Chapter 11: Goodbye, My Lover
Word Count: 6,101
VERY IMPORTANT, READ FIRST: If you are an old reader, do not read this chapter. This is the last chapter! I reformatted everything since I finished the story. For those caught up with the last format: Go read Chapter 6. The first paragraph has the whole section where you last left off.
This is so that each chapter isn't only a few paragraphs, but around 3K-6K words long. Thank you for reading.
After Ivan was deemed to be safe he had to explain - in detail - what had happened. Of course, Ivan skipped a few details, like how he slept with Alfred. They didn't bring it up either, though Ivan knew they would have proof of that. Perhaps they just assumed Alfred was raping him, and Ivan wouldn't blame them for that deduction. They had found the room he had been staying in, locked from the outside and a light on the outside as well, with the ropes Alfred used in the beginning found that obviously were used to tie him up, seeing as so many skin cells of his had been rubbed off onto it. He thanked Toris for discovering what had really happened. Apparently, Ivan's sisters had called, and Toris, knowing how close Ivan was to his sisters, found it odd that he wouldn't have called them at least to check up on them. Toris then tried calling Ivan, and when it always went to voicemail, started looking into things. Bless the world for small miracles.
Ivan had requested time off and told his boss he was considering actually resigning. He didn't know what he was going to do for a living, but he wasn't sure he could continue with what had happened. Either way, he needed time to think what to do now. His boss had been more than understanding and told him to take as long as he needed. He did get a headache a lot around too many people, but it was nice, not to mention just how the air smelled outside. Ivan supposed it was the simple things in life that he really missed, choosing when and what he got to eat and if he wanted, staying outside, talking to other humans. But there was a darker, deeper part of him that actually was almost expecting Alfred to just be there. No matter what he did during the week, whether it was going out or just staying inside, he almost expected Alfred to just walk down the street towards him or open the door and simply just be there, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
He supposed it was his body's own way of going through shock. Somebody he had seen several times a day and relied on so much the past few months suddenly not being there was a bit much to take in. The worse part was that Ivan almost missed him. He would always shove the thoughts aside and try going about other things to forget. But he just couldn't keep his mind off of the blond for very long. Ivan rubbed his eye, putting some coffee mix into the coffee maker enough for two. He supposed Alfred got his wish didn't he? Ivan really couldn't stop thinking about him, he knew it would get better with time, but he also knew it wasn't going to completely fade either. He wasn't sure if that would be much better. He looked at the clock, sighing. Perhaps he shouldn't have made Toris some coffee this early, the other wouldn't wake up for several hours. Shaking his head, he poured himself a cup and sat down, drinking it. It may have been four, but he knew he wasn't going to go back to sleep tonight.
During his time away, his house had been sold, considering he wasn't there to pay rent. He was able to get some of his stuff back, but most of it had either been sold or used. At least the couple who had moved in had been understanding and given Ivan anything back that they had been using themselves. It still wasn't much, but it was something. He was looking for a new place to stay now, though it was slow going. Toris, kind man that he was, was letting him use his couch in the meantime and even part of the garage to store the things he did have. Ivan stared at the coffee in his hands. He had seen his sisters last week, they had been worried of course and it seemed a lot of people were, then again it wasn't everyday that one survived a serial killer. Ivan wouldn't exactly call it surviving, he didn't know what to call it though.
He could still remember, so vividly that it almost scared him, the times when Alfred had laid against his chest. One time in particular he thought of more, when it had been hot and neither of them had been wearing much clothes, though it wasn't anything sexual really. It had been nice though, because Ivan knew Alfred didn't have any dangerous weapons on him so he could relax, and in the heat he wasn't exactly looking for a fight. Despite it being warm, Alfred had still laid against him, saying something about how Ivan felt cool. Many times he would remember that to the point he felt he was back in the room with Alfred, running his hands along the others back once in awhile and the blond cuddling up to his chest.
Not just that memory either, but other times, happier times he wished he could forget, of Alfred kneeling on a pillow in his room, paintbrush in hand and painting the night sky along his wall, once telling Ivan enthusiastically about space, talking about the first satellite - though it was Russian - and the moon landing, but also of things more recently discovered and theories that ranged from ridiculously funny to probable. It was always clear when Alfred had a passion for such things.
Or once when Alfred had convinced him to make smores with him and his brother, and the three of them had gathered around a fire in the fire pit on the bottom porch, warmth staying trapped even after staying out all night. Alfred seemed to love the smores the most, and they had told stories, exchanging common, local legends with each other.
Ivan turned the cup in his hand trying not to think about it. Trying not to remember the happy moments that made everything else seem so much worse somehow. He paused and looked up when he heard somebody. Usually Toris was a decent sleeper, Ivan didn't normally wake the other up.
A blond came into the kitchen though, rubbing his eyes. Ivan sighed, of course. He had forgotten the other was over... Felix he believed. Ivan found himself a little amused that Toris was actually dating the other, he hadn't known if Toris was even gay or not before this. "Oh, it's you." Felix yawned, covering his mouth as he did, fingernails painted pink and the other wearing a large t-shirt that was practically a dress. Ivan doubted the other was wearing anything under it. He hadn't spoken a lot to the other but from what he learned Felix was a cross dresser and usually acted like a teenage girl on a normal basis. "I totally thought somebody was breaking into the kitchen or something."
Ivan gave a small smile and shook his head, "Just me. Sorry to wake you."
Felix waved his hand in a highly dramatic way, "That is okay, but I am like, so hungry right now." He said, going over to the fridge. Ivan looked back at his coffee, taking a sip of it as the other rummaged around making something. Perhaps he would take up his job again, if anything he would get his mind Alfred with so much to do, and the chances of running into another serial killer. "Hey, you like, were kidnapped by that one killer, right?"
He couldn't help but give another amused smile, looking over at the blond, "I see why Toris always keeps us apart." Why wasn't he surprised that the other was so very blunt and forward about something that everybody was tip-toeing around?
"Well if you're that bugged you don't have to answer. But like, sometimes it's nice having somebody to talk to. Some things you can only tell a stranger, right?" Felix smiled, sitting down with a bowl of cereal, starting to eat it.
"Hm, well I am required every week to talk about it." Not that he really wanted that, but he had spoken to the psychiatrist a bit about how he had become dependent and attached to Alfred through the six months. The doctor had said something with Stockholm syndrome, but that wasn't quite it, Ivan never sympathized with Alfred kidnapping him - part of him still didn't understand the other's motives - and he never forgave Alfred for killing. He had just become used to the male's almost constant presence, anybody would have, kidnap or not. Ivan had become less inclined to talk to the psychiatrist after that, it seemed most were inclined to just label what was wrong and be done with it. Not that Ivan couldn't relate to that.
"Only so much you can tell officials is what I always say." Felix nodded at his own wisdom, if it could be called that, "I do not really care if you tell me or not. Must be hard though, I do hear that you two were lovers."
"Remind me to sue the television network you watch for slander." Felix laughed at that and Ivan smiled himself. "From what I remember though, you said you would shake the man's hand."
"Oh god, you remember that? Well I said I'd buy him a drink. He was still a murderer but I didn't mind the person he killed then."
Ivan hummed, taking another drink of the coffee, putting the cup back down before continuing the conversation, "I never did get around to asking you why that was."
"Man was a monster really, world's better off, I think."
"You do realized he was torn apart in a painful way?" Felix just shrugged. Ivan raised an eyebrow, but didn't question it, if the other hadn't spilled out the reason already, he probably wasn't going to. He looked into his coffee again. Monster, huh? The world seemed full of those. He took another gulp of the coffee.
He hesitated, standing in front of the door he usually never used. He looked over the house. There were so many memories from such a short period of time. Curling his hands, he took a deep breath, he knew somebody was home because both vehicles were there. Raising his hand, he hesitated a second longer before pressing his finger into the doorbell. He heard a dim chime and lowered his hand, waiting. He didn't even know if the occupant would want to see him, after all that had happened, Ivan doubted he would have come himself if it wasn't for honoring the last words of the dead. The door opened before Ivan could dwell on that thought. Matthew's eyes widened slightly, considering the news van Ivan had passed on the road here, he could guess Matthew was expecting somebody else. The blond that looked too much like Alfred it hurt relaxed, offering a small smile and nod. There was silence, neither knowing what to say until Matthew took a step aside and Ivan took the silent invitation, stepping inside. The door closed behind him and Matthew started for the kitchen it seemed, and Ivan followed, noticing closed boxes in quite a few places. "You are moving?"
"Yes. Without Alfred, I cannot afford the rent and ah... It has too many memories." Ivan nodded, even with only being there around five minutes and he already felt uncomfortable with how many memories he had, he couldn't imagine how it was with Matthew. Ivan sat at the table that they would usually eat breakfast at, Matthew insisting he had something to drink, so he just asked for water, which Matthew give him and sat down across from him with his own cup. They sat in silence a while, "It is good to see you." Matthew started, smiling shyly at Ivan, obviously trying to break the thick layer of ice, "I am sorry for... Anything Alfred did to you."
Ivan nodded, "It was not your fault. How are you holding up?" He wondered if it was too intrusive a question, he didn't know Matthew all that well, not really. They had talked before, but Ivan wouldn't quite call them friends, the main similarity was that they were both close to somebody, Matthew more so than Ivan himself.
"As well as any." Matthew said, looking down then, moving the cup in his hands. "I almost knew it was coming, but it still hurt a lot. I don't think you could ever prepare yourself for something like that. But... Better, better then when I heard the news... and the weeks after. I am still... Sometimes I forget he is gone."
He nodded in understanding at the last part, but looked up at Matthew, "You said you knew it was coming?" Ivan questioned, a sudden realization that Matthew might have known this entire time coming into his mind, Alfred could have very well lied. The blond was shaking his head though.
"I suspected... Especially when somebody questioned me about Alfred and the killer about... I suspected. But I didn't really want to believe it."
"Why did you not say anything? Even a suspicion might be useful."
Matthew looked at him, giving a small smile, "I am sorry I did not warn you at least. But... He is my brother. I didn't want him to get caught if it meant he would die, and like I said, I didn't want to believe it myself."
Ivan was silent a moment, he could accept that. It made sense, considering how close Matthew and Alfred was. "You knew he was capable of murder." If Matthew didn't then he wouldn't have suspected Alfred, even after an interview, not to the point he would need to try denying it to himself. The blond was silent, looking down at his drink awhile. Ivan figured that he wouldn't get an answer, but it didn't have to be one that Matthew answered, it would make sense that Matthew would notice certain signs in the other, "It would be understandable that you, if nobody else would pick up signs that he was a psychopath."
The blond's head lifted to look at Ivan, "Alfred was never a psychopath. He may have murdered people, may have been able to bring himself to stomach it, but he never showed any signs of being a psychopath." Ivan didn't know if he believed that or not, but that wasn't the question here.
"How did you know then?"
"How else? This wasn't the first time." Ivan stared at Matthew, processing that, it wasn't that shocking, but Alfred was already very young to be a serial killer, and there had been no similar cases especially in connection to Alfred. Ivan had been sure to check when he first started suspecting the blond. Anything suspicious like that should have stood out. Of course, it meant Alfred had been getting away with murder for longer than Ivan had thought. Yet...
"You knew?"
"Yes, previous times, I knew." Matthew answered, "And no, I never said anything. I never knew what I would say. But Alfred is dead now... So I supposed no matter what I say he can't be taken from me a second time." Ivan frowned, he didn't think the boys were close enough for one to hide murder from the world for each other, and yet somehow, in a strange way, it made perfect sense.
"If you had, a lot of people would still be alive."
Matthew was silent then, running his finger along the rim of the glass. "The first man who was killed... I saw on the news report what he looked like. I saw him once before, Alfred was with me... We had gone to rent a movie, I remember that, but not what movie, something we didn't have and something Alfred couldn't find online, I guess. We didn't even talk to him, Alfred saw him first though and he said something... I didn't think much of it at the time, and after I saw he was killed I didn't feel anything, didn't connect it at first. I thought... I thought Alfred was doing better, Ivan. I could have sworn he was, if I had known... Believe me, I would have tried to stop him."
Ivan recalled how Alfred had said Matthew would have tried to get him help, how Matthew would have been able to stop him if anybody, but Ivan didn't think telling the blond that would help or matter. "How many people has he killed before now?"
"Three." Matthew said without hesitation. "Two when he was ten. One when he was seventeen."
"Ten? And you are telling me he wasn't a psychopath?"
"No. He was intelligent, but he wasn't born with this."
"So just a sociopath."
"I suppose, in a way." Matthew sighed. "He did not enjoy killing people, not in the way you are thinking."
"I never would have thought you would have known so much..." Ivan said quietly. Perhaps not all questions could go unanswered then. But he had so many more all of a sudden. Thinking silently for a moment, he started with what he had originally came to do. "Alfred said before he... Well, he told me to tell you that he was sorry and he died when he stopped protecting you." A flash of anger went through Matthew, but it died quickly and he sighed, shoulders sagging under some invisible weight.
"For all that intelligence, he could be a real idiot, eh?" Matthew muttered sadly.
"... What did he mean?"
Matthew shook his head. "For that, you would have to understand everything from the beginning."
"I want to understand, believe me Matvie, I do." Ivan said, he had so many questions and if listening to this 'everything' was what got him them, he would listen as long as it took. Matthew regarded him silently, coming up with a decision on his own that Ivan doubt he could influence once it was made up.
"Alright." Matthew said, "But only because of what all has happened between you and Alfred." Ivan breathed out gladly. Perhaps he would even get to hear why Alfred wore such an outfit, why he dressed up to be a monster out of some too-real horror movie. Matthew was silent again, trailing his finger along the rim of the glass once more, Ivan let him think about where to begin. After a few minutes of silence Matthew looked up again, stopping with his almost constant finger movement, "You are a law enforcer, right? So you should know that victims and predictors have certain... Signals. Body language nobody else can read that attracts them to each other." Ivan nodded, "As you have probably guessed, Alfred had this as well. I am glad I do not have to explain it to you, but a predator could look at a person from across the room and just know instantly that they were a victim. Alfred has tried explaining it to me… He didn't do a good job at it, but I understand it well enough. He says it's the way they move. Mostly their hands. I never saw it, but I know it isn't something crazy, or at least not something that is exclusive to just Alfred."
"No, many people have these signals. As you put it, I was taught how to pick up on some of these signs, but obviously, I cannot know it."
Matthew nodded, "Alfred knew. He was protective of me, and would always tell me who not to talk too."
"Predators can see other predators sometimes as well."
"Yes, Alfred told me that himself. He was not originally like that, as you can probably guess, me and Alfred were abused, Alfred much more so than me, I suppose father just took a liking to Alfred." Ivan nodded, a lot of sociopaths had abusive fathers - or mothers, but that was not as common. He couldn't say he was surprised by this fact. "It was, however, sexual abuse." That, Ivan didn't know. What with having Alfred as a sexual partner, he would think he might have picked up on something, but he couldn't recall it. "I cannot describe to somebody who has not been abused exactly what it is like. Unless you go through it, you don't understand. That is why most say things like 'call the police' they don't quite understand."
"I understand that it is… Hard to break out of the pattern of fear and pain to work up the courage to call the police."
"It is more than that. It isn't until later in the teens that a child will start questioning certain things. As children… We love our parents, and we don't understand a lot of things until we're older. It isn't like Alfred was forced down and raped, things aren't so simple." Matthew took a breath, shaking his head, "Father would just tell Alfred that if he loved him, then he would let him touch him. It was still horrible, and Alfred still didn't like it, but he never fought as much as anybody who didn't grow up with that should." The blond took a pause, obviously collecting himself and pulling himself out of some horrible memory of long ago.
"Arthur… He was your father?"
"No… Well, legally yes, but he wasn't the one who… He was a good man, but he had no idea what had happened. I could imagine it was hard, trying to care for us considering all that happened, we weren't like most children. But Alfred… He took a lot of time trying to heal. Not from what father was doing, but what he did." Matthew sighed, taking a sip of water before putting it back down, "Arthur, he adopted us, tossing out most records that connected us to our parents. But… One night, I remember it very clearly… I didn't see anything, Alfred told me to hide in the closet and stay there until he got me. But I can imagine what happened. Our parents were found dead the next morning by a friend who was suppose to come over. I was still in the closet… Alfred, he was in their room, curled up and basically catatonic. Both our mother and father had their throats slit in their sleep."
Ivan took that in, a child killing their parents was not the norm, even for serial killers. "Alfred wasn't questioned?"
"He was ten, not to mention catatonic. His legs were cut up, I don't know why myself. He was lucky, there had actually been a lunatic on the loose who had carved up his wife. He even admitted he had killed our parents for whatever reason. Everybody just thought Alfred had watched and that was why he was so… Distant. Arthur was a good man, he was, and he did everything he could think of to try helping Alfred out of it. And it did help, Alfred healed. I doubt he ever forgot… But he got better, it took several years, but he started smiling again and having fun, laughing."
"Why did he kill your mother?"
"You have to ask him that… I'm sorry, there I go again, I suppose you can't. I honestly do not know his reason there."
"It is not surprising, while most do not do it at such a young age, a serial killer killing their abusive parent is not something unheard of."
Matthew shook his head in the negative, "He was almost used to it, as used to it as a person can become. It was when our father started noticing me that Alfred seemed to panic. The night before… Well, I do not honestly think Alfred would have killed him if I hadn't been there. It was strange, I am older than Alfred, yet he always seemed to be looking out for me…" Matthew let out a deep sigh and fell silent.
Ivan let the silence fall over them for a long while, just absorbing the new information. Sadly, none of it surprised him, it was sad, as any abuse was, but it made sense. It didn't make him like Alfred any better, the other had still destroyed lives, but… Ivan felt a bit of pity. "Who was the third then?"
The blond smiled, "As I said, victims attract predators. While I cannot read the signs nearly as well as Alfred, I seem to have gotten that. Alfred told me not to hang out with him. I didn't listen, I do not even remember why I decided not to listen. Alfred just seemed hostile towards him whenever he was over, so I thought he was just being overly dramatic or something. One day… I was invited out and I went. I honestly do not know exactly what his intentions were, but he hurt me. I lot. I had to stay in the hospital for several days and I still have some scares. But Alfred got there, I guess he followed us, and I bless that… You've heard of crimes of passion. I honestly think that that was what happened. Alfred saw me hurt, saw somebody hurting me, he… Sort of snapped. Alfred was strong then, but back then he didn't honestly know his own strength. He beat the man to death in little less than five minutes." That was impressive, horrifying, but impressive.
"... You say it?"
Matthew took another steadying breath and nodded, "Every minute. It was not exactly a pleasant memory, but after… I cannot even begin to describe the look of horror on Alfred's face. He started going hysterical, even then I sort of knew that. But… He saw me again and seemed to pull himself together enough to take me to the hospital. I know he didn't mean to kill him, and after he looked… Well, scared, and not of the trouble, I think he realized then that he had a lot more strength then he thought, and he was scared of himself, believe it or not. He told me he didn't regret saving me, or even killing the man. He said that the other was the type who would keep coming back, who wouldn't stop… I believed that. But he honestly did look haunted from what he had done."
"I suppose things change… How is it that I never found anything like this?"
"Unless you checked my medical history, you wouldn't have. Arthur, he was higher up in the government then you yourself, though I don't know how high. He covered things up quick. He told Alfred that this was the only time he would help, and only because my life was in danger. Arthur himself realized then that Alfred had the ability to murder, but I was the only one who knew he had brought himself to do it before, and I was too scared to tell Arthur." Matthew sighed.
"So he only killed when you were in danger…" Ivan supposed that Alfred's words made a little more sense now. The blond obviously wasn't altogether upstairs, but it made sense.
"He never could see victims." Ivan frowned, looking up in confusion. "Alfred was never a predator, not at first, not for a long time. Whenever I see him around somebody who is one, he'll tense up and… He'll seem petrified, like when a mouse looks into a snake's eyes. Sometimes he remembers himself enough to shake out of it, but I've seen it happen before."
"Tell me… Why did he wear a costume? He said something about monsters but I did not understand it."
Matthew gave a small, weak smile, "Alfred hated certain people because he could see who they were, truly. Once… I remember a few years ago he was talking to a child and he told them 'That man? Don't play with him.' The child asked why of course, and Alfred hesitated, obviously trying to think of a way to explain. I knew the man was a child molester if Alfred was telling this to him… He was actually our cousin, so Alfred was very protective of him as well. But I remember what he said, 'You know some monsters hide under your bed right? Well, some pretend to be humans, don't worry, there aren't very many, they're really rare. But that man is one of them. A lot of people can't see that, because he's disguised as a real person.' The child accepted that, and went on playing, but I could tell Alfred meant what he said. And he told me himself once that the worst kind of monsters were the ones you couldn't tell they were until it was too late."
"Why would he dress himself as one then?"
"He would have known what he was doing was wrong in a way. He would know he was a monster, and I suppose he wanted others to know that, to not be as secret as the people he killed."
"... You think he killed other predators?"
"That first man… He had a daughter with him. They weren't touching, or even looking at each other, but Alfred was watching them with such hurt and anger, but sadness too. I didn't notice until he spoke. He didn't say much, just, 'God Mattie, I wish I could call it in.' He watched only a little while before going back to looking at the movies, but I understood just from that what he was talking about."
"A vigilante." Ivan sighed, rubbing his face. No wonder they couldn't track down the pattern, if Alfred was going after unknown child molesters then the only connecting point they could track was that the next victim would probably have kids. Even that wasn't guaranteed.
"I doubt he enjoyed it like you're thinking. I could imagine he was thinking he was doing the children, if nobody else, a favor. I cannot remember how many times I wished somebody would help us, even a single night can make a difference. I am guessing Alfred thought about that and thought that he couldn't just turn away from a child he knew was in that situation… But there was nobody to tell. How does one call somebody up and say that they just say them from across the store, but he just has a strong, unexplainable feeling that the man's a child molester? Nobody would believe him, and almost nobody would look into it." Matthew brushed some of his hair behind his ear, "I am not saying what he did was right or excusing it, but I do wish that I could have tried to help him find another way. I am sure that the only reason he resorted to killing was that he couldn't think of anything else."
Ivan nodded, looking down as he thought. It actually did explain a lot. "I wish I could be angry at him." Matthew said quietly, "Perhaps if he was still alive… But… You know… I actually put some pieces together. Alfred wasn't an insomniac, but that is an easy thing to fake… I think he was using the drugs on me. That sort of pisses me off, but like I said… I don't really have him to yell at anymore." Matthew's voice faltered and his eyes were glassy with unfallen tears. Ivan tried to think of something to say, but he didn't know how to comfort somebody who learned their brother was drugging them as well as a serial killer. There wasn't a lot to say that could help that. Perhaps it would be best to go. He stood up slowly, but at the same time he felt awkward just leaving like that.
"Part of me wishes I had not asked you the story."
"Why is that?" Matthew asked quietly, wiping at his eyes as he obviously tried to compose himself again. He had kept his composure up through most of the story, which was something in itself.
"It is harder to hate somebody who targets child molesters." Ivan said honestly.
Matthew gave him another sad smile, it had more of an effect with the others light violet eyes glassy and wet, "You don't hate him. You wouldn't have come to try and understand him if you did."
"Understanding him is part of my job." Ivan said, taking his cup and going to dump out the remainder of the water and place it in the sink.
"You love him, don't you?"
"It would be insane if I did." Ivan muttered.
Matthew was silent for a moment before, "He loved you too." It hurt, hearing that. It hurt a lot. What did it matter, if Alfred loved him? He was still a killer and he was still dead. Ivan tried not to think about it, tried to think of something else, but he couldn't. He just couldn't, the sudden pain from Matthew's words couldn't be pushed away.
"No, I hate him. He could have left me be… He could have… He should have, knowing I was after him, why did he keep…" Ivan couldn't finish. His nose felt hot suddenly and his eyes itched, his chest feeling like it had collapsed in itself and it wasn't even comfortable to breath. "I have to go." Ivan muttered, moving away from the kitchen. Matthew stood up quickly, and before Ivan had made it to the hallway, the blond grabbed his wrist. Ivan turned, about to say something that might excuse him better, but whatever he was going to say faltered when he saw Matthew's face. He should have realized that Matthew would need comfort as well.
The blond hugged Ivan, who hesitated before hugging the other back. It hurt though, the other was so similar to Alfred, the shampoo even smelled the same, they must have used the same brand. He held Matthew tightly as they both just cried in the arms of somebody who wouldn't ask why they were so broken up about the death of a killer. When they both calmed down enough to leave, Ivan said goodbye and thank you, leaving out the door.
He paused in the front, looking out towards the horse corral, empty now of horses - Matthew must have sold the one that had been there. That's where he put his equipment. Ivan thought dully. He had seen the trunk everything had been kept in, crusted with sand and blood, He buried it beneath the sand… Next to a fence to know where it was, but only he knew that it was there… Nobody would find it. Then… He'd use the hose to wash off. The sun would dry the sand and blow the blood away. That's why there was mud leading to his part of the house. So many mysteries were solved, more than what Alfred probably hoped. Ivan remembered the others words 'I want to haunt you.' But somehow, even with so many answers, Ivan knew he would never forget Alfred, even if he tried. In the meantime, he would have plenty of cases to get back to, that would at least help dull the ache.
Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he started towards his car, knowing that he wouldn't come back here and the chances of seeing Matthew again were slim. They had nothing left to say to each other, and he was sure that Matthew understood that as well. As he got in the car he had to stop himself from checking the back seat, a part of him was still expecting Alfred to just be there, and he knew that he may stop trying to look, but no matter how long went by, that irrational part of him would always be in him, waiting for Alfred.