Author's Note: Okay, so... apparently I'm not dead yet and no, I did not abandon this story and I don't intend to, though maybe it may seem hard to believe after such a long break. But yeah, it's true and I just had motivational problems that are not even a proper excuse not to write... Hope there is someone still reading it out there, as I've managed to post a new chapter finally and, thankfully, I have a pretty good idea what I want to come in the next few chapters, so it shouldn't be that long with the next update. Thank you for all the reviews and favourites, I do appreciate them immensely, even if it may seem otherwise. Plus, while I did stop the chapter here, there is some potentially steaming material in the next one and of that I'm sure of. Plus, finally some action, as Shiki-san will come to the view for a bit. Enjoy.
Sleeping At Last - No Argument
"There's no calling off
This avalanche.
Every day, now spent
Underneath white flags.
Every intention, eclipsed
By every stain of the past."
"Orihara-san, I find it the most intriguing to see your mask of mocking indifference slipping even if for a moment; and even more so as I do have an inkling of the reason standing behind it. However, while I do find it entertaining on a certain level, we're talking about business here and I'm led to believe you wish not to hear of it, or rather... see my inquiry as unsuitable in the current state of affairs...? Your personal affairs? Did I get it right, Orihara-san?" Shiki-san asked in a very polite manner, yet the cold undertone in his voice spoke volumes of his true opinion on the matter.
I was in a bind.
Situations like that? Well, in my occupation of choice tended to happen quite often. However, throughout all the years I had been in this business, and on the top of it nonetheless, I could count on the fingers of one hand moments in which I whole-heartedly felt I'd rather have something potentially less cumbersome as an alternative to one of my client's requests—and that dated back to the very beginnings of my carrier as an informant, when I had yet to learn the most indispensable wiles and ways of the said profession.
In other words, I did not particularly appreciate what options stood before me.
I could comply with the client's inquiry, go about my work as usual and save myself from a prospective and grievously life threatening situation in the face of denying my services this time around. Only... that would mean a not so pleasant confrontation with one ridiculously angered brute. It would not only be more than dangerous for my health if the blond found out about my involvement, but also challenge my plans as for myself and Shizu-chan—we still were in what could be a semblance of an intimate relationship.
It would mean all of my hard and cunning work, all of the emotional whirlpool I had found myself in and tried to make a sense of, coming to an end without any actual results and proper closure.
After all, no matter our current circumstances, Shizu-chan wasn't one to listen calmly to me explaining why exactly I could deem it necessary to sell information about one of his friends to shadowy figures, who obviously had less than amicable intentions. No matter that my refusal would be, very probably, tantamount to taking a nap in an iron lady or maybe finding myself admiring the bottom of the Tokyo Bay in a very clichéd way—with my ankles bound to a block of concrete.
If Shiki-san's men managed to catch me, that is.
And, quite frankly, the problem was they were likely to. Because this particular request, to my and Shizu-chan's bad luck, was made by the one person who had the power and brains to make my life more than a little uncomfortable. He could ruin it with the right approach, in fact, and that's not something I was looking forward to.
I had a rather bright future ahead of myself that I intended to strive for, I'd liked to think. There was no place for missing fingers, eyes or even worse, limbs. My life was the most precious and while I had a knack for following the more dangerous of paths, I still had what one could call a safety valve. Somehow, in the end, I always fell on four legs, just like a cat. There was a time, once, when I had been thrown for a loop, yet I got over it, left it behind. Nowadays, I had a certain conviction I got what was needed to get out unscathed from most of my schemes—at most slightly scratched, a bit roughed up.
Unfortunately, I lacked that kind of certainty in the moment.
It didn't sit well with me...
You see, my work taught me that there are various types of danger and while some of them you could play around with, there were those you didn't want to mess with if given the choice. I thankfully learned my lesson and became an adept at playing with fire, coining my own, unique style of reaching my goals in a deliciously hazardous, yet not deadly manner along the way.
Because, no matter what people say and what impression you may get, I am not a suicidal maniac.
And opposing Shiki-san openly was what I could only consider an idiotic suicidal attempt...
The man already had his tabs on me, plus he wasn't especially fond of me, despite using my services from time to time. Actually, he was one of the few people who had the guts, and most importantly means, to finish me off and kindly informed me to not get cocky with him if I valued being in one piece.
At that time, I was quite glad I had connections with other influential groups aside from Awakusu-kai that more then often sought out my abilities as an informant and would be more than disappointed to find me missing...
Sure, I wasn't an easy opponent, I had not only powerful acquaintances and insight into the business, but my own intelligence, quite a nice sum of money I had accumulated over the years and a set of survival skills which one could say were loosely based on Ninjutsu, such as knife throwing or parkour that helped me immensely in my career. Still, a yakuza of Shiki-san's calibre was by no means an easy adversary. I would be heedless to ignore his warning...
Summing up, I was truly disinclined to say 'no' to the man.
What to do when both of my choices left me in a tight spot?
Ultimately, Shizu-chan was less of an immediate danger... Plus, I could think of a plan in the meantime of gathering information for Shiki-san, as to how appease all the parties involved.
"I assure you, Shiki-san, that my personal life and my work are two separate matters and if, somehow, they happen to collide, work always becomes a priority. I'm not a man easily swayed by emotions—even if I do find them fascinating. I merely find it unusual that you would need information concerning someone who has so little actual connection to the underground world, even despite the business he manages. The most perilous is probably Shizu-chan himself rather than his employer, taking his past end strength into account. And yet here you are, asking me to look into Tanaka Tom. Quite uncommon for you, Shiki-san, if I may point so and it does lead me to believe there is something more behind that request..." I stated quite calmly, keeping eye contact with the elder man.
Shiki-san's expression didn't change in the slightest at my statement, his eyes boring into mine without a blink, until a smile slowly started ghosting on his thin lips. It wasn't particularly reassuring.
"Always the wiseacre, aren't you, Orihara-san?"
"I believe it comes with the profession." was my swift, unwavering reply.
"Oh, I'm sure it does..." the man said slowly, his eyes unreadable, though I could easily guess the meaning behind the words.
The man was waiting for my mistake—like a hungry vulture, expectantly flying above his prey, readying himself for the moment when strength leaves it unable to push forward, making it an easy meal.
I wasn't going to give Shiki-san that satisfaction. Not now, not in the future.
"Well, in that case you shouldn't worry I won't meet your expectations."
"This time." he emphasized and I almost visibly tightened my jaw in chafe at his attempt to rile me up.
"Yes, indeed, this time and many others. I'm an astonishingly fast learner. There is also the fact Tanaka Tom isn't really a hard target when approached correctly. There is no need to doubt me, Shiki-san." I presented him with my usual smile.
There was no place for exhibiting indecisiveness, or worse, fear with Shiki-san. Not when it considered my own persona.
"Very well then, Orihara-san. I will take your word for that. As you seem to be so sure of yourself, a week should suffice to present me with the results. I don't care how you obtain the information, as long as you make sure they are not only valid, but complete, so we can make our own move. Otherwise, it's void and I do not intend to pay you for a botched job. Also, I trust you won't meet any unwanted distractions along the way..." were his final words, a certain gleam in his cold eyes.
"Indeed, Shiki-san. In a week then." I responded curtly and was fast to leave the man's presence.
Maybe I would be glad not understanding that gleam, though it was not the case.
We both knew what 'distraction' he meant.
The man was more than happy how his request and my 'personal circumstances' coincided in time, I was sure.
After all, Tanaka Tom was Shizu-chan's employer, as well as a friend—a valued sempai. And Shiki-san was more than obviously informed about my recent closeness to Shizu-chan, though, he probably didn't have an exact idea what it entailed.
Still, that vague idea was enough to give him a certain kind of advantage over me.
I was adamant on changing it.
I wasn't going to let Shiki-san play me as he wished!
I didn't even notice at first that I have started running, faster and faster, until I fell into a steady rhythm, my feet carrying me forwards, shoes bouncing lightly off the concrete with each step. I didn't consciously think of a direction when I broke into a sprint, occasionally jumping over different obstacles along the way. However, it seemed my feet had a mind of their own and, before I knew it, I was already on the way to Shizu-chan's apartment. There wasn't really a point in denying where my absent mind took me and turning around to find a more suitable place for... whatever I would be doing, which wasn't really all that much, seeing as I haven't planned anything substantial after the meeting with Shiki-san.
What rather pained me was the fact that I had run to the very person who made me experience my current dilemma. Apparently, my sanity was nowhere to be seen once again. After all, how could Shizu-chan help me? He couldn't stay calm long enough to let me explain the situation even if at some point such an idea would appeal to me as eligible—highly unlikely—yes, no matter how many times I thought about it.
Besides, I was certainly not willing to share with Shizu-chan just what took place during my encounter with Shiki-san in order to ask for help in any possible form. I was devising my own plots and fighting my personal fights alone, without unnecessary impediments that Shizu-chan was certain to become once involved.
No... what was between Shizu-chan and me right now was a play that had yet to come to the final act and I refused for it to stray from the script to such an extent. My conflict with Shiki-san was material for an entirely different play—one that didn't require Shizu-chan on stage.
I was to make sure Shizu-chan wouldn't become an active participant in my and Shiki-san's dealings.
Why would a man like him need to acquire an informant's service when someone as measly as Tanaka Tom was the target in question? He wasn't exactly a yakuza boss, now was he?
Sure, normally he had Shizu-chan's backup, but now he was out of the equation. There was still Vorona, yet it would be easy enough to catch the man without her at his side. There was no need to follow the debt collector at work to extricate the right information and act accordingly to it.
In that light, just as I'd stated in front of Shiki-san, there had to be something else, something fishy.
And I could bet a week's worth of ootoro it was related to Shiki-san's distaste for me. He had simply found the right moment to play back at me without a lot of effort.
That's how it goes around, I guess? Karma and so on... Not that I would actually believe it. It was simply the fact that once you've made enemies, they would haunt you down at some point in your life, given the circumstances were right. Why would you write a philosophy to it—as much as I was fond of some philosophical readings, there were limits to what I could find worth paying attention to.
In the end, I had a substantial problem to resolve and Shizu-chan was best to remain oblivious to it...
I felt a sudden need to unwind. Hence, instead of running down the rest of the distance to Shizu-chan's apartment, I jogged to purchase what would aid me in the process first.
Twenty minutes later I was standing in front of Shizu-chan's door with four bags filled with food and drinks—enough for a small feast for two people. Miraculously balancing the bags in one hand, I managed to dive the key out of my front pant pocket—and yes, I've become a proud possessor of a copy of keys to Shizu-chan's apartment.
Inconceivable, yet so real... Truthfully, it was not much to mull over—a simple practicality, more to Shizu-chan's comfort than the need to advance in our relationship. It was not an intimate gesture of trust and closeness, but a way to make things easier for Shizu-chan in his current state of partial immobility. The time and effort it took him to come to the door and open it for me each time I visited him was best spent otherwise—something we both agreed on, though, Shizu-chan with much less enthusiasm than me, understandably. Plus, we both knew I could easily comes through the window if such need would arise...
I let myself into the apartment, letting a smile grace my face, so the brute wouldn't ask useless questions, and announced my arrival from the genkan with a rather chirpy call of his name.
"Shizu-chaaaan! The apple of your eye is here! Get ready for a night of unashamed debauchery..." I continued, slipping off my shoes and stepping into the living room, dragging the bags along, cans and bottles of chuhai, shochu and wine clinking against each other, speaking of what was to come later into the night.
I didn't hear a response from Shizu-chan, which was quite odd—most of the time it was limited to a simple, rather grumpy 'okaeri', but it was still there. Was he in the bathroom and couldn't hear me?
This was not the case, however.
Shizu-chan was half-sitting, half-lying on the couch in front of his crappy TV—his injured leg resting in front of him on a plastic stool, head lolling to the side in a very uncomfortably looking position. He was wearing navy sweats rolled up to his knees and a gray-ish t-shirt with the title of Kasuka's first film plastered at the front in artistic-like kanji. Shizu-chan's mouth was partially opened and while he wasn't snoring, I could spot a small dark spot of saliva on the t-shirt where he had obviously drooled a little in his sleep.
I should have been at least mildly disgusted at that kind of display, but my reaction was far from that. I've seen Shizu-chan vulnerable before—it was what had landed us in the current situation, after all—yet this was something different. This wasn't Shizu-chan trying to hide angry tears of frustration at his inability to cope with the aftermath of his accident, or Shizu-chan discovering the pleasure behind one's touch for the first time with an eerie awe. It was Shizu-chan in one of the most mundane activities, sleeping soundly in a ridiculous position, dressed in what could be described as sloppy at best and a pool of drool on his shoulder, seemingly not caring for the world in the slightest, relaxed and unsuspecting of my presence and I... couldn't take me eyes off of him.
He looked positively—and I can't believe that word had the gall to cross my mind—endearing. Like a child almost. Well, a very big child with bleached hair and a hint of an evening stubble... I could probably snap his neck before he had the time to gather his bearings. Not that I would... at the moment.
The weight of the bags in my hands reminded my of my initial intention behind this sudden visit and I started considering pros and cons of rousing the brute from his peacefully looking slumber.
I came to eat, drink and maybe bicker a little with Shizu-chan to let some remaining steam out—the earlier run and shopping having already calmed me a little. The guy would probably be awfully grumpy after being forcefully awakened, though, right? Plus, the view was kind of... nice if I was to be truthful; calming in itself to a certain degree.
Still, I wasn't especially fond of going through the content of the bags by myself. Buying them at all was quite a fit in the first place. I wasn't one to engage in drinking and eating past ten in the evening, even if I went to sleep in the early hours of the morning more often than not... Alcohol made most of people lose their composure, not to mention the foul after-taste... Also, stuffing oneself with food at such an ungodly hour, and yes it was a figure of speech merely, seemed like an unnecessary stupidity. It was hardly healthy and did little to help my mind stay clear, so why bother?
Today, or tonight being more correct, strayed from my usual night, however. Tonight I wanted to let my hair down and do something different to find an outlet for the thoughts occupying my head so noisily and insistently.
Why, for once, not try what the masses do?
Ultimately, Shizu-chan would get a pain in the neck from sleeping in such a manner, so it was me actually doing him a favour.
Coming to the said conclusion, I put the bags on the ground and moved to crouch in front of Shizu-chan. From that close I could hear him breathing softly and what caught my attention were his closed eyes—I haven't noticed before how thick his eyelashes were.
Without much thinking my hand shifted into their direction, fingers ghosting over his face undecided. Finally, I lowered them slowly to brush the soft hairs, their ends tickling my fingertips lightly.
It was one of the most novel and peculiar things I've done so far and even though my touch was barely there, the brute stirred in his sleep. He was a really light sleeper when not completely drugged on Shinra's medication—to think in the past he would sleep like a log on the school roof...
Having little to lose, my hand shifted so that now I was caressing Shizu-chan's cheekbone and with my thumb. He stirred a bit more, yet didn't wake up.
"Shizu-chan! It's time to wake, or you'll end up with fake moustache!" I sing-sang to his ear.
He scrunched up his nose at that, but his eyes remained stubbornly closed.
I smirked slightly and decided it was a good time to tease him as any. I shifted from my knees, lifting myself to loom over Shizu-chan and pressed a slow, delicate kiss to his parted lips. His reaction was instantaneous—eyes blinked open in surprise, his head jerking back a second later, breaking our connection.
"What the fuck?!" was Shizu-chan's disbelieving exclamation, his eyes fixed on me accusingly.
"Oh, Shizu-chan... I merely thought you looked like a slumbering princess, with all that blonde hair and soft peaceful look on your face; and what better way to wake up a princess than with a kiss? Though, a slightly dishevelled princess with attitudinal problems, seeing as the first words to leave your mouth are harsh invectives..."
Shizu-chan furrowed his brows, the peaceful look almost completely leaving his face, instead replace by a frown.
"Well, then you are a perverted prince, seeing as you go around kissing princess' in their sleep, unaware... Were you perhaps counting on me sleeping through your harassment?"
"What harsh words to say to your own lover, Shizu-chan! Of course not! My intention was simply to wake you up in the most possibly pleasurable way. You should appreciate the gesture!" I replied sweetly, leaning once again and catching his unsuspecting lips in another short kiss.
"Stop kissing me, dammit!" Shizu-chan huffed and I laughed merrily.
"Why is that, Shizu-chan? It's not like I had just stolen your first kiss... and second. Isn't it normal to kiss your lover as a greeting? Especially when we're all alone?" I purred, keeping eye contact with him.
"You could first give me some fucking time to wake up and gather my thoughts. For all I knew you could be a psychopath who managed to get into my house somehow..." he mumbled, ruffling his own hair and rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"Ah, you should learn to recognize my kisses better then, even in a daze. Maybe we should practice more?" I said as if considering the idea in my head.
Shizu-chan only snorted under his nose, his eyes more clear now, as he had a moment to leave his sleepiness behind.
"Whatever, Izaya... Better question is, why are you here in the first place? Usually, you'd be here tomorrow at dinner time, right?"
Ah, so he did pay attention to my little patterns? Something to remember...
"Well... I felt a need for company so here I am! I even brought refreshments." I lifted the bags to Shizu-chan's line of sight. "We are going to have a small party tonight, Shizu-chan." I announced unabashedly.
"A party? Do I want to know what counts as a party in your book?" he lifted an eyebrow.
"Well, thankfully to you, the normal stuff. You know, booze, take-away and other unhealthy snacks, plus spending time on irrational, entirely stupid and inconsequential small talk... Let's say I feel the need to experience what I've missed out on in my teenage years, hmm?" I explained and went to the kitchen space that was connected to the living room, to unpack the bags and take out some cups and bowls.
"You should add sloppy make-outs to the list then." I could hear Shizu-chan from behind my back, shifting on the couch for a better position probably.
"I should? And how is it that you know it, Mr no experience, huh?" I mocked, though, I was a little bit curious, I must admit.
"Well, it's not like you'd given me my first kiss... It's just that I hadn't gone beyond those few sloppy kisses at a party in high school at the time. Not that it's much to remember... It was once and after it I lost the need to kiss at a party ever again..."
"Oh really? That's good I'm a brilliant kisser then, no matter the circumstances." I stated unhesitatingly.
Not that I have been drunk and making out with people before... Something that Shizu-chan didn't need to know.
"It's not like I'm really planning to get drunk and make out with you tonight..." was Shizu-chan's reply and I could hear amusement in his voice.
"Is that really something you had to plan first? More often than not things like that simply happen on their own—spur of the moment and so on... I believe we fit perfectly to that category. At first it just... happened, didn't it, Shizu-chan?" I said, throwing him a knowing look from behind my shoulder.
"Maybe you're right... Still, I'm certainly not getting dunk. In case you forgot, I'm on medication and aren't allowed alcohol. Besides, I don't even like drinking. Most of stuff is horribly bitter or sour. Not really to my tastes."
"Ah, for a moment here I forgot your childish tastes, Shizu-chan..." I nodded my head, arranging a variety of rice crackers and wasabi peas on a plate. Why did I even buy wasabi peas?
"What, and yours are any better? Ootoro day and night? And you don't like alcohol either. You told me that yourself..."
"True, true, but this once I'm ready to abandon my healthy habits, unlike yours, and try something else. You could try as well. For tonight you can forget about the meds and just have fun. I promise I won't tell Shinra and stop you before you drink too much and pass out or vomit all over the floor. You're only on pain meds right now, not antibiotics, right? No harm done if you drink one or two beers..." I concluded, occupying my hands with cookies and candies.
"I don't like beer, I don't care what you say." I was met with a firm reply.
Shizu-chan and his stubbornness... In some cases he wasn't easily swayed.
"Ah, but you see, Shizu-chan, I had actually thought about that beforehand and bought you flavoured chuhai. There's no strawberry, but you still have peach, grape and lychee to choose from. Plus, I even bought you strawberry glico snacks and I will give them to you on the condition that you drink at least a bottle and a half."
A loud sigh could be heard from the couch where Shizu-chan was situated and then silence. I didn't turn around to look.
"Izaya, what happened?" he questioned and I really didn't like the sudden shift in the atmosphere.
Why was he like that? Why ask when he could save us both the drama and just go through the night as if a couple of beers was a normal occurrence? Why just not stay blind when it was the most convenient?
Stupid brute...
"Don't ask stupid questions, Shizu-chan." I answered, placing the food on the low table in front of the couch.
"Why is it stupid?" he insisted.
"Because... you should know better. There are questions to which no answer can be given." I said, giving him what I thought was a look dismissing the whole topic.
Unfortunately, he didn't seem to catch it, or rather... blatantly ignored it.
"I'm not a mind reader, Izaya."
"You're not oblivious, though. You seem to be perceptive enough to notice when something is off with somebody... Do not play stupid all of a sudden."
"I'm not. I just feel the slightest bit concerned for you, is it that big of a crime? Last time I looked, it was pretty much a part of the whole 'relationship' package... I can't just... switch it on and off on demand. It doesn't work that way." Shizu-chan's voice got a tad bit louder, on a good way to a full out argument probably.
It was not my idea for this night. Quarrelling with him was actually on the very top on my list of 'what not to do on an already shitty evening'. It might have been on the bottom a few months ago—little things as refreshing and calming as a good run with Shizu-chan in Ikebukuro, dodging flying objects and throwing petty insults at each other—I was in the present right now, though. I came to Shizu-chan's apartment to cool down.
Almost nothing could be easy with us...
"Well, maybe it doesn't for you, but it won't change the fact there is nothing I can say. Do not ask for the impossible. We agreed we won't talk about certain things and it still stands. As stupid as it sounds, I know that you know what made me come here. Up till now you have always known when it was my job and when it was something else bothering me... Please, leave it." I added after a moment of hesitation.
I didn't like pleading in general.
Shizu-chan measured me with a look I couldn't quite decipher, his jaw tightening for a moment, only to lose the tension when he let out a loud sigh.
I instantly knew I was off the hook. For the night at least...
"Give me that damned beer, flea."
I didn't care to correct him.