*(A/N –I crawled out from that hole I've been in and decided to update. So very sorry it took so long, words can't explain my apologies. I just wanted to say I am really thinking of discontinuing this story. I'm not for sure because I love to write, but its hard to balance things between work, school etc. I'll try the best I can, and I want to give a thanks to all the people who stuck with this story.)*

"What's being said" //Thoughts// *(Flashback)*

The Screen Behind the Mirror – Almost Full Moon

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Alone…one way to describe my pathetic life, it's where I have always been…then and now. Days of innocence long forgotten and here I am, nowhere, no one, nothing to belong too.

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*( I woke up for the second time this day realizing I'm back in the same grassy circle, which I disappeared from. I looked around without moving looking for somebody…anybody. Of course, no one  was around so I decided to move from these cursed woods. I walked the bleak streets aimlessly. A cold silence filled the area which causes me to shiver. The calm breeze rustling through the steady trees is somehow unnerving. I want to understand the world…my world, but everything, everyone remains a stranger to me. I feel detached from this place, which I am supposed to call home. This is not home, when you said I could not exist when my strings are cut, you were right. I am, I will, and forever be nothing but a puppet.)*

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I want to say circumstances are different, that maybe I was a little disoriented after everything then but I cannot. I used to say everybody hated me maybe from a fear of not understanding, but maybe that was a reason I would tell myself. The real reason was, they didn't want me, somewhere inside them knew I didn't belong here, as if I was an alien. It was automatic in their heads; I now know I do not belong here … I know everything wasn't a misunderstanding …but what good does it do me.

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*( Father…where are you? Please come to me…I feel so alone…just hold me…just one time…so maybe for an instant, I could feel this world is…*(("Hotaru…don't worry, I wont hurt or leave you" "…yeah…right"))*

I shot up from my bed w/ wide eyes, panting heavily, //that dream again, why do you torment me so//.  The events from yesterday filled my head and regret came to my spirit. I stared at my ceiling and just sat there, //that flashback from my dream was real, but why did it come back to me now…are you looking after me…father, or do you just want to hurt me more//. I was about to fall asleep again and maybe figure out an answer until the phone rang. I stared at the ceiling and slowly got up. With each step I took, my feet dragged along the cold floor. Unfortunately, I reached there in time and ever so steadily, picked up the phone.

"Hello" I say in a tired voice.

"Hey Hotaru"

"Oh…hey Ami."

"Well nice to hear from you too… anyway, I was thinking since it's Saturday we could go out somewhere."

"That's fine"

"Umm…are you alright, you've been acting pretty weird lately."

"I'm fine," I say realizing that I have been acting distant with Ami.

"I don't believe you"

"I wouldn't believe myself…I guess we can go somewhere and talk"

"That'll be great I'll come by around eleven…make sure you're ready." I could tell Ami was smiling, her smiles always shines through, even on the phone.

"Ok, bye"

"Bye"

I hung up the phone softly and looked at the clock that read 7:33. //Way too early//, I dragged my feet back to bed and instantly fell back to sleep.

I woke up for the second time to a heavy knock. I got up and look at the clock…11:12 //sorry Ami//.I open the door and as I expected, see an annoyed Ami.

"Sorry, I guess I overslept a little"

"It's alright, you have been under the weather lately…if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I'll get ready."

"ok" Ami sat on the couch and flicked on the television looking for something to watch. I walked to the bathroom took a long shower, brushed my teeth, etcetera and walked out in my usual attire.

"Well, where do you want to go?" I say starting to look forward to this day.

"Honestly, I don't know, I really just wanted to get out", Ami said while giving an embarrassed-like smile.

I laughed for the first time that day…maybe week, I really don't know why I did. I guess for a second it felt like old times, where I didn't think about me having to destroy this world…along with my only friend.

"We can just drive around and see if any ideas pops up", I suggest with a smile still lingering on my face.

"Right", Ami says knowing I was starting to cheer up and forget my previous problems.

I decided to drive and we…well just drove along silently. I look as the steady trees, shopping malls, and signs pass us by. A light that could only be made by the sunlight glared through the window and a comfortable silence draws upon us.

"Do you want to eat something, I mean I haven't eaten anything all day." Ami says in a relaxed voice

"Same here, there is a restaurant over there".

"ok".

I parked in the lot and walk in, //it must be one of those seat-yourself places//. We walk around and a bad feeling came to me.

"Ami, something doesn't feel right"

"You don't like this place, we can go somewhere else".

"It's not that its just, I know something is going to happen today; never mind it's nothing, we can sit over there".

"Oh, ok, are you sure" Ami says in a whisper like tone.

"Yeah".

"Well look who it is" says a casual voice behind us.

We look back and find the reason my 'bad feeling' came. There are not one, two or even three, but five gundam pilots sitting behind us, //I must be in hell//.

"Why don't you join us", Quatre said. Ami and I knew we didn't want to go anywhere near them but it would seem suspicious and rude to just walk away.

Ami sighed lightly and said, "I guess it couldn't hurt".

We sat down, ordered our food, and just waited, //this is boring//.

"This is the last place I would expect to find you", Duo says to Ami.

"Really why would you say that", Ami says in a fake nice tone. Duo and Ami talked like that, for a while…this always happens. Our bad moods are coming back and our day is pretty much ruined. Ami and Duo's relationship is weird, she hates him that's obvious but I know he doesn't hate her. I guess the only way they know how to communicate is by arguing…weird.

 I decide to observe the rest of the table. The guy with gravity-defying hair…Trowa, looks relaxed in a way, with his elbow on the table holding his chin up with his hand. Quatre and…Heero are chatting about something, which I can't hear and could care less what it is. Wufei is sitting with his arms folded, and like always, looks proud as if he can careless what anybody is saying. After a while the talking here and there ceases and its quiet.

I look around the table once more and find myself, looking at Duo's tattoo and I quietly sigh. He looks at me and I slowly avert my eyes elsewhere.

"Hotaru…didn't you want to know about my tattoo", duo says in a smooth, calm voice which is haunting in a way.

 I am slightly shocked and really want to just move away from the subject. Everybody's at the table is staring at me, eyes burning trough my clothes, even my body. If it was any of the other pilots they would of just took note upon it but not duo, he just had to make some remark.

"No, just curious", I say nonchalantly hoping he would just leave it like that.

"Oh…well, you asked if it was a gundam and, yes it is".

My head started to hurt as the others looked intensively at me as if waiting for me to say something. Ami had a calm expression but inside I knew she was worried. She opened her mouth and was about to bail me out of the hole I dug until the waiter came with our food. Ami and I smiled internally for the tension break but we were not anywhere near happiness.

I looked at the food placed in front of me and lost all the appetite I had previously…I wanted to leave, just to get this once happy but now horrible day over with. Ami looked at me with a worried expression and I gave her a fake, weak reassuring smile. It didn't fool her as her expression remained the same and knew something was wrong. I looked at the food, slowly and ever so gently picked up the fork and took a bite. Ami did the same and that's how our meal went…more or less.

We all walked out of the restaurant and I stuck in the back. I looked beside me and saw Trowa. He was much taller than I was and gently looked down.

"Saved…", he said which I knew exactly what he meant. He was referring to the incident with Duo and me yet, there was something else he was hinting at…maybe even warning me. It was obvious from the beginning all the pilots were much taller than me and Ami for that matter, but for the first time I felt alone… small…even… breakable.

"I never knew they built a park over there" Ami commented quietly to herself.

"Want to go?" Quatre asked

Of course, we didn't want to go, after everything that happened.

"Well, wouldn't want to take up your time so probably not".

"Don't worry, we have nothing to do", Duo said with a grin.

They knew we were trying to get out of it, we knew they wanted us to go to figure out if we were the ones they are looking for. When all the options were weighed, we both had something to gain from this…information.

Ami sighed and said "Hotaru?"

They were the last people we would want to stroll around in the park with, and for what it's worth, we were the last people they'd want to be with. All suffering pays off in the end…in some cases.

"Doesn't matter", I say emotionlessly.

We walk in the direction of another hell but this time Ami stuck in the back with me.

"It's like we're digging our own graves…going to yet another place with them", I say in a tired, hush-tone voice.

"I know, I really didn't want to go but we have to figure out there mission…this could be a good opportunity", Ami says then sighs. "Hotaru, what's wrong…I'm w-worried about you."

I never heard Ami stutter in all the time we known each other. She was truly scared that something was going to happen…she was right. Again I told a lie which I knew she would see right through.

"Everything's fine…don't worry", she looked at me and for the first time…put her hand in mine as if saying stop lying. I wanted to dig down in the deep depths of my body and find the tears to cry and tell her the whole story…but I couldn't.

My hands feel stained, filled with blood that will never be removed, and now I realize it.

The pilots are not the ones who are making Ami and I distant…it's me.

I pull my hand away from hers and stare at the ground.

//I hate being this way to you but I have to…I can't cry on your shoulder and tell you it all…please forgive me.//

For the first time Ami looked at me understandingly… gently she slipped her silk-like hand in mine,…I held it. A mutual understanding passed through us like wind that passes through the fragile green leaves on a almost dead tree.

I don't want to destroy…you or your world, I have to…sorry, sorry, and sorry again.

I hate the way things are...the way they must be…

Setsuna…please give me a little more time here…you said I will just destroy the world and die…

Is it a crime to say that I don't want to do this…I don't want to leave…

Just give me a little more time…the time I do not have…)*

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Ami…I am so sorry…

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(A/N-Thanks for reading! Again, I am sorry for taking a century to put this out. I love writing but I am finding less time to do it. I might discontinue this story but who knows in the end I might come back and do another chapter…if I don't you should see another chapter pretty soon… I hope )

~*~please review~*~