Hide and Seek
"Why are we keeping secrets
Why don't we both come clean and begin
I don't have the heart to hurt again
Why are we keeping secrets
Why don't we both come closer again
We're keeping secrets
I don't like playing detective
Still I keep finding clues
We got to stop pretending
And pay the dues
Now I can see it coming
The writing's on the wall
We've got to stop this running
Before we fall."
-Keeping Secrets, Christine McVie
Big thanks to 'my Montana' for another great song and to Aphina for her help when things got a little screwed up.
The character Emma Maxwell mentioned later in this chapter is a creation of Bluehaven4220. In her story Maxwell, the character's first name was originally Erica, but it was changed because of the Erica that already exists in this story. Emma Maxwell, or Max as she'll be known, is going to be a permanent fixture.
They arrived home shortly after seven in the evening. After having the doctor exam the wound to make sure there was no tissue loss or nerve damage (he had to numb the area just so Flack would even let him touch it, never mind poke and prod at it), he cleaned it properly, applied some disinfectant and then re-dressed it. Then they sat for another forty five minutes listening to the man lay out all the worst case scenarios. Everything from HIV (a low risk, but still possible because the perp had been bleeding at the time) and Hepatitis A to the countless infections that could arise from a human bite. Countless antibiotics would keep infection at bay. Hopefully. But the scariest to them was the possibility of a disease. Neither HIV or Hepatitis was a welcome thing. Both were damn frightening and could be spread from baby to mother during childbirth and that was a risk neither of them were willing to take.
"Practice the safest sex as possible." the doctor had told them, as he scribbled out numerous prescriptions and filled out the required paperwork for Flack to be off for the better part of a week and still get paid for it. "Abstinence is the safest thing I can think of until your blood work comes back. "
Flack couldn't agree more. Sam however, had looked at the doctor as if he'd gone absolutely insane. Abstinence was not a word in their vocabularies. And both of them knew that staying away from each other would be damn near impossible. Maybe they could survive a few days, but anything past that would be sheer torture.
Which was why when they went to have the half dozen different prescriptions prepared, Flack nearly bought out the condom section. It felt odd. Buying condoms to have sex with your wife. Your pregnant wife at that. All because some junkie had to play Jaws with his arm. He made a promise to himself that if any blood work came back with the slightest hint of a problem, he was going to visit Tommy Strickland in jail and lay the beating of a life time on the guy. Hand him his ass twice over. Until all the anger and frustration was gone. And that would take a lot.
Flack took a shower and put on a t-shirt and baggy jeans. He felt tired and almost light headed. The doctor had said it was one of the possible side effects of taking the antibiotics and the pain killers at the same time. He felt like he could just lie down and sleep for twenty four hours. And then some. So he avoided the urge to crash on the bed of even the couch and instead headed into the kitchen, where Sam was at the stove in one of his shirts and a pair of yoga pants that clung to her curves and her slightly rounded belly.
Why did she always have to be so damn sexy? Flack thought, trying to ignore the way she looked or the way she smelled. She had a profound effect on him since the day they first met, and at this point in time, that was dangerous. And the fact that she only seemed to be getting even sexier the farther along the pregnancy progressed and that the thought of that being his baby in there made him fill with pride, only added to the difficulty he knew he was going to have staying away from her.
"Danny called." Sam said, turning from the stove and picking up a glass of milk on the counter. She took a long sip from it. "Erica and him are going to stop by to check on you when he gets off. I guess she's meeting him there and they're worried about you."
"They have to come over tonight? " Flack asked. "Why? I'll still be alive tomorrow."
"They're worried about you." Sam repeated. "So I'm making enough pasta and salad to feed all of us."
"I'm not hungry." Flack told her.
"You must be hungry." Sam said, opening one of the cupboards and grabbing a package of rotini noodles and taking them over to the stove, where she dumped the whole package into the pot of boiling water.
"I'm not." he said.
"You have to be dying to not be hungry." Sam teased.
"Pills make me feel like shit." he complained and held out a fresh gauze pad and a package of surgical tape. "Can't get another bandage on myself." he told her. "And really, I'm not hungry."
"You can't go without food, Don. Half those pills need to be taken on a full stomach or you'll feel even worse." she took the medical supplies from him and gestured for him to pull up his sleeve. "If you're going to take a shower, next time put some plastic over the bandage so it stays dry and you don't have to keep changing it. 'Cause I won't be around all day the next few days you're off to do this for you."
"Come home on your breaks and do it then." he suggested.
"Just listen to the doctor's instructions, okay? Humor me. Or you will end up with worse problems."
"How much worse could it get? A junkie nearly rips apart my arm with his teeth, God knows what the hell he could have and now I actually have to use condoms when I make love to my pregnant wife."
"I can think of worse fates." Sam said and ripped pieces of the tape off with her teeth and secured the bandage over the painful, nasty looking wound on the inside of his forearm. Her fingers were soft and gentle in his skin. The simple touches drove him crazy.
"Just weird is all. It's not like we're strangers having random sex or we have to worry about you getting knocked up."
"It's just precautionary." Sam reminded him. "It's not a permanent thing. In a few days we'll know what your tests say and by then we'll hopefully have heard from this guy's doctor."
"Three month window, though, Sam. For the HIV thing."
"Three months of using condoms is not going to kill you." she told him, finishing the patch job on his arm and moving away to wash and dry her hands and return to preparing dinner.
"It might." he said.
"You poor bastard." Sam teased, stirring the pasta. "Seriously, Don. Don't be such a baby. You want to get laid, you use them. Plain and simple."
"Well lucky for both of us, I'm not in the mood." Flack told her and moved to the fridge. He pulled out a bottle of water and grabbed one of the pill bottles off of the top of the microwave.
"You're going to have to eat something with those." Sam informed him.
"I said I'm not hungry." he said and popped two pills with a gulp of water.
"Why are you being so difficult?" she asked.
"I'm not being difficult. I'm just not hungry." Flack replied. "Seriously. The pills are making me feel sick to my stomach."
"Well then go and sit on the couch and watch t.v. and rest." Sam suggested.
"I don't want to."
"Then go and lie down for a while until Danny and Erica get here." she tried.
"I don't want to go and lie down." he argued.
"Jesus Christ, Don!" she snapped. "There must be something you want to do! Go and do something. Anything. Instead of standing here driving me insane for the next hour. You're suppose to be resting so go and rest. Watch tv. Read. Something. There must be something that interests you."
"There is. And involves me and you desecrating the kitchen counter or the table. Or maybe even both. But seeing as I'm practically on quarantine for four days, I best be keeping those thoughts to myself."
"You can last four days without sex." Sam informed him.
"No. I can't." he said and kissed her cheek and headed out of the kitchen and into the living room. "I can't go four hours sometimes. How you expect me to go four days?"
"Lots of cold showers!" she called.
Flack snorted and sat down on the couch. "Yeah….right." he said with a sigh and reached for the remote control. It was sitting on top of a pile of discarded magazines and old paper work that needed to go the garbage days ago. The item on the top caught his eye. A manila file folder with MISS S. ROSS typed across the top. Below was written: MATTERS INVOLVING THE ESTATE OF ZACAHARY STEPHEN TURNER.
What the fuck? Flack thought. He'd thought that name was far behind them and now here it was, cropping up out of nowhere. After the shitty day he'd had and the crappy way he was feeling at the moment, the last thing he wanted to deal with was anything to do with the piece of shit who'd caused Sam so much grief.
He flipped open the folder and read the first few lines of the professionally prepared letter inside. From a lawyer in Phoenix informing Samantha that she had been named sole beneficiary of Zack's estate, which included a house, car, personal effects and a large sum of money.
There were two questions that popped up into Flack's mind. How the hell did that file get in the house without him seeing it before and why the hell didn't she say anything about it?
"Sam?" he called to her.
"Yeah?"
"What is this?"
"What's what?"
Flack got up and went into the kitchen, folder in hand. "This." he said, leaning against the counter behind her and waving the file.
She glanced over her shoulder. Shit! She thought. Not how I wanted him to find out. She'd forgotten that she'd sat the folder down when they first got home and she'd gotten distracted by the phone call from Erica and planning dinner and organizing all of Flack's medication so he didn't accidentally OD himself.
"That's just something Amelia brought me today." she answered casually and went back to stirring the pot of spaghetti sauce in front of her.
"Whose Amelia?" he asked.
Talk about making things even worse., Sam thought. She really had to start remembering what she had, and hadn't, told him about life in Arizona. It was startling in a way, to think that this man was going to be her husband in less than three months and there was a lot he didn't know yet. And even more startling was she didn't know if she'd ever tell him everything. A woman's heart was a deep ocean of secrets and some things were better left kept inside.
"She's Zack's sister." Sam replied, moving to the fridge and grabbing all the ingredients for the salad.
"You mean there's more than one offspring from that mutated family?" Flack asked dryly.
"Amelia is the normal one." Sam said. "You should meet her other brother."
"There's a third kid?"
"There's five all together. But the youngest brother? I have no idea what happened with him. He looks more like an armadillo than a human being. A genetic experiment gone wrong I guess. It's a shame. 'Cause their mother is drop dead gorgeous."
Flack smirked. "Okay smart ass."
"Amelia is a very nice girl." Sam said in defensive of her old friend. "That whole family is, actually. I was very close to them and they were really good to me. I don't know what happened to Zack."
"Dropped on his head as a baby?" Flack suggested.
"He wasn't always a bad guy." Sam said.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You're actually defending him? Tell me you just didn't defend that piece of shit."
"I was just defending his family. And saying that he wasn't always crazy. I just drove him that way."
"That's what he told you, right? 'Cause you can't honestly think that's true."
"Apparently I have that effect on people. I drive them nuts."
"You know what's driving me nuts? You blaming yourself all the time for him being a prick. None of that was your fault and I know you got shit self esteem because of it, but you need to say fuck him and deal with it all ready. You gonna let him always put a shadow on our lives?"
"Of course not. I was just saying…."
"And what really drives me nuts is that after everything, all the crap we've been through, you still find it necessary to hide shit from me." his voice was calm and composed despite the fact he wanted to shake some goddamn sense into her.
"I wasn't hiding anything from you." Sam defended herself. "I just didn't have the chance to tell you about it yet."
"You have time now? Or is this a bad time, too?"
"We were at the hospital getting you looked after. Excuse me if being worried about you pushed other shit to the back of my mind. I was going to talk to you about it when things were nice and calm and we could sit down and have a decent conversation."
"So then tell me now. Tell me what this is all about. Why anything to do with Zack is in my house?"
"Amelia came to New York City to see me. We used to be best friends until Zack's stupidity screwed it all up. She was concerned about what had happened down here and wanted to make sure that I was okay. And for us to try and reconnect. We met today for lunch."
Flack sighed and shook his head. "You like hiding stuff from me, don't you."
"I was not hiding anything from you!" Sam insisted. "I just didn't get the chance to tell you. First you hunt me down at that crime scene and freak out on me and then you get hurt on the job and end up at the hospital. Amelia and Zack were the last two people on my mind. Regardless of you being injured or not, I was going to tell you when you got home."
"But you didn't."
"Don, I forgot about it. I put it down and forgot about it. It wasn't intentional. I've had other stuff on my mind."
"What is this about Samantha?" he held the folder up.
"It's about Zack's will."
"What about it?" he wanted to hear it straight from her mouth, to see if she was honest or not. And so that it didn't appear as if he'd been spying on her by reading it.
"He never changed his will after we broke up."
"Which proves he was a fucking idiot." Flack declared. "First thing you do when you split with someone is change all that shit."
"Okay Mr Insensitivity. I'll remember that when we get divorced and you leave me with nothing."
"Like that would ever happen. You know I'd make sure the kid was taking care of."
Sam frowned. "I was hoping for a comment along the lines of 'we'll never get divorced'." she said, motioning for him to move over to give her some room to work.
"We're both Catholic, remember? Catholics don't believe in divorce."
"Like we've been living according to our religion? Please. We are both going to hell and you know it. You more so than me."
"What? You're just as sin ridden as me. Why am I worse?"
"The whole Devon thing alone is enough to send you to the fiery pits of damnation." Sam said.
"Okay. Not one of my finer moments." Flack agreed.
"You think?" Sam laughed and opened the cupboard in front of her and attempted to reach up for a bowl to prepare the salad in. Even on her tip toes she couldn't quite get to it.
"Grow a few inches would ya." Flack said, seeing her struggle and pulling the bowl down for her.
"Why? It's why you're here. You're nice and tall. It's why keep you around. Get things off the high shelves and carry heavy stuff."
"I could say why I keep you around but you'd probably slap me out."
"Please. I'm used to you being a total and utter pig." she said, tearing apart and lettuce and breaking it into edible pieces and dropping it into the bowl.
"So this will thing." Flack said, getting back to the original order of business. "Zack never took your name off and…"
"And I guess I'm the sole beneficiary of his estate."
"How big of an estate? Guy was a state trooper. How much could there be?"
"Zack had money. He was by no means poor. He was very lucky with stocks and investing. And he was given a sizeable inheritance when his grandmother died and he socked it away and earned interest on it."
"So he did have some sort of a brain." Flack said.
"Sure he did. But the psychotic, jealous part of it always seemed to win out. And no amount of money can take all the shit back that he did to me."
"Of course not. But it helps with the healing process a bit. So how much of an estate are we talking about here?"
"What does it matter? I'm not accepting it."
"Humor me. How much?"
"Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, a rarely used Chevy Malibu and a house worth about two twenty five."
Flack nodded slowly, letting the news sink in.
"But who cares?" Sam asked. "I'm not taking it regardless."
"Why not?"
"I don't want anything from that bastard." she reasoned.
"Two hundred and a half g's is a lot of money, Samantha. That's almost seventy grand more than what we make a year combined."
"What do we do with a car and a house in Arizona?" she asked.
"Sell them. Or sell the house and keep the car. Give it a away. Doesn't matter. But that money and the money you'd make off a house? Money like that doesn't not fall in your lap every day."
"I find it a little weird that you of all people would want anything of Zack's." she commented testily.
"The guy was a motherfucker and I'm not upset the way things ended for him." Flack admitted, opening the folder again and scanning through the information inside . "I personally would have liked to be responsible for putting him in an early grave. But I'm looking at this stuff as a perfect way to fuck him over in the end. Think about it. Think about all he did to you and you being responsible for him getting his dues and then he wasn't smart enough to take you off his will? Revenge at it's finest if you ask me."
"I'm not out to get revenge on a dead person. Him getting killed was revenge enough for me."
"Okay. Then think of it this way. Money like this is a God send for us. Especially right now with the baby. We won't have to use credit to buy stuff and go further into debt. You can pay off your student loans that are still hanging around and you can stay off longer with the baby and live off of the money comfortably. You can buy whatever the hell you want. Invest some. Something we could use for a house one day or for the kid's college education. All this stuff we wouldn't be able to do on just our salaries."
"But it's from Zack." she argued.
"Who cares who it's from." Flack said. "It's a lot of money. And I know it doesn't make up for it, but it's at least some form of compensation for what that nut job put you through."
Sam sighed.
"I'm not telling you what to do. It's your decision. But something like this affects us both. And it affects the baby. Think of all the stuff you can buy for the baby and not worry about maxing out credit cards to do it. And you can stay home longer than six weeks. You know how I feel about that. I don't want you going back that soon. That's not enough time for you to spend with the baby. Especially if you end up doing the breast feeding thing. And now you could stay home longer and not stress about money."
"Just the thought of taking anything from him…."
"Don't think of it that way. Think of it as his family giving you something for all the agony and bullshit he put you through. And think about how much this would help. Even long term if you want to invest. You can even bythat expensive stroller you wanted and not get any grief from me about it."
She smiled. "You really think it's a good idea?"
"I can't believe you thought it was a bad idea. But this is your decision, Samantha. You don't think it's smart, than don't do it. I just wanted you to think about thinks logically and not make a decision out of hatred for the guy. Not just you anymore. Everything affects me and the baby, too."
"If that isn't a classic example of the pot calling the kettle back." Sam laughed. "I'm saying something along those lines to you all the time."
"Well I'm finally starting to listen." he said. "Sam, this is ultimately up to you. I just want you to see it from where I'm sitting. And if I didn't think it was the best thing to do, I'd tell you so. One thing I am is brutally honest."
"Yeah?" she stepped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him. "Well then tell me something."
"What's that?" he asked, settling his hands on her hips.
"You think my ass and my boobs are starting to get too big?"
"What? Are you crazy? They could never get too big. You know how I feel about your body. Especially your ass." he ran his hands over her hips and onto her rear end to emphasize his point. "Your J-Lo ass."
"So you don't think I'm getting fat?"
"No. And you're pregnant, Sam. You're suppose to get bigger. And personally," he squeezed her ass and yanked her closer to him. "I think you're damn sexy for a pregnant woman."
She smiled up at him. "You just know how to say the right things at the right times." she said.
"I'm even better at doing the right things at the right times." he told her.
"Which is how I ended up pregnant in the first place. You're just way too good at certain things. You make it impossible to say no."
"You're not suppose to say no." he told her and kissed her softly.
A soft kiss that quickly developed into much more when his hands kneaded her ass and held her tightly against him and his tongue found hers. The logical part of his brain was telling him that this was not a smart idea. That waiting the four days until his labs came back before initiating or getting involved in any form of sexual contact with her was the safest route to take. But she was making it damn hard the way her hands were sliding up and down his chest -under his shirt- and she was kissing him back hungrily and intently.
He snapped out of it when he felt her fingers on the button of his jeans and stopped kissing her and moved his hands to her shoulders, pushing her back slightly. "Not a good idea." he said.
She pouted dramatically but stepped away from him, knowing that he was right. The smartest thing to do was not get into a situation like that for a few days. Things wouldn't be so up in the air once they heard something. Anything.
"I'm sorry." he said sincerely, watching her return to making dinner.
"For what?"
Not being able to, you know, do certain things right now. I mean, I can do them, I just don't feel comfortable doing them. Condoms or no condoms. Once the labs come back…"
"Don, you don't have to explain. Okay? I understand. And I'll feel better too once those labs come back."
"Something always has to happen with us." Flack said with a heavy sigh. "More weird shit has happened since I met you than in the entire thirty years of my life."
"Come on. How boring would you're life be without me?" she asked.
"I don't even want to think about that." he replied, suppressing a shiver at her words.
Truth was, he wouldn't have a life without her.
And he didn't want one if she wasn't in it.
Danny and Erica arrived an hour later. It was nice to spend some time with them. They didn't do it enough unfortunately. Erica was a shift worker and had found herself working doubles covering for other nurses that were taking holidays and then being to exhausted on her days off to do little more than lounge around the apartment and sleep. Danny, like the others in the lab, was working his tail off to help fill the gaping hole left behind first by Lindsay's departure, then by Sam's pregnancy banishing her to the lab. Talk around the crime lab was that Mac was putting the pressure on the brass to let him hire another CSI, citing outrageous overtime pay and the decline in solved cases. So far, they were arguing back that the ship was running smoothly and to just suck it up and deal with it.
It was a welcome relief to be able to sit down and relax and not dwell on what happened that day. Danny was that kind of guy. He asked you if you were okay once or twice and when he saw you were uncomfortable discussing it or just plain didn't want to, he let it go and moved on to something else. As they sat there having dinner, talked steered clear of work and settled on other things. Starting with Danny moving into Erica's apartment at the end of the month. A poshy condo was a far cry from his apartment and his humble beginnings as the son of a mobster growing up in Staten Island. He almost feel he didn't deserve to have something as nice as that.
And someone as amazing as Erica. She loved him regardless of his past and his tough exterior. She accepted his career and was settling nicely into life as a cop's 'wife'. Sam could tell, by the tender way Danny looked at her cousin and the pride in his smile when she talked about her job and her life, that he was deeply and madly in love. And that Erica felt the same. It was in the glances they shared and the tender kisses they stole. He'd moved on and put Lindsay behind him and Erica, after surviving the nasty breakup of her marriage and vowing she'd never again be with anyone, had discovered the love she wanted to give and receive yet had doubted even existed.
They talked about the baby and Sam and Flack's upcoming wedding. Sam was fretting because she hadn't even put a thought to what she was wearing. Although she was grateful they'd decided on something small and low key and immensely private. Neither she or Flack had the time to plan a big wedding. Or the patience to put up with all the crap that would come along with it. Neither of them were extravagant people, and something intimate and subtle was more their style. All that Flack had to worry about was getting a new suit to wear, calling a judge he had on speed dial that owed him a favor and paying for the rings. He was not at all stressed or freaked out at the thought of committing his entire life to another human being. Not the Don Flack Danny had been best friends with for years. This Don Flack was more mature and responsible. Thinking with his head as opposed to his dick. And it was a welcome relief to see him that happy and that in love.
Hard to believe such a drastic change had taken place in only five and a half months. Flack was growing up right before everyones eyes. He was becoming the man they all knew he had the potential to be. And all if had taken was a fiesty, stubborn as hell Brooklyn girl to do it.
When dinner was finished and the women stayed in the kitchen to clean up and spend some girl time together, Danny and Flack retreated to the living room to watch a pre-season game between the Rangers and the Stanley Cup champion Detroit Red Wings and have a couple of beers. Flack knew he shouldn't be drinking with all the meds he was putting in his body, but figured one or two couldn't hurt. As long as Sam didn't come out into the living room and catch him. The wrath of Sam Ross was far worse than any physical pain on earth.
"So whats this I hear about you getting' a new partner?" Danny asked, sipping his bottle of Bud. "I was downstairs talking to Strickland's attorney and Angell told me you were getting someone permament to work with. What's up with that?"
"The department's starting to twosome up all the detectives. Too much bad shit can happen working alone." Flack replied.
"Ain't that the truth. You meet the guy yet? What's he like?"
"It's a she, actually." Flack said, yawning noisily. He was halfway through his second beer and mixed with the meds, he was feeling wiped out.
"No shit. You meet her?"
"I already know her." Flack said, taking a sip of his beer. "So do you."
Danny arched a quizzical eyebrow.
"You remember Max?" Flack asked.
"Emma Maxwell?" Danny's eyes widened. "Are you kidding me? Same Emma Maxwell who was a uni at our crime scenes for nearly three years before moving up to detective and working with SVU? The same Emma Maxwell who you….."
"Keep your damn voice down, Messer!" Flack snapped, casting a glance over his shoulder towards the kitchen, where Sam and Erica were giggling noisily and digging into the key lime pie Erica had brought with her.
"Sam doesn't know? About you and Max?"
"Sam doesn't know about me and a lot of people. The only ex she knows about is Devon and she's never asked about any others the same way I don't ask about the guys that came before me."
"Maybe. But you won't be working with any guys she was with." Danny said.
"I wasn't with Max. We were never a couple." Flack reminded him.
"Oh I'm sorry. You guys were fuck buddies."
"Friends with benefits. We had an understanding. She called me when she wanted it and I called her when I wanted it. She didn't expect anything more from me and I never wanted anything more from her. Plain and simple."
"And Sam doesn't know? About any of this? How long have you known she was getting brought in to work with you?"
"I've known nearly a week now." Flack admitted.
"And you haven't told her?" Danny asked in horror. "What is wrong with you? Why haven't you told her?"
"There's never been a good time. Between worrying about moving in a week and all these tests coming up soon for the baby and Sam's health not being the best and now this shit with me getting' bit, there's never been a proper time to say anything."
"Well you better make it soon." Danny advised. "Before she hears it from someone else."
"I will. I will tell her when all of this other crap has died down." Flack downed the remainder of his beer and leaned back against the rear of the couch, head tilted back, eyes closed.
"How you think Sam's gonna react?" Danny asked. "Not just you having a female partner but said female partner being a woman you were having a thing with?"
Flack sighed. "I don't know." he replied.
"Be honest with her Flack. Don't keep anything back. It's better to be honest about stuff like that."
"Are you kidding me?" Flack laughed."Relationship advice from the guy who cheated on Monroe with Reuben Sandoval's mother You weren't exactly on the up and up yourself, Danny."
"Hey, what happened between me and Rikki is an entirely different thing." Danny defended himself. "I'm not with Lindsay anymore and she's long gone and so is Rikki. I've moved on with my life."
"And so have I." Flack said. "I'm getting married in three months. I'm havin' a kid in less than six. So Max and I have no bearing on me and Sam."
"You're future wife and the mother of your unborn child deserves to know from you, that the woman you're going to be working with was in your life not too long ago. Brooklyn deserves the truth, Flack. And it'll be a lot better if she hears it from you instead of through the grapevine."
"True." Flack agreed.
"Unless you want your marriage over before it starts, you better find a way of telling her. And make sure she knows Max isn't a threat to your guys' relationship."
"She's not a threat. She was someone I was sleeping with. That's it. I love Sam. More than life. You know that."
"I do." Danny said with a nod. "I also know that she loves you and that it would crush her to hear this from anyone else."
Flack sighed again, contemplating the predicament he found himself in.
"Don't fuck this up." Danny warned him.
"I'm not planning on fucking anything up." Flack said. "I can't ruin this. There's too much to loose."
"Then take my advice. Tell her the whole truth. It'll be better for you if you do. And less painful for both of you."
Somehow, Flack doubted that.
"You won't believe who I ran into in Times Square today." Erica said to her cousin, as they sat at the kitchen table, sipping tea and enjoying the key lime pie Erica had brought over.
"I'm almost afraid to ask." Sam laughed.
"Someone who knows you and remembers you very well. And who recalls you very, very fondly."
"Has to be from a long time ago, then. I left New York when I was sixteen."
"Let's just say that there's some interesting history involved and this person was pleasantly surprised to hear your back in town and would love to see you again." Erica told her.
"Hmmm. Man or woman?"
"Man. A very handsome, extremely successful man."
Sam frowned over the rim of her mug. "I didn't know any handsome, successful men in my teens. The guys I knew were only interested in hanging out the New Rochelle Mall or driving around looking to pick up girls in between their smoking up and underage drinking."
"Well back when you knew him he wasn't how he is now. Back then he was always skipping class and hanging out with his buddies and raising some hell. And always getting caught by your daddy sneaking out your bedroom window."
"Only one person that can be." Sam said, unimpressed. "And the last thing I want is to get mixed up with Pelham Bay bullshit again. I'm not that same girl anymore, Erica. Far from it. I'm getting married, I'm having a baby. I'm not sixteen years old anymore."
"And neither is Evan. In fact, he's really made something of himself. He's a top exec for a fortune five hundred company. Has a brownstone in Brooklyn that cost him a mint. Wears Armani suits and Bruno Magli shoes and drives a Ferrari."
"Good for him." Sam said, finishing the last of her pie and her tea and pushing her chair away from the table. "I'm glad he made something of himself." she said, standing up and carrying her dirty dishes to the sink. "I thought for sure he'd be in Sing-Sing by now for grand theft auto or drug dealing or weapons running."
"I was surprised to say the least. He's still damn fine looking though. He was back then."
"He was all right." Sam agreed, rinsing her dishes.
"All right? He was bad boy hot back then. Now he's GQ hot."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Sam asked.
Erica got up from the table and joined her cousin at the sink with her own dishes. "Just thought you'd be interested."
"Well, I'm not. That was a long time ago."
"He was happy to hear you were doing so well. And even happier to hear that you're back in the city. He wanted me to talk to you about giving him a call. Maybe meeting up or something."
"Are you kidding?" Sam laughed. "You're insane. Once again, I am getting married. I'm having a baby. I've created a whole new life for myself. Why mess it up wasting my time on someone like Evan?"
"Samantha, it's strictly as friends. Don't read into it."
Sam snorted. "It was never just friends with him." she said, opening the dishwasher and setting the cups and plates and utensils inside.
"I'd love to run into my first boyfriend. The first of a lot of things. Wouldn't you like to see him again? The guy that you…"
"No." Sam slammed the door on the dishwasher closed, causing everything inside to rattle. "I wouldn't like to see him again. That was over fourteen years ago. I have no desire to relive any of that."
"What's the big deal? It's only the guy you lost your virginity too."
"I never slept with Evan. He only told everyone I did to make himself look like the big man in front of his buddies. He was full of shit than and he's probably full of shit now. And if Zack was alive, he'd be able to back me up and confirm he was the first. Evan was just a moron."
"I'm sure other things happened between you guys though." Erica said.
"You're right. They did. And what they are is not your business."
"Why are you so defensive?" Erica asked. "It's just an ex-boyfriend. He'd just like to see you again."
"I have no interest in seeing him again. Not after he slept with you."
Erica blushed furiously. "I thought we got past that." she said.
"We did. I forgave you for being the little ho you were back then. You're obviously not like that now. I mean, I don't have to worry about leaving you alone in the same room with Don do I?"
"Of course not. That's just stupid. I'd never do anything to hurt you. We were kids back then. Young and immature."
"Exactly. And I'm not young or immature any more. I forgave you but I never forgave him. And I can't believe you'd even bring this up to me knowing the whole history. Why would I want anything to do with him?"
"I guess you'll be pissed to hear I gave him your cell number."
Sam shook her head. "Not your smartest move by far."
"He's really interested in seeing you again. Catch up. Talk."
"Well then you get a hold of him and tell him to loose my number and forget I ever existed the way I did with him for the last fourteen years."
Erica sighed heavily. "You can't hold grudges forever, Samantha." she told her cousin.
"Yes." she said. "I can."
"I called Amelia." Sam announced as she stepped into the bedroom after taking her bath.
Flack was all ready in bed, sitting up, back against the head board, attempting to catch up on the reading of his expectant father book that he'd let slip the past couple of weeks. He was finding it difficult to get his brain to function on anything besides the massive guilt nagging at him for not telling Sam about getting a new partner. And just who that new partner was. He knew Danny was right. It was better if he was completely honest. That if Sam heard it from someone else she'd go ballistic. But at the same time he was afraid to do it. Just in case she went ballistic regardless of how she heard the news.
"And?" he asked, trying not to look at her in her little black tank top and her black satin lounging pants she was planning to wear to bed. Damn things clung to every curve and showed an incredible amount of skin. She was tormenting him. He knew it. And he loved it.
"She was happy to hear that we agreed to take everything." Sam said, grabbing her own book off the night stand and pulling the covers back. "She wants me to come over to her hotel tomorrow and iron things out."
"Whatever you need to do." Flack said.
"I'll have to hire a lawyer." Sam sighed, slipping into bed. "Have them go to Arizona on my behalf seeing as I can't travel. It's going to cost a fortune. How will I afford it?"
"You've got two hundred and a half g's coming in your direction. Find a lawyer that will wait until after he's done everything to get paid." Flack told her. "Most are pretty good about that sort of thing. And if he knows you're good for the cash afterwards, there won't be a problem."
"Do you know anyone? You come across a lot of lawyers."
"I know criminal attorneys. Not family ones."
"But those criminal attorneys may know family attorneys." Sam said. "They may be able to give you some names."
"I'll call a couple of the ones that are on my shit list for fucking up cases and see if they can help us out. I'm sure they must know people." Flack shifted in the bed and fought not to look at her. She smelled incredible. Her lavender body wash that one smell of had him going absolutely crazy.
"Thank you." she said, kissing his cheek softly before settling in beside him and cracking open her book.
"What were you and Erica talking about in the kitchen?" Flack asked curiously. "One minute you guys were laughing and having a good time and then things went all quiet and serious."
"Just girl talk. Nothing serious. She ran into someone from her past and wanted my opinion on it. No biggie."
"Must be a guy. Only time women get all serious like that is over a guy."
"It was no one important." Sam told him. "Just some loser she met up with. What were you and Danny talking about?"
Flack shrugged and marked the page he was on and closed the book. "Guy stuff. You know, sports, women, work, sex. That type of thing."
"You've just been really quiet since he left and I thought maybe something was wrong."
"Nothing wrong." Flack assured, tossing his book on the nightstand. "Work stress. Always work stress."
Sam nodded. "At least you'll have a few days to take it easy and catch up on some sleep and stuff. Just promise me you'll keep up on your meds and keeping your arm clean when I'm not home."
"I promise." Flack said, kissed her softly and quickly and then stretched out on his back.
"You sure that's all that's bugging you?" Sam asked, looking down at him.
"I'm sure."
"Did I do something wrong that you're mad about?"
"What? No. Of course not. You didn't do anything. It's just me. I'm tired and sore and all these meds are fucking up my head. I just need some sleep. And so do you. You read that book every night. One night without it isn't going to kill you."
"You know I like to keep up on what the baby is doing and stuff like that."
"I know. But you need rest, Sam. You've been going to bed way too late and you're going to burn yourself out. So just put it away and take a night off of everything. Okay? Just lie down and take it easy."
"I am tired." she agreed and closed the book and put it back on the table before flicking off the lamp. She arranged her pillows just right and then lay down on her side, facing him, cuddling tightly into him, her hand on his stomach.
He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close, and buried his face in her still damp hair. "If there was something in my past that I knew would piss you off if someone else told you, would you think it would be better for me to tell you first?" he asked.
"Is this hypothetical?" she countered.
"Strictly. Would you rather hear it from me or someone else?"
"You. Much better that way."
"But you'd still be pissed?"
"It would depend what the something is. Why?"
"No reason. Just wondering."
They lay in silence for some time in the darkness of the room. Holding each other, enjoying one another's warmth and security.
"You'd do the same if it was something about you, right? Flack asked. "Tell me something before some one else did."
"Of course. But I don't have anything to tell you." she said and yawned noisily. "Do you? Have something to tell me?"
"Yeah." he said. "I do."
She raised her head to look at him.
He brought his hand up to smooth the hair away from her face. "I love you." he told her. "More than you'll ever know."
She smiled and kissed him softly. "I love you, too." she said and settled back down in his arms.
Flack sighed heavily, eyes on the ceiling as he listened to her soft breathing. Knowing the exact moment when her breathing shallowed out that she had fallen asleep.
Sleep wouldn't come easy for him.
Guilt was a bitch.
A BIG thank you to all of my readers and reviewers. I appreciate each and everyone of you. I love hearing from you guys! Keep it up!
Todays plugs:
Aphina: Devine Intervention and Finding Kate (over on the Miami side of things)
Mauviene: Someday
Laplandgurl: A Magnet for Trouble
Forest Angel: Coming Home
There are so many more. If I have forgotten anyone, it was not intentional and I will get to you next time!