Author's Note: Hopefully, there is still someone reading this fic :D. So, after finalising my Erasmus papers and settling in students accommodation, I've found some time between classes to write something else than an academic paper... This chapter is a bit of a transition, actually, as I needed to push time forwards a bit. The next one is going to be more action in a way. Still, I hope you will like the banter between our favourite boys in the chapter ahead of you ;D
Kings of Convenience - Sorry or Please
"Each day is taking us closer,
while drawing the curtains to close.
This far, or further, I need to know.
Your increasingly long embraces,
are they saying sorry or please?
I don't know what's happening,
help me."
Eerie.
I couldn't find better words to describe the situation I, again, have found myself in.
I was certainly not fitted for that kind of thing. And Izaya made sure to point it out to me. Repeatedly.
"You know, Shizu-chan, I feel thoroughly disappointed with the current situation. I'm blatantly bored and you, as my boyfriend, should take responsibility for that and find an activity that we could both happily engage in. Obviously, sitting in front of your TV, and a crappy one to boot, is not exactly the level of entertainment befitting an individual like me. Are you not paying attention to my needs on purpose, or you're simply clueless as far as the topic of 'quality time together' is considered? Not that it makes a huge difference which of the two it is, taking into account that the end product is the same. Still... I'm asking to avoid being perceived as judgemental. Which one is it, then?" Izaya ended his speech with looming his face in front of my eyes, entirely covering the screen I insistently tried to focus on.
My life was totally fucked up, right? Right?!
"Well, sorry to pierce your bubble of potential happiness, but I can't exactly do much 'entertaining' in my state. It would be nice if you didn't insist on reminding me about that every other sentence..." I grumbled under my nose; though, loud enough for Izaya to hear.
He did what he does the best.
"Tsk! Don't present me with that kind of excuse, Shizu-chan. It's just you lacking imagination, nothing else... There are a lot of people out there who are permanently disabled and who can be more entertaining then you, even before you had broken your leg. Your problem lies in your refusal to think out of the box. Allow your right brain hemisphere to run freely for a moment, don't suppress it, and I'm sure you will come up with something interesting for us to do. Surprise me!" was Izaya's exclamation.
I was almost sure that, somewhere along the way, Izaya changed his main goal from making us do something more ambitious than watching the telly, to taking his perverse pleasure in taunting me again.
And we were supposedly in a relationship.
Well, considering it was the two of us, even I had to recognise that it couldn't be entirely... healthy. I think I have already covered that, but people don't change overnight. Sure, you can try, yet sometimes it's either too hard, or you just don't care to do it at that particular moment.
Well, it was rather obvious were Izaya stood on that at the time.
Not like I was any better...
That's what ones gets when dealing with two stubborn guys, I guess.
"Do I look as if I cared?" I answered flatly, looking straight into those reddish-brown orbs sparkling with something achingly similar to mischief.
Izaya furrowed his brows and clicked his tongue in what I took was disapproval.
"Shizu-chan is absolutely no fun. None whatsoever! If all of my beloved humans had your attitude, we would still be stuck in the Stone Age. It's actually quite probable you have very similar objectives to Stone Age people. Eat, get on with the day's workload, sleep and all of it while being constantly aware of the lurking danger. Hence the levels of adrenaline you possess. Maybe I should write an academic paper on that? I could actually get acknowledged in the academic circle, provided I would present them with the right empirical data; a doable task."
Izaya has a remarkable potential to piss me off in no time... Seriously. There was, or is, no other person who makes me want to strangle them the second they open their mouth, or see their face for that matter.
Thankfully, as our relationship changed, in that short time span I was miraculously able to develop some coping mechanisms. Don't know how. Don't ask me. It was simply the reality. Because of that I did not reach out to grasp his skinny neck in my hands and break his spine. No. I let him end his blabber and then express my irritation.
Like an adult...
"I hate you."
Right.
"I do not see the relevance of that with the discussion we're currently having." Izaya mockingly replied.
"And I do not see why I should listen to you mocking my intelligence constantly. If you find me too dumb for your standards, there is no need to continue this. I can live without being belittled for your personal amusement."
"Did I hit a sore spot, Shizu-chan?" Izaya inquired, his index finger jabbing at the middle of my forehead.
"No, you hit against a stone. Moment longer and you're going to sink with it tied to one of your ankles." I replied shortly, taking his wrist in a tight grip.
"Did you watch action films about Yakuza again? Those are mind dumbing..."
"According to you, there is not much left to damage in my brain, so why concern myself?"
"Ahhh... So true, Shizu-chan. You have some perceptive skills left after all... By the way, could you perhaps release your grip on my hand? I think it's starting to get blue from the lack of blood circulation..."
"As if... You earned that yourself, flea."
"You're not supposed to call me that, Shizu-chan."
"In public, wasn't it? We're in private now." I responded a bit smugly.
"There could be some hope left for you, Shizu-chan... How surprising."
"And here I granted you your wish. You got yourself surprised. You can't whine any more."
"That's so unfair, Shizu-chan. I didn't have that in mind exactly." he pouted childishly; probably just because he could.
"Should have phrased yourself better then. You're the one who keeps attention to every little word only to throw it at one's face later on. Now stop talking and sit down, I'm trying to watch the TV here." I said, releasing his wrist.
Izaya did as I told him. Except, I gave him verbal room to manoeuvre...
And so, instead of sitting next to me on the couch, like a normal person would, he chose to make himself comfortable on my lap.
Now let me remind you I had a broken leg; currently resting rather comfortably on a footstool, bought especially for that purpose.
See the problem and hilarity of that?
No sane person would try to sit on a lap of a person with my current disposition. It was Izaya, though. To give him some credit—don't really know why—he didn't entirely sit on me; as in, he didn't place all of his weight on my thighs—one of them injured. He just kinda... hoovered above me?
You get the picture? It's not my problem if no...
Either way, he seemed entirely content in that position, while I started feeling more and more awkward.
I know, I didn't forget we did sexual stuff before. But it was still a bit new to me when he did something considered intimate or sexual with little notice beforehand; spontaneously. Also, which was something that I found irritating at times, he tended to use it as a tool of distraction, to gain an upper hand, or whatever you want to call it... So fuckin' sly of him...
"What do you think you're doing, Izaya?" I asked somewhat cautiously.
"Spending quality time with my boyfriend." he responded, placing his fingers at my temples and starting to massage them slowly.
I had to reluctantly admit—it was pleasantly relaxing.
But one should not easily lower their guard when in presence of Orihara Izaya... I knew it first-hand.
"So that's your idea of 'quality time'? Entertaining enough?" I managed to say, while trying to look him in the eyes to find out what he was trying to achieve.
"It could definitely be a lot better, but I have to make do with what's available." He replied languidly, not ceasing his massage.
"What's in it for you exactly?" I inquired, slowly giving into his touch, relaxing my muscles slightly.
"You've already asked once... There always needs to be something? Can't I do it without having a second objective, aside from making you less cranky, that is?" he smirked lightly, his hands finding their way behind my ears and to the muscles on the both sides of my neck.
"You're not exactly a selfless guy at heart, are you? Can't blame me for being suspicious..." I sighed as Izaya touched a particularly good spot.
"I should be offended, but denying would make me an obvious hypocrite. Still, I can have a change of heart from time to time, act what you would usually call as 'out of character'. Besides, why do you care for my motives? Aren't you benefiting from my decision? I thought you were all into Carpe Diem and didn't fancy planning ahead too much."
"I care for your motives as they influence the way you act. I may not like what you're about to do in the nearest future... Besides, stop using words I'm highly unlikely to understand. It's not like they makes sense to me, so you're just wasting your time trying to come across." I announced.
Actually; though, I didn't feel exactly inferior to Izaya, I knew he had better education and his knowledge was way more vast than mine. I could accept that without much problem or frustration. That's basically how things worked. Some people were more intelligent, or simply cared more about reading on million different topics for their own pleasure, development or whatever other reason... Izaya was that kind of a guy, while I wasn't. Sure, I liked reading as such, watched the news and sometimes even bought newspapers to know what's important out there—in Tokyo, Japan and around the world—but didn't feel the need to get acquainted with topics like history, all the religion, philosophy and psychology stuff that Izaya loved or delve deeper into the whole notion of western culture. Okay, I watched western films from time to time. That's about it...
However, when Izaya insisted on pointing out to me how big of an ignorant I was on a daily basis, finally I could get a bit defensive... Who wouldn't? A saint maybe and I was far from one... Besides, it's not like I expected him to entirely change the way he spoke. It would be the same as him asking me to study a dictionary just to catch up with his level of language, or read on topics like philosophy or psychology that I never took interest in before and carry out a debate with him. No... It would just be nice if he didn't flaunt it like that in front of me...
"Ahhh... Sometimes, being with Shizu-chan is like walking on broken glass. So challenging!" he chuckled and planted a soft kiss on my right cheek.
"You're talking as if we were together for Kami-sama knows how long..." I murmured, trying to hide my embarrassment and the slight irritation it caused.
"Well, it's been four weeks of us as a 'couple' and our previous, platonic, yet turbulent and aggressive relationship goes way back in time, right? You always were not that easy to cope with."
"Seriously? Look who says that... Most of time you acted like a provocative asshole whose domain was to make my life a living hell. How is that easy to cope with? People tried to kill me because of you. It's not exactly a gentle image you presented yourself, huh? You're surely a sadomasochist..."
"From all the words you could know..."
"Well, you would remember it as well if people accused you of being one repeatedly..."
"Certainly it makes sense of people to suspect you're one, as they saw you throwing half of the city's street signs, vending machines and dust-bins after me. Not to forget how you have sent people flying through the city multiple times..."
"You're taking it out of context." I felt the stupid need to deny.
"Maybe, but do you think most of people would care for that? They see what they see and the rest is their free interpretation fuelled by over-active imagination coupled with wishful-thinking and rumours. You punch me in the face and they say we have undying love for each other..." Izaya counter-argued.
I looked at him without words.
Did he really think it was a good example while he was sitting on my lap in that exact moment?
"Well, I'm not saying we share some kind of a fated love affair or whatever, but you are sitting in my lap and have called me your boyfriend a good number of times already... I don't think it proves your point..."
Izaya tilted his head to the side, the brow he rose an indicator of questioning amusement.
"Should I give you a cookie for being so to the point today? A few more situations like that and I'm going to get embarrassed. Would you like that, Shizu-chan?" he asked with a smile not leaving his face.
"If that meant your ego would get even the slightest bit smaller, then without a second thought..."
"Don't get too smug, Shizu-chan, or I will have to retaliate."
"That conversation is going nowhere..." I noted.
"And...? What's with the sudden need for explanation for everything? I thought I was obsessed with logic and answers. Is Shizu-chan a copycat?"
"No, but talking for talking's sake is not my favourite pastime activity."
"Then what is?"
"Making annoying fleas shut up? Plus sunbathing and running. Actually, if I were lucky enough, I could do all of them at the same time. You know, running after you in a sunny weather to make you shut up... An ideal combination. Thinking about it makes me feel a bit sentimental..." I smiled happily, making sure Izaya could hear amusement in my tone.
"My, Shizu-chan... It certainly is your good day. Don't you feel exhausted from making all of those remarks? I'm getting more and more suspicious of Shinra putting some brain enhancing substances into your medication. You sure there are no strange side effects? Nervous twitches, uncontrolled movements... Nothing of the kind?"
"Do you really think I'm outright stupid or something? Everyone can manage a joke or two from time to time."
"Would I fall so low as to seduce an imbecile? Rest assured, there are certain standards you had to meet."
"Seduce? You seduced me then? That's something new..."
"You cannot tell me you did not fell a victim to my sexy charms." Izaya murmured into my ear.
"Well, you're not the only one having standards here..." I replied mockingly and Izaya chuckled again, in that low voice I preferred so much more than the irritating high-pitched laugh he sometimes produced to play on my nerves.
"We are quite the pair, aren't we, Shizu-chan?"
"That's something I can't argue with..."
That's how my days went lately—those last four weeks. Mostly cooped up in my apartment with doctor's visits from Shinra who gave me my meds and supervised my recovery and Celty to ask me about how I'm doing, plus the occasional appearance of Tom-san. And I couldn't forget Izaya of course...
He became a strange constant in my life. He popped in to see me every second day and stayed for longer visits three times a week; as if he had a schedule—not that it would surprise me... He always brought food, a film on DVD that he deemed as good enough if he planned staying for longer and a newspaper or a book if I asked him to borrow me something particular from the library—and I do read by the way; not overly ambitious stuff, but criminal novels, books about martial arts and sometimes biographies of martial artists I had an interest in, that kind of things... It made Izaya look at me disbelievingly first few times, but I think he got used to the fact I actually know how to read and even enjoy it. Yeah...
Izaya's visits ended up with us doing the most random things that he went along with or, as today, sometimes felt the need to complain about. When he didn't; though, we lazed around on the couch while watching psychological thrillers Izaya was crazed about and eating take out. Other days we tried finding a comfortable position on the same worn out couch and talk on random topics that, in the long run, weren't of importance—even those could result in us bantering more or less seriously, but as of yet, no one got physically hurt because of it. There were times, also, that a seemingly subtle shift of atmosphere found us suddenly making out on the said piece of furniture; however, it didn't go past intense kissing and hands roaming over mostly clothed bodies.
It made me wonder why we didn't go past a certain line in that aspect. It certainly happened before we created a kind of a 'label' for our relationship. So what was with the sudden change in pace? It didn't bother me in the sense that I didn't feel an overwhelming need to tear Izaya's clothes off and fuck him into oblivion or whatever... Sure, when things got a bit heated my thoughts wandered into the area of sex—I'm a healthy male, aside from my damned broken leg—yet not to the point I would try to push Izaya into something more than we somehow ended up doing. Maybe because of my lack of experience—I wasn't about to deny it and try convincing myself internally I possessed great sex skills when I had little situations to verify such a possibility—or the fact I still felt slightly uncomfortable with baring my scarred thigh... or, very probable, it could be it scared the hell out of me that that particular thing would give away me feelings for Izaya. The fact he could find out I was falling in love with him, was why I left the ball on his court.
Either way, it was probably the wisest to leave any kind of activity like that for when my leg was in a better shape. Not that I was expecting anything, of course; or anticipating. Despite my latest discovery about my growing affections towards him, I didn't know if what we were doing with Izaya was going to last... If he wasn't going to pull a bunny out of his hat with a card spelling 'loser' pinned on its forehead and laugh to his heart's content at my naivety.
Yeah... There still was a thought like that at the back of my mind.
There was also the matter of my convalescence at hand.
I had to bear with massages and exercises to start slowly getting my muscles used to exertion again. It wasn't a fast process and irritating at that, when I wanted to push myself more, use more of my strength, but was said not to be an idiot and do what was best for my body, not only satisfying my childish tendencies to do something just because I want to do it, not thinking about potential consequences.
I bared with it somehow. It wasn't always easy, but I managed one way or the other, from time to time still venting my frustrations on people around me—oftentimes Izaya. Thankfully, most of times he liked having an excuse to throw jibes at me, not once letting me walk all over him in my bouts of anger. Yeah, that was surely on of his good points. My humours didn't perturb him as much as they would others. He wasn't easy to scare no matter how loud I shouted and what curses I would throw at him. He retaliated in a similar matter until I had enough, or he decided to walk out on me if, as he phrased it, 'my idiocy reached the level of suffocation'.
The way we worked around each other might have been strange, but we didn't particularly care, I guess.
Sometimes; though, when Izaya wasn't paying attention for some reason—lost himself in thought maybe—I could spot a certain expression on his face. As if there was something bothering him?—an answer he couldn't find, perhaps? Like when you're searching for a word and you know it's there, in your head, you have it right at the end of your tongue, but you still cannot grasp it entirely and it makes your mind reel and tongue itch, yet there is little you can actually do to stop the feeling.
I asked him and he easily denied having any problems, aside of me being a big baby at times, which could lead, or not, to an entirely different argument.
I still had the feeling there was something there, in that expression. That Izaya was omitting it for some reason. I didn't know what it could be—too many possibilities—and it made me observe him a bit more intensely than one would think necessary.
What was it lurking in the vastness of his mind? Was it a plot that outcome I was unlikely to find pleasurable? Maybe he had second thoughts about starting a relationship with a person of my kind and find it hard to decide what to do about it? It could be his job—which, by the way, we tried not to discuss any more for certain reasons—causing him concerns. Countless possibilities...
Was I so easy to read and him finding out I was taking our being together more and more seriously a pain in the ass for him? Obviously, despite the passage of weeks, I did not spell it out for him... Did he find it sick? Amusing? Scary? Out of place...?
It was a bit disconcerting, thinking about that...
I wanted to solve that 'mystery', yet I still couldn't find a good way to approach it.
It left me with a nagging feeling that it could suddenly unfold before me in a form I wouldn't appreciate. And as I refused to resort to violence to deal with it, or simply tell Izaya to fuck off and go back from where he came, I could only wait and see what scenario happened to be the right one...
Author: What I wanted to add is, tell me what you think. Since next chapter on I'm sure going to put in a bit more action, as one reader accurately pointed out there is not much going on actually. Still, the fic itself is mostly focused on feelings and changes in them, thoughts rather than action, as I'm simply that kind of 'writer'. But some action not to bore you to death is certainly in place and thank you for reminding me of it :). Again, review and write what you think, guys. :)