"The family has fallen off the face of the Earth and that's why no one will answer their phone today." It was the most logical explanation Laura could come up with. She had tried everyone, not for any particular reason at first, but now she was making rounds, trying to figure out what the main problem was. She hadn't worried at first, but now she couldn't help it. What if there was a cave-in or something and none of their phones had a signal? She hadn't seen Lulu since this morning or the boys since the anniversary party. What was going on?
"It's a wonder you aren't out there writing some suspense novel the way your mind conjures up worst-case scenarios." Luke teased, rolling his eyes at his wife's clear display of insanity. He was on the couch and she was pacing the grounds as if the answer to her question lay in the cream-colored carpet. He would usually humor her, but this had been going on for a while now, and he was sick of talking about it. Maybe the kids had snuck off to Vegas. They were all of age. Lulu was most likely in class, having never missed a day since the university changed professors on her.
"Don't be flip with me Luke Spencer." Laura cautioned him, her head nodding in his direction. "For all I know, this is your influence."
"Why is it always my fault when the kids fall off of the Spencer radar? They are adults. Can't they think for themselves, or do you really think I have some kind of lab in the cellar?" He was only badgering her, but then what else could he do? He hadn't been actively searching for his son or his nephew, because, honestly, they were turning into Laura. It was a hard truth. They were getting farther and farther away from his teachings and depending on reason and logic while dealing with their better halves. He had known this would happen, but so soon? It was a damn shame.
"What are you thinking about? Are you remembering something one or both of them told you? Do you know where they are?" Laura goaded, bending down to his level and leaning in closely.
"Actually, you know what? I was thinking about something." Luke replied with a grin.
"What?" Laura tapped her foot impatiently.
"That this is the first time in eighteen years we've had the house all to ourselves for an afternoon." He wagged his eyebrows suggestively at her.
"Oh, you're impossible! Thinking about yourself when the kids could be in dire need of my help!" Laura scolded, trying to hold back her smile but quickly losing the battle.
"Think about it. Candles. A nice hot bath. Soft music." Luke's promise was wonderfully seductive and his wife seemed more than interested.
The door bell interrupted any mood Luke was trying to achieve as it peeled out. As if to further punish him for some sin or another, his sister's voice soon followed. "Luke? Laura? Are you home?"
"I asked for a puppy that Christmas and my parents surprised me with another sister." Luke grumbled, his eyes pleading for Laura to ignore Bobbie altogether.
The doorbell interrupted any mood Luke was trying to achieve as it peeled out. As if to further aggravate her brother, Bobbie's voice joined in with peeling bell. "Please Laura, I really need to talk to you." Bobbie pleaded.
"Luke, she sounds in trouble. Where is your sense of chivalry?" Laura wanted to know.
"It's dead woman. Haven't you heard your daughter complain?"
Laura ignored her husband's comment and opened the door quickly. "Bobbie, what happened? Who did this to you?" Her sister-in-law had only cried twice in the time Laura had known her: when B.J. and Tony died and then again when Carly followed in their footsteps. Had she been right about the cave-in? Were the boys in there?
"Myself. I did this to myself."
"What do you mean? Bobbie, what's happened?" Laura wanted to know, desperately gripping Bobbie's wrists.
"Which story do you want first? The one where I destroyed my relationship with Patrick and Lucky or the one where I shocked everyone in the room silent?"
"You're overreacting surely. Those boys think you hung the moon." Laura reasoned lightly.
Bobbie made her way over to the couch, knowing Laura would do the same. This would go much better if both Luke and Laura were sitting down. "Not when they found out who Cruz is dating."
"What do you know about that?" Luke didn't have to pretend to be intrigued. It had been on everyone's mind.
"Everything." Bobbie took a deep breath. "I've been dating Cruz for the past seven and a half months."
Laura glanced over at her husband to see if maybe this was a half-cocked joke he and his sister had thought of together. When his reaction was to look at her with the same confused expression she wore, she returned her gaze to Bobbie's. "I'm sorry?"
"Me. I'm Cruz's secret girlfriend."
Luke couldn't help himself. He had to laugh. This was beyond Jerry Springer...and that was a pretty difficult feat. His hands dove into his cropped white hair and he had to hold his sides to keep his guts from spilling out. "Sh-Should we start calling you Mrs. Robinson now, Barbara Jean?" He asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement and shock.
Laura smacked him in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him. "What he means is: this is quite a surprise."
"I'm sure Patrick and Lucky would agree with you. If they ever choose to talk about me again."
"Don't get down on yourself little sister. Consider yourself lucky. The phone bills won't be nearly as drastic." Luke really was trying to help, but the sudden onset of tears in Bobbie's eyes stunned him.
"I've made a mess of this. The boys hate us both. I lost count of the amount of fights I had to break up today. Cruz isn't about to talk to them and I doubt they will be racing to talk to him anytime soon. I cost him everything, just like I always suspected I would."
"You act like you're completely alone in the decision to see Cruz." Laura shook her head. "And that's just not the case. You're an incredible woman, Bobbie. You always have been. It was just a matter of time..."
"What is the matter with you? You act like it'd be fine for me to go after one of the boys' girlfriends because, you know, it's bound to happen." Luke snapped at his wife, his tone incredulous.
"You are married. Cruz isn't. And this isn't about you." Laura pointed out, not paying her husband the compliment of looking at him when she addressed him.
"If anything Cruz seduced me into this relationship." Bobbie admitted with a slight smile. "I don't regret seeing him. I love him." She was still counting the handful of times she had actually said the words out loud and realized she most likely had the sappiest grin on her face each time she said it.
"That's wonderful." Laura expressed her happiness by taking Bobbie's hands in hers and smiling brightly.
"Why are you acting like this is a good thing? She's the only girl in an All-Boys Clubhouse." Luke explained, his eyes squinting when he considered how he had just worded it. "You know what I mean."
"Why can't you be happy for your sister? Is it really that hard for you?" Laura wondered, her glare making her husband squirm slightly in his seat.
"For him? Yes it is." Bobbie smiled at the sheer normalcy of just teasing her brother. Coming here after leaving Cruz's was the right decision. His suggestion of coming with her to tell them most likely wouldn't have gone as badly as she had feared. Of course Luke would have made a few more jokes than he was, but Laura would have shushed him just as quickly. "But my happiness is not the reason things are a mess right now."
"I can't understand how the boys could stay cross with you. All they've ever wanted, all any of us have wanted really, was for you to be happy. And you are. Look at her Luke, she's glowing." Laura prodded, nodding enthusiastically.
"Possibly if they had been told about us, they may come around some day."
"I don't know I'm wasting my time with a cable bill when this family goes from one disaster to the other." Luke mumbled to himself. "How did they find out?"
"Remember why you and Laura had to put locks on your bedroom door dear brother?" Bobbie questioned.
"Yeah." Luke drawled, not understanding where she was going with this.
"Bobbie, are you pregnant?" Laura asked, startling both brother and sister.
"WH-WHAT? Woman, no more soap operas for you. I don't care how much you love the doctors in their white coats. It's clearly screwing with your mind. Pregnant? Gah! Is that even possible?" Luke prattled on dramatically.
"Luke, do I really have to explain to you again how babies are made?" Laura patronized softly.
Luke's face of disgust was enough of an answer. "Kids really do take all the fun out of sex."
Suddenly a light bulb went off in his head. "Wait a second. The locks!" Luke whirled around and stared at his sister, laughter threatening to over take him. "Did the boys interrupt you Mrs. Robinson?"
Bobbie's mind was reeling. This was all too much. She decided the safest question to answer was her brother's. "Yes. Now do you see why they will never talk to me again?"
"Oh, how embarrassing for you. Don't people knock anymore?" Laura stared down at her hands, having not forgotten when she busted in on Patrick and Robin not that long ago. Maybe they'd forgotten...
No such luck. "I'm sure Patrick has learned that lesson twice over now." Luke chuckled. "He'll be knocking on doors more than he wipes his feet."
"That's not funny. This is about Bobbie right now." Laura reminded him in a tight voice. "How did they react?"
"About as badly as you think they did."
"They overreacted huh? They get that from Laura." Luke nodded purposefully. It wasn't often he got to blame her for the kids' behavioral fits.
"That's why they aren't answering their phones!" Laura realized, ignoring Luke completely. Any overreactions were completely his fault at any rate since the only shared genes Lucky and Patrick had came from his family.
"Damn it." Luke whispered.
"They aren't answering your calls?" Bobbie felt horrid. She hadn't thought they would avoid Laura. In fact she had been fairly certain, they would have made a beeline straight for her. It was one of the reasons she had come over. She had been hoping her nephews would both be here and they could get this worked out once and for all.
"They don't want to be pestered." Luke threw in, not caring if his wife argued with the logic. "She'd demand to know where they are and when they're coming over. My guess is, they've each turned off their phones and are laying low. Can't really blame them. Damn, Barbara Jean, you've sent them straight to therapy." If he could keep this light and jeering, he wouldn't have to picture...wait a minute.
"Luke you are not helping the situation at all." Laura pointed out. "Bobbie doesn't need you to add in your two cents in her condition."
"Who else is going to tell her how it is? At least it's not a complete disaster. It's not like she's pregnant..." He turned his attention to his sister.
"Why would you say that?" Bobbie stalled.
"What?" Luke hadn't been paying attention. There was a caterpillar on the ceiling fan, clearly torn between jumping and holding on.
"Luke your sister is pregnant. The least you could do is tell her you're happy for her." Laura rolled her eyes at her husband's inattention.
"No she's not." Luke chuckled.
"Sure she is. Look at that glowing face--" Laura rationalized.
"She just got laid. That's why she's glowing." Luke argued and then cringed.
"I am in the room you know." Bobbie pointed out. "And I haven't said one way or the other if you are right."
"Your brother has the attention span of a fly, so are you?" Laura inquired with a warm smile that confirmed she already knew. Women could tell.
"This is crazy. You can't be pregnant." Luke cut off Bobbie's response by a mere second or two. "It's not...possible."
"Apparently it is big brother. Because I am pregnant with Cruz's baby." Bobbie smiled her news, happy to be able to deliver it to at least one group of family members in a way that wasn't designed to stop a fight.
"That's it." Luke responded hastily. "We're sending you to a convent."
"A convent?" Laura gave him a funny look.
"It's perfect. She'll go away to a 'special school' and you can wear a pregnant belly and then we'll raise it as our own." Luke told her.
Ignoring her husband's "plan" Laura clapped her hands in joy. Her words of congratulations died on her lips when a loud crash alerted the trio to the presence of someone behind them.
"You're what?" Lucas' stunned voice echoed from the doorway of the kitchen, the remains of a cake and serving dish from Robin's bakery at his feet. "Momma you're what?"