CHAPTER FIVE
Bella found that she couldn't make eye contact with him. Edward Cullen was sitting on the blanket across from her, smiling that smile that she knew by heart and she couldn't make eye contact with him. For ten minutes, ever since he'd shown up with his kids, she couldn't even so much as look at him for more than thirty seconds at a time. Every time that she did she felt all of the blood rush between her legs and she remembered the feeling of the orgasm that had ripped through her body the night before. And then the inevitable question passed through her mind. What would it really be like to have sex with Edward Cullen?
"So I heard that you met my little sister last night," Edward said, as he peeled an orange for Carlie who sat quietly between his legs, her eyes hidden behind a child's pair of pink Hello Kitty sunglasses. Occupying herself with Sam, Bella straightened the legs of his jeans and retied the laces on his baby Chucks. She smoothed his t-shirt over his belly and readjusted the ball cap on top of his head. He didn't protest. Like an addict he popped Cheerio after Cheerio into his mouth.
"Yeah," Bella said, smiling. She wondered if she'd brought her sunglasses. That would certainly help the situation. She didn't further the explanation. She reached for Sam's diaper bag and rifled through the contents. Lana's sunglasses. Sun block. Fruit snacks and apple juice. Aha. She found her sunglasses at the bottom and pulled them out and quickly put them on. When she looked at Edward, she found him smiling back at her, begging for more.
"She baby sat Lana and Sam," Bella said, as if Bree hadn't already explained it to Edward. Since Edward was asking, she assumed that she had done so.
"That's such a weird coincidence," he said. "Of all of the baby sitters in Chicago, your husband found my little sister. And on the day that I met you too. Does your husband know a Jessica Stanley?"
Bella shook her head. She didn't know any of her husbands colleagues or friends. He never mentioned anyone that he worked with.
"I really have no idea," she said. "Why?"
"Well, she's my ex-wife and I could only imagine that maybe your husband knows her somehow and she recommended Bree. She hasn't been sitting that long and I really don't know how else word could have gotten around so quickly."
Ex-wife. Bella smiled. "I don't know," she said. "I'm just happy to have her as a contact. She's so good with the kids."
"She is," he said. "She's been keeping an eye out for mine since Alex was a baby. She's going to be eighteen next month and I still believe that she's turning 25. She's so mature."
"I can tell that you really love her," Bella said, smiling. "You're close with all of your siblings?"
He nodded. "I am," he said. "It's how we were raised. We're a close family and we keep tabs on each other. We look out for each other. What about you? Do you have any siblings back home?"
"I do," she said. "A brother and a sister. Nessie, my sister, is 27 and she lives in Forks with her husband and my niece, Ashlyn. I have a little brother, Riley, and he's about Bree's age. He'll be eighteen in December."
"You miss them?" he asked.
"Like hell," she said, sadly. Suddenly it was easy for forget about her transgressions from the night before. She realized that she hadn't called Nessie since their last phone call a few days before. She had so much to tell her. About Edward and what had happened last night. And she hadn't called Riley or her parents since she'd moved in two weeks earlier. She was already losing touch with her past.
"And I take it your parents are back in Washington too?" he asked. Had she told him that she'd come from Washington? Of course she had or how else would he have known that. She couldn't remember.
"Yes," Bella said. "And they were devastated when I told them that we were moving. I've lived in Seattle my entire life, since the day that I was born. I went to UW Seattle and even though I lived in the dorms, I was home almost every night for dinner. When I was pregnant, I lived with my parents for the first six months until Michael got us an apartment. After we got married and Lana was born, if I wasn't visiting home, my mom and my sister were coming to me. It's hard to be away from them. I'm so family oriented and here I have nothing."
"But you have your husband," Edward said. "And your kids."
"The kids yes," Bella said, laughing. "The husband? Not so much." She glanced to the playground and watched as Alex and Lana climbed the slide. "Michael's been… lacking. I noticed it when Sam was born but ever since we moved it's been so much worse."
"Really? What's going on?" Edward asked. And then smiled. "If you don't mind my asking."
She looked up to him and met his gaze. She could tell that he was genuinely interested and it felt so good to have a friend to talk to. She hadn't been able to speak of Michael's failures as a husband to anyone. She hoped that Edward would understand. He was a divorcee but maybe he wasn't the one to blame. Maybe his wife had been the one to disappoint him.
"He's just consumed in his work," she said. "And when he's home, he's consumed in sports or Comedy Central. He hasn't brought any friends home yet but I'm dreading the day when he starts poker night or the Super Bowl parties. He's suddenly become such a man when before he was just…Michael."
"Ah yes. The dreaded man syndrome," Edward said, with a laugh. "I'd like to tell you that it's a phase but most of us never grow out of it."
"Are you just another man then?" Bella asked with a crooked smile. She wanted him to think that she was playing but she was seriously interested.
"Sometimes," he said. "But most of the time I'm just a hard-worker. A dad. A brother. A son. A friend. Once upon a time, a husband. I had my moments where my wife would want to hit me across the head but it was never for sports or poker or anything. I've never really been into that. Sometimes I just wanted a break from everything. Sometimes I just wanted to get out on my own and be twenty three years old. Throw back a couple of beers, listen to a good band, be with friends. I'm not asking for much."
"I know what you mean," Bella said, longingly. "I feel like I'm constantly at war with Michael to take responsibility for the kids. I love my children but sometimes I'd like to be able to get out and meet people, find out what this city is about. It's hard to do that when you're restricted to parks and playgrounds. No offense or anything."
"None taken," Edward said, laughing. "I'm restricted to the same fate. Well… not really. My wife… ex-wife… has the kids most of the time but when I don't have them, I'm usually working so I don't get to go out anyway."
"You keep saying that she's your ex-wife," Bella said, hoping she wasn't being too nosy. "Do you mind telling me what happened?"
"No," Edward said, shaking his head. "Technically, we're not divorced only separated but it's been in the works for about two months now. We just… I don't know. We sort of just realized that our marriage wasn't working anymore. Nothing was as it used to be. The passion and the love were fading. We were growing bored. Jessica told me that she'd thought about cheating on me and I confessed that I'd considered the same. I was the one who suggested the separation and Jessica went along with it. It was just something that we knew we needed to do. Not only for us but for the kids. It would be better for them to be with us separately then with us together and listen to us fighting all of the time."
"That almost sounds like Michael and I," Bella said, relating to Edward's story. Michael may not have noticed the changes but Bella certainly did. What would his reaction be if she were to bring it up?
"Have you talked to him about it?" Edward asked. Bella picked up Sam and set him in her lap. She cleared the soggy Cheerio's from the front of his shirt and his cheeks and tossed them behind her for the birds. She wiped his face and returned him to the blanket, close to Carlie.
"No," Bella said. "I'm afraid that he doesn't think that anything is wrong with our relationship. If I bring it up, I don't want him to be upset with me."
"But if you speak up, maybe you can save your marriage," Edward suggested. Bella only nodded. She didn't respond. She wasn't sure that she wanted her marriage to be saved. She'd been happy being Michael's girlfriend and fiancé but being his wife was somehow different, less glamorous. With the ring on her finger, Bella felt as if she'd lost her appeal. She was no longer something that Michael could show off but rather an excuse that he could use to get out of work or a boring meeting.
"I'm just… I think I need a break from him," she said. "That's why I like coming here. Even before I met you, it was nice to come here and just breathe in the open air. It's so beautiful here and the kids are so happy when they can play. But now that I've met you… it's a comfort. You've been good for me so far."
He smiled widely and his lips curled, revealing perfectly straight, white teeth. His cheeks were red from the cool, summer breeze and his hair blew delicately across his forehead. He reached up and brushed it away, behind his ear.
"I'm always happy to be of service," he said, smiling. "I'm glad that I've met you too. I feel like I've been locked away from the world since the separation."
The rest of the afternoon panned out perfectly. Bella, Edward, and the children stayed at the park for the remainder of the day, reapplying sun screen and buying snow cones and lemonade from the ice cream truck that passed by every half an hour. By five o'clock the kids were tired and Bella and Edward had exchange their life stories. Although Edward's was far more extensive and much more interesting than Bella's, he'd remained interested with her every word, eager to find out about her life in Washington. As they packed up their strollers and wrangled their children into sweatshirts, they made plans to see each other again for the street fair that was being held downtown the following weekend. Just in case something else came up during the week, Edward took Bella's phone number and promised that he'd call.
Following the same routine, Bella took the kids home, gave them a bath, and laid them down for a late nap. While they slept she unpacked a little more and then called Nessie, hoping that her sister would be available.
"Hello. Black residence," Ashlyn asked, her voice ringing sweetly through the phone. She was so polite and mature. Bella smiled to hear her voice.
"Hi Ash," she said. "It's Aunt Bella."
"BELLA!" she cried, happily. Now she sounded like a six year old again. "HI!"
"Hey sweetie," Bella said, laughing as she sat down on the couch. "How're you doing?"
"Good! I'm in gymnastics and I have a meet on Sunday! I'm really, really, really good at cartwheels," she boasted. "I can do five in a row!"
"Whoa!" Bella said, the smile static on her face. "I wish that I could see it!"
"You can! My mom has it on the video tape!" Ashlyn beamed. "I'll make sure that she sends it to you, okay?"
"Okay," Bella said. "Are you ready for school to start? What grade are you in now, Ash? Second?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna be in second grade," she said. "My teacher's name is Mrs. Pogo. Like the stick! Pogo stick!"
"That's really cool!" Bella said. "I bet you're excited."
"Yeah!" Ashlyn cried. "What's Lana doin'?"
"She's sleeping right now. She's been playing at the park all day with Sam and her friends," she said. "But she'd love to say hi. Next time, when she's awake, I'll make sure that she gets to talk to you, okay?"
"Okay," Ashlyn said. "Do you want to talk to my mom?"
"I do," Bella said. "But I'm glad that I talked to you, Ash. I miss you."
"I miss you too! I love you! Okay. BYE!" she cried, and Bella listened as Ashlyn handed the phone over to her mother. Bella sighed softly, missing the days when she'd spend her afternoon's at her sister's house, the children curled up asleep in the sun in Nessie's living room and the two sister's talking over iced tea and sharing stories about life and love.
"Hey little sister," Nessie said, coming on over the line.
"Hello big sister," Bella said, with a smile.
"What's up?" she asked and then there was a rustling over the line. "No, Ash. I want you to finish your dinner before you play video games." Bella waited until Nessie was paying attention again.
"I just missed you," she said. "I wanted to talk. How're you?"
"I'm good. Not much has changed since we last talked. Jacob is busy with work and I'm busy with Ashlyn and her gymnastics," Nessie said. "What's going on with you? How are the kids? Michael?"
"The kids are good. Asleep again. I took them to the park. Again. Lana's coming down with another cold so she's been sleeping a lot. It's been nice," she said. "Michael's fine. Still working a lot. We went out the other night though. He called a babysitter and we left the kids with her and everything. It was an official date night."
"Whoa. Really? How long has it been since you've had one of those?" she asked.
"Since I was pregnant with Sam," she said. "And it was long overdue… although it was kind of awkward. Michael's been acting really strange since then but especially on that night. He was fidgety and quiet and he wouldn't settle down. I don't know what is wrong with him. We did have sex afterwards though."
"Well, that's a good sign," Nessie said. The sisters had never been shy about telling each other about their sex lives or relationships. Bella was only 14 when her 18 year old sister told about her first time with Jacob. When Bella was 18, a freshmen in college, it was Nessie who'd she first told about her first time with Michael.
"But… I have to confess something," Bella continued as she sat down on the couch. "I've met someone else."
"Bella! What?" Nessie cried and then she lowered her voice. "Are you cheating on Michael?"
"No! God, Nessie. No," Bella said. "But… okay, well… I've thought about it though. I met him the morning before Michael took me out and while we were having sex, I kept picturing this other man and I climaxed. I haven't climaxed with Michael in almost a year."
"Oh Bella," Nessie said and Bella could hear the smile in her sister's voice. "Who is he? Tell me about him."
"His name is Edward and he's a single dad… Attractive, funny, sweet…"
"And how many times have you met up with him?" Nessie asked.
"Just twice," Bella answered. "Both times at the park. I'm going to see him again next weekend with the kids. There's a street fair in town and…"
"Bella, be careful," Nessie warned. Bella sighed softly and closed her eyes. Nessie was acting like her mother again. She'd done it all through Bella's high school years.
"Careful, Nessie? It's not like I'm going to strip him bare and jump his bones right in front of my children," Bella said.
"I know but if you're already thinking of him while you're having sex then what's going to stop you from actually having sex with him?" she asked.
"I just told you that. My kids," she said.
"Well, babysitters aren't hard to find these days," Nessie said.
"Jesus, Nessie," Bella said, suddenly feeling the urge to hang up on her sister. She knew that she was only trying to protect Bella's marriage but she wasn't happy with Michael and Nessie knew that.
"Well, come on, Bells," Nessie said. "You're married and you have two beautiful children. You can't give all of that up for one night with a pretty boy that flirted with you. That's just wishful thinking."
"I am not happily married and Michael doesn't care about his children or me or what we do during the day so even if I were to organize an orgy in our own house, I'm pretty sure that Michael would never even notice," Bella said, angrily.
"Bella, calm down," she said. "I'm just trying to rationalize with you. You can save your marriage. You don't need to go sneaking around behind Michael's back. That's only going to make you feel guilty, not make you any happier."
"What if I don't want to save my marriage?" Bella asked.
"What?" Nessie asked, taken back. "What are you saying?"
"I don't think that my marriage can be saved," Bella said. "I've been trying… for almost a year to get Michael's head out of his ass and realize that he has a family waiting at home for him every night. Even when we were in Washington he was neglecting us and keeping long hours at the office. It's only twice as bad now that we're all the way out here."
"Is he cheating on you?" Nessie asked. "Is this what this is about?"
"What?" Bella asked, defensively. "Jesus, Nessie. Whose side are you on? No, this isn't about him cheating on me. I don't know if he's doing that. I'm just trying to tell you that for once in my life, I've met a man who is handsome and funny and kind and he's a good father. I've only ever known Michael but what if there is another someone out there for me? I'm not saying that it has to be Edward but meeting him has definitely opened my eyes…"
"Bella, no," Nessie said. "Don't think like that. Michael is a good man and he loves you and the kids. Don't give up on him this quickly. He's a young man, building his career and it's natural that he's going to be busy for the first few years. Once he's settled in at the office, he's going to fall into sync with everything, his family and his work."
Bella wanted to argue her but it was no use. Nessie was so big on loving families and supportive husbands who loved their children. No one could do any wrong in Nessie's world. Cheating was inconceivable. Divorce was out of the question. She believed that every woman had a Jacob in their life and that every man, if not now, would eventually live up to everything that she knew about Jacob.
"I won't then," Bella said but she knew that she was lying. She'd been thinking about Edward so much lately that she'd already resisted the urge to look him up in the phone book and give him a call. "I'll be faithful, I promise. It's just… it's nice to have new friends."
"Well, don't get too comfortable with him, Bells. I want to be able to trust you," she said.
"You can, Nessie," Bella said. "You know me."
"I do," she said and she could hear the smile in her sister's voice. "And I love you, okay? Hang in there. You've still got Lana and Sam. If everything else falls apart, your babies love you."
Maybe that's not enough, Bella thought but she just nodded and agreed with her sister. They ended the conversation and Bella hung up the phone, tired and distraught. Would she really cheat on Michael with Edward? Could she honestly do that to him? If she knew that Michael was cheating on her, it would be so much easier to answer that question but if he wasn't and she did end up sleeping with Edward, how guilty would she feel?
Wiping the thoughts from her mind, she focused her thoughts on the telephone. For a second she thought it might be Edward but it was just another telemarketer, interested in selling life insurance. Bella was a house wife now. She'd grown accustomed to being polite to these callers and letting them down gently but somehow, she found the tenacity to just hang up on the solicitor. She was angry and it didn't help that the one person that she needed to support her, her sister, was the farthest one away from her and the least willing to sympathize.