Cruz wrinkled his nose in disgust at the offered name. To think she had thought of something so putrid, so awful, so disgusting for their child was absolutely astonishing. It was almost enough to make him jump up from the couch, but her head was in his lap, and he was in the perfect position to stroke her face and play with her hair.
"What, you don't like Bertha?" Bobbie teased as she caught the look on his face. He had practically thrown the baby name book at her about twenty minutes earlier. Normally she liked her sister-in-law but ever since Laura had helped Cruz with some shopping all she had heard was "Laura says this..." and "Laura says that..." Today it was "Laura says we should talk about a name." She smiled secretly when she realized that Laura hadn't said she had to be serious about all the names they discussed.
"Bertha Rodriguez? Why not just throw her off a bridge for all the teasing she'll be subjected to in school?" Cruz pointed out, wondering why she was throwing out names that she surely didn't like. Here he was, trying to discuss something serious, and she was making a joke out of it.
"There are always nicknames. We can call her Bertie!" She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. It was all too adorable and way too easy.
"Here Bertie, Bertie, Bertie. Why not just get a dog?" He asked, tickling the spot where her neck met her shoulder.
Bobbie flipped the book to another random page. Running her finger down the list, she paused when she spotted one. "Matilda?"
"Eh." He answered noncommittally. He didn't know why he was being so difficult. She was getting his last name after all. If Bobbie would make some real suggestions, he might be more compliant.
Bobbie sat up and threw the book square at his chest. "Alright Mr. Picky, you choose one."
"What about Carmen?" Cruz replied, throwing out the first name that came to mind. Who had he known named Carmen?
"Too close to Cameron." Bobbie shook her head. "She'll be mistaken for her nephew her entire life."
"I suppose." Cruz figured. "Sarah?"
"Too common. Can't you hear Luke on that one?" Bobbie began to mimic her brother's voice. "No Spencer will have a common name! We are not common!"
"At this point, we're going to run out of names. We'll have to be really creative then. Come here Lotion. Or Candle. Or maybe even Loofah. Loofah Rodriguez has a certain ring doesn't it?" Cruz teased, touching the tip of his finger to the end of her nose.
Bobbie grabbed at the baby book once again. "There are over a million names in this book. We will find one."
"Have you thought about after Willow is born?" Cruz met her eyes.
"Willow? You've been watching that movie too long." Bobbie shook her head. "But what exactly were you referring to?"
"After we bring her home from the hospital specifically." Cruz added.
"Put her in her nursery that we will have finished and chase off the friends and family?"
"Does that mean we're bringing her back to this house?" Cruz asked nudging toward the point he was trying to make.
Bobbie closed the book with a decided thump and finally met his eyes. "You need to work on your subtly. It doesn't work for you."
"I don't want to push." Cruz explained.
Bobbie laughed. "Since when?"
Cruz smirked. "I guess I just want to know if you've thought about our life in future terms."
So they were finally having this conversation. She couldn't say she was surprised; this was building ever since she had turned down his proposal in the hospital. But that didn't mean she had figured out exactly how to say what she was feeling. "All the time."
"And?" He urged her to continue, feeling like he was falling without a parachute.
"And..." Her voice trailed off as she tried to figure out the best way to say what was in her heart. "I think about it and realize this, whatever we have here, is perfect for me. I think about it and realize I don't want to be away from you ever again. And I think about it and become scared to death."
"What scares you about that?" Cruz wanted to know, lightly clutching her hands in his.
"Baby, I've been through this before, remember? And, even though Tony and I were apart for a long time, losing him crushed me."
"What makes you think you could ever lose me?" Cruz kissed her chin and let his eyes slowly meet hers.
"Let's see...I already drove you away once? Think that may have some bearing on it?"
"That was just my pride. I know what's important: you and this little girl." He almost choked when he caught a hidden tear at the corner of her left eye.
"I know." She whispered.
"I guess Tori Amos is out huh?" Cruz asked, needing to get them out of such a difficult situation. They obviously weren't ready for this conversation yet.
"You guess right." Bobbie smiled, grateful for his obvious change of subject. "We could be completely traditional and go with Maria."
Courtney crossed the living room in a relaxed pace. She hated keeping secrets and finally, finally, she got to spill one. Granted, it was to Patrick Drake of all people, but at least she didn't have to hide it any longer. Robin's world was about to be blown into a hundred different pieces; this was just the beginning. She had recognized the confusion and rejection in his eyes and almost reveled in the sight. It was about time people realized that her roommate was capable of making mistakes but, more importantly, that she wasn't going to get away with every single one. There were too many casualties when Robin decided to try to run everyone else's life instead of just her own.
AJ didn't say anything, but regarded her with mild uncertainty. He had never seen her blow up at anyone that way. Even back when he had first brought up the idea of claiming custody of Morgan during the time Robin had been in her coma, she had been diplomatic to him at least, and he knew it had hurt her. What he had seen in her eyes when she divulged the truth to Patrick had been something he barely recognized, something that he had only ever seen in himself. A part of him wanted to be afraid, at least cautious, but he knew she was far from becoming anything like him. She kept him pure, she kept him unscathed. She would be a great mother to Michael and he would ask her just as soon as she let herself believe he really did love her and planned on staying with her for always.
"What do you think will happen now?" He didn't actually care. She seemed to be concerned about it. Or maybe just intrigued by it.
"In true Patrick Drake fashion, he'll mope for a few hours and then confront her. She'll make up another lie and he'll forgive her because he has no balls." Courtney assumed cruelly.
"Want to get out of here?" AJ stared longingly at the front door knowing, once they passed through it, his sweet Courtney would return to him. She was acting a little too much like Carly and he didn't like it.
"Please." Courtney answered in a dramatic tone, drawing the one word so that it had about three syllables. He almost had her out the door when she suddenly stopped.
"What? What's wrong now?" He couldn't keep the annoyance out of his voice. Today was not going how he had wanted it to. Just one day, that's all he wanted. One day without Robin Scorpio or Patrick Drake or Logan Hayes or Emily Quartermaine being mentioned. He didn't mind the talks about Morgan, but he had his own reasons for that and, besides, they loved that little boy.
"There's something on my shoe." Courtney explained, making a face at the glob of pink gum she must have picked up outside on their way here. "Eww." She peeled the gum away, barely noticing that there was something stuck to it besides her favorite pair of shoes.
"You got something there?" AJ inquired, realizing that she hadn't said a word for several beats. "Courtney?"
"Dr. Richard Lansing." Courtney read the appointment card aloud. "What is Robin doing with a card from an obstetrician?" She posed her question while locking eyes with her boyfriend.
"Maybe it isn't hers." AJ suggested.
"The date and time are written in her handwriting." Courtney informed him.
"And how would you know that?" AJ countered.
"She always used to leave notes about what we were having for dinner on the fridge." Courtney retorted tartly. "This can't be right." She had to sit down. It took a half a minute to realize she already was. Reaching for AJ's hand desperately, she met his glance with tears in her eyes. "She's pregnant."
"You don't know that." AJ replied calmly. "There's no reason to blow things out of proportion—"
"Out of proportion?" She waved the appointment card at him. "I just told you that she's pregnant and that's your response?" She needed to breathe. Or scream. Or just continue to cry. How could this have happened? Logically she knew the answer, but things like this just shouldn't happen.
"What's got you so upset? So she's pregnant? That actually makes things easier." AJ pointed out.
"Easier? She had a chance before, but now she's tied to Patrick forever!" Courtney snapped at him, her body starting to convulse.
"Courtney, please relax. It's not as bad as you think." AJ soothed her, sitting beside her and pulling her into his arms. "I think you need to confront her about this—"
"What good would that do?" Courtney demanded, swatting away at the tears clinging to her eyelashes. "She's gone completely outer limits here."
"Don't you see? This is a good thing." AJ tried to explain, not blaming her for freaking out, but understanding that she couldn't see the big picture yet. "I know it's hard to see it now, but I promise everything will work out." Pushing on her shoulders, he managed to get her to her feet. "Let's go home. I'll make you a hot bath and we can watch the sun come up. How does that sound?"
Courtney didn't want to admit it sounded like Heaven. Letting him lead the way, she dropped the battered card on the top of the computer desk for Patrick to find.
Patrick stepped out of his hiding place at the top of the second floor landing and just stared at the spot where Courtney had stood mere seconds earlier. One word kept repeating over and over in his mind and it was one that brought him to his knees: pregnant.
Patrick hadn't ever expected anything like this to happen to him, had thought God was pretty just with the exception of taking Mattie away. It was only lately that he was beginning to see how little power the Lord Almighty actually had in his life. It wasn't enough that Noah had abandoned him and Logan or that his brother had attacked Robin. No, now she had to be pregnant. And at a time when she was afraid to be touched by anyone or anything. At a time when she was questioning everything. Now was when God decided she needed to be tied down with the reality of being a mother.
It wasn't that Patrick doubted her ability. On the contrary, he had seen her with Morgan enough to know she was an excellent mother. She didn't just drop him off at the babysitter's or a family member's to be looked after, to be raised. She went to every PTA meeting. She attended every fieldtrip. She helped him with his homework.
It wasn't her ability that he found fault in, it was his. Children were not in the cards for him. He had gotten over his initial hatred of Noah with Robin's help even though he was sure she had no idea. He understood his father falling apart after losing his mother because he would react the exact same way if something was to happen to Robin. That was something he was one hundred percent aware of.
Patrick knew he was too selfish to be a father. He didn't know how to put a child's needs above his own. How was he going to give up his nights and early mornings for a kid? How was he going to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a kid that he didn't even want? There was the bottom line right there: he had never even considered the possibility of having a baby. When he looked at Robin, he saw a companion, a friend, a lover. He didn't see the mother of his children. She was the nonmother to his nonexistent children.
So that's it then? You don't want it so that makes the situation easier for everyone else involved? No matter what Robin wants? She can't seriously want to have a baby. Not with him. She probably had this perfect guy picked out for a future she most definitely deserved. He would be a nine-to-five kind of guy, never missing an opportunity to splurge on her or arrive late for dinner. He would be the little league couch of their kid's baseball team and the chauffeur to ballet class. He would wear ties and have business dinners. He would be the kind of guy who kept their pictures in his wallet to show strangers when the opportunity presented itself. Patrick was not that guy. He didn't want to be that guy.
His idea of a good time was a fine wine and some kind of sport on the television, it didn't matter which one. He liked to stretch out on the couch with Robin and watch a movie or take her to bed and make love to her until the sun came up. He liked her crawling into his lap on Sunday mornings and doing crosswords with him. The day he complained about food in bed would be the day he stopped breathing altogether. A baby would just mess that up.
He had just gotten used the mere possibility that he could lose Robin one of these days to HIV. He didn't accept it, but he wasn't naïve to it either. He knew they could beat it together—hell she could beat it without him. Maybe that was what he was really afraid of: that she could survive without him, raise his child without him, and be happy without him. He hardly remembered when he could live without her. They had become so comfortable, so accustomed to each other. He wasn't giving that up because of an accident.
But what if she wanted to keep it? What if she actually thought that they could make it work with a baby? Morgan was one thing. Robin had him because she wanted him. Patrick could even get along with Morgan sometimes. They were getting better. Things were thawing in that area. How was he going to act around a baby that looked just like him or just like Robin? But then, how could he deny her something he knew she wanted? He hadn't turned a deaf ear to Logan when his brother had started complaining about how Robin wanted to domesticate him with two point five kids and a dog and a big house on the edge of the City.
The reminder of his brother sent a cold, unwelcome shock through his system. Am I really no better than Logan? Sure, he hadn't attacked her physically, but he was asking her to give up a baby that she more than likely wanted. He couldn't imagine her getting rid of something that was a part of her, of both of them.
No, he couldn't think of it that way. He couldn't think of it as a human being. Right now it was the size of a pea, if that. He knew enough math to determine exactly how far along she was and knew it would only be a few more months before she started to show. How could they go day in and day out with a child growing inside her belly without being affected in some way? What about the first time it kicked? Or hiccupped? He couldn't very well ignore it if they were in bed together at the time. What if he wasn't in bed with her at all? What if she did, indeed, choose it over him? It wasn't that far a leap. She had only wanted him for a few months. She had wanted a child for years, probably her entire life.
Whoa, boy, aren't you getting ahead of yourself? Courtney guessing something didn't make it automatically true. So she found an appointment card? It didn't mean that it belonged to Robin. Courtney was not an expert in handwriting. She didn't have a definitive way of deciding that Robin was, in fact, pregnant. He had gotten himself worried for absolutely no reason. Shaking his head at his reaction, he pulled on a coat and headed out, remembering Robin leaving him a message about having dinner with Elizabeth and her brother. She had told him she would meet him at Audrey's right after.