ME NO OWN, YOU NO SUE KAPISH?
Breaking up and hooking up
"I can't take it any longer
but my will is getting stronger
and I think I know just what I have to do
I can't waste another minute
after all that I've put in it
I've given you my best."
-Stay, Sugarland
It was well after one in the morning when Danny got off the elevator on his floor. After Flack had taken off to drop Speed off at Carmen's place, and to probably go home and get himself some, Danny had stuck around for a little while longer with Hawkes and Adam. Downing beers, playing some pool, talking about things other than work. Surprisingly enough, Danny found Adam a fun guy to hang around with outside of the lab. He was quirky and boisterous and could hold a hell of a lot of booze. If he'd had known Adam was that cool of a guy, he would given the lab tech a chance at friendship a long time ago.
After he left the bar, he decided to grab two coffees and instead of heading home, headed uptown on the subway to Cedars Sinai and surprised Erica who was working the night shift up in ICU. She was surprised to see him, but the look on her face told him she wasn't disappointed. Nor did the fact she took a half hour break to spend time with him, and let him kiss her goodbye when it was time for her to head back. They cemented their plans for their date the following night and he headed home.
He was tired and yawning yet feeling pleased with the direction his life was taking when he stepped off the elevator on his floor. Talking on his cell with Erica. She'd called to make sure he got home okay and to say she was looking forward to their date. That pleased feeling inside of him was short lived when he stopped dead in his tracks at the familiar face sitting alongside his apartment door.
"I gotta go." he said into the phone. "I'll see you tomorrow. Seven sharp. Your place. All right. Sweet dreams." he hung up the phone and took a deep breath and prepared to face the end.
"Who was that?" Lindsay asked, looking up at him from her seat on the floor.
"Someone I met." Danny replied simply.
"A girl, you mean?"
"A woman." he corrected. "What are you doing here, Lindsay?"
"Whatever happened to Montana?" she asked, reaching for his hand to get herself onto her feet. "I miss that."
"Those days are long gone." Danny replied, taking his hand back when she held onto it longer than necessary.
Lindsay's eyes darkened and her face fell. "You don't mean that." she said.
"I do. With every ounce of my soul. We need to talk, Lindsay. Right here, right now. This has been coming for a long while."
"Well can we go inside?" she asked. "Talk there?"
"No. We can't. That's long gone, too. You being in my place."
She shook her head. "You don't..."
"Mean it? I meant it. More than I've ever meant anything. I can't do this anymore. Go back and forth like this. Let you manipulate my feelings. Use them against me. To get whatever you want. You've always done that. Give me the time of day when you're feeling like it. You stood me up that night a year or so ago and that should have been that right there."
"Danny, I..."
He held up his hand to stop her from saying anything. "I was weak. I admit it. I was lonely and weak and looking for something that wasn't really there. I fooled myself into thinking me and you had something.'
"We did." she argued. "We do."
"Please... let me get all of this out! I went all the way to Montana for you. To be by your side for that trial. I never once asked for a thank you or for anything in return. That day in the warehouse? When Adam and I were beaten so bad and we didn't think we'd make it out of there, you turned around and made it all about you! 'I'm sorry, you weren't suppose to be here, you took my shift'? What the hell was that about? Made me feel even worse! And the way you snapped at Flack after he busted his ass to get us outta there! He was getting me an EMS for fuck sakes and you shit all over him!"
"Danny, I never realized..."
"And when Rueben died!" Danny kept his voice down to spare Rikki down the hall running any risk of hearing talk of her dead son. It was the last thing she needed to deal with. "When he died where were you? Nowhere around! You didn't even attempt to be around! And when Rikki stole my gun, you jumped to all the wrong conclusions that I was up to something! That I was goin' after Ollie Barnes! You didn't even try to get the truth!"
"Danny..."
"And now all of this lying and gossiping you've been doing! About Sam and Flack? They don't deserve that! They just want to be happy and you're trying to wreck that! And tellig people about Carmen and Tanglewood? I don't even know you anymore! You're not Montana. You're not even Lindsay Monroe. I have no idea who you are."
Tears spilled down her face. "I'm sorry, Danny..."
"Me, too. It's over. I've met someone I think I'm gonna really care about. I'm going on with my life. Me and you? It's dead. Gone. It's never coming back."
Danny stepped past her and unlocked his door.
"Danny!" she cried, clutching desperately at his clothes. "I love you! Please don' t do this! Danny, please!"
"I have to." he said and slipped into his apartment, closing the door quickly in her face and locking it.
"You don't mean this!" she screamed, fists banging on the wood. "Open the door! You don't mean this! DANNY!"
"Goodbye, Montana." he said and turned his back and walked away.
The rain had stopped its assault on the city sometime during the early morning hours. The wind had died down and sunshine attempted to peek out from between thick gray cloud. The sky was beginning to transform into a pale shade of blue.
Sam's eyes flickered open slowly. Her body still tingling from head to toe after the the night and early morning that she had been subjected to. From being pleasured so often and so intensely that it was mind blowing. To be with someone that was so attentive and unselfish as compared to someone who only worried about their own needs, was a welcome and relieving change. Until Don, she had no idea how amazing any form of sex could be. And now it was if they just couldn't stop. Like a couple of teenagers being ruled by their hormones. Not that she was complaining. Far from it.
She was lying on her stomach, face turned to the side, looking at Flack as he slept soundly beside her on his side, his arm loosely draped over her back. He looked like a little boy when he was asleep, his long dark eyelashes falling on pale cheeks, a soft gentle smile on his lips. Not someone who'd spent years of his young life listening to gut wrenching stories and nausea inducing confessions, seeing the worst of evils and dealing with the lowest of the lows.
She rolled over onto her side and moved closer to him, tucking her head under his chin. His face was scratchy from morning stubble. It didn't bother her. She found it sexy and masculine and devastatingly rugged. She kissed the hallow of his throat and laid her hand on his side.
His arm tightened around her, drawing he flush against him, his leg coming over top of hers.
"Good morning." he said without opening his eyes, his voice tired.
"Good morning. Did you sleep good?"
He nodded. "For all of what? Two or three hours?"
She lifted herself up to check the watch on his right wrist. "It's eight thirty. So you managed four and a half hours." she snuggled back into his warm body.
"Four and a half hours and I was up for what? Just over twenty four hours? You'll be the death of me woman."
"At least you'll go happy." she enthused. "Very, very, very happy." she punctuated every maybe with a kiss to different spots on his neck.
"We gotta get up in a half an hour." he said with a yawn.
"I'm not doing anything." she protested.
"Yes," he grinned. "You are."
"You're very easy to get all worked up." she laughed.
"I just think of you even half naked and I'm done."
"Best be keeping those thoughts out of your brain at work, then. That would not be good."
"Not good at all." he agreed. "Mind you, the sex in the squad thing? I gotta admit that's one of my fantasies."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Something about it. The thought of you doing things to me in a place that off limits. It's a turn on."
"Well maybe one day, I'll surprise you." she said.
Flack just smiled.
"You know, I've never even made out in a car never mind had actual sex in one." she told him.
"You serious? Never? Not even as a teenager?"
"Never." she insisted.
"You have lived a sheltered life."
He thought about the words he'd just said and about everything she'd suffered through as a child and with Zack, and immediately felt like the biggest prick on the face of the earth. His eyes snapped open.
"I am such an asshole." he declared.
"Don..."
"I didn't mean that the way it sounded."
"Don, I know. I can take a joke you know. You don't have to watch every word you say. I'm not fragile.'
"I know. I just think about what you've been through and it bothers me. Really bothers me."
She pulled back and kissed him. "Then don't think about it." she said.
"I'll try." he said with a sigh.
"In fact." she kissed him long and deep, slid her hand around to his chest and down his stomach and lower. "Don't think at all."
"We have to get up soon." he reminded her.
"It'll only be five minutes."
"Five minutes? Are you kidding me? I'll try not to be insulted. When has it only lasted five minutes. Half hour is the shortest yet."
Sam checked his watch again and the pushed him onto his back. "We better get started then." she said.
They had agreed to meet Carmen for a late eleven o'clock breakfast at the TGIF's in lower Manhattan. Flack had offered to come and check out apartments with them. It was his first of three off in a row and could always catch up on well deserved sleep another time. His main priority was to spend as much time with his girlfriend as possible. There were times the job would have to come first and they wouldn't be on the same shifts so he planned to make any time off together worth while.
Not to mention the girls liked the idea of having a chaffuer cart them around the city.
They sat side by side in a booth near the back. Close enough so that their knees and their shoulders were pressed up against each other. He couldn't stop touching her. He hoped he would never want to stop.
"Hey, guys." Carmen greeted cheerfully, finding them easily in the sparse crowd.
They looked up. Carmen had an ear to ear grin that suggested she'd been treated like a goddess and then some all night. And beside her was unshaven, dishevelled and slightly embarrassed looking Tim Speedle.
Sam arched her eyebrows in surprise. "Hi..." she said, wondering what in the hell was going on.
Flack hid his 'that's my boy' grin behind his coffee mug.
"I need coffee." Speed announced as he and Carmen slid onto the bench across from other couple. "Lots of it."
"Join the club." Flack said. "She kept you up all night, huh?"
Speed yawned and excused himself and rubbed at his weary face. "'Til four thirty." he admitted.
Carmen blushed and leaned into him, elbowing him gently.
"That was not a complaint." he assured her, putting his arm across back of the seat, his hand on her shoulder as he kissed the side of her head.
Sam's eyes widened ever further. Is this a Twilight Zone moment or what? she thought.
"What happened?" Flack asked. "She go all school teacher on you?"
"Yep." Speed replied. "And if I had school teachers like that I would have bent them over the desk and..."
Sam held up a hand for him to stop right there. "Tim! Enough! Don't ruin my appetite."
"Like your Miss Innocent." Speed said.
Flack snorted. "Nothing innocent about her. Trust me. And I was up 'til four so don't feel too bad. And no, Sam, that was not a complaint."
"I was going to say, you were not complaining at three in the morning. Those were not complaints coming out of your mouth."
Flack smiled and kissed her cheek and ran a hand over the back of her hair, resting it on the small of her back.
Carmen smiled. They make a cute couple, she thought. He's so big and powerful looking and she's so small and delicate. Too complete opposites yet so obviously in love.
"Flack," she said. "every time I see you in street clothes I can't believe your the same person. You look totally different out of a suit and a tie. You're actually kinda cute."
"As opposed to what?" he asked "Being ugly all the rest of the times?"
"You are far from ugly, trust me. You just look different. Younger. Especially in the baseball cap. Like a college jock."
"Yeah? Well..." he pulled off the Rangers cap and tossed it beside him on the bench. "my grey hair puts that notion to rest."
"Run in your family?" Carmen asked. "You're young to be going grey."
"It's just a by product of stress and re-hab and physio that comes after being blown up and having your stomach nearly torn out of your body. Not to mention all the meds."
"Heard about that." Speed said. "Cop getting caught in a blast. That was you?'
"Unfortunately." Flack sighed.
"Jesus." Carmen shook her head. "How is it now?"
"Well, I gotta get regular immunizations because they took my spleen out and a part of my kidney, and I nearly became addicted to oxycontin, but my back can not predict the weather. I can tell by how bad the pain is if its going to rain or snow. And I came out of the entire thing with a nice souvenir."
He stood up and lifted up the bottom of his shirt to show them the scar. Sam had gotten him over the shame he felt about it.
"Shit, Flack!" Carmen exclaimed.
"I thought mine was bad." Speed said. "You are lucky to be alive, my friend. And that's coming from a guy that knows what it's like to be lucky to be alive."
A waitress came with two extra menus and two large carafes of coffee.
"You guys hear the news?" Flack asked, scanning his menu.
"About Zack being sent back to Arizona today?" Carmen asked. "Stella sent Tim a text message about an hour ago. And told him to expect to go to Arizona soon."
"Oh happy day." Speed sighed.
"I mean the really, really big news." Flack said. "Mac gave us a call this morning. He didn't call you guys?"
Carmen shook her head.
"Lindsay quit." Flack told them.
Sam clapped her hands excitedly.
Carmen nearly dropped her coffee cup. "What? When?"
"She left a message on his voice mail around four in the morning." Flack said. "Cleaned her locker out and everything. She's going back to Kentucky."
"Montana." Sam corrected, sipping a tea.
"Whatever. A wheat field is a wheat field. The point is, she's gone."
"I plan on throwing a Ding Dong the witch is dead party." Sam announced.
Carmen and Speed laughed.
"Don't laugh." Flack said. "She's serious. She plans on trashing my apartment."
"Does Danny know?" Speed asked.
"That's the best part!" Sam enthused. "He's the reason she quit! He called us this morning too and said Lindsay was waiting at his place when he got home last night! Trifling bitch!"
"He told her in not so many words what a bitch she is." Flack said. "And that he didn't want to be with her anymore and he'd met someone else."
"She quit over Danny?" Carmen asked.
"Like I said!" Sam exclaimed. "Trifling bitch!"
"Can't believe she's gone." Carmen said.
"My life has never been so complete!" Sam enthused. "Bye-bye, see ya! Don't send me a post card."
"You're harsh." Flack told her. "You call me harsh but you're much worse."
"I wonder why..."
"So what happens now?" Speed asked. "Mac has to hire someone else?"
"He's gonna see how it goes with what he has for a few months." Flack replied.
"Over time!" Sam said. "Doubles and triples! I'll be able to buy those Manola Blanik shoes I saw on the way here!"
Flack rolled his eyes. "Shoes. The woman and her shoes. We parked a couple blocks away and passed by the store and she's been going on about the shoes ever since."
"What they look like?" Carmen asked.
"The price tag said six hundred." Flack exclaimed.
"What did they look like?" Carmen repeated.
"Cute little kitten heels!" Sam told her. "Black leather, pink stitching, peep toe."
"Six hundred!" Flack said. "For a pair of shoes!"
"I do not expect you to understand." Sam told him.
"Just pay for them." Speed said.
Sam laughed. "Exactly! See! Tim gets it!"
"You want to shell out six hundred on a pair of shoes, either buy 'em yourself or get a sugar daddy." Flack said.
"You mean that? 'Cause I have a few near death richies that are interested in the job."
"How about I say no." Flack said.
Speed shook his head. "A woman who can go from wielding a gun to wearing designer clothes. You are a strange, wee person, Mouse."
"I am my own woman." she declared.
"Yes," Flack agreed. "You are."
"He loves me." Sam told the others. "He really does."
"I tolerate you." he corrected her and kissed her cheek.
"Rent a goddamn room." Speed complained.
"You off all day?" Carmen asked Flack.
"I'm off 'til Monday. Not even on call."
"How in hell did you manage that?" Speed asked. "We go back on call tomorrow."
"Over time." Flack replied. "Pulled in over hundred and eighty hours in two weeks. Gerrard is not happy."
"The man is a total ass." Sam declared. "He hates me."
"He doesn't hate you." Flack corrected. "He just isn't on the same page as you."
"He hates me." Sam told the others. "He told Don I was nothing but trouble."
"You are." Speed said and Sam tossed a sugar package at him.
"That's assault on a police officer." Speed teased.
"What are you going to do? Arrest me? Cuff me! Too late!" Sam held out her wrists. "Look! Look at the bruises!"
"You should have told me they were too tight." Flack said.
"I was a little distracted at the time!"
Speed held out his own bruised wrists. "Then she lost the keys." he said.
"Hey!" Carmen exclaimed. "I found them... eventually.'
"Devine," Flack shook his head. "You're bad. You two are dirty, dirty girls. One likes to be the perp, the other likes to be the cop.'
"Why do we let them use and abuse us?" Speed wondered aloud.
"It's better than not being used at all." Flack reasoned.
They walked to their first scheduled apartment viewing. Speed and Flack walked ahead. Speed talking about Miami and the differences in the people he worked with and in the two labs themselves.
"I'm happy for you, Carmen." Sam said as the two girls walked side by side."Tim's a really nice guy. You guys seem good together."
"I'm happy." Carmen told her. "For the first time in a long time. But we're taking things slow. One day at a time. I'm not ready for anything more than that and I don't think he is either. And I'm glad him and Flack are getting along so well. Guess its those dry, sarcastic mouths they both have."
"I guess." Sam said and stopped at a store front to peer in the window.
Speed turned and walked backwards. "Come on, ladies! Window shop later!"
"Keep her away from any place that sells shoes or purses!" Flack instructed.
"We'll catch up!" Carmen said. "Turn back around Speedle. I was checking out the view!"
He grinned and shook his head and turned back around.
Carmen stepped up beside her friend. "You okay, Sam? You don't seem like yourself all of sudden. You take your meds this morning? You know if you don't take them you get mood swings."
"I took them. I just... I'm worried."
"About?"
"How do I know that this isn't just a sex thing? That he isn't just saying things 'cause he knows its what I want to hear?"
"Do I have to hit you upside the head? That guy is madly and crazily in love with you, Sam. I see it every time he so as much looks at you. And I know a lot of this self doubt comes from things in your past. But you dealt with that past better than most people ever could. You're a strong girl, but please, let someone else take care of you for a change. You deserve to be happy and in love and be loved. And I know that Flack loves the hell out of you."
Sam sighed. "I hope you're right."
"You know I am."
Sam looked down the sidewalk at Flack. He and Speed had stopped to give the girls a chance to catch up. He felt her looking at him and turned and winked at her before going back to his conversation.
"How do you feel about him?" Carmen asked her friend.
"I love him. Plain and simple. It feels right. Like this is where I belong. In New York, with him. He makes me feel whole and I've never felt that before."
"So quit second guessing yourself. And him." Carmen said.
"I'm scared it's going to get to the point where I feel like I can't live without him."
"Sam, loving someone that much is not a bad thing. I think people who have that are blessed. You've met this man that you can rely on always. It's a rarity to find that. And you did. Someone that makes you feel complete. It's a love we all wish we had but seldom find."
Sam smiled.
"You and Flack have that." Carmen told her. "I think you two are going to go the distance. Trust me, ten years from now, when you've popped a couple of his kids out, you'll be wondering why you ever doubted him."
"Whoa!" Sam laughed. "Kids? Slow down!"
"Face it girl," Carmen said as they began walking once more. "That is the father of your children right there."
"I can see that." Sam sighed. "And that's freaking me out."
"Give it a couple years and I guarantee you two will have one on the way. If not a little sooner. And you guys will have some seriously attractive kids."
Sam smiled. "Dark hair and blue eyes." she said.
"And your freckles. Destined to be cops."
"I'd rather them be anything but." Sam admitted.
"Well, I'm sure you'll have many years with them before you have to discourage them from it."
"You are so not living here." Flack said to Sam, as they stood in the spacious living room of the second apartment they visited.
The first one had been run down and way too small for two women with all their belongings to live in. Not to mention Speed commented on the smell of decomp.
The second, as nice as it was and had lots of space and hard wood and cove cielings and was in their price range, was out of the question. The manager showed up in a soiled under shirt and even more soiled track pants and told the girls he'd be willing to give them a discount on the rent.
"I bet you ten to one he's all ready planning on drilling peep holes in the wall." Speed said to Flack.
"I knew there was something up when he mentioned he'd drop the rent a little." Flack said.
"Would you stop?" Sam sighed exasperatedly. "Not every weird guy is out to get me!"
"Come on, Mouse." Speed said. "He's more than a little weird. Did you see the stains on that guy's pants?"
Carmen laughed. "Mr Trace expert on the look out for trace! Go figure!"
"Well we have to live somewhere!" Sam said as they all left the apartment.
"There's still one more place." Carmen reminded her.
Flack took Sam's hand. "Do me a favor? Make sure wherever you live all the guys know your boyfriend carries a gun."
"Oh for christsakes, Flack!" Carmen snorted. "We carry guns too."
"Never mind the gun." Speed said. "Just tell them how big your boyfriend is. He's a fucking big boy. And besides, it's our duty to serve and protect you two."
Carmen laughed and put her arm around Speed's waist and pulled him towards her. "In that case, you can start by..."
"No turning this into an x-rated conversation Devine!" Flack scolded her.
She pouted dramatically. "You two never let me have any fun. Sam's more easy going. Watch it or I'll steal her off of you, Flack."
"Carmen," Sam said as they waited for the elevator. "If I was to ever go that way, you would be my first choice as a lover."
Flack and Speed nearly sprained their necks looking over at their girlfriends so quickly.
"I'm honored." Carmen gushed. "You too. Me and you could have a pretty wild time together."
"I bet. If Tim has no complaints, I doubt I would either."
Speed and Flack looked at each other.
"Is it wrong I am totally turned on by this conversation?" Speed asked.
They ended up taking the last and final apartment on their list. A spacious, bright and cherry two bedroom, two bath on the tenth floor with wall to wall carpeting and floor to ceiling windows in the living room and a massive, ultra modern kitchen. A little above waht they wanted to spend, but a quick reworking of the budget by Speed and the girls were satisfied they could swing it and manage to eat. Not like the guys would ever let them go without anything.
Sam cut a cheque from her VISA account for a deposit on first and last and the landlord set up a move in date for two months down the road. He was an elderly gentleman who passed the Speedle/Flack perv test with flying colours.
It wasn't until they were leaving that Flack became aware that the building his girlfriend was planning on moving into, had once been a crime scene. It was the same building Stella had lived in when she was attacked by Frankie Mala. The crazy ex boyfriend who'd seemed like a mild mannered artist until he made a porn site of the two of them than went all OJ Simpson when she dumped him. Flack kept all of that to himself. Especially the part of Stella killing him in the end. Sam's paranoia chip would just kick in and she'd never sleep properly once she moved in and have him check every weird noise or bump in the dark. It was best to just keep his mouth shut. Even out of respect for Stella. If she wanted the others to know, she'd tell them.
"What did you think?" Carmen asked Speed, as they walked hand in hand. It had surprised her when he'd just grabbed her hand like it was the most normal thing in the world. But not nearly as surprised as when he kissed her while waiting for the light to change at a cross walk.
"I think you'll have lots of good times there." he said.
"Just me?"
He smiled and pulled her into him and kissed her temple. "Us." he said.
She smiled as well and dropped his hand in favor of putting her arm around his waist.
"What are you thinking about?" Sam asked Flack, as he unlocked the front passenger's door on his black GMC Yukon SUV.
"I was thinking about how hungry I am."
She laughed. "Sex, food and sleep. Your three main staples."
"Food is first. 'Cause without it, I don't have the energy to give you the second."
"That would be a damn shame." she giggled and climbed into her seat.
He shut the door and went around to the driver's side.
"What I was really thinking about," he said as he got behind the wheel. was how with Carmen around, I won't have to worry so much about you."
"So much or as much?" she teased. "Don, you are incapable of stopping the way you worry about me."
"I just got you," he said. "I'm not ready to give you back yet."
She smiled and leaned across the seat to kiss him. "I knew you loved me." she said.
"Like there's a doubt?" he asked and kissed her softly.
She yanked off his hat and tossed it onto the dash in order to get closer to him and deepen and intensify the kiss. "You know what I think?" she asked, her fingers toying on the hem of his t-shirt.
He shook his head.
"I think we need to get you some food so you'll have lots of energy."
"I think that's the best thing you've said all day." he declared.
Speed honked the horn of Carmen's car as they drove past. She smiled brightly and waved to them. Then leaned across the seat to plant a kiss on his cheek.
And as each girl went their separate way with the men that would shape their futures, they felt for the first tie that they were ridiculously happy. And whole.
And in love.
Much love and thankies to everyone that is reading, enjoying and reviewing. Much appreciated!!