Disclaimer: Unsurprisingly, I own nothing. Naruto and Harry Potter belong to their respective creators.

The First Omake chapter!

Interlude: Tactical Information

Genzo passed the dossier to Kakashi. "Here. Some tactical intel on our destination, written by a shinobi. I think you'll find it useful."

Kakashi took the dossier. He began reading.

Britain is an island, near the continent of Europe. Like most of the West, it has no shinobi, but it does feature a large wizard population. As per most of the West, wizards keep themselves entirely separate from the non-chakra manipulating sections of the population. This means that there are two different cultures there: the civilian, and the secret.

For the super-pervert, Britain is an interesting place to visit. No pervert could miss the opportunity to explore London. While London lacks the sophistication of some of its mainland counterparts (most notably Amsterdam and Paris), it does offer a variety of attractions to satisfy the perverted lust in all of us. Based on my (numerous and AWESOME) experiences, here is a guide on how to appreciate the naughty side of London.

1. Civilian London

The pervert's journey starts with a trip to any central London bar on a Friday night. The British have a culture of drinking, and tend to be very bad at it. The women will always wear skimpy clothing and they tend to drink as much, if not more, than the men. This makes the bar culture very fruitful for pick-ups. My first visit nearly sent me crazy: I had never seen so many women flashing the public without charge! Some of them could have done it professionally!

The next step is to explore one of the numerous 'Gentleman's Clubs'. Having visited around twenty of them, I highly recommend Spearmint Rhino. It is reasonably priced, offers a convivial atmosphere and the drinks pretty good too. The waitresses are of a high standard (often they double as the entertainment) and they are always willing to please. As for the show, it is pretty much exactly what you would expect. No pretensions to art (unlike Paris), and no REALLY weird stuff (unlike Amsterdam), just straight-up, old-fashioned strippers and some very talented pole-dancers. After having seen some truly kinky stuff on the continent, I was very relieved to see a good old fashioned show. The only slightly hair-raising moment was when a woman came out with a snake, but the lizard was purely cosmetic.

After the bars and catching a few shows, the next thing is to get a lap-dance. Spearmint Rhino do reasonably good ones, but the best by far can be found in Sunset Strip. The girls cater to any taste, and carry out their jobs with a level of professionalism I had formerly only seen in Amsterdam. The price wasn't bad – for a reasonable fee, I got a good half-an-hour's worth of dance, which left me very… excited.

After a dance, the pervert has two choices. He can return to a bar to find a lovely lady to go home with, or he can find a good professional. I'd personally recommend the first option. It might be a little more trouble than a professional, but the… 'companions' in England tend to be sub-standard, with no real pride in their work, and they overcharge hideously. A nice girl from a bar will guarantee a night's entertainment (provided you slip a soldier pill in their drink), they take a lot more care over you and the only thing you have to deal with is the odd case of guilt in the morning (which has an incidence of roughly one in seven for single women and one in three for others).

London also offers a fine range of erotic cinema, showing films from round the world and from home. The cinemas themselves range from pleasant to horrendously seedy, so really something for everyone.

Next installment: read about the saucy side of wizard London!!

Kakashi looked up from the article.

"Tactical Intel?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Make Out Tactics."

Kakashi collapsed, choking with laughter.

Interlude: Toshi's Super Secret Stealth Mission!

Toshi walked into the dimly lit room. He checked the time. Three hours. It would take around an hour to get back. Perfect…

He had slipped away from the camp, leaving a bunshin in his sleeping bag. Kakashi and Genzo were already fast asleep, Jiro was on watch and the wizard had been out for a good few hours. He knew he was breaking the rules, but that's what a shinobi did, right? Besides, it was worth it…

He took a seat in front of the stage, and took out a bunch of notes. The stripper stalked over, her hips swaying sinuously. Oh, Yeah! He held up a fifty pound note. The stripper bent down and took it using her cleavage, then planted a kiss on his cheek. Toshi felt like he had dies and gone to heaven. Grinning foolishly, he looked at the man sitting next to him. Recognition struck him like a bucket of iced water.

"Kakashi-san?!"

Kakashi jumped. Busted! Embarrassed, he looked at his young sub-ordinate. Mustering all the self-possession he could find, he put on his sternest face. "What the hell are you doing here?! You're supposed to be in the camp! Who's guarding it?!"

Toshi held his hands up. "It's ok, Genzo and Jiro are still there! And you were supposed to be there too!"

Kakashi sighed. There was nothing for it. "Ok, fine. But this stays between us, right?"

Toshi nodded. Kakashi looked back at the stripper. She really was something else. Silky blonde hair and a figure to die for, topped off by a come hither look that sent shivers down the spine of every man in the room. He scanned the rest of the room, feeling something was wrong. An older man was receiving a lap dance, with many loud noises of appreciation, and his younger friend was drinking shots off a waitresses cleavage. What the…?! He marched over to them.

"Genzo! Jiro! Explain yourselves!"

The two men, caught red-handed, stood up guiltily. "Umm, well… we…"

Kakashi was furious. "Where's the contact?!"

Genzo silently pointed to his right. William Borritt was whooping with delight as a pair of blondes cavorted on his lap. Kakashi struggled to maintain his furious countenance. It was a hopeless battle. He burst out laughing. Genzo and Jiro soon joined in. Toshi was already cackling like a madman. Borritt hadn't even noticed.

The four ninjas settled down at a table. The night was still young…

Kakashi looked at his team. "Just remember, what happens in Britain…" His team grinned. "…Stays in Britain" they said in unison.

Seven hours, twenty seven cocktails and one thousand two hundred pounds later, four very tired ninjas carried a comatose wizard back to the camp. They would all agree: Good Kami, was it worth it!

Interlude: Red Moon over Diagon Alley

Tom the barman was used to weird sights. He'd been there when Harry Potter returned to the wizarding world. He'd been there when the Minister for Magic stayed during the hunt for Sirius Black. He'd been there when the thirteen broke from Azkaban. He's been there when Voldemort's return was announced. Still, sometimes life had the capacity to surprise. And the quantity that his newest customer was drinking certainly qualified.

It hadn't been the best of days for Kisame. The journey to the West had been long and boring. They'd boarded a ship from Wave country, taken a flight from Tokyo to China, taken a portkey to India then another to Damascus, spent a day waiting, then arrived in London at the inter-continental way-station. A trip on the Knight Bus took them to the Leaky Cauldron, where, instead of the mattresses they had specified in their reservation, they found one double bed, which of course Itachi had taken. Kisame was forced to sleep on an overly soft armchair, which had put his back out of joint. Now, with a stiff back and a good seven hours to kill, he decided to amuse himself with a drink. Instead, he'd somehow ended up in a drinking bout with an enormous, hairy man. Aglid, or something like that. Kisame didn't care about the man's name. He just wanted to get rid of him.

Another bottle of Firewhisky arrived at the table. Kisame felt nauseous. He'd managed to cope with it so far by using chakra to filter the alcohol, but now he was way too drunk. His opponent looked no worse for wear. "C'mon," he said, "Drink up. Ruddy good shtuff this!" Kisame gagged. He took a drink. Then he hit the ground with a loud thud.

Hagrid looked at his fallen foe. "No head fer drink, theshe foraign chappiesh…" Slowly, like a mighty tree in the forest, he toppled to the floor and began snoring.

Itachi struggled to maintain his composure. "No, I'm not at school, nor do I intend to be." The girls gasped. "But you have to go to school! It's blah blah blah…" Itachi drifted away. He'd gone into a shop to meet a contact, but the place had been full of school aged children buying supplies. A gaggle of girls had crowded around him, asking a million and one questions. He had no choice but to be polite. He looked for the contact. There were still ten people in the queue ahead. Gritting his teeth, he forbore. Remember the mission, remember the mission, remember the mission…

As the chatter of fan-girls gradually eroded his sense of self, he wondered whether Sasuke had ever had to deal with it, and if so, how. Then, an idea struck him, swiftly making the seals, he created a bunshin, then used a Henge to make it look like Sasuke, though admittedly a little older and a little taller. The girls spotted the clone immediately, and swarmed towards it. The clone panicked and ran. Alone at last, Itachi permitted himself a small smile. The things I do to my little brother… Poor boy.

A word from the Author: I hope you enjoyed this little chapter. Tell me if it worked, as I may well put in a few more in the future. Thanks to my reviewers, hopefully you'll be the first of many more. As ever, feedback on style and content is welcome. I'd like to get this little tale as good as possible for its (eventual) stunning climax...