Okay peeps I know this chapter is a bit dark, but the recovery will be long, and we already know Ryan has issues with depression.

I promise we'll get back to the main point of the story (why Ryan crashed the car) soon. Just gotta wait until he's out of the hospital.

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition,

but certainty is absurd." -Voltaire

Chapter 5

"Who are you talking to, Ryan?" Kristen asked. She had turned away from the gifts from their mother and was staring at him, brow furrowed, puzzled.

"Nobody. I . . . you . . ." Ryan took a deep breath, attempting to organize his thoughts. "You think the accident was a way for me to commit suicide?"

"Well, wasn't it?"

"No! I mean, I don't think so. I don't remember a lot."

Kristen nodded slowly. "There was a police investigation. When you wouldn't wake up at first, and we weren't sure you were going to make it, the cops were ready to rule it a suicide."

"I don't think that's what I was doing. I wish I could remember more."

Kristen nodded. She did not look convinced, as if she believed Ryan was making up his memory loss. "Well, after what happened with that schizo girlfriend of yours, it wouldn't surprise me if you were back in that state of mind."

"Amanda isn't a schizo. She just needs some help. She thought she was doing the best thing for . . . us." Ryan's heart sank as he once again remembered the events of that night. He had loved Amanda, and it hurt him so much to have to turn her over to the authorities; but surely not as much as it had hurt her. Besides that, Ryan did not like thinking about Amanda because it made him question every time what the real difference was between she and him. He needed to change the subject. "So how is Geoffrey?"

A genuine smile spread across Kristen's face, probably because she loved to talk about her son, but also because she loved when Ryan thought to ask about him. "He is growing so fast, Ryan. I can't wait for him to see his uncle again."

Ryan smiled as well. "I miss the little guy."

"I'll bring him to visit once you're feeling better."

The siblings chatted for a bit longer. Thankfully, Kristen didn't bring up the accident again, and Ryan was careful to keep the conversation consistently steered toward Kristen, her life, and Geoffrey. She left while their conversation was still pleasant, for which Ryan was appreciative.

Jenna arrived to pick up Wilfred about a half hour after Kristen left.

"Thank you so much for watching him, Ryan." Jenna smiled gratefully as she pet Wilfred, greeting him.

"It's really not a problem. Most of the time he's not too much of an asshole."

Jenna laughed.

"Suck my dick, Ryan," Wilfred snapped. He pressed his face in between Jenna's breasts.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Well, that escalated quickly."

"What did?" Jenna asked Ryan, then she giggled as Wilfred 'greeted' her. "Wilfred, stop!"

"Um … nothing."

"Be careful, Ryan. People might start to think you're crazy," Wilfred mocked. He still had his face pressed against Jenna's chest, and Ryan tried to push away a pang of jealousy. He had bigger things to worry about other than being envious of a dog.

A week later, physical therapy began on his right leg, in addition to his arms and torso. The therapy on his leg began with the manual movement of the muscle groups by the therapists. The intention was to get his joints used to bending again, especially with the addition of the metal in his femur. Ryan was still too weak to move his legs by himself. His left leg was still mostly covered in a cast, anyway.

The therapy was extremely painful, and Ryan dreaded lunch time every day, because he knew the therapist would enter the room shortly after. He would still need at least one more surgery in his right leg, and two or three in his left. His next surgery was scheduled for only a week after the first, and was a success according to the team of surgeons that had his case. To Ryan, it seemed that each surgery only caused more pain.

As the weeks went by, Ryan's thoughts became darker. He did not see an end in sight – the surgeries and recovery were taking too long to keep his hopes up. And he still had learning to walk again to look forward to; which Dr. Flatline expected to be the most painful part of his recovery.

Wilfred seemed to notice Ryan's decreasing spirits, for he stopped being so hard on him (i.e. telling him he was being lazy). Whenever he visited with Jenna, Wilfred tried his hardest to to make Ryan laugh, or at least smile. He seemed worried that it was becoming more and more difficult.

One day, only a few hours after Ryan's fourth (and hopefully last) surgery, Jenna brought Wilfred to visit for a few minutes.

Jenna knew that currently, Ryan had a total of three steel pins in his legs; one in his right and two in his left. X-rays were done nearly daily to check that the bone was healing correctly around the pins. If it did not continue to heal, additional surgeries would be necessary. She also had noticed Ryan's mood darken, and was concerned for him.

She entered the recovery room with Wilfred and studied Ryan. His eyes were closed, but she could tell he was awake due to his irregular breathing. "Hi, Ryan," she said quietly.

His eyes opened and he turned his head slowly to look over at her. The corner of his mouth quivered as if he wanted to smile, but it was as if it would have taken more energy than he could spare.

Jenna was concerned over how Ryan looked. He was pale; almost translucent. Although he had been eating regularly supplied meals at the hospital, he was thinner than she had ever seen him. And since Ryan already had a small build, the contrast frightened her.

Ryan's voice cracked when he spoke, and he sounded exhausted. He was still in a vertical laying position from the surgery, and she moved closer to the bed to make it easier for him to see her, and in order to hear him better. "Sorry if I'm not too talkative. This last operation really took it out of me. I'm glad you guys came though."

Jenna pulled up a chair as close to Ryan's side as she could and took a seat. Wilfred stood next to her, silently looking at Ryan with a somber look.

"You're almost done, Ryan." Jenna tried to smile. "Soon you'll be all better."

"I know," Ryan did not sound convinced but he nodded slightly in agreement.

Jenna reached through the bed rails and gently squeezed Ryan's hand. A half smile finally crossed his face. Soon, Wilfred had added his paw solemnly to the two entwined hands.

The rest of the visit was spent mostly in silence, but it was a comfortable kind of silence. Jenna held Ryan's hand the entire time.

As always, review please. I'm thinking of waiting a few weeks to post another chapter, and only send new chapters to Blunz since they review =) Maybe that will make others review! Either way I'm glad you're reading, but tell me how I'm doing!