I only own Sam and the Flack kids. Carmen is graciously on loan from Aphina

Of love letters and charm bracelets

"Holding you, I'd held everything

for a moment wasn't I the king

but if I'd only known

how the king would fall

hey who's to say,

you know I might have changed it all.

And now, I'm glad I didn't know

the way it all would end

the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain

but I'd have had to miss the dance."

-The Dance, Garth Brooks

"You've got to get a grip, Flack." Carmen said quietly, as they sat, both wrapped in blankets to ward off the chill in the night time air, on the top step of the deck in Flack's backyard.

She'd insisted on the blankets. It was just way too brisk out there once the sun went down for him to be sitting out there in just a t-shirt and a pair of Adidas athletic shorts and bare feet. She knew she sounded like a nagging mother, and she saw that look he gave her when she walked out there with the blankets and two cups of coffee. That you've got to be fucking kidding me look Flack was well known for. She wasn't sure if it was because of the way she was attempting to baby him or because he wanted to be alone. But when he didn't tell her to get lost long after she sat down beside him, she realized it probably wasn't the latter. And even if he had have put up a fight, she would have continued to sit there anyway.

She had made a promise and didn't intend on breaking it. Even if it meant he broke her soul in the process. If he called her every name in the book or told her to get the fuck out of his house and never come back. In the end he'd understand. He'd realize that everything she did or said here on out was for him and those four kids sleeping soundly and innocently in the house. And one day maybe he'd even admit he'd needed her.

"Carmen, if anything ever happens to me, I need you to promise me something." Samantha said, as they sat on this very step a little over a year ago.

It was early evening and the sun was just beginning to set in the distance, casting a pale orange glow over the spacious, well landscaped back yard with its wooden jungle gym and sandbox, bicycles with training wheels collapsed onto their sides on the grass and soccer and basketballs strewn about. It was a house with boys, no doubt about. Loud boisterous boys whose laughter spread like wildfire and you could still hear long after they'd settled down for the night. Pity that one little girl who had to grow up in all of that madness. Daddy's little princess. Two things were for certain: she had three very protective older brothers who'd stop at nothing to keep her safe, and that if she was, God willing, anything like her mother, she'd be the biggest handful of them all.

It had been a particularly trying day. For two days they'd been on the hunt for whoever killed a young mother of three little kids. Someone had broken into the house in the middle of the night and raped her and slit her throat as she lay in bed while her husband, a member of the FDNY, had been working the graveyard shift. A neighbour called police when someone started banging on her front door at three in the morning, a tiny little voice crying for help. The four year old had gotten up for a glass of water and had gone into his mother's bedroom to wake her up. Now he was next door sobbing that he couldn't wake up mommy and covered in blood.

In the end, things had come back to a jealous co-worker of the mother's that couldn't stand the fact she'd rejected his advances and decided to exact revenge. The husband had been a wreck from the time Flack and Carmen spoke to him just after delivering the bad news. His wife had been his everything. His rock. It was the first time Carmen had ever seen Don Flack get choked up over a case. She would never forget the tears that threatened in those blue eyes as they listened to that burly, macho firefighter re-live the last moment she'd spent with his wife. The words that they had shared. And she realized than that Flack was most likely living vicariously through this distraught man. Going through in his own mind what it would be like if he'd lost Samantha.

"Sure," Carmen agreed, sipping a steaming cup of tea. Flack and Rick were in the house, wathing the Rangers and having a couple beers while the kids slept. "What is it?"

"If anything ever happens to me, I need you to promise me you'll take care of Don."

"Quit talking like that." Carmen scolded her, feeling a chill travel down her spine. "First of all, nothing is ever going to happen to you. Not on my watch anyway. And second of all, Don's a big, strong guy. He can take care of himself."

Samantha shook her head, those usually vibrant golden eyes dark and sullen as she stared into the distance. "You don' t know him like I do, Carmen. No one does. And if anything ever happened to me, I honestly don't know what he'd do."

"Probably drink himself into a stupor." Carmen said, attempting to lighten the mood.

"I worry about him. All the time. I've spent nine years of my life worrying about him. And they've been the most wonderful, amazing nine years of my life and I'd live every second of it over again in a heart beat. But being married to a cop isn't easy. You know that. And I thought it would be easy being in the same line of work. But you still lie awake at night waiting for that phone to ring or from that knock on your door and you worry that he's going to walk out the door and never walk back in. All this time I worried about how I'd ever cope without him and I never considered what he'd be like without me."

"He'd be a basket case." Carmen told her. "You know he would. You and those kids are his entire world."

"Which is why I need you to do this for me. To promise me this. That if anything ever happens to me, you'll help him get through it. He's stubborn and can be a real pain in the ass and he'll fight you every step of the way. But you're the only one I trust with this. I need you to promise me you'll help him cope and that you'll help him heal. Because he'll need it. Trust me. Promise me, Carmen. You have to promise me."

Carmen heard the urgency in her friend's voice. Saw it in her eyes. "I promise you." she said sincerely. "But who will help me me cope? If anything happens to you, who will get me through the dark times? You're like a sister to me, Samantha. Who will see me through?"

"You and Don will help each other." Sam said.

And now here they sat, on a crisp spring night, the stars sparkling and the half moon glowing in the black velvet sky. A string of soft white Christmas lights wrapped around the railing of the deck and the kitchen light on behind them the only illumination.

Two people sitting together yet never more alone. Carmen had agreed to stay for a few days to help with the kids. Rick had understood and said he'd be over when he got a break in his job. Stella had a family of her own and a crime lab to run. Life went on, as cruel as it seemed. Hawkes was overworked at his teaching position at NYU and Alexis was struggling to balance crime fighting with mother and wife hood. Erica was still in Atlanta. Danny had told her to stay at her parents with the kids until he heard anything definite regarding burial plans. Stella had expected him back at work yet he still cammped himself out on Flack's living room couch. That left Carmen and her promise. A promise to the woman that had been like a sister to her. Who she shared laughs with and cried tears with and shared in immense joy and tremendous sorrow with.

And now she was gone.

"What's that suppose to mean?" Flack asked, a confused, troubled expression on his face. "Get a grip?" Its the most words he's spoken since she got there the day before.

She'd managed, after a valiant struggle, to give up the beer in favor of eating some food and clean himself up and get some decent sleep. If you could call thrashing around on the basement sofa a decent sleep.

"I know this isn't what you want to hear right now and I'm not saying it to hurt you," Carmen said quickly. "But those kids in there. They need you. They need their father. Right now, you're all they have. They just lost their mother..."

"And I just lost my wife." he angrily pointed out.

"I know. But Jesus, Don. You're all they have.You're the only parent they have left. They need to know that they can come to you when they're feeling sad and they need to cry and rant and rave. Because those kids are hurting and they need you. They need their daddy and Danny and I can only do so much."

"I'm hurting to, Carmen." he informed her. "And maybe that makes me sound like a selfish fucking bastard but its the truth. I hurt too and I need someone that I can go to when I'm feeling sad and I need to cry and rant and rave. And who do I have? My parents? My dad hasn't come here once or even called me on the phone in the last five days and all my mom can do is make lame fucking excuses for him like she has all the pitiful years shes been with the sonofabitch. The one person I had to listen to me and make everything feel better is gone. She's gone and she isn't coming back. So who do I have? No one."

''That's not true, Don." she said quietly. "You have Danny. And you have me. Here I am. And if you want to rant and rave and cry and go somewhere to lick your wounds, that's what I'm here for. For you. And for those kids."

He sighed and hung his head a little. "I already told you that I'm glad your here and doing all of this."

"I don't want your thanks, Don. I want you to get a hold of yourself for the sake of those kids. They're relying on you."

"How do I do that, Carmen?" he asked, his voice quiet and filled with emotion. "How do I get a hold of myself when I feel like I'm going to go insane?"

"Talking to someone is a good start." she said.

"I'm not like that. I never have been."

"Well," she said, sipping her coffee. "maybe this is a good time to change your ways."

"Maybe." he agreed and stared down into the coffee mug. "I miss her." he said after a long silence.

"I know." Carmen said, untucking an arm from her blanket to rub his back soothingly.

"A lot." he said in a hoarse voice and wiped at his moist eyes. "I just never thought... I don't know. I always thought it would be me that something happened to in the field and she'd be the one getting that phone call and saying goodbye and doing all the planning. Never in a million years did I think it would be her. And part of me... part of me actually believed we'd make it 'til we were old and grey and havin' grandchildren."

"You would have." Carmen assured him. "But fate had other plans and no one ever said life was fair or kind."

He nodded. " Greatest day of my life was the day I met her." he declared.

Carmen smiled. "Despite all the grief she gave you and how hard she made you work?"

Flack managed a small laugh. "Despite all of that. All of that was worth it. Every minute. Every second. I wouldn't give up any of those moments I had with her."

"She sure didn't make it easy on you. Sure was a feisty little brat, wasn't she?"

"She was..." he said with a nod. "No one will ever know how much I love her. There's no words to describe it. And I'll always love her. And I'm just glad..." tears slipped freely down his cheeks. "I'm just glad I got there in time and that I could sit with her and hold her hand and tell her all the things I didn't say enough in the past ten years. And I hope she heard them."

"She did." Carmen assured him, brushing away her own tears.

"And I'm just glad that she wasn't..." he took a deep breath to compose herself. "I'm just glad she wasn't alone. That she wasn't in any pain and she didn't suffer and she wasn't afraid. And I hope she forgives me."

"Forgives you? For what?"

"Not protecting her. She always told me that I was the only one who ever made her feel safe and secure and protected. And I let her down."

"Is that what you think?" Carmen laid a hand on the side of his face and made him look at her. "Is that honestly what you think, Don? You think you let her down?"

"I promised her I'd never let anything happen to her."

"Don, no one knew something like this would happen. We couldn't have seen this coming. But she was a cop. A damn cop one at that and she knew the risks this job entails and she accepted that. What happened was in no way your fault. And if she was here right now, she'd be kicking your ass for saying something so stupid. And we both know how terrified of her you were."

"I wouldn't go that far." he said with a small smile.

"She loved you and you made her feel safe and protected. She always told me that. And you know what else she told me?"

He shook his head.

"How she loved you the minute she laid eyes on you but thought it was funny to watch you struggle."

"She said that, huh?"

Carmen nodded.

"Damn Brooklyn girls." he said and sipped his coffee.

"You will get through this." Carmen promised him.

He sighed. "I know. But right now it hurts really, really bad."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, staring up at the stars and the moon, letting the breez dry the tears on their faces.

It was Carmen that spoke first. "I have something to give you."

It was sealed in a wrinkled envelope Carmen had kept for nearly ten years. She had gone home after she and Rick had gotten back from their trip and dug it out of that safety deposit box she kept in the rear of the bedroom closet. And now Don Flack held that letter in his trembling hands as he sat at the kitchen table. Carmen sat across from him. Watching.

"Where'd you get this?" he asked, looking down at his name on the front of the envelope in writing he knew all too well.

"Samantha gave it to me." she replied. "The morning of your wedding. She asked me to keep it and give it to you in case... well, just in case."

He just nodded and carefully tore open the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded note. He took a deep breath and unfolded it.

Don,

If you're reading this, it means I'm no longer here. My heart breaks because of that and I want you to know that I didn't leave because I wanted to, but because something greater had other plans for me. I want you to know that I loved you the moment that we met that day outside of the crime lab. There wasn't a time that I didn't love you, despite all my misgivings and all my fears and all my doubts and insecurities. You are the only person I ever totally trusted. Who I could give my whole heart to and know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me. You are the love of my life. The father of my children. And you have given me more love in our tie together than I ever felt in the years before I ever met you. I will miss you forever. I will love you forever. And every day I thank God for the day that you were born.

Love,

Samantha

Once again the tears flowed heavily down his face and he folded that letter up and slipped it back into the envelope.

Carmen reached out and took his hand.

"Thank you." he said simply.

She smiled.

"And now I have something for you." he told her.

She sat minutes later holding a small black velvet jewellery case in her hands. Not having any clue to what could be inside. She turned her curious green eyes on Flack who stood at the other end of the table, watching.

"Go ahead." he urdged. "Open it."

She flipped open the lid and her breath caught in her chest and her eyes filled with tears. There were no diamonds or pearls in there waiting for her, but something that meant more than all the riches in the world. A sterling silver charm bracelet from Coney Island that was over a decade old. With a little heart dangling from it that had BEST FRIENDS inscribed on it. It had been a lark really. They'd been down there, having girl time on a rare day off and they'd spotted someone selling cheap jewellery on the board walk. It was Sam who spotted the bracelet. Two of them actually, and thought it would be fun to get them.

Carmen had went along with it. It was tacky and more than a little corney but the sentiment was there. They'd gotten close quickly. Shared each others deepest, darkest secrets and never told another soul. Gossiped mercilessly about the other people at work. Talked endlessly about the men in their lives and how badly Sam wanted things to work out between her and Flack. That charm bracelet had meant more to them than any other possession they owned. Both had kept them on their key chains for the longest time before putting them away in a safe place for times that needed remembering.

And this was one of those times.

"Do you still have your's?" Flack asked.

Carmen nodded and held the bracelet in her hand and ran her thumb over that little heart. "At home. Put away." she replied, sniffling noisily, unashamed at the tears that felt.

"She'd want you to have that." Flack told her.

"Thank you." Carmen said, and then he was comforting her. "I loved her..." she sobbed into that strong, warm chest. "I loved her so much... and I miss her and I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry, Don."

"I know." he assured her and stroked her hair. "I know."

The next morning, after all the tears had been shed and were long dried, Don Flack seemed as if he'd begun to make a turn around. He was still in a state of deep, massive grief and the occasionally rage of guilt and blame and anger haunted him, but he was on the long road to recovery.

Carmen stood at the kitchen window, sipping a cup of tea and planning what to make for a late breakfast as she watched Flack and Danny out in the yard playing with the boys. The kids were laughing and shrieking as they chased the soccer ball around and got a kick out of 'beating' daddy and uncle Danny. Even Kieran seemed to be smiling a little more. Although he was a long way from being the same kid he was only a week ago.

Mikayla was in her high chair. Entertaining Carmen by smashing banana in her face and shampooing her hair with oatmeal and babbling away happily.

"You are so much like your mother." Carmen declared when she tried to clean the baby's face and got a wail of protest in return. "You are... you're just like her... mouthy."

The doorbell rang. She scooped the baby up and carried her on her hip as she headed from the kitchen and through the living room, weaving through toys as she went. Probably someone else delivering flowers, Carmen thought as she unlocked the dead bolt. This place has more flowers than the florist themselves. Or maybe one of Flack's guys wives bringing by food or things for the kids. She pulled open the heavy door.

Instead of finding someone on the other side of the screen with a Tupperware container or an arrangement of flowers in their hand, there was a middle age man dressed casually in jeans and sneakers and a windbreaker. His short curly hair just beginning to go grey.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

He appeared a little bewildered. He took a step back, looked at the numbers by the door, then at a piece of paper in his hands, then at her. "I'm looking for Donald Flack Jr." he said. "Do I have the right place?"

"You do. I'm just a friend from work helping out for a while. Can I ask who you are? Are you a friend of Don's?"

"You could say that. I was his training officer when he was a rookie. The name's Gavin Moran."

Nice little hanger for all of you!

Aphina:lol! Sam's definitely a tease! But Flack loves it!

Bluehaven 4220: hope you loved this one too! My fellow southern Ontario-an (is that even a word?)

Maddison Bellows: I'm glad you liked the end of the last chap. I thought after the whole interrogation it would be nice to break it up at bit with something funny. And yeah, I like to think of her as strong and independent and witty. But its nice to see she does need him

Eddiesgirl: I hope you enjoyed this! More Monroe bashing to come!

Lily moonlight: I hope you liked the previous team stuff. Much more of that in store!

Shanevanson: thanks for your message yesterday! Hope to hear from you!

laplandgurl:my fellow Canuck! I promise the George Canyon comes soon!