All day sickness
"She wants to dress me in pink, paint my bedroom blue
And I just laugh to myself, cause only I know the truth
This love is my only emotion
Haven't learned any fear any pain
It's kind of funny with all this commotion
I guess they've got me, to blame
They don't even know my name
They don't even know my name"
-My Name, George Canyon
It was like a nasty hangover times a hundred. No. Times a million. An overwhelming, almost terrifying urge to throw up the moment she woke to the sound of the alarm clock at seven in the morning. Not even a minute had passed and she was scrambling out of bed and running for the washroom in just a t-shirt, one hand on her queasy stomach, the other clamped over her mouth. The sound of her repetitive, violent and forceful vomiting was what actually woke Flack up. He'd slept through the alarm, unusual for him, but there was no chance of in hell of sleeping through the sound of her throwing up that bad. He lay there for a couple minutes, an arm over his eyes, waiting for her to come back into the bedroom. When several minutes passed and the sounds continued and worry gnawed relentlessly at him, he climbed out of bed, slipped into a pair of sweats and headed for the bathroom.
He stood in the doorway, watching helplessly as she knelt in front of the toilet, her cheek resting on the cold porcelain, her face a ghostly white. Tears spilling down her cheeks. He stepped into the room and wet a face cloth with cold water and sat down alongside of her, gently wiping her forehead and her cheeks and the back of her neck.
"I want to die..." she moaned. "I just want to curl up right here and die. And if you dare even say it's okay, I will punch you out."
"I'll keep my mouth shut." Flack promised.
"Good...oh God..." she leaned into the toilet and threw up again. "This isn't normal...this can't be normal..."
"Just try and relax, baby." he continued pressing the cold face cloth to her skin, rubbing her back soothingly with his other hand. "I know it's hard to do, but you need to take it easy. Babies can feel the stress."
She lifted her head to look at him, an eyebrow arched. "Where'd you hear that?" she asked.
He shrugged."Probably saw it on t.v. or something. Want a drink of water or something?"
She nodded.
"You know," Flack said as he got to his feet and filled a plastic cup at the sink. "All the drunken stupors you've had and all the hangovers, you'd think you'd be used to the puking."
"So not the same thing...so different...this is worse...much worse."
After the seemingly endless waves of nausea finally passed, she leaned back against the tub, the face cloth pressed to her forehead.
"You need to call the doctor." Flack told her and handed her the water.
"Office doesn't open until nine. And she'll probably just forward me to an OB/GYN and then we'll have to wait to get in there."
"Well tell her how sick you are and that you need to see one right away. 'Cause it can't be normal puking as much as you have in the last five days. Can't be. You keep puking like that, you're gonna loose weight. And trust me, sweetie, you loose weight and you'll be invisible."
"Very funny." she groaned and sipped the water.
"Want me to call you in sick? Give it another day? I can tell Mac you're just not up to it."
"I'll be okay." she said. "Once it passes I should be fine and..." she grimaced, moved to the toilet once again.
He sighed. "I wish there was something I could do." he told her.
"Oh, you've done enough." she informed him.
He frowned. "Hey, I only contributed fifty percent. And from what I remember you've been a willing participant each and every time."
"You contributed the evil DNA." Sam declared and rested her forehead on the ledge of the toilet.
"Why don't you take a bath or a shower and I'll make you something to eat." he offered.
The sheer mention of food was enough to turn her stomach.
"You have to eat something." he insisted. "Or at least try to. Not good for the baby if you don't eat."
"I know, but..." she groaned and leaned into the toilet again, waving for him to just get out of the room. "Just leave me alone." she grumbled.
"Shoulda thought about telling me that a couple months ago."
She flipped him the middle finger.
He just chuckled and left the room.
She emerged from the bathroom forty five minutes later and joined him in the kitchen. Her hair still damp from her shower and wearing a pair of loose fitting grey dress pants and a simple, soft pink blouse with three quarter length sleeves and a slight touch of makeup on her pale, weary face. A hand resting on her queasy stomach and a grimace on her face as she slowly lowered herself into the chair across from him at the table where he sipped coffee, still in his sweats and a t-shirt.
"You okay?" Flack asked gently, even though one look at her told him she was anything but.
"I think so." she sighed lightly. "But I can't take months and months of this, Donnie."
"I know. Which is why we are going to find out ways to make it more tolerable for you and ask the doctor if there's anything you can take to make the nausea go away. Or at least help it. Okay?"
She nodded. "I'm sorry." she said meekly.
"For what, sweetie?"
She shrugged.
"It happens. Can't help it. If you get sick, you get sick." he stood up and came around the table and kissed the top of her head. "Lots of people get sick. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Especially in your situation."
He went and warmed up a glass of milk in the microwave and prepared her a piece of dry toast and sat both in front of her. "Here," he said and returned to his seat. "Read on the 'net last night that warm milk and dry toast settles the stomach."
"So that's what you were doing at three in the morning." she nibbled at the toast half heartedly. "I felt you get out of bed and then heard you close the door. You were gone for like two hours. Here it was because you were surfing the internet. Looking at all that porn again?"
"Why do I need to look at that shit when I can look at your naked body whenever I want for as long as I want?" he asked.
She smiled. "Very, very good answer."
"I just couldn't sleep. Too excited, I guess. I mean, engaged and find out you're having a baby all in one day? Pretty surreal. So I thought I'd do some research."
"About?" she forced herself to swallow a bite of toast and washed it down the rest of the way with a swig of milk.
"What we're in store for over the next several months. I got a list of books we can buy at Barnes and Noble in mid-town." he reached under the paper and pulled out a piece of computer paper and held it out to her.
Sam took the paper. Her eyes widening as she saw the length of the list. "There's like twenty-five books on here." she said incredulously.
"Figured the better prepared we were, the better we'd do." he reasoned.
"Don, we don't need two dozen books on parenting and pregnancy. I can see one or two or even three, but this many? You've even got books on here about toilet training and weaning kids off of a bottle. You planning on toilet training a new born? Making it drink from a cup?"
"No...like I said I figured the more prepared we are..."
"You are seriously mental." she declared. "A couple of these I can see actually buying. Like this What to Expect When You're Expecting. That would be a good one to have."
"Good. Glad you said that. 'Cause I called them and ordered a copy and it'll be in on Friday. Just in time to see the doctor."
She laughed and shook her head. "You are way too into this."
"Hey, we're going to be parents. I'm going to be a father. How can I not be?"
Sam smiled. How could she not? He was like this little kid on Christmas morning dying to open the biggest and best present under the tree. To be able to see the softer, more compassionate and tender side to a man that was usually so hot headed and snarky and often arrogant was a joy and a privilege all in itself.
"You must be excited." he said. "You're going to be a mom."
"I'd be more excited if I wasn't feeling so sick." she sighed and fought to get the last of the toast and the milk down."
"You have to eat, Samantha." Flack told her, concern in his eyes and in his voice. "Not good for you or the baby if you don't eat."
"I know...I know. But how do you eat when all you want to do is throw up all the time?"
"Like I said, we'll talk to the doctor. I want you to phone her as soon as you get to the lab."
"I will." she promised. "And speaking of the lab..." she glanced over at the clock on the microwave. "We are going to be majorly late."
"I called my duty captain and Mac and told them we'd be a little late. That you weren't feeling well this morning. Said it was bad nerves 'cause you're all freaked about coming back to work. They said no problem and to take our time."
She smiled brightly. "God I love you," she said.
"I know." he smiled and got up and rinsed out his mug. He stood behind her and kissed the top of her head. "I'm gonna go and get ready. You'll be okay?"
She nodded. "I promise I won't puke on the floor. I know where the sink is."
"Everything's going to be okay." he assured her, his hands on her slender shoulders as he kissed her cheek. "Trust me."
She smiled and watched him as he left the room. Knowing she could trust him completely. And that everything was going to be okay.
It had been a long time since she'd felt that confident about anything.
"You're what?" Adam asked, as he stood across the table from his sister in the lay out room.
"Getting married." she repeated for the third time in as many minutes.
"To who?"
Samantha sighed and rubbed at her pounding temples. "I know this is probably a little bit of a shock to you."
"Ya think?" Adam asked and went back to work on the articles of clothing laid out in front of him. He was on night shift. Or was suppose to be. His shift was scheduled to end at eight and at nine thirty he still found himself going strong with no signs of stopping and barely keeping himself awake or functioning with shots of espresso and extra large coffees.
As much as Sam knew her brother was overworked and looked as if he could sleep for an entire week straight, she was glad that his shift had been extended and that she'd been late arriving at the lab. It meant that everyone else was out in the field and she was able to deliver the news to Adam first. Helped too that Mac insisted on keeping her solely in the lab for a week when he'd heard how ill she was. It was important that her brother be the first to know. Well, maybe the third considering Flack had told Carmen and Speed the night before. But it had been essential to her to get to Adam before anyone else there found out and told him before she had the chance to.
"Adam..." she choose her words carefully. "You're my brother and I love you more than life. You know that."
He nodded.
"But I need you to accept this. It's very important to me that you give me and Don your blessing."
"Does it mean you won't go through with it if I don't?" Adam asked.
Samantha didn't respond.
"I just don't think you're ready to be getting married." Adam told her. "And it's nothing against Flack. As much as I wish you had have picked someone I didn't have to work with on a regular basis, this has nothing to do with him. I just don't think you're ready to marry anyone."
"I am ready." she said. "I've never been more ready."
"So soon after what happened with Zack? You were with the guy for a long time and he screwed you over big time and I can't believe you got over all that so quickly."
"I'm not over it." she said. "I'm still dealing with it. But this has nothing to do with that sick sonofabitch and everything to do with the fact that I'm in love and I've met the man of my dreams and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And it would mean the world to me if you would just say you love me and accept this."
"I do love you, Sammie. But accept it?" Adam shook his head. "You call mom and Sarge and tell them?"
"Not yet."
Adam sighed.
"I wanted to tell you first." she reasoned. "I didn't want mom with her big mouth calling you and telling you before I got the chance."
"How ya think Sarge is gonna react?"
"Probably throw a fit. But that's to be expected. He still thinks I'm thirteen."
"Sometimes you act like it." Adam mumbled.
Sam put her hands on her hips. "Excuse me?" she asked.
"I said sometimes you act like it." Adam replied. "You married? Poor Flack. Guy's life will be a nightmare."
"I want you to accept this Adam." Sam said sternly. "You're going to have to. It's happening whether you like it or not. And it's happening soon."
He frowned. "How soon is soon?" he asked.
"Three months."
Adam dropped the tweezers he had in his hands onto the floor and he looked at her with wide, disbelieving blue eyes. "Why so soon?" he asked, bending down under the table to retrieve the tweezers.
"We just wanted to do it by the end of the year." she said. "And because there's a chance I might be pregnant."
The top of Adam's head collided with the underside of the table with a loud thunk. The announcement of that little piece of news startling him so much that he hadn't cleared the table in time to jump up and give her shit.
"Are you okay?" Sam asked, rushing to his side as he slowly got to his feet, his face beat red, his hand massaging the top of his head. She searched through the mess of curls on her brother's head and found the beginnings of a nasty bump.
"I'm fine..." he assured her through gritted teeth. "Just...fine...why...why'd you have to tell me this at work?"
"I just figured it was as good a time as any. No one's around. Eavesdropping."
"And what do you mean there's a chance. You either are or you aren't."
"I took a home test yesterday and it came back positive and..."
"So you are then."
"We want to go to the doctor and have it confirmed before we started telling everyone." she said.
"So why are you telling me than?" Adam asked.
Sam frowned. "Because I love you and your my brother and you have a right to know before anyone." she replied matter of factly.
"Please tell me you're not getting married because you're pregnant!" Adam looked horrfied at the thought.
"No! He had already bought the ring before we took the test. This isn't going to be a shot gun wedding."
"Might be when Sarge finds out. He'll be bringing his shot gun when he hears all this."
"He won't be bringing anything anywhere." Sam said. "We're not inviting a lot of people. Don' getting a judge he knows to marry us in his chambers and we only want you, Danny and Erica and Carmen and Tim there."
"This is insane!" Adam declared. "You've got that all planned? You're actually serious about this, aren't you!"
She nodded.
He sighed heavily and shook his head.
"I really need your blessing, Adam." Sam practically begged. "Please. You have no idea how much that would mean to me."
"You sure that this is what you want?" he asked. "That he's who you want to be with?"
"I love him, Adam. More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him and have his children. Your nieces or nephews, Adam. And you can't tell me you'd turn your back on that."
"Of course not." he said. "Never. I just want you to be absolutely sure that this is what you want. That he is who you want."
Sam took her brother's face in his hands and stared him deep in the eyes. "There's no one else I could ever love the way I love him. And he loves me and makes me feel like I'm the most important thing in the world."
"I just want you to be happy." Adam told her."It's all I want."
"I am happy. For the first time in my life I am truly happy, Peanut."
He smiled, blushed from head to toe at the use of his childhood nickname. "I'll be there." he assured her. "At your wedding. I'll even walk you down the aisle or into the room or whatever. I can't deny you being happy. You deserve that."
"Thank you." Sam said and kissed his cheek.
"Just promise me that you know what you're doing."
"I promise you." she said.
Adam went to say something else but was cut off by the loud ringing of her cell phone.
Sam checked the call display. "I'm sorry, Adam. It's the OB/GYN my doctor is sending me to on Friday. I have to take this."
He nodded and smiled understandingly. Watched her as she left the room and stepped out of the room, standing in the hallway with her phone pressed to her ear. Can't believe it, he thought, his throat tightening and emotion welling inside of him. She's going to be mom.
And he never felt so proud of her in his entire life.
The rest of the team took news of the engagement far better than Adam's first reaction. They were happy and excited and offered up hugs and kisses of congratulations. If any of them thought it was too soon or that they were making a big mistake, those thoughts were kept silent. Danny couldn't stop talking about being the best man and all the duties that came with it. Including a blow out bachelor party that Sam threatened there better be no strippers at. Danny looked at her as if she was crazy. After all, what was a bachelor party without strippers? Stella talked about helping her with plans and taking her wedding dress shopping or to some designer friend of hers who did excellent work and could do a fantastic wedding dress at a fraction of what would be spent in a store. Sam didn't have the heart to tell her that there wasn't going to be a big thing and that no one was invited outside of the small intimate group already picked out.
Keeping the other big news secret was turning out to be harder than Sam thought it would. Maybe it was because for a girl that usually surprised people with the amount of food she could eat, she hadn't but a bite in her mouth all day. Not to mention the number of times she had to run to the washroom to be sick. Hiding things like that were not easy.
On top of that, she was bored stiff being stuck in the lab, hunkered down over trace samples all day. She missed the rush of being out in the field and knew it would be a long, long time before she felt that again. She'd relegated herself to the fact that as soon as Mac found out about the baby, she'd be placed on permanent lab work. Which meant she'd be stick working with her brother, day in, day out. And that was a frightening thought.
"Please tell me you're not disrespecting my lab." Speed said, as he joined her in the room, setting a paper bag and a styrofoam cup down on the table in front of her.
"I have not abused her." she said. "Much."
Speed grinned. "Eat up." he told her, nodding at the bag. "Drink up." he pushed the cup towards her.
"Tim, as much as I appreciate it, if I even so as much think of food, I throw up."
"Gotta eat and drink." he said, grabbing his lab coat off a hook along the wall and shrugging into it, sliding behind the table alongside of her. "Don't eat or drink enough with all that vomiting you're doing, you're gonna end up in the hospital with dehydration. And I don't think you want that."
She shook her head. Reached for the cup and sniffed it. She pulled a foul face. "What the hell is it?" she asked, sipping cautiously.
"Ginger tea. Girl at the Starbucks I stopped at is pregnant and she mentioned she had wicked morning sickness and this stuff helped."
"Tastes like shit!" Sam cried and grimaced.
"Hey, if it works, that's all that matters." Speed reasoned. "Flack said you weren't eating much and he's worried sick, so I picked you up a plain croissant. Might settle your stomach. Hate to see you suffer like that."
"You did all of this on your own?" Sam asked, peering into the bag.
"I did."
She took the croissant from the bag and a took a bite. It tasted like heaven. Hopefully it would stay down. "Thank you." she said. "I appreciate it."
"It's no problem." he assured her. "As long as you don't puke on me, we're good."
"I'll try my best." Sam told him.
"You know, I'm really happy for you and Flack. He loves you. Already told him he didn't treat you right I was going to break both his legs."
"I don't think you have to worry about that. He treats me great. He's amazing, Tim. He really is."
Speed smiled. "Glad to hear that. Considering..."
"Thought we agreed to keep that between us." Sam said, sipping the horrid tasting tea.
"We did. And we've been doing a pretty good job of it. I just... I'm not going to lie to you, Sam and say I don't feel anything for you. 'Cause I do. So if you think I've been off hand lately or that I've been trying to avoid you, I just want you to know that that's why. I haven't done it to hurt you or anything like that. I've just been trying to concentrate on me and Carmen and the life we're trying to make."
"Tim, you don't have to defend yourself to me." Sam told him. "I understand. It's not the most comfortable situation sometimes. But I love Carmen. She's like a sister to me and I would never, ever do anything to hurt her. And I would never, ever do anything to hurt Don. So don't feel you have to justify yourself and the things you're doing. You're still my friend no matter what."
He smiled. "Things can be pretty damn complicated, huh?"
"Sometimes." she admitted. "It's up to us to uncomplicate them."
He nodded. "I was thinking, about what you said that night at the elevator, about another place, another time. You think that's true? That if we had have met say in Miami, that maybe..."
"Who knows." Sam sighed. "We'll never know that. And maybe that's a good thing. For everyone involved."
"Maybe." he said and snapped on a pair of latex gloves.
"I'm really happy for you and Carmen, Tim. I hope everything works out the way you guys want it to."
"It will." he said confidently.
"And besides," Sam said. "I never would have been in Miami."
"Why not?"
"I look like shit in a bikini."
He grinned. "Somehow, Mouse, I highly doubt that."
"I like when you call me that." she said.
He smiled at her. "So do I."
"Can I call you Timmy?" she asked curiously.
"Uh...no." he replied.
"Timothy?" she replied.
"Only under special circumstances." he said with a grin.
"And what special circumstances would those be?" she inquired.
"If ya had have visited Miami," he said. "You would have found that out."
Thanks to everyone R and R'ing. And welcome to everyone new! Lots more to come. Don't know why I feel compelled to say this, but I want everyone to know that Sam is not the reason Carmen and Speed broke up. Sam and Speed happens nearly three years later. And as for how and why and all the juicy, smutty details, y'all will just have to wait and see! There is far more to that situation than meets the eye! And I feel the need to start an I hate Rick fan club. It only gets worse. Trust me.