and shouted that he could see me. I was overjoyed, relieved…some part of me believing that maybe he could beat the AIDS. Then, he closed his eyes." Robin's hand immediately cupped her mouth as she fought for control. "So you see? Even with proper protection and research, I could infect you. It's bad enough you risked your life saving me and exposed yourself."
"Look at me." Patrick insisted, tilting Robin's chin with his thumb. "You just said that your viral load is practically nonexistent. Just because Stone's first test came back negative too doesn't mean that I'll share his fate."
"You don't understand--" Robin argued.
"No. I do understand." Patrick interjected.
"Right. Your research. Your week's worth of research means that you're fully prepared to take on a woman with HIV." Robin's eyes were sharp as razors. "Do you have any idea how many times I've heard that?"
"I'm willing to deal with the HIV." Patrick reiterated stubbornly.
"You don't deal with HIV. You live in fear of it. You pray that you'll continue to be healthy as the years go on…if you even have that long. Stone didn't. I've seen enough during the last seven years to know that I can't be naïve anymore."
"So you're going to live like a nun for the rest of your life?" Patrick surmised.
"However long that is."
"Stop it!" Patrick's anger surprised her. "You're healthy, you're responsible, and you're not going to die!"
"You can't possibly know that!" Robin retorted, slapping his hand away from her face.
"What kind of example are you setting for me if you give up?" Patrick snapped.
"Your chances are excellent. The mere possibility that you contracted this disease puts us worlds apart. Right now, there's a chance. For me, there is no positive or negative. Every morning I wake up is a blessing."
"Then why are you wasting it?" Patrick exploded.
"I know how lucky I am." Robin countered.
"You're hiding." He declared.
"You don't get to judge me! I don't tell you how to live your life." Robin shot back.
"Like hell you don't!" Patrick roared.
"Do you see? This is why it would never work between us. You're too stubborn."
Patrick's eyes widened. "At least I'm willing to take the chance. You'd rather live in your little shell."
"I want you to leave. Now." Robin said through gritted teeth.
"Fine." Patrick rose to his feet and stomped to the door.
Robin cringed when he slammed it loudly behind him.