A lifetime of decisions in less than six hours
"There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all."
-That's All, Michael Buble
Early September saw New York City going through a rare 'cold snap'. The temperatures during the day hovering in the low to mid teens and the nighttime and early morning in the mid single digits. The breeze was strong and brisk and the sun was high and bright in a cerulean sky. The wind made the air seem even cooler, making Carmen thankful for the light jacket she'd brought along as her and Flack walked Fifth Avenue in mid town Manhattan. Sam was scheduled back at work the next day. Getting back on her feet took longer than expected thanks to kidney complications that had her re-admitted to the hospital and problems with all the meds she was taking making her violently ill, which only irritated her throat even more. A home nurse had come in for a while once Adam had gone back to work. Managing all of the drugs and making sure she got to appointments when no one else could take her. After a week, the nurse was cut down to part time when Mac gave Stella some time off to be with Sam. Stella had formed a mother/daughter bond with the young CSI that had Mac considering the kind of mother Stella would make.
Carmen and Flack had a distinct destination on their prospective lunch breaks. One that had Carmen both shocked and exhilarated with anticipation. She could barely keep the giddiness inside as they purposefully headed down the crowded sidewalk.
"So do you think she is absolutely ready to come back to work?" Carmen asked.
"The doctor says she's good to go. And she's been seeing Gus for counselling and Gus doesn't see a reason why, psychologically, she can't do the job. No depression, no sign of PTSD. Nothing. And the department cleared her yesterday health wise. She passed the physical with flying colors."
"Do you think she's ready to come back? You're around her more than anyone. What do you think?"
"I don't know." Flack admitted. "She's been really sick the last few days. Other than that, I don't see why she can't come back. Mind you, I tried to convince Mac to keep her in the lab as opposed to out in the field. You can imagine what his reaction was like."
"Probably wondered what the hell was wrong with you. He would never leave her in the lab. She's too valuable out on the street. Next to Mac and Stella, she's probably the best. She's amazing at this job. I seriously think she was born to do this. And what do you mean by sick? From the incident?'
"More like the flu. Only I don't have it and that's weird considering we share a bed. You'd think I'd be sick, too."
"Describe this flu." Carmen said, wheels spinning in her mind.
"Puking her guts out night and day. Dizziness. Tired all the time."
"What about weird eating habits? Mood swings?"
"It's like she has PMS only ten times worse. She's all laughing and happy one minute, then she gets frustrated or upset and she bursts into tears. And when the gravol does manage to work, all she wants to eat is hot dogs and Kraft dinner. And celery with peanut butter on it. That's not normal. Is it? Then this morning, she had ice cream with strawberry jam on it for breakfast. That's not normal. Can that be normal?"
"For some people." Carmen reasoned. "Not for her, though. Considering normally she hates hot dogs. I think me and Sam need to have a talk."
"About the flu?" Flack asked, perplexed.
Is he that clueless? Carmen thought and stopped walking and turned to face him. "Look, does it really seem like the flu? Are you sick?"
"I feel fine."
"These symptoms you're telling me, there's other things that could be wrong."
His eyes widened in horror. "You mean like cancer? Shit like that?"
"Don't be so fatalistic!" she scolded him. "Let me give you a hint. It starts with a p."
"What?" he shook his head. "No. No way. That's not it. No way."
"And it takes up twenty one years of your life." Carmen added.
"It's impossible. She can't be pregnant. No way. Can't be. Trust me. We're careful. Very careful."
"Well, you see, Sam may have said something about forgetting to take a couple of pills. Five, actually."
"What? When was this?"
"Right before the attack. She didn't think it would cause any problems, but apparently..."
"But the doctors at the hospital did an ultrasound to check on her kidneys and never said anything about a baby. Would they not have noticed something like that?"
"The kidney and the uterus are two totally separate things, Flack." Carmen reminded him. "If they didn't suspect pregnancy, they wouldn't have had a reason to check the uterus. When was the last time she had her period?"
"I don't know. I don't keep tabs on it. Before she got hurt. I don't think she's had it since but the doctor said that can happen with the meds she's on. And if she is, what if those meds fuck up the baby?"
"Whoa... don't get ahead of yourself. You don't know anything for sure yet. But if she is, you best be getting her to a doctor and off of those meds to be on the safe side."
"Say it happened after the attack, like just recently, she's been taking the pill. Faithfully."
"Certain meds can render the pill useless."
"What the..." Flack took a deep breath and closed his eyes momentarily. Tried to compose himself. He wasn't even sure what he was feeling at the thought of Sam being pregnant. Shock? Little bit of anger maybe that no one mentioned all of these risks before? Even some fright over the thought of becoming a father?
"Don't you think the doctors should have mentioned that?" he asked. "So we could take other precautions? Use something else?"
"She probably never told them she was on the pill. She was unconscious when they began treating her. Did you tell anyone? Did anyone ask if she was taking any meds?"
"No one asked me a damn thing. 'Cause I wasn't her husband, they barely told me anything. I had to look at her chart when no one was around. Fuck. You can't be serious, Carmen."
"No, Flack. I am only making up an elaborate ruse to piss you off."
"I am not pissed." he said. "I wanna make that clear. I am not pissed. I'm... you really think she's pregnant?"
"I think you should go to a drug store, buy a test and take it home and make sure she takes it."
"Shit." he raked his fingers through what little hair he had. "And if she is...? I mean, a baby? Right now?"
"You both talked about this." Carmen reminded him. "About wanting kids together. So it happened earlier than you expected. She'll be a fantastic mother and you'll be an amazing father."
"We're not even married." Flack said. "I'm Catholic. Marriage is suppose to come first." he started walking again, needing to keep moving to sort out al the thoughts running through his brain.
"Okay. But as a Catholic you're also not suppose to have pre-marital sex so what happened there?" Carmen teased, hurrying to catch up.
"All right. So I'm a lapsed Catholic." he said.
"Things don't always work out the way we plan. You need to focus on Sam. She's jsut getting back to normal and if it turns out she is pregnant, she's going to freak out."
"I'm freaking out! Never mind her! Why'd you have to tell me all this now? I dont have enough to think about?"
"You? Who cares about you. She's the one who has to carry the baby for nine months."
"So what do I do? Buy a test and take it home and and say 'here'?"
"You buy it, take it home and give it to her and tell her you love her and you think there's more to this 'flu' than she realizes. Would you be okay with having a kid right now?"
"I guess... I don't know." he sighed.
"Well you're going to have to get used to the idea by the sounds of it."
"It's not that I wouldn't want the baby. It's just a shock. But what if she doesn't want it?"
"That's the least of your worries." Carmen assured him.
"And why'd you have to tell me all of this right now? I don't have enough to think about? Look..." he nodded to the front display window of 727 Fifth Avenue. The world famous Tiffanys. "We're here. How can I think about this when I'm thinking about that?"
"Multi-task, Flack. And why do I feel like we're doing something incredibly sneaky?"
He opened the front door of the store and motioned for her to go before him. "Because we are." he told her.
"Seems like something illicit if you ask me." Carmen pushed her sunglasses up onto her head.
"You're helping me pick out a ring, Carmen. We're not having sex or anything. You know, unless you want to."
She punched him in the arm.
"Just joking!" he told her. "I would not have sex with you anyway."
Carmen glared at him.
"I mean, I would. If I was single. That's what I meant."
A sales girl- tall and slender with waist length golden hair that framed a flawless face, electric blue eyes and a Play Boy bunny body- came out from behind the counter to greet them with a model worthy smile. "Welcome to Tiffanys." she said. "How can I service you today?"
Flack cleared his throat and smirked.
Carmen nailed him roughly in the side with her elbow. "We're here to look at engagement rings." she told the sales clerk.
"Follow me." the stunning blond said and turned and headed for a row of dazzling display cases.
"I feel like I'm going to puke." Flack whispered to Carmen.
"Would you relax? You're going to be fine. I'll help you."
"Here we are." the sale clerk announced, stepping behind a row of cases, the contents sparkling majestically through the glass.
"That many?" Flack asked. "And you have to just pick one? We'll be here all day."
"Let's narrow the search down." the clerk said. "What's your price range?"
"Eight to twelve grand."
"Where the hell did you get all that money?" Carmen asked when the clerk went to retrieve keys to open the cases.
"My grandfather passed away about a year ago and he left me a huge chunk of change. Paid my rent for an entire year, bought a new car, clothes, paid off all my credit cards. I still have twelve grand left and he distinctly told me before he died to find myself nice girl to spend some cash on. And here we are."
"What type of setting?" the clerk asked, opening the cases.
"Come again?" Flack asked.
"White gold." Carmen told the clerk.
"Single stone, multi? Classic diamond or colored. We have exquisite canary diamonds and some champagne and some blue ones."
"Single stone. Baguettes or channel settings are okay. Normal diamond. Excellent clarity, quality and cut. Only the best." Carmen told her.
The clerk began selecting rings based on that criteria.
"I am so glad I asked you to come with me and not Danny." Flack said. "He's as clueless as I am. And Speed? Forget that."
Carmen laughed. "The blind leading the blind."
The sales clerk laid a tray of a dozen rings on the top of the display case for them to look at.
"What about that one?" Flack asked Carmen. "Second on the top row."
"No. Pear shaped. Don't like that?"
"How about middle row, third over?" he suggested.
"Not a big fan of the princess cut." Carmen said.
He sighed. "Okay... last row, fourth over?"
"Heart shaped? Too tacky."
He fought the urge to bang his head on the display case.
"How long have you two been together for?" the clerk asked curiously.
"Excuse me?" Flack asked.
"How long have the two of you been together?" she repeated. "Getting engaged is a big step."
"No...no..." Flack said. "I'm not with her. Are you crazy? She's just here for moral support and advice. I'm not with her. No way."
Carmen stared at him.
Flack noticed the foul look she was giving him. "I mean, you're pretty and all that, Devine, and if I was single I'd date you. But I love Sam and you know that and..."
"I don't know whether to knock you out, tell you to shut up or let your did yourself a bigger hole." Carmen told him.
"I didn't mean it like that. And should this really be this difficult?"
"It takes time." the clerk said. "It's a big investment."
"That one!" Carmen exclaimed. "Bottom row, third one in! Can he see that one?'
The clerk removed the ring from its bed of velvet. "This is a one carat cushion cut diamond," she told them. "Set in fourteen karat white gold with channel set diamonds in the band that weight a carat in total." she held it between her thumb and forefinger and passed it to Flack. "Ten thousand, seven hundred. Comes with a lifetime warranty that if she looses a stone, we will replace it free of charge."
"It's gorgeous!" Carmen exclaimed excitedly. "Insanely gorgeous! Trust me, Don. That is the one!"
"You sure?" he asked. "Ten g's is a lot of money and if she doesn't like it..."
"She'll love it!" Carmen assured him. "Trust me!"
He took a deep breath, his entire future riding on that ring. "I'll take it." he said and passed it back to the clerk.
"You feel better now?" Carmen asked.
"No. 'Cause now I have to think of a way to do it. I'm not Mr.Romance. I know I wanna do it right. You know, down on one knee and all. Only get engaged once, right? I know Zack just kinda shoved the ring on her finger and said marry me. I want it to be nice for her. She deserves that."
"Go for sitting out on the balconey with some candles, a nice dinner, some wine. Well, maybe not the wine if she's..."
He sighed.
"Just speak from the heart, Don. Tell her you love her and want to spend forever with her. So on and so on. And then afterwards, take her inside and ravish her like she deserves and how she really likes. Have you guys even... you know... since the attack?"
"Once. That's it. She was having a hard time relaxing because she's worried about how she looks with all the bruises. So it wasn't the most...what's the word?...enjoyable night."
"In that case, then, she was probably already pregnant when she got attacked. Maybe she conceived just days before."
"Carmen, I am already freaking about dropping ten grand on a ring. Can we let the baby thing go for a few minutes? 'Til we get out of here?"
The sales clerk came back with the ring in the well known little blue box. "Would you like to check out some wedding bands?" she asked Flack.
"I think we'll come back for those." he said and passed over his VISA.
"You gonna wear one?" Carmen asked. "A wedding band?"
"Of course. Gotta let the ladies know I am off the market."
"Don't flatter yourself, Flack. A lot of cops don't wear wedding rings."
"That's because they don't want the lonely ladies on their beats knowing they have a wife at home. I happen to be madly in love with my future wife and want everyone to know it.'
Carmen smiled. "There you go getting all sappy again. I'm so happy for you guys."
"She hasn't said yes yet." he reminded her.
"Like there's a doubt?"
The clerk came back with his card and a receipt for him to sign. "Thank you." she said sincerely, shaking both their hands. "And good luck." she said to Flack.
"Thanks," he said. "So where to now, Carmen? Wanna go and grab something to eat?"
"You and your food." Carmen laughed.
"I am a growing boy, Devine. You hungry? Wanna get something? TGIF is just around the corner. My treat."
"Sounds good." she agreed. "You go and get us a table, and I am going to run over to the next block to the Walgreens and grab one of them home tests."
He sighed.
"Hey, you have to find out one way or the other. You love her, she loves you. Imagine how much love you guys will give this baby. You'll both be amazing parents. No doubt."
Flack smiled. "Thanks. That means a lot."
"Hey, it's the truth. And let's face it. I'd make one hot looking god mother."
Carmen's head was spinning as she browsed the family planning section of the pharmacy. She was astounded to find there were at least a dozen and a half different brands of home pregnancy tests. How the hell did you know which one was the best? Did you believe the hype on the front of the box? Did you go by price? She went through the assortment two at a time, reading the information on the back of the boxes. In the end, she decided to just pick up three different ones and let Sam go to town with them.
She was just having her purchases rung in when a familiar, tall, leggy blond walked in through the front door. Oh shit, Carmen thought and tried to duck her head, praying she didn't get spotted.
"Carmen?" a perky voice beside her asked.
She managed a smile. "Uh...hi...Kendall."
"What are you..." she paused when she saw what was on the counter in front of Carmen. "doing here." she finished, eyes wide.
"Picking something up. For a friend."
"Should I say congratulations?"
"When my friend finds out for sure." Carmen said.
"A friend?" Kendall smirked. "Sure... does Speed know? Or are you waiting to tell him?"
"Kendall, you have this all wrong. These tests aren't for me." Carmen handed the cashier two twenties.
"You don't have to hide it, Carmen. Doesn't mean anything that you're not married. I mean, look at Brad and Angelina. They've got tons of kids and they're having more!"
The cashier handed the change and the plastic bag to Carmen.
"Thanks.." Carmen smiled at the elderly woman. "Kendall, I really have to go. I'm running late."
"I think this is amazing! You'll make a great mother!"
"Kendall... trust me... you have no idea what you're talking about. These aren't for me and it's really none of your business."
"Congratulations!" Kendall yelled after her.
Carmen just shook her head and walked away.
"We need to talk." Speed all but demanded, grabbing Carmen by the wrist an hour later and pulling her into the back hallway behind Mac's office.
"Can you make this quick?" she asked. "I was late coming back from my break and I have tons to do and..."
"When were you going to tell me?" he asked.
"Tell you?" she frowned. "About what?'
"Was I going to be the last one to find out? Everyone else was going to know before me?"
"Tim, what the hell are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about." he insisted.
"No, actually. I don't." she told him.
"What you bought today. At the drug store. Were you going to tell me you think you're pregnant?"
"What? Oh my God! You think...? Tim, those tests weren't for me."
"You lying about it even now?"
"No. I'm not. They weren't for me. I bought them for..." she sighed. "I bought them for Sam."
His eyes narrowed. "Mouse is pregnant?" he asked.
"They don't know for sure yet." she replied. "But she has all the symptoms and both Flack and I think she is..."
"Wow. They don't waste any time. How's Flack taking it?"
"Surprisingly well. He's actually happy about it."
"Really? Hmmm... wonders never cease to exist. Let's just hope the kid has his mother's looks or brains or it's in big trouble."
"That's not very nice, Mr Speedle." she scolded him.
"It's the truth."
"Flack is a very nice looking guy. And Sam's gorgeous so you just know this kid is going to be stunning."
"Well then let's hope it has its mother's brains. So you're really not..."
She sighed. "No."
"Not a very positive sounding no. You wish you were?"
She shrugged. "Do you want kids some day?" she asked.
"Sure. Some day. Why? Do you?"
She nodded.
"With me?" he asked.
"I never thought I'd ever want these things after what happened with Matt." she said. "And then I met you and all these things keep popping into my head. And I'd like us to get married one day and have kids and grow old together and all that fun stuff."
He smiled. "That's the most honest you've been with me since we've been together."
"I'm tired of hiding these things." she told him. "I can't keep it all in anymore. And if this freaks you out or..."
He kissed her softly. "You serious about all that?" he asked, looking deep into her eyes.
She nodded.
"Do me a favor then? You start planning the wedding you want for say, a year from now and I'll just show up. How's that?"
"Excuse me?" she asked.
"You plan whatever you want, however you want. I'll go and get the rings and a nice diamond and then you just tell me the date, time and place and I'll show up."
She smirked. "Did you just propose to me in some backwards way?"
"I guess I did. Just don't make me wear a tux. A suit is fine. No tux. Bad enough I gotta wear one to that nine eleven thing." his cell phone beeped and he checked the display. He sighed. "Autopsy. Gotta go." he kissed her quickly then headed down the hall.
What in the hell just happened? she thought.
It was a quarter after six when Flack arrived home. He locked the door and toed off his shoes and headed into the living room. The t.v. was tuned in to CNN. Samantha was spread out on the couch, back against the arm of the sofa, holding a wet face cloth to her foreead and wearing a t-shirt of his and a pair of joggers. A glass of ginger ale and some plain crackers sat on the coffee table.
"How ya feeling?" he asked, leaning over and kissing her softly.
"Shitty." she admitted. "Nothing is working. Not the ginger ale or the crackers. Not even the gravol. I called the doctor and she's going to check me out on Friday. How am I suppose to get to work when I'm feeling like this? A flu this bad."
"Sweeite, I don't think it's the flu." Flack said.
"The meds maybe? Screwing me up?
"Sam... we need to talk."
She suddenly bolted up right. "Not right now! Can't talk right now!" she cried and jumped off the couch, hand over her mouth, running for the bathroom.
Flack sighed and shed his jacket. He tucked the ring box into his pants pocket and carried the bag from the pharmacy as he headed in to check on her. She was hunkered down over the toilet, violently vomiting. He sat the bag down on the sink ledge, grabbed a face cloth and wet it with cool water and sat down on the ledge of the tub, dabbing the face cloth on the back of her neck.
"What is wrong with me?" she moaned into the toilet.
"It's gonna be okay." he assured her, rubbing her back. "Take it easy."
"I just want to die!"
"Sam, when was the last time you had an actual period?" he asked gently.
"I don't know... just before the accident. Why?"
"I don't think this is the flu, Samantha. I think this goes way beyond the flu. Will you do something for me?"
She nodded and lifted her head from the toilet.
He got up and went to the sink and reached into the bag and pulled out one of the tests. "I want you to take this." he said, holding the box out to her.
She took the box from him and looked at it. Then looked up at him.
"I really think you should take that." he said softly.
She nodded. "I think you're right."
He held out a hand and helped her to her feet. "Want me to leave?" he asked, as she opened the box and began reading the instructions.
She shook her head. "It takes ten minutes." she said.
"I got all the time in the world." he assured her.
"What if...?"
"I love you, Samantha. More than you'll ever know. And I'll love our baby just the same."
She smiled, took the test stick out of the wrapper and stared at it. "Are we ready for this?" she asked, retreating to the toilet to do her thing.
"Is anyone ever ready for this?" Flack asked.
She finished peeing, and laid the stick face up in the sink ledge. She got up and washed and dried her hands and took a drnnk of water. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub to wait.
He sat down beside her, put his arm around her tigthly and kissed the side of her head gently. "It'll all work out." he assured her. "Either way."
She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder and put an arm around his back.
It was the longest ten minutes of their lives.
Thanks to all of you R n R'ing. Love ya all!! Keep it up!! Today I am plugging big time! Please read Aphina's Devine Intervention and Madison Bellows' What it Means and Brooklyn Bridges. And their joint effort, What Ifs. You won't be disappointed. And check out laplandgurl's Magnet for Trouble. Great stuff from my fellow Canuck. Hope y'all are getting your mail!! Keep sending me mail!! I love it!! And all the lurkers adding me to their alerts, please read and review. It is really appreciated.
And on a small note: April 24 is my birthday!! Happy Birthday to me!!