Mike glanced behind the couch. He eyed the shut door into Leo's room.

He sighed and turned back. He grabbed the remote and turned the sound down even further than it was. Just in case. Had to keep his ears open. Anyway, he'd stopped focusing on the show about ten minutes ago, so it didn't really matter whether he could hear it or not.

He drummed his hand on his leg. Swords flashed on the screen. A lot of running and jumping and yelling.

He was supposed to be mad, damn it. He was mad. Legitimately angry.

But it wasn't like Raph could get up if he needed something.

His own fault.

But. If he needed something…

Damn it.

Mike sighed and dropped the remote to the cushion beside his leg. He stared at the screen, watching mouths moving and robes blowing in the breeze.

He stood.

Don's door was still closed. Leo and Splinter were holed up in Splinter's room, the smell of Splinter's most calming incense filtering out.

It wasn't right for Raph to be alone.

He stood and moved around the couch, going to Leo's door. He tapped his knuckles against the wood. Almost too faint for anyone to hear.

There was no answer.

Mike drew in a breath and steadied himself. He threw his shoulders back, pasted a broad grin on his face, and moved through the door. "Hey!"

He moved in, and the air inside that room was so still that he couldn't help but imagine a Mike-shaped disturbance going through fog.

Raph lay still, right where Mike last saw him. His eyes were open, but his head didn't turn. He stared up at the ceiling.

Mike swallowed, but he didn't falter. "Hey, Raph. I had this thought. You ever think about what we'd be like if we were human?"

Raph didn't move.

Mike dropped right on the bed, throwing a knee up beside Raph's still arm. "I was wondering…I mean, I guess 'cause the humans we know best are April and Casey, right? So I always pictured myself as a white guy. But, man. Every episode of Afro Samurai I watch makes me wanna grow a big afro and talk like Sam Jackson." He grinned, trying to make his voice deep. "'I am number two!'"

Raph's face tilted. His eyes moved to Mike's face.

Mike beamed. "I think I'd be a good black guy."

Raph cleared his throat. "Mikey…" He spoke like it hurt. But he swallowed and tried again, and it was a little clearer. "You're the whitest guy I know."

"Hey!" Mike's grin took on some actual sincerity once Raph was looking at him. "Come on. Don and Leo are a little whiter."

Raph's mouth quirked, almost like he wanted to smile. But he drew a breath and it went away.

Mikey got the feeling Raph was keeping it hidden.

Raph looked back up at the ceiling. "Thought you were mad."

"You know me." Mike shrugged. "I don't have the attention span to hold a grudge." He reached out, slipping fingers over Raph's limp arm. "How you doing?"

Raph swallowed.

Mike let his grin fade. He lowered his voice a little, leaning over his brother. "Really, Raph."

Raph met his eyes. "I'm a little thirsty."

Mike felt his spine stiffen. He pulled his hand away, afraid Raph would feel him getting cooler.

He stood up and backed up a step. "Yeah? Um, I can get you some more water."

"Please."

Oh, man. Mike grabbed the glass from by the bed and offered a faint smile as he moved back out the door.

Outside Leo's room he hesitated, wide-eyed and worried.

He hadn't noticed it until he met Raph's eyes. He knew Raph, knew his moods and his expressions. He had seen his bro with every possible feeling behind his eyes. Even things Leo and Donnie had never seen. Mike knew him.

And he knew that whatever was in Raph's face now was wrong.

His eyes were dull. His voice was too soft.

Someone was home in that head, but it didn't seem like his Raphael.

Mike moved to the kitchen on heavy feet.

He went to the sink and filled Raph's glass, and for a minute he stood there, one hand braced against the edge of the counter. He stared at nothing, just thinking about the last few days. Weeks, even.

That one stupid fight in the alley. One wrong move. Leo turning his back on his enemy just because he thought he was harmless. Such a stupid mistake for Leo.

Raph had seen what none of them saw. He moved without hesitation. Had to've, to have gotten there in time.

And Mike went running ahead, tearing through the tunnels certain that his brother was dying and he was trying to escape it.

It wasn't fair. None of it. It wasn't fair that Raph was this hurt, or that he wouldn't listen to Donnie and stay off his feet. It wasn't fair that none of them knew what would happen.

"Mikey?"

He jumped, the glass nearly slipping from his clenched hand. Whirling, he sucked in a breath when he saw Leo standing in the doorway.

Leo smiled, wan. "Sorry."

"Yeah, what you just did right there? That was not cool." Mike plastered a smile back up and relaxed his death grip on the water glass. "How's it going, Leo?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

Mike shrugged.

Leo looked back over his shoulder. "It's about Raph."

There he was, tense again just like that. Mike moved to the table and set the glass down before he strangled it to death. "What about him?"

"I think I made a mistake with him."

Mike thought back on those dull brown eyes. "I think we all did," he said faintly.

"Hmm?"

Mike swallowed that thought down. "What'd you do?"

Leo studied him for a moment, and then sighed. "I know about you two. I mean…a lot of it. I don't know how you...if it would be weird for you to…"

Leo struggling for words was a rarity, and Mike held up a hand to cut it off. He smiled, almost sincere. "It's okay. I don't mind talking about him. Or any of that past stuff. It's not something I regret, you know."

"I'm glad." Leo looked back over his shoulder again. "I, uh…I don't suppose Splinter knows."

Mike laughed. "No. No way. Raph was scared to death of him finding out, too."

"Oh." Leo slumped a little as he turned back to Mike. "Well. Look, I don't want to make you rehash your past. I just…I did something stupid with Raph. I never actually told him how I feel."

Mike studied him, brow furrowed.

"I thought it would be hard enough getting him to admit how he felt." Leo frowned, rubbing at his neck. "Or maybe I wasn't willing to admit it myself, until I was sure how he felt. I think…I never even realized it, Mike. Not until he said something. I think I was a coward."

"Nah." Mike moved around the table, clapping a hand on Leo's shoulder. "You're no coward. And don't worry about words. Raph never did put much value in words."

Leo thought about that. "But…he told me…"

Mike met his eyes, as serious suddenly as he ever was about anything. "You love him?"

Leo's surprised gaze locked on his.

Mike held steady. "I mean really. In a non-leader, non-brother kind of way. Do you really love him, Leo?"

Seconds ticked by. Leo stayed silent.

Mike tensed the longer he went without answering. It occurred to him that Leo should have been able to say yes right off the bat if he did.

But then Mike studied his older brother's face, and he realized. Leo was simply considering it. He was giving the question focus, the thoughtfulness that he thought it deserved.

That was Leo's style.

Mike drew a breath. "You don't have to tell me yet. I know you like tossing these kinds of things around your lobes for a while. You should maybe give him a little space until you can say one way or the other, though."

Leo frowned, but his head gave a terse, slight nod.

Mike squeezed his shoulder. "As for what you've admitted, remember who it is we're talking about. When did Raph ever put what we say above what we do?" He smiled, though he couldn't help but feel wistful. He felt like he was handing Raph over to Leo, giving up on a dream that died a long time ago but still wasn't properly buried.

"Raph…" He spoke haltingly. "Raph will figure out how you feel from what you do. Make him believe it and you could go the rest of your life without ever having said the words, and he would be happy."

Leo studied him, a little trace of a smile returning to his face. "When you and he…" He let out a breath. "Did you…?"

Mike nodded. "I loved him, and he loved me. You ever watch one of Splinter's stories? You ever hear some melodramatic human tell another melodramatic human that sometimes love just isn't enough? Before Raph, I thought that idea was stupid. But it's not. Love should be enough to overcome anything, but it isn't."

Leo glanced over his shoulder suddenly, but relaxed and turned back to Mike. "I want it to be enough," he said.

Mike grinned wryly. "So did I." He grabbed the glass of water. "I gotta get this to him. You gonna go meditate some more?"

Leo smiled at that. "Is it that obvious?"

Mike shrugged. "To me, but I'm really remarkably smart."

"Yeah." Leo grinned, tapped him on the arm. "You are, sometimes."

Mike moved past him through the door. He looked out, but Splinter and Don were safely tucked out of sight. He remembered suddenly Leo's nervous looks back, and he stopped. "Hey, Leo?"

"Yeah?"

Mike turned back to him. "This is just a thought, of course, and I'm sure you can come up with things on your own and all, but…"

Leo smiled. "Spit it out, Mikey."

"Well." He nodded over at Splinter's closed door. "All that scared looking around you're doing?"

Leo's smile faded. He looked at Splinter's closed door.

"Seems to me that if you could face our sensei and admit to him that you feel a way you know he might not approve of, and maybe even ask for his blessing? Well, that would be a hell of a first step towards proving how you feel."

He turned before Leo could stammer out some answer. Even with his back turned he could feel Leo's sheer terror at the thought of confessing to Splinter.

Mike hoped he wasn't too scared, though. He hoped that Leo thought and meditated about it, and realized how much he loved Raph, and realized that Splinter's reaction, whatever it was, would be worth it.

Raph put so much of his faith in himself in what he could do. The little goals, like benching his own weight, or besting a dozen enemies in one night. In that bed Raph was denied those things, and his faith was already slipping away too far for Mike to be able to reach.

The dull-eyed version of Raph that he was taking that water to was a stranger, and maybe Leo could chase that stranger off and bring Raphael back.