Patrick had to admit, he had never had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Hardy before now. She was just what he had expected with her red and white plaid apron and sophisticated blonde bob. Her smile was grandmother-friendly and her insistence that he come in made him feel very comfortable. He had never met either of his grandparents but, if he had, he hoped they were just like Audrey Hardy.
"Now I'm sure Robin will be back shortly. They didn't go far to dinner. I think Steven was quite insistent on trying Kelly's."
"He's never had Kelly's? I didn't think there was a soul left in the world who could claim that." Patrick chuckled, letting her lead him into the living room. "Your house is very nice, Mrs. Hardy."
Audrey smiled at the compliment. "Thank you." She settled back into her chair and looked over the young man that before a few minutes ago had been nothing more than a name either cursed or praised in this house. "Is Robin expecting you or is this a surprise?"
"She asked me to meet her here. We have a special night planned." Or at least they would. He would convince her to tell him whether or not this baby thing was a hoax.
"How lovely!" Audrey clapped her hands. The one thing she could say about the young men in both Robin and Elizabeth's lives, they certainly knew how to pull out all the stops for a special evening. She would press for details but Audrey realized she would probably overhear the recap at some point or another from Robin herself. "I have seen your work as a photographer. I must say you are very talented."
"Thanks." Patrick was used to hearing compliments from strangers about his work, usually in the form of magazine articles or The New York Times. Hearing it from this woman though, there was something special in that. "It was a passion of my mother's. You could say I followed in her footsteps."
"I'm sure she must be very proud."
"I hope so." Patrick nodded. "She died when I was fifteen."
Audrey shook her head in sympathy. "How terribly sad for you." She reached out and patted his hand that rested on his knee. "But I stand by my statement. I'm sure she is very proud of you."
"Have you always lived in Port Charles?"
"Long enough to say all my life."
"I thought I remembered Laura mentioning you when she would drag me along to church. I'm just sorry I didn't make it over to meet you before now." He replied with a smile.
"Well that is a situation easily reminded now that we know each other." Audrey smiled warmly. She could certainly understand the initial attraction Robin had felt for the handsome man sitting across from her. Charming had to be his middle name.
"I don't know how you manage to keep this place looking so spotless. My studio is about a tenth of this and it's all I can do to make a safe path."
"It's not hard with two people living here, but it was certainly easier before Elizabeth moved in."
They shared a quiet laugh. "Can you imagine if you had had her in her teenage years?" She was high-strung enough now. He didn't want to think about the havoc her teenage self would have inflicted on this sweet lady.
Audrey smiled. Elizabeth had been a handful during her teenage years, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. That wasn't to say neatness had ever been her strong point. "We'd probably still be trying to dig our way out of the mess."
"You must care about her a great deal. I love my cousin, but we were never brave enough to try and live together." Patrick recalled.
"She reminds me very much of myself when I was her age."
"So Robin was telling me that Steven just sprung up out of nowhere to surprise you and Elizabeth with a visit."
"That boy." Audrey shook her head. "We were convinced we were not going to see him before Christmas and here he pops in for a few days. He's on his way to Paris for what I gather is his version of a job interview."
"Paris? Really? What does he do?" Patrick could get used to having conversations with this woman. She was so easy to talk to. As long as she didn't give him the intentions talk, he might make his visits habitual.
"He's a cinematographer and has worked on several movies. Apparently a friend of his got him what amounts to an interview with some French director I have never heard of, but Steven assures me that he's very hip and edgy."
"Well are the French any other way?" Patrick joked.
"According to Steven, no." Audrey laughed.
"That must be so exciting. I used to travel with my mother and brother, but we never went as far as Paris."
"Neither did I although I always wanted to." Audrey smiled. "But I guess that is one of the benefits of children. You get to see them accomplish some of things you never were able to do."
"Is that right?" Patrick could feel himself squirming in his seat.
"Yes. Of course they have dreams of their own, but when you share a similar passion and you see them take it farther than you ever dreamed possible..." She trailed off realizing that the young man sitting across from her wasn't a father. He probably had no idea what she was talking about but was too sweet to interrupt her. "Of course you love your children, but it's a wonderful thing to be so proud of them as well."
"Yes." Patrick nodded in obligation. "I wonder where those crazy kids are."
Audrey glanced at her watch. "They should be along any time now." Audrey paused and remembered Patrick mentioning something about special plans for the rest of the evening. "I know. The girls went shopping today and Robin left some things upstairs when they went out for dinner. Why don't I go get them for you so you won't be further delayed when they arrive for your plans?"
"I'll get them. Sit here. Finish your tea." Patrick countered, hurrying over to the stairs. If he had to hear one more thing about the glories of a being a parent, he might go mad.
"Your mother certainly raised you right." Audrey beamed at him. "I believe they put everything right outside the door to the attic. Should be the small bags off to the side."
"Got it." Patrick assured her from the top step. He pushed open the door, his eyes still fixed on Audrey's.
His first thought upon entering was: Did I walk into a baby store? Anything and everything an expectant parent would need was less than a foot away from him. Everything from a changing table to a stroller to a swinging chair. There were stacks and stacks of plastic diapers and cloth diapers. To his right, he noticed at least a dozen stuffed animals and a box full of teething rings. Sitting atop the changing table was a pair of miniature pink tennis shoes. Patrick felt dizzy. He could taste the bile building at the base of his throat. He turned quickly, thankful that he had a good hold of the railing, because he would have tumbled down the stairs otherwise.
"Wha-wha-what's all that stuff for?" He asked Audrey, coming downstairs empty-handed.
"For the baby of course."
He wasn't sure how long he circled the nearby park. He didn't even know how he had gotten here. His car was still at Audrey's. He had barely made it out of there with a polite apology. To say he was spooked would have been so unrealistic a statement at this point. He was terrified! An appointment card he could have written off, but a room full of baby stuff? Baby stuff that his girlfriend and her best friend had spent all afternoon collecting? That he couldn't ignore.
It was really happening, wasn't it? His biggest fear was now a reality. He should have stayed and let Robin tell him, but the clues said it all. Had he been wrong in assuming her aloofness had been purely because of what his brother had done to her? Had he completely missed the bigger picture? And he had thought he was so smart. How did you miss something like this?
Why hadn't she told him? He couldn't keep the question from pushing to the front of his mind. She owed him an explanation and yet she hadn't told him. He couldn't justify her actions by saying she was still reeling from it, because she had obviously thought it out enough to fill an attic with baby supplies. Supplies that the baby would be using. Her baby. His baby. Their baby. Patrick sought refuge on a bench and fell onto it, sliding his fingers through his glossy hair.
What was his next step supposed to be? That was the question he needed to be focusing on. This decision would affect the rest of his life, the rest of both of their lives. He would either step up and take his place beside Robin to bring a child into this world that he had never even given a half-second thought about, a child he didn't want, had never wanted… No, he wasn't that big a hypocrite. Having a baby right now—hell ever—was beyond his comprehension. He didn't have a set plan for his future, but it sure didn't include raising a baby.
How was Robin going to react to his decision? She would be angry, that was a given. She would be disappointed in him, he realized. Disappointed in what he couldn't be, in what she would assume he didn't want to be. It was one thing to picture any kind of future with her, but a baby? Now that was a reach. Men like Patrick didn't have children. Men like Lucky had children. Men like Luke probably shouldn't have had children, but there always had to be an exception to the rule. Besides, Luke was a great father.
"That doesn't mean you'll share my fate son," Patrick could almost hear Luke say. Children weren't part of a future he wanted to live in. Noah would never have more children and Logan, should he ever reproduce, would never claim a kid as his. It had to end with Patrick. It was the way he had always seen his life going. Never in all of his planning had he thought to factor in a child. God couldn't be so cruel, he had thought. It took men to be fathers and he was still a scared little boy.
So you admit it then? His inner voice taunted him. You're no better than Logan? "I never claimed to be." Patrick snapped at the voice. Did you hurt Robin? "I will." Patrick answered. That's true, sport. You'll hurt her by this faithless decision you've made. Why put it off? Go, find her. Tell her that you're too much of a coward to— "Shut up!" What's the matter? Is there too much truth? But then, what would you know about truth? It's so much easier to believe a lie, isn't it? You didn't know Logan was evil until Robin was attacked. And that thing about staying with her, that was just a fluke right? You meant it at the time, but the situation has changed, so you're not bound to that promise. Promise: another word you don't know the meaning of.
"What would you have me do then?" Patrick wanted to know. "You're so smart—what?" He growled at the passing old man. "You got a problem?" Once the man was out of sight, Patrick closed his eyes. He couldn't possibly make a decision when his conscience was against it, now could he? He had before. He had walked away before. But the cost was much greater this time around. There was no hypothetical outcome. He was going to lose Robin. He had been a fool to think otherwise.
No, you're worse than Logan, the voice concluded. You're Noah. You're abandoning your child because it's too hard to stay. What good are you? You waste of human flesh! You've brought a child into existence with a woman you love and you dare question it, spit on it? Why can't you see this for the miracle it is? Do you have any idea how overwhelmed Robin must be? How many times do you think she was told that she would never have a normal life? And now you're proving that, aren't you? So walk away, you jerk. Walk away and let her be happy. It's what you were going to do anyhow. So go. Give her some chance to be happy.
Patrick ducked his head in defeat, or was it shame? Either way, he felt deflated. How would he know if he was making the right decision? Staying together for the sake of a child was the worst reason he could think of. They would grow to hate each other and he didn't want that! What happened when she finally woke up and saw him for what he was? She would look at him so differently once she knew his basic human flaw: He wasn't worth loving. And now he was expected to help raise a child? What a joke! What a slap in the face! There was no worse person for the job.
And then he started to think about what Courtney had said about Logan, what Mac had later confirmed. Logan had spent less than a week in jail without a trial because there was no reason to keep him besides the obvious. His only victim was unwilling to press charges against him. Patrick knew her fear of his brother only explained half of her reasoning. Her fear should have kept him where he was. She should have let justice take it from there. No, it was her guilt that propelled her to go to Mac and have him release Logan. His cruel words to her over their five-year marriage had actually gotten through and she actually believed she was at fault in some way. And the fact that she was now with Patrick made her feel even more lenient when it came to Logan. Her insistence to have him released further proved that she was a far better person than Patrick or Logan would ever be.
Patrick didn't want to think about how much pain she must be in, how much fear must accompany her during every waking moment since the attack, because it would cripple him. He couldn't very well leave her after all he had cost her in the few months they had been serious. How could he ask her to raise a child that would, at least in some way, resemble him and make it clear to her that he wanted nothing to do with either of them? How could he be so cruel to her when she had done everything in her power to keep him from getting hurt even before they were together? The answer was simple: He couldn't.
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