Don and Mike looked up from the papers spread over the table when he came in.

"Hey, Leo." Mike smiled, faint and subdued. "How's he doing?"

"Woke up for a minute earlier," Leo said slowly. His eyes went to Don. He hesitated. "The medication's bothering him. I don't think he likes being drugged up so much. Maybe a weaker dose?"

Don sighed. "A weaker dose may not do much for the pain, but I'll try it."

Leo sat down across from them, stretching out his arms. It was his idea, his pleasure, to be silent guardian at Raph's bedside. But even guardians got muscle cramps. "If you don't he'll find ways not to take them. You know Raph."

"Mmm." Don smiled.

Leo hesitated. "What're you guys doing?"

Their eyes went to the papers, and the two of them heaved matching sighs. "Research. Just in case."

"Yeah?" Leo lifted one of the pages - computer printouts - and frowned. Anatomy. A cross-cut drawing of a turtle. "In case of what?"

"I want to know what that bullet might have hurt. I'm trying to compare charts of turtle physiology with human, since I have no doubt we're as much a cross inside as we are out." Don took the chart from Leo, frowning at it though Leo had no doubt he could've shut his eyes and seen the thing in his head by then. "I doubt our organs are as compressed as a natural turtle." He traced his finger over a tag pointing to the turtle's spine set in the carapace. "Raph's lucky he's not paralyzed from the waist-down. I don't think the bullet went in far enough, but it was in a good spot to do some damage."

Leo's eyes widened and he looked at the chart upside down across the table. "So what's there to worry about now? What's this 'just in case' talk?"

"Well." Don glanced at Mikey. "A lot of the problem is Raph. A wound like this will take time to heal. I have no idea what kind of internal damage he suffered, and…I'll tell you what I'm most worried about. When the bullet smashed into his plastron--" Don slapped his hand over his own gut.

Leo jumped.

"--it split. Fragmented. I think a few of those fragments might've worked their way in. If so…we can't have him moving around too soon, or they could shift and pierce an organ or an artery."

Mike hummed. "But Raph's Raph."

Leo nodded. "And he's gonna fight to move the minute he's--"

A sound from Leo's room. A thud.

Leo was up and tearing across the living room, at the door in a flash. He threw it open and bolted to the bedside. "Raph? Are you alright?"

Raph was in a heap, flat on his face beside the bed. He groaned and grabbed for the bed, looking like he was trying to push himself up.

"Stop! Don't move!" Leo grabbed him, careful not to touch him around the wound. "Don? Mike?"

Raph was tense, but bore their touch as if he was bearing some kind of torture. They got him up on the bed and on his back, as careful as they could move him.

Leo waited until he was settled. "Are you insane? What the hell are you doing?"

Raph sprawled on his back, breathing hard. "Ow."

Don stood beside Leo, looking hard at their injured brother. "I know you didn't just roll off the bed. What happened?"

Raph ground his teeth. "Gotta piss."

Leo sighed. "I don't remember short-term memory loss being a side-effect of being shot, so I know you remember how badly you're hurt."

Raph nodded without argument. Sweat made his face damp, his skin unhealthy and washed out. "Yeah. Thanks"

"Jesus, could you guys maybe save the lecture until he's not writhing in agony?" Mike moved around the bed to Raph's other side, reaching a hand for his brother. "You okay? You tear anything, or…?"

"Fine. Gotta fucking…gotta piss, Mike." Raph drew in a harsh breath.

"Yeah. It's cool. Uh…you know. Feel free."

Raph opened one eye and stared at Mike. "Y'r kidding."

Mike grinned. "We've been changing those sheets twice a day for a week now. No worries, bro."

Leo held his breath.

Raph's eyes widened. He looked over at Don and Leo, a dangerous glint in his eyes that had nothing to do with pain or sickness. "What?"

Don sighed. "Really, Raph. What did you think? You're not going to be safe to move for a while, as you've just figured out for yourself, and--"

Raph sat up.

Leo was ready. He clamped his hands on Raph's shoulder and shoved him down. A bit rough, maybe, but it wasn't be nearly as bad for him as Raph would be for himself. "Stay down!"

Raph made a small noise, a grunt of pain that was probably the most they'd ever hear out of him, no matter how much he was hurting.

Leo leaned over him, pressing him to the bed. "Unless you want us drugging you in a way you can't just spit out, you damn well better listen to us."

Raph looked up at him, just inches from his face. He met his eyes, drew in a breath, and spoke the clearest words he'd said since waking up. "Get out."

Leo didn't move.

Raph's eyes shut. "All of you. Get the hell out."

Only when the body under his hands relaxed did Leo let him go and straighten up. He glanced at Don. "Well, doc?"

Don frowned. "Raph, you can't try to move. Not yet. There's a lot we're still worried about--"

"Out."

"Come on, bro." Mike reached out and touched his arm. "They're right. You could still get--"

"Out. Now. All of you."

Leo swallowed, reaching out for Mike. "Come on."

Mike hesitated. "But--"

"Mikey." Leo nodded to the door.

Mike's hand slipping off of Raph and he sighed. "This is great. Just great. This is what we get after nearly watching you die. Real considerate, bro." He pushed away from the bed and stalked to the door. In the doorway he hesitated, as if hoping Raph would offer some apology. When it didn't come he pushed out.

Leo and Don exchanged glances. Leo nudged his arm and they left Raph on his own on the bed.

Mike was sitting on the couch, arms folded, the very picture of petulance.

Leo came and sat beside him. "Mike."

"Well, I don't care. He's rude. He doesn't realize how much--"

"Mike, he's about to piss himself and he doesn't want witnesses."

Mike's mouth clamped shut. He looked back at the doorway. "But it's been days. We've seen…"

"He hasn't seen us see." Leo patted his arm. "Just give him a few minutes."

"I can find something. Maybe get April to pick up a bedpan at some medical supply store, or…" Don sighed. His hands were shaking a little as he dropped on the chair beside the couch. "He's already getting up. I thought we'd have a few days at least."

"Sneaking him medication may not be a bad idea," Leo said quietly.

Mike frowned. "He'd be furious."

"He'd be safer."

"My sons."

Leo jumped, and they turned at the soft, gruff voice.

Splinter stood behind them, and looked like he'd been there a while. "Let's try to reason with Raphael before we break his trust."

Leo sat back, digging the wide heels of his hands into his eyes. Maybe he was tired. The vigil and the emotions and everything sneaking up on him, maybe.

Splinter moved past the couch, heading for Leo's door. "I will tend Raphael for now."

"Sensei, you might want to give him some time."

Splinter glanced back. "He will suffer me to help."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course." Splinter looked at the three of them, and smiled in faint understanding. "I'm not one of his brothers."

Leo watched him enter his bedroom, and he slumped back on the couch. "Raph's going to kill himself, isn't it?"

"It's possible. But we have lots of chains and bindings if worse comes to worst."

He shot a frown at Mike.

Mike shrugged, tired but trying. He gave a crooked smile.

Leo sat up. "Hey. Um. Don…can I talk to you for a minute."

Don's brow furrowed. "About what?"

"Uh." He glanced at Mike. "What you told me. About…things."

Mike rolled his eyes. "About Raph being hot for him, Don."

Leo's mouth dropped open.

Don chuckled quietly. "You're the last to know, Leo."

He wasn't sure he appreciated that sentiment in the slightest. He studied Mike, wondering…

Mike leaned over and nudged his arm. "Relax, bro. If I was jealous it's gone away."

Leo blinked.

Don snorted. "Jealous of which one?"

Mike grinned. "Unlike the two of them, I can keep feelings to myself."

"Oh my God. Mike's the mature one. When did that happen?" Don glanced at Leo, a version of a smile on his face.

Mike chuckled. "Now, what'd you wanna talk about?"

Leo hesitated but slumped back, half-listening for any kinds of noises from his room. "It's Raph."

"Uh huh?"

"It's Raph. He…" He waved his hand in the direction of his door. "He considers it a foul invasion of privacy if we ask where he's going at night. He's…he's stubborn, and he won't ever admit how he feels about anything, and…he almost killed himself just now rather than ask us for help going to the bathroom. He told me earlier that he doesn't feel any way at all about me."

"That's Raph alright." Mike smiled, more gentle than his usual grins. "Which part's a surprise for you?"

Leo glared at him, annoyed. "None of it. It's just…"

"Just what, Leo? You knew what you'd be getting into with Raph."

Leo sighed. "I know. I just have no idea how to go about…"

Don nodded. "It's a good question."

"What? How does someone seduce a testosterone-crammed psycho with an attitude problem?" Mike laughed. He stood up and stretched himself out, glancing at Leo's door and away again fast. There was still something shadowed in his face, despite his grins. "That's your problem, oh great leader." He clapped Leo on the head as he passed, heading for his own room.

Leo looked after him with a sigh. His problem. Great.

Don spoke after a moment, drawing his eyes. "Leo." He smiled, soft and sincere. "You're confident in yourself. You know what you are. Raph knows too, and that's who he's cared about all these years."

Hard to remember that sometimes, when all Leo had to go by was a lifetime of arguments and tearing each other down.

Don smiled, as if he was reading Leo's mind. "You remember how hard he campaigned to get the katanas? How much he raved about them? He knows what they are - they're beautiful, deadly. But he talked us into thinking he hated them once they were yours. Suddenly they were too big, too clumsy. Still, in his heart I'll bet Raph still remembers how much he loved them." He met Leo's eyes. "Sometimes if you deny something hard enough and long enough you come to believe in the denial. But the truth always outs."

Leo shook his head, watching Don stand and move to go back to his research at the table. "I don't know…"

Don looked back. "Yeah you do. Just…show him the blade is still as beautiful as the one he used to want so badly."

Leo opened his mouth. Shut it. Sat back.

He sat thinking that over for a good long time.

Raph shut his eyes, refusing to think. Refusing to even be there in that room, on that bed, with that poker in his gut.

He tried to let his mind carry him away. A rooftop looking over central park, maybe, or off with Casey chasing down some punks. His imagination had never been anything too impressive, unfortunately, and when he thought of anything else his mind brought him back to Leo.

Maybe he dreamed that whole conversation. It was possible. Leo wasn't exactly Mr. Confrontation about feelings, was he?

Then again, he'd only been talking about Raph's feelings. Not his own.

No. Not Raph's feelings. Maybe once upon a time, but those days were over. He'd been a stupid kid. A teenager, struck by some weird notion that hung around for way too long, but then left. Went away.

Gone. Not a factor in his life anymore.

Not his life. He snorted, harsh. No, his life was suddenly a bed and pain and damp sheets.

"Raphael."

He opened his eyes, anger bursting bright and hot inside him instantly. "I told you…"

Splinter stood in the doorway.

Raph looked away, grimacing.

Splinter moved in, shutting the door and coming to the bed. "You've upset your brothers."

Raph snorted. "They returned the favor."

"I will change your sheets."

He flushed hot and stared at the ceiling. "I…no."

"Raphael, I raised you and your brothers from infancy. If you think this is the first time I have changed wet sheets you are very much mistaken."

Raph didn't argue.

Splinter came up and began a slow, practiced stripping of the sheets under Raph.

His father was quiet, which was a good thing. Raph wasn't sure he could have managed to reply. Heat burned bright in his face, and the tension did nothing to help the ache in his gut.

Splinter touched him only to lean him to one side and then the other, to remove the sheet from under him.

"It's not supposed to be like this," Raph heard himself saying. Bitterness was so thick in his voice it made his words waver.

"Like what?"

Raph gritted his teeth, not taking his eyes off the ceiling. "I can handle pain and pills and that kind of crap. It's not…"

Splinter appeared above him, looking down with dark, understanding eyes.

Raph looked away, dropping his head to the side. "It's not supposed to be humiliating."

A furred hand came to rest on his arm. "Raphael. What you suffer through you did to protect Leonardo. Do you think your brothers or I would ever judge you for the side effects of that?"

Leo. He shut his eyes. "I know you say pride is a bad thing, but sometimes I don't have a lot more than pride, you know?"

"You have family. Unwavering devotion."

Raph shook his head. His eyes felt stinging and hot, but he shut his lids and didn't think about it.