Author's Note: First, yup, it was horribly long, but finalising my Erasmus exchange unfrotunately took more of my time an nerves that I hoped for. Secondly, on a better note, those are 10 pages of of text in Word. What a change for me ;D Thirdly, how it came out like that? I have no clue. It just did... Rushed? maybe a bit, but... Blame it on the boys ;P And finally and most importantly, thank you for any form of encouragement you guys gave me, be it reviews or alerts and such. Once I'm nice an settled in my Erasmus exchange country, I will certainly write back to those who commented.

Kings of Convenience - The Build Up

"The build up lasted for days,
lasted for weeks,
lasted too long."

I came to the rare conclusion that sometimes I really should think twice before saying and deciding about anything remotely important. Like forming a relationship for example; or rather coming in closer touch with no other than Orihara Izaya in the first place... No matter how ironic it was that the said person once so kindly informed me about the positive sides of thinking.

I was so not going to reflect upon it. Not in the nearest future at least.

Putting all of that aside, the situation I have now found myself in proved to be far from my expectations concerning my nearest future. And how it was even possible for him to be doing that to me was beyond the little comprehension I had at that moment. Why wasn't it someone else? How on earth could I let this happen? I should have insisted more stubbornly and I wouldn't be in this compromising position—vulnerable under his hands and with mixed feelings of embarrassment, anger and dread of him seeing and touching me anywhere near the horrible evidence of my, hopefully, temporary handicap.

It was more than hard to keep myself from lashing out and crashing his hands in my iron grip, just to regain any resemblance of ease—if it was possible after having been already scrutinized by his intense gaze. Though, trying to do that would probably prove to be a good distraction from my disturbing thoughts—even if for a mere moment.

And while it might have been funny or simply idiotic for some people to feel the way I was feeling—having in mind that the guy had had a hand in my pants and, more adequately, on my dick—it did nothing to help me stifling my anxiety. I did not like Izaya looking at my scars the least bit. More so, I was firmly against it. Up to this point in time it seemed...

One would pinpoint I had a say in this; however, the attack was well thought out and focused on my weak points. Not to forget about Izaya having certain allies on his side, which made even less sense to me...

Life proved to be cruel once again and here I was—laying on my stomach, clad in nothing more but a pair of boxers and one improperly cheerful Orihara Izaya hoovering over my left side.

To state I was a tad bit nervous didn't give the whole picture of my predicament.

I was mortified.

Izaya, on the other hand, was undoubtedly having fun—the little sadist.

"Shizu-chan, I have told to you to relax at least six times now and your muscles still resemble a string ready to snap. It would be beneficial to us both if you finally let it go and eased the tension a little bit. It's hard to do anything at all, otherwise. Besides, there is really no reason for you to act like that. I'm not going to do anything to harm you, ok? I wouldn't want Shinra on my back for that kind of thing, seeing as I've promised to leave you unscathed." Izaya tried to reassure me in his best impression of a soothing voice.

I bit my bottom lip to compose myself before replying.

"Yeah, you promised not to harm me... intentionally. Though, it leaves a bit of a room for manipulation, don't you think?"

"Oh my... We've already been through this, Shizu-chan. I'm not performing a brain surgery on you, now do I? Since when are you such a chicken, huh? You're not the first one to be going through this and while I won't lie to you about about the pain, I can assure you I will make it as painless as possible. I have quite the knack for it, not too sound overly confident in my abilities..." he said slowly, rubbing the right side of my back with his now warm and slightly slick hand.

It was meant to relax, yet it only managed to get me more tense.

"It's not about the fucking pain and you know it! Besides, why do you want to do it in the first place?" I growled almost.

A long sigh could be heard, the hand on my back stopping in its ministrations.

"You can certainly come off as dense in particular situations, concerning particular topics, Shizu-chan. I think I should provide you with a book treating of social norms of the human society and more specifically, human relationships. We are in a relationship, hence I do not want anyone to touch you and, logically, prefer to do all of the touching myself. It's called affection and maybe possessiveness to a point... Attraction and desire too." he added after a moment of silence.

I managed to give him a warning glare through one of my shoulders.

"Bullshit! Don't think I haven't seen your Cheshire grin the moment the possibility of tormenting me this way became real. It's humiliating and I have every fucking right to be pissed off and not like it! You just choose the right words to make it sound as if you were doing it with pure intentions. I refuse to buy it!" I stated in a low tone.

Izaya lightly tapped his fingers on the skin of my back, as if processing my words for a moment.

"Firstly, I didn't clarify my intentions when I decided to participate in this activity. It would be pointless to insist on harbouring one hundred percent pure feelings when faced with a situation in which one's lover is spread before one's face in little to no clothing; especially regarding the kind of physique you are blessed with, Shizu-chan. Yet, how me taking pleasure in marvelling at your body is humiliating, I fail to see. Those are just your insecurities eating at you."

I took a deep breath to digest Izaya's words and while I understood what he was saying, accepting it was another story. Besides, it sounded somehow... condescending when spoken by Izaya in that kind of strangely soothing and patient tone. It scratched me the wrong way.

"Look, I don't think I care for you pretty words. I don't fucking want you to look at my fucking scars! No one to look at them, except when it is utterly necessary. Is that so hard to understand?"

Izaya only clicked his tongue in what sounded like dismay, resuming the tapping of his fingers on my back.

"Oh my, what's with you and the fear of being ridiculed, Shizu-chan? You should try taking sarcasm less seriously. Still, I'm sorry for bringing it to your attention, but you're lying in front of me for about fifteen minutes now and I didn't once comment upon what you seem to fear the most. More so, if you care to remember, I have had an occasion to do it before in Shinra's presence and desisted from it. In this light, it makes your argumentation rather void, don't you think?"

I clenched my fists, trying to fight the urge to attack him with useless invectives for his bloody cheekiness and strangely, managed to refrain from it.

"You're one cheeky bastard, Izaya!"

"Currently at your service, Shizu-chan." was his happy reply and the hands on my back where gone, only to reappear after a minute or two, with a refreshing aroma accompanying them.

"What is that shit you're going to use?" I asked more out of the need to say something then curiosity itself.

"Oh? You mean the oil? A mixture of various herbs, I think. I'm not aware of the exact ingredients; though, I'm quite sure I can smell bergamot and camphor. It's something recommended by Shinra. It's to warm up your muscles and make them relax, as well as relieve the pain. It does seem to be quite problematic for you... Relaxation, that is."

I could hear the grin in Izaya's voice even without seeing his face.

"And you blame me? It's one hell of an almost otherworldly experience. I don't think I was ready for that..." I muttered under my breath.

"Let me say it... You were ready for a couple of heated kissed, a mutual handjob and phone sex? Yet you aren't ready for a massage... And not even an erotic massage, but one which aims at improving your health condition? You evaluate things in the strangest of ways, Shizu-chan..." Izaya said in a clearly amused tone.

I could only feel myself shrinking into the professional massage table I was lying on, my skin suddenly feeling a few degrees warmer.

This was so fucked up! I didn't need him to verbalise it. Oh, but it certainly amused him to no end...

"It's different! All of those times you haven't actually seen my naked ass, now have you?" I pinpointed aggressively.

"And I'm not seeing it now, as it's safely covered by those hideous boxers you insisted on wearing, which are entirely redundant, may I add. I should have at least that kind of payment for giving you my helping hand..." he added, patting my ass lightly through the fabric of the aforementioned blue-grey checkered piece of underwear.

"It sounds so fucking sick I don't even want to argue about it... and stop fondling my ass or you're going to have yourself to worry about." I added grimly.

"How morbid of you, Shizu-chan. Yet again, I can't see the sickness of my own words... Or do you actually plan to make hypocrisy your main life goal as of now? Why is me fondling your ass at the moment any different from you doing it while we kiss? Do I have less rights in this relationship? If that's the case, I think we might have to sit down for a while and talk out how we should continue with it... I refuse being downgraded in any way. We're only so far ahead in our relations and you already create problems that should have been easily avoided." Izaya continued with his talk and my anger flared with every second.

To think a couple of days ago we were sitting together on my couch and making out without useless quarrels. Almost.

"Where exactly do you take all of that relationship bubble from, Izaya? Girly magazines? What is really the point of it?"

I was becoming tired of lying on that stupid table in the same position and listening to Izaya complaining.

"You've finally asked. I wondered how long it was going to take you... My point? Well, I was simply trying to show you it's hardly possible for you to out-talk me in that kind of situation. You were simply lacking the right arguments. I cannot forget about you squirming so lovely in discomfort. But it's your own fault for spurring me on... It's really more entertaining than directly addressing your main problem. You do it well enough by yourself, actually— such is the power of self-consciousness upon human beings. From what conclusions I had time to draw, no matter how I would approach the topic, you would have considered it an attack on your persona. Silence on my side and letting you to decide about mentioning it more directly held much more appeal than any other approach. I can see; however, it did little to reassure you—meaning I could have been more crude from the beginning and spare us some time." Izaya ended his little monologue, the warmth in his voice dropping a bit, making him sound more like... himself.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Izaya?" confusion filled my words.

"I'm talking about you being a goddam baby! How long are you going to be hang up on those scars of yours? I could swear, you had more sense in you than that... It's not like it's the first one, so what the fuss is about? While it might be less pretty than that on your chest made by my humble self, or any of the smaller one's you have accumulated along the years, it doesn't deform any part of your body usually visible to others and doesn't exactly made one run in fear and disgust when looking at it. I didn't even cringe the first time I saw it. I was a bit dumbfounded and shocked, I admit, but that was all thanks to the screws rather than the scars and the fact something was finally able to take you down for more than twenty-four hours at best. So, kindly, stop making an idiot out of yourself above the norm. It's hard to look at you without pity then... And I don't think you would like to have my pity in the first place. I dare say you would detest it. Am I right?" a sly, knowing smile slowly stretched Izaya's lips.

I seethed internally, cursing this man's ability to peep into others' minds.

"So what if you are?! I hate it when people have a laugh at my fucking expense; especially if it's my misery that amuses them. I hate it! I hate that there would be nothing I could do to stop you from it; and you had a long time to polish your skills, so you would certainly pin all of the needles in the right fucking places for it to hurt." I replied bitterly, slowly caring less and less if my words showed how much in distress I actually was.

"It's your own fault for relying on your strength as the only tool to deal with problems. Aside of cigarettes as a poor stress reliever, of course. Not that they are an option right now... Either way, if you expected me coddling you like a vulnerable, delicate victim wronged by the world then there are no brain cells left in your head. You know me—to a point. You had your chance. I was nice for a long time, but you didn't stop whining. Being myself, there are certain lines that—when crossed—leave no place for kind-heartedness. Besides, sometimes people need a good punch in the head to get their marbles back. You, Shizu-chan, forgot who you were talking to a few good hours ago. I didn't promise to divest myself from every evil and perfidious cell in my organism when proposing for us to be together. That would be utterly impossible and, even if, not in the area of my interest. Still, I did not taunt you much until you virtually asked for it. What does that signify?" he asked, obviously awaiting for an answer.

At this point in our conversation—if one could name it one—I was beginning to get cold from lying exposed and my head started to throb from all the talking that I tried to make sense of. While I was not an idiot, focusing so long on words that I did not like one bit and trying to control my usual bodily reaction fuelled by anger happened to be exhausting.

Was that Izaya's goal? To deprive me from any physical strength and then do whatever he saw fit to my body, half-dead on the massage table? No matter how usual Izaya-like it sounded, something told me to doubt it. It would be too easy, or pointless. What could he do with a dead weight? Nothing to his liking—if his comment about preferring his partners lively and without inhibitions held any truth. Not that he had to do anything remotely sexual. Though, shamefully, it was the first thing that came into my mind...

God, was I becoming sick...

"Signify? That you did not particularly feel like it?" I answered to his question in a half-mocking, half-dreading tone.

"I... have no words for you, Shizu chan...! Oh, wait. That would be a lie, actually. You would have to try a lot harder to achieve that... Never mind. Your attempt at sarcasm was ill-founded. The level of your idiocy better not be contagious, or I'm going to sue you for damages to my thinking capacity... Is there a possibility of you answering after making some use of the remains of your brain?"

What did it matter to him?

"Why do I have to bother answering? You already know it."

"Yes, but you seem to have problems with ascribing my actions and words any logical meaning. When actions and words are of no use, what's there left? Why do I bother with a neanderthal like you is above me..." he snorted darkly.

"Well, sorry mister perfection, but you were the one who asked me out. And you are the one who insisted on spending more time together, as well as being my masseur. What does that signify?" I asked slyly.

"Probably that the neurons in my brain suffered from some kind of a short-circuit and propelled me into the absurd action of giving you a chance to bathe in my splendour, while I have to stomach your protozoan ways. If there was a god, I would not be condemned to such hardships. As there seems to be none, at least not one fancying me, I'm stuck with you, brute." Izaya sing-songed in a dramatic way.

I admit, I had to resist from snickering. But just because of the absurdity in his words...

"You talk way too fucking much—it's like a never ending string of words."

"It's just that you find it hard to put together more than three or fours words into a full sentence."

"Whatever..." I murmured.

I decided it was finally time to relent. Our argument was leading nowhere and I just had to lie there like an idiot, while Izaya tired me with his musings.

I was partially stuck. He, in his stubbornness, was not going anywhere as well, so there was little left to do than let him perform that bloody massage and get it over with, all mental discomfort aside.

"I must be hearing things, Shizu-chan... Are you finally letting it go?" he asked in surprise.

Not that he was much surprised in reality, I supposed. His tone indicated mock surprise, rather.

"Just start what you were supposed to do about half an hour ago and stop prattling." I sighed.

"And whose fault was that in the first place, for not allowing me to work?"

"Don't push your luck, flea!" I growled warningly.

"Izaya."

"Izaya what? Are you going to talk about yourself in third person now?"

"No. You should have said 'Don't push your luck, Izaya'. It was simply error correction. I have a name for a reason." he answered happily.

"The same as me, but you don't exactly get that either." I drawled out.

"We have already discussed that particular issue. I though we had came to an understanding. Have we not? Well, in that case, we may do it a-"

"Just start the fucking massage already, IZAYA!" I interrupted him desperately.

Why was he intent on being such an irritating ass today? Those couple of days after he came to talk with me, things appeared to settle down a bit. What the heck was wrong today?

"See? Was that so hard?" he added and I had to bit my tongue not to curse him some more.

It was good that I stopped myself; though, as soon he began the massage, which was the initial cause for our verbal fight.

The little I have thought about the massage the moment it had became obvious Izaya was going to do it, I imagined it to focus directly on my injured leg and the muscles around it. Yet, Izaya started from my back and shoulders, slowly and meticulously covering my skin in the scented oil and kneading the tense muscles.

If not for earlier, I would have given him my words of approbation. After the initial pain of tight muscles giving way under the strong and sure touch, it felt heavenly relaxing.

Not that I would admit it to the bastard.

"Have you fallen asleep Shizu-chan? Am I really that good?" he had to ask in that moment and I greeted my teeth.

Leave it to him to choose the timing perfectly.

"As if. I just don't have anything to say. Maybe aside from the fact I find it more than strange that you're trained in that kind of thing. I didn't take you for that kind of guy." I spoke of what was gnawing at my head for quite some time.

"What kind of a guy does being able to perform professional massages make me?" he inquired, continuing his rubbing and kneading, changing the technique or strength of his palms, now administering to the muscles on the sides of my spine.

"A kind guy? Someone willing to aid others in their pain? I don't know... But, you wouldn't be able to use your skills on yourself mostly, right? So why learn it in the first place. What's there in it for you, huh?"

Maybe it was somewhat insensitive to ask your own...boyfriend about something blatantly stating his selfishness, seeming lack of disinterestedness. However, it was Izaya in question and he did not bother hiding many of his faults. He knew I was aware of them too, obviously. I made sure he heard what I thought of him in the past. While some things changed, others did not and not mentioning them for whatever reason would be... well, absurd.

If I was not made out of glass, the same went for Izaya.

"Nice, Shizu-chan. As often, you saw right through me..." he chuckled lightly, moving his hands to my lower back, making me shift a bit from the increasing intimacy of his touch.

Really, the interactions between us changed with the suddenness of a roller-coaster ride. Up and down. Good and bad...

"I did?" I asked stupidly.

I did suspect there was something more to it, but I was still a bit surprised to be right.

"Well, yes indeed. It turns out to be a challenge to not let you... notice things about my personality and what it results in. But, going back to my masseur skills, it was a part of my job, as many things are." Izaya stated, pressing his fingers slightly above my coccyx, making me shudder involuntarily.

How low was he going with his massage again?

Though, I was trying not to show the beginning of my anxiety, as not to amuse him once more.

"Your job as an informant? How could those two coincide?" I wrinkled my brows, trying to come up with an idea.

"Rather simply. I needed information about a certain individual, yet he proved to be good at keeping his secrets from any of my contacts and following him to gather info was no less of a hassle. It called for my personal engagement in the field as to coax what I wanted to hear out of the target. From what I was able to learn; though, was that he happened to attend a private medical clinic joint with a spa for massages as a part of his rehabilitation after straining his muscles quite seriously. I did not manage to infiltrate his closest circle of acquaintances, but becoming part of the staff at the clinic and then pulling at the right strings to be able to become the man's personal masseur wasn't that hard. He was not paranoid to the extent of not allowing a different masseur to take care of him, as long as his people made sure I meant no physical harm. Well, the rest was easy. I'm quite the charming talker after all, don't you think?" Izaya ended his story and used more pressure, sliding his palms from the lower part of my spine to my sides and again and again.

I couldn't stop a pleased sigh from leaving my lips, but, thankfully, Izaya didn't comment on it.

"You've learnt how to massage people in order to get information out of someone?" I asked disbelievingly.

Still, it shouldn't be that hard to believe. Izaya was slightly... obsessed with his work, from what I had the chance to see. He probably felt it was even more his hobby than anything less...

"Exactly. And you shouldn't complain, as right now you're benefiting from it, Shizu-chan." he accentuated his words with a slow, steady slide of his hands up the column of my spine.

It tingled in a pleasant way.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to let him do that... The vision of turning into putty under his hands when I was defencelessly stuck lying on my stomach... Potentially dangerous.

I had to focus my attention elsewhere.

"But... Couldn't you just get some dirt on the person hiring masseurs in that clinic and make them hire you regardless of your abilities? Wouldn't that be more your style?"

"Well, I can't say the idea didn't cross my mind; however, learning how to massage came across as less of a hassle in the end even if it took some time. I'm quite the fast and capable learner, while all the fuss with false documents and such... Let me tell you something truthfully... I hate papers. I love books, but documents are an entirely different case. That's what Namie is for..." Izaya stated happily.

His hands were making me more hot and relaxed at the same time and while I had no problems with kissing and other, more intimate things as he had said before, lying in that position, and knowing I was not fully able to use my body because of the injury, made me jumpy.

"Izaya? Not that I entirely dislike what you're doing right now, but... My back feels quite ok, the leg on the other hand..." I trailed off, hoping for him to get the not so subtle hint and start massaging that damned leg.

I hoped it would be less... nice and; therefore, concentrate my mind on discomfort instead of my insecurities that Izaya so openly accused me of.

Let me tell you, I disliked them more than he for sure. Still, it wasn't that easey to work them out. Me being a simple guy, it should be less complicated, in my personal logic. Somehow, it wasn't.

"I guess you have a point, Shizu-chan. I just like touching your back, so let myself indulge in doing it."

Once again, I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

"Pervert!"

"Never denied being one. Actually, I can remember hinting at possessing quite the number of fetishes. Pay your price for not paying attention to my words, Shizu-chan." Izaya almost purred, but his warm hands left my, now equally or even more warm, back.

"At the same time, I don't remember announcing I will let you do whatever you want with me."

"You did not? And here I thought it was an unwritten right resulting from us being together. You tell me I cannot put all of my faith into that stuff written at teenage Internet gay forums? What a major disappointment." he sighed heavily.

"I... am not going to ask." I announced firmly.

I was not going to take the bait.

"Why? Embarrassed much?"

"No. Because, while I firmly believe it's impossible for you to buy that kind of bullshit in the beginning, I certainly don't doubt you visiting forums of the kind where idiotic teenagers consult their more idiotic teenage friends on the subject they have no idea about, but firmly believe they do. Only to give them more idiotic ideas and let their minds run wild while you laugh to you heart's content. I refuse listening about that."

"What a wet blanket you are, Shizu-chan." Izaya said in a whiny tone.

"Maybe, but it will spare me the trauma of becoming aware what exactly some of the teenagers wish for to come true nowadays."

"You were a teenager yourself, Shizu-chan. What makes you so different?"

"I did not spend most of my free time surfing the Net. It makes all the difference."

Izaya burst into laughter that took him quite some time to settle from.

"Shizu-chan... You really have no idea..." he started.

"Yeah and I'm glad. Leave it at that."

"Fine. I won't traumatise my innocent Shizu-chan." he mocked and slapped me lightly on one of my vertebrae. "Okay. It's time for you to roll on your back. I want to start with the front and sides of your tight, as well as knee and calf to estimate how much pressure I can put on you leg. And don't think you will be lying idly, as your co-operation is a must. We want to see what you actually can and can't you do at this point and on what we should work at the most. I have an idea about it based on what Shinra told me about your condition and the x-ray's he showed me, but every case of injury is different depending on the individual, hence it will be a trial session so to say." Izaya started to explain and my thinking process froze for a while.

"You... have seen my x-rays?" I repeated.

"Of course. How else could I help you in your rehabilitation? I don't intend to go poking around your leg blindly. I could seriously slow down your recuperation or hurt you without the full knowledge about your condition. Isn't it obvious?"

"I... I haven't thought about that."

And I really haven't. When Shinra reminded me of the need to start the rehabilitation of my leg and the massages—intelligently so in the presence of Izaya, who have fixed himself on being the one to help with suspicious eagerness— I had put all of my mind into preventing it from happening. Yet, once Izaya showed Shinra his diploma assuring it was not a fake, he gazed at me for a long moment and, strangely enough, announced it a marvellous idea. I had been at a loss and pissed off; however, when I had been enlightened as for the average costs of rehabilitation and faced with the possibility of paying the money I virtually was in no possession of and would have to probably borrow from Kasuka... You catch my drift?

It was either Izaya or Namie-san then, who he proposed as his equivalent.

As I wouldn't touch that woman willingly with a stick, Izaya was the only option left.

I think he was perfectly aware of it and proposing his secretary's services was just a way to give me the pretence of having a choice. Which was hardly there, considering my attitude towards Namie-san.

How the heck did the world work that from all the things Izaya could have learnt, it had to be rehabilitation through massages?

My life was really screwed.

Still... wasn't it me who decided to try this... relationship thing with him?

I... liked Izaya... and disliked him at the same time, no matter how little sense it made. His touch was pleasurable, as well as touching him, yet the thought of him seeing me defenceless and vulnerable under his touch made me insecure. And it wasn't fear of being harmed exactly—that I was sure about. It was something else. As if I... was afraid of his judgement? It was new... While in the past I went berserk when he tauntingly offended me, it was more for the fact he had the guts to do it and repeat it time after time, coming out of it almost unscathed most of the times; or that sometimes he had verbalised something true, horribly true, what was left unsaid by others because of fear—and it made me sick. This situation? It was more about the fact of... him seeing me so unbearably weak. And while he knew about my condition, those scars that marred my skin were the ultimate confirmation of my weakness.

Izaya perceived my strength as fascinating, though. And when it was no longer there... I would no longer held the kind of interest he gave me, right? I wouldn't be the brutal Shizu-chan he chased and taunted. I would be a broken man, the same as millions of other broken men in this city. No one special.

Why did it become crystal clear now?

Sure, I felt a certain kind of fondness for Izaya now that previously wasn't there. I could look at him with desire in my eyes and see the same in his reddish-brown orbs. I could talk to him without trying to kill him and vice-versa, even if the mocking and taunting rose to a normally alarming level. I could spend time with him doing trivial things and listen to his philosophical babble. I liked figuring him out. I was sensitive to his moods. I have caught myself thinking about little stupid things like 'his hair, while rather thin, is enormously soft and touching it is pleasant', 'the way he smiles slyly when about to kiss me, sometimes catches the breath in my throat...', 'the tone of his voice when he is seriously talking about one or another idea makes me want to listen to him even if I don't understand the concept' and many more, some of them more or less silly.

How could I not notice? Was it before or after our supposed relationship have started?

Was I so dense considering my own feelings? Was it conscious of me to omit the obvious?

Well, it seemed it was no longer possible...

As, while I hadn't used the words before... The thing was...

The thing was...

I was falling in love with Orihara Izaya.

Wasn't I?

More so, did he notice?