Author's Note: Hello again! And here is the next chapter. I wanted to write it and post it before losing any motivation, though it was probably only slightly possible thanks to your lovely reviews! Tthe favourites and alerts as well of course!

So, this one is Shizuo's POV. Hope you will have fun with reading it as I had with writing! :D

Cold War Kids - Cold Toes On The Cold Floor

"Hunger and the lights are off, honey
Trying to find my head"

They were watching me. Some of them casting furtive glances, while others were more open with their observations, not even trying to hide their curiosity. I felt like on a fucking display and to say that I didn't like it would be an enormous understatement... And now it was not only because of my crippled-like state, but my supposed weakness for Izaya. I could bet anything that they were all whispering their theories of how I had come to like the infuriating man. Not that it was something entirely new, because... it was the reason for my visit to Izaya's apartment in the first place. A very fateful visit... Yet, it was exactly this visit that stopped me from erupting in anger and making people remember that they should keep their noses out of strangers' business.

If it was the fact that my mind was already thoroughly occupied or that I couldn't find it in me to fight over something that happened to be close to the truth was hard to decide and so I've finally stopped bothering. As long as nobody approached me any longer, I could ignore the talking. Funnily enough, though totally contradicting, most of my actions were nowadays fuelled by that damned man... After all, a day ago my blood was boiling for the very same reason and now I was able to stay calm thinking about it by myself... How it all changed so quickly...

Still, I guess more problematic were some of the mental images that kept popping out in my head spontaneously. One moment I was thinking that there was almost no milk left in fridge and that I ought to refill my supplies and the next second I had that flea's face right before my eyes, looking all flushed and bothered. How was I to function normally in that kind of a situation? The worst part was that I couldn't help the blush that coloured my cheeks in embarrassment every time it happened and I had to lower my head to hide it.

Now, it was half bad when I was surrounded by strangers, but what if I was confronted by some of my friends? Now they would certainly notice that something was amiss and wouldn't stop asking for the reason... And it could somehow lead to me saying a bit too much. I know I never was a talkative one, but when my embarrassment caught up with me... Yeah, things happened and words left my mouth when they ought to be left unsaid. And it wasn't that I always blurted out what I wanted to keep as a secret exactly. I just said things in such a way that they led to a misunderstanding or left an open field for imagination to start being creative... I wasn't good with words from the very beginning... And Izaya made sure that I was constantly reminded of it.

Right, Izaya... The sole reason for my thoughts running wild. I couldn't even blame it on age, as I was well past the 'horny teenager' phase. Actually, I didn't really have to go through it. Not in the extreme way that some of my friends seemed to. Probably because I've spent most of my time fighting the flea or all of the bastards he sent after me... Sure, there were days when I ended up with a spontaneous hard-on, which embarrassed the hell out of me most of the times, and had a few wet dreams that made my cheeks burn in shameful pleasure when I experienced them at first. There weren't many boys who didn't have to deal with their rampaging hormones in those days after all... For all that, however, I was one of the few who didn't run about enthusiastically sharing their views on how hot the girls in mini skirts were or how I would love to have a round with the girl from the front cover of some carefully smuggled porn magazine... I mostly listened to my friends in awe, not really understanding all of the commotion. Yeah, It happened that I got turned on by it, I was a teenage boy after all, but I wasn't constantly looking for an occasion to get into some girls panties... Now... That would have probably put me into some particular category of strangeness if I were to announce it more openly...

Besides, at that time I was rather feared by the female part of the school and when you coupled that with my poor conversational skills my chances of having a relationship of any kind were really low... Ehhh... There were a few girls that approached me by themselves, yet they all turned out to be real weirdos after less then three minutes of talking to me. No matter how hard they tried to convince me, I wasn't into some strange stuff like chains, cuffs and especially inflicting pain on other people or receiving it. I might have been a delinquent, but not a fucking sadist or whatever they fought I was... To think of it, those chicks were probably Izaya's doing... He was that kind of a sick fuck... And I was seeing him in 'that' kind of light... Well, that was quite... hilarious if you were to look at it with some distance, I suppose...

Fuck! So what? He made me feel more like a teenager that I've felt all of my actual teenage years? Somehow, I didn't really think about it that way, though... Shit! All this years I haven't even had a stupid relationship with a girl, not to mention having sex with one and now... With a man that was the one and only Orihara Izaya... Shit, shit, shit! At least he wasn't my first kiss because that would have cracked me up. Small fucking wonders, huh...? And why was I so fucking composed about all of this? Shouldn't I be like... crashing my skull into a nearby wall in distress? Right... I've told myself that I wasn't running from this and that was that. Though, why it came to me so naturally I had no idea... It was idiotic! I considered being shaken up by the situation and... couldn't gather my strength or motivation for it. And I considered it only... now, after my... ugh... heated encounter with Izaya. Though, if I felt that way and I wasn't freaked out, why trying to make things more complicated? I wasn't going to change into that over-analysing guy. I liked keeping things clear and easy, right? Yeah, that was me... It was all fine...

Being realistic appealed to me as the best way of dealing with things. It should put me more at ease and maybe that would lessen the number of my Izaya-filled visions. If not, then I just had to keep my head really low and prey for good timing... It's not like I could command my head to stop, though it sounded more than pleasing.

There was that quiet whisper telling me I was acting like a total moron – accepting everything too easily, but what else could I really do? Besides, if something felt right, how could it be wrong? Well, not in my book... Maybe it was a simplistic view on it, yet as I said before, I wasn't fond of overly complicated things when there was no real need to make them harder to understand. Seeing Izaya in those visions was disturbing, not denying that, though... it didn't repulse me or anything. Actually, it was... hmmm... it was... quite the opposite. And it was the only real problem, because... who would have wanted to parade around the city in a flustered state? It was fucking embarrassing!

My leg throbbing more than usual was a constant reminder of my encounter with Izaya too. Normally it was a dull pain and now I could hardly forget about it. Shinra was going to be furious – if he was to find out about it that is, because I had no intention of sharing that kind of revelations with him. Come one! He had enough material to blackmail me than anyone else except Izaya himself probably. I wasn't giving him any more ammunition... I doubted there was any serious danger to my leg thanks to yesterday's, or maybe it was today's, actions. I was simply tired and the little sleep I had was not very comfortable. Plus, I have been standing too long in a crouched position... Yeah... The reason for it wasn't to be discussed between me and Shinra for sure...

Thanks to my condition, the walk home was extended in time and made me a bit cranky. I wanted to eat some breakfast and drink my favourite strawberry milk for comfort. And if someone found it childish than it was his problem, not mine... After that, I was going to take a refreshing, but warm shower, trying not to strain my leg any more. I had that funny little plastic stool that Shinra gave me for that particular purpose. We had one at home when I was younger, but I never learned to use it... I liked standing under the water spray. The slow water movement down my back had a soothing effect on me, helping to relax my tense muscles. There were never enough calming activities, so I cherished every little one...

Going back to my plan for the day, after the shower I could sleep in my own bed and recover a bit of strength before doing anything else. There will be only me and a blissful silence. No arguments, threats or complains. No one to stir my feelings. Just soundless, so much needed sleep. Hopefully, without any dreams about the flea. Hopefully...

It appeared, however, that I wasn't lucky enough, as a high-pitched, excited voice reached my ears about two blocks from the peaceful sanctuary of my home. A very dreaded voice, belonging to a person that no one in my circumstances would have been eager to bump into... Namely, Karisawa Erika... accompanied by that Walker boy, of course... Unfortunately, Kadota was nowhere to be seen. The only person that could have saved me from the certainly oncoming attack. I really had a shitty luck these days!

"Shizuuu-chan! Shiiii-zuuu-chaaan! We are so lucky to meet you! You don't know how much I was hoping to see you, ne~, Yumacchi? Are you maybe running away from the public eye, Shizu-chan? No! Wait! Were you secretly meeting with Orihara-san? Ahhh! You must have been! Were you at his place all this time, letting him tend to your wounds? Ahhh! But no! It surely is a tragic, one-sided love! Were you discarded by him just now, that's why we were finally able to get a hold of you? Poor Heiwajima-san... But do not worry, Erika is here! I will certainly help you to win Orihara-san back! This hate-love relationship must have a happy ending and I will assure of that, ne~, Yumacchi? And it will all end in a moving manly love full of understanding and passion after all this years of useless fighting each other in denial... Oh my GOD! Shizu-chan, you must let me help you! Just... let me hear all the details first!" she exclaimed loudly.

Did she even breathe while speaking? But that wasn't the problem! What the heck was that all supposed to mean? Where those the ideas circulating around the city or was it only Erika's private ones? And why the fuck was she offering her help? Was the girl totally insane?

After asking that question I almost facepalmed myself. It was Karisawa... I had seen her once or twice in that kind of state and heard quite a bit from Kadota the few times I had talked with the man without his strange gang around... And that's why I dreaded meeting the girl.

But for fuck's sake! It was worse than physical assault, because for some strange reason I just couldn't hit her to shut her up no matter how irritating she was... Not that it stopped my blood from boiling in my veins dangerously and my muscles from tensing in a barely controlled anger. Though, this time it was mixed with a high dose of embarrassment that didn't seem to leave me nowadays... Shit! The embarrassment was worse than being pissed off! And who could blame me? How could she talk to another person about that kind of things so openly? She wasn't even my friend or anything... Just someone who happened to know me thanks to Kadota. And here she was... treating me like her buddy or whatever... And what was that about some sick hate-love relationship and moving manly love full of understanding and passion? And asking to give her some details? After my dead body! Fuck! The need to crush something was starting to be really overwhelming!

"Karisawa-san..." I managed to choke out through greeted teeth. "Stop talking, please...!" I warned.

"But Shizu-chan! How are you going to win Orihara-san by yourself? Every potential seme has a friend helping him to get on the right track with his lover when problems show on the horizon! Is that not the time for me to push this inevitable romance into motion...? If that's you being tsundere then I can understand, but... That's not the time to be shy or in denial still! Shizaya love must break through the walls of hatred once and for all!" she exclaimed even louder than before and I felt that familiar 'pop' in my ears, the sign that the vein on my temple started to pulse like mad...

"Erika! I don't think you should... Look at Heiwajima-san... Do you want to... get killed?" the Walker boy said to her in a whisper that still could be heard by me. At least he had some common sense...

"Yumacchi! There is no place for fear when dealing with the canon romance filling the air of Ikebukuro! It's almost as if you tried denying that Morinaga and Souichi sempai aren't meant to be!" she shouted at him.

"But Erika... Isn't it a whole lot different than the current situation? Their roles and the characters are totally reversed... Sempai is with the anger problems, but he is the one in denial and uke and for Morinaga, he is naturally kind-hearted... How is it to Heiwajma-san and Orihara-san? Isn't it like... Way more complicated than in the Tyrant?" he asked her, losing his focus on me.

Let me repeat myself... What the fuck? What was this nonsensical blabber? Who were those Morinaga and Souichi? Possible seme, uke, tsundere? What kind of Japanese was that? Were they even still talking about the same thing? Canon romance? Who the fuck was canon?

On another thought, if it was them, I was better left not knowing... Ignorance could be bliss, no matter what the flea told me about being stupid because of that kind of attitude... And... If they were quarrelling like that... It was a chance for me to disappear without them noticing... I couldn't let it pass!

Being faithful to that thought, I turned my back on them and resumed my walk home in the fastest pace possible, just to leave the demonic duo behind. It was too much for me to bear with and to stay sane or simply not to destroy a big part of the town in anger...

It took them around three minutes to notice I wasn't there and that was enough for me to reach a safe distant, even with my crutches in the way. They had that much sanity not to fallow me... If they did, I wasn't sure how long I would keep a hold on myself. Were there any normal people in this city left? Ehhh... Not that I was one of them...

When I've finally stepped inside of my house a loud sigh left my mouth. Home, sweet home, huh? There was so much truth in this simple statement right now... Despite my apartment not being especially spacious or fancy, the surrounding walls gave me a sense of calm and safety – more than anything else at least. It were my own four walls and that was enough...

The moment I entered, I went for the fridge and took a bottle of the aforementioned strawberry milk, leftover yakisoba and an ampan to go with the milk. I didn't even have the strength to heat up the noodles, but cold were edible as well, so why bother? I ate in a hurry and after having a satisfactorily full stomach and washing down some of the pills that Shinra gave me with the milk, I moved to the bathroom.

The shower felt like heaven, easing some pain away from my sore muscles and washing the sweat that lingered on my skin due to the long walk that was now like a hard exertion for me. I definitely needed it...

A few minutes later I was in my bed, lying under the covers and waiting for sleep to take me. Obviously... It didn't happen.

Why? An irritating buzzing sound filled my ears and made me furrow my brows. What now...? People had the worst of timings lately...! I considered ignoring the ringing, but the person on the other side of the line was fucking insistent... I gave up and accepted the call with the initial intend to rid off the caller as fast as possible. Obviously... it didn't happen as well...

"What?" I asked grumpily, not caring that I sounded rude at this point.

"Oi, Shizu-chan... You're hurting my feelings even before giving me an occasion to speak. How rude of you!" I heard the happy voice fill my ears.

Go figure that from all possible people it would be him to call me at such time...

"Why the heck are you calling me, flea? I have no time for listening to your rambling. I want to fucking sleep!" I growled in to the phone.

I talked about acceptance and such? Yeah, I did, but when I was tired I tended to by cranky. So what...?

"My my... What a foul humour you have there, Shizu-chan. Is it because you had to leave me? I'm deeply moved... Maybe I should come to you and make it all better, ne~?" he proposed and I emitted an inarticulate sound deep in my throat. It wasn't especially friendly... "Was that a yes? Or are you doing some naughty things when listening to my voice, Shizu-chan? Isn't that a bit early in the relationship? And here I thought you were all shy and inexperienced..." was his answer.

"Shut up flea!" I shouted, my face instantaneously getting hot at his implications. That bastard! "If the reason you called me was to make fun of me then I'm hanging up!"

"Oi, oi! You're no fun at all... I was just trying to lighten your mood a bit, nothing to get angry over." he replied smoothly.

"Then stop with the fucking harassment!" I announced angrily.

"What harassment? I'm definitely not harassing you, Shizu-chan..."

"Then what's that talk about... naught things, you sly bastard, huh?"

"Oh, that...? That isn't harassment. That's just my wishful thinking..." he said in a happy voice, with a hint of laughter in it.

"Fuck, flea! I'm not listening to this any more!" I shouted again, my face twice as hot as before.

Was he even thinking about his words? Ehhh... Of course he was... That's why it was so easy for him to piss me off... But, wasn't it him who freaked out after what happened? So... why was he talking like that to me and implying things? It was okay as a joke but not when it happened in real life? As hell I was going to let him do that!

"Oi, Shizu-chan! Don't you hang up on me! I get it, no more dirty jokes... Fine..." he whined purposely. "I just wanted to tell you to stay put tomorrow, because I'm going to show myself at your place. Can you do that for me, Shizu-chan? I'll bribe you with sweets if that's necessary, ne~? I have a couple of questions for you..." he announced in that sing-song voice of his.

"Whatever flea, my leg is hurting anyway so you can come. Just... no funny tricks." I replied and carefully thought about my next sentence.

Fuck! I was going to say this! Just to show him that he's not the only one who matters in this game. If he wanted to act like that, then he had to bare with consequences, because sure as fuck I hated when someone acted like a diva and changed his mind every other hour or played with me so easily... He had to make up his mind! And if what I was about to say had the potential to make him watch his words then fine by me... Not that it helped with the stress...

I took a deep breath and spoke.

"Hey, Izaya... What would you do if... If I did... If I did touch myself...?" I managed to say in a broken tone.

My cheeks burned with embarrassment and shame. But, shit! I really said that...

There was silence on the other line of the phone...