DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I DO HOWEVER OWN SAMANTHA ROSS (SOON TO BE FLACK. SO TAKE THAT JERRY BRUCKHEIMER AND CO.)
A shred of light
"The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
YeahI'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide."
-Collide, Howie Day
The team slowly trickled into Women's and Children's Hospital. Most had been woken up from dead sleeps after excruciatingly long shifts that had plagued the entire lab for over two weeks. Speed and Hawkes arrived together. They'd been the unlucky two pegged by Mac to stay for the long haul that night in hopes of tackling the staggering back log in trace. But when Carmen had placed that call to Speed's cell phone and the worry and concern was so heavy in her voice, there'd been no second guessing where the two men needed, and wanted, to be.
"Visiting hours are over gentlemen." a nurse seated at the front desk informed them as they simply walked past. "Come back between the hours of nine am and eight pm."
"We're here to see Samantha Ross." Hawkes said, in that soft, calm way of his. Knowing that if he let Speed get the first chance to speak, the words that came out of his mouth were not going to be pleasant.
Speed's nerves were nearly frayed from the long hours and he'd been snapping at anyone and anything. Including the vending machine that refused to cough up a bottle of water.
"She's in a private room so there shouldn't be a problem." Hawkes added.
"Family only." the nurse said. "There's three people down there now. Any more and it's going to start disturbing our other patients."
Speed stepped up to the desk and slapped his badge down on top of it. "File a complaint with the NYPD when we start bringing in the kegs of beer and getting too rowdy." he snarled.
Hawkes laid a hand on the other CSI's chest and firmly pushed him away from the desk.
"We both work with Samantha Ross." Hawkes explained to the nurse. "And I also happen to be a doctor and a close friend and former colleague of Doctor Robert Hutchison. The head of this entire department as I'm sure you know. You can call him if you like. Tell him that Doctor Sheldon Hawkes is here and wants access to see a friend. I'm sure he wouldn't be too pleased to find out you wouldn't allow us to see her."
The nurse blinked. "She's being examined right now by her physician."
"Than we'll wait outside." Hawkes said, and laying a hand on Speed's shoulder, guided him away and down the hall.
"What the hell is wrong with people?" Speed asked incredulously, shaking his head. "Do we look like the types that would cause trouble in a hospital?"
"You do look rather dangerous and intimidating when you haven't shaved in a couple days." Hawkes said with a small laugh.
"Carmen says I look like a dime store hood. Who uses that term these days? I think she's read The Outsiders too many times or something. Can you believe this is even happening? How does Flack have so many shitty days? How much can one man take?"
"God only gives us what we can handle." Hawkes reasoned. "And I guess He's dumping all of this on Flack and Sam because He knows they're strong enough to deal with it and get out in one piece when all is said and done. And they'll get out of this."
"You're very optimistic." Speed said.
Hawkes shrugged. "During my residency and my rotation in labour and delivery, I heard and saw stories that were absolutely horrific. Women that suffered ten fold what Sam is going through. And they were nowhere near as strong as she is and they and their babies still managed to survive. That's how I know Sam and Flack and their baby are going to be okay."
"Wish I could be so upbeat and positive." Speed said with a sigh. "It's just not in my nature I guess. I expect and fear and prepare myself for the worst so I'm not as shocked and hurt when it happens. And pleasantly surprised and relieved when it doesn't."
"That's one way of coping." Hawkes said with a nod. "Whatever helps you through."
"You mean other than a two four or a twenty sixer of rye?" Speed asked dryly.
They found Carmen sitting alone on a bank of chairs directly across from Samantha's room. Taking little, half hearted sips from a take out cup of coffee, her eyes riveted on the closed door just feet away.
"What's going on?" Speed asked, his voice quiet as he nodded in the direction of Sam's room.
She snapped out of the daze she'd been in and looked up at the two men standing before her. Speed noticed that her eyes were red from tears and her face was flushed. He immediately feared the worst. He'd never seen Carmen that visibly upset, and knew that something had to be wrong. Desperately, horribly wrong. And when she sat the cup of coffee on the floor and stood up and threw her arms around him and he felt her body trembling against him as she cried, his stomach sank.
"What happened?" he asked, enveloping her in his arms and stroking her hair.
"This is all Max's fault." Carmen sobbed. "I told you that she was nothing but trouble! I told you Tim! And I told Sam and Flack too and now look what's happened!"
"It's okay. What happened? Did they lose the baby?"
"No…." she shook her head and drew away from him and wiped at her eyes. "But she could. And if Max had have just backed off of Flack like Sam asked her too, none of this would be happening. But that fucking bitch just keeps coming around time and time again and just needles and needles at Sam. I swear Max enjoys tormenting her. It's her favourite past time."
"Have the doctors said anything?" Hawkes asked, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels.
"They're doing an ultrasound right now." Carmen replied, untangling herself from her fiancé's arms and sitting back down. "Her OB-GYN and a radiologist and a tech are in there right now."
"Flack's in there with them?" Speed asked, taking a seat beside her and wrapping an arm around her slender shoulders.
Carmen nodded. "All they've told him so far is that her blood pressure and sugar levels are alarmingly high and that when Adam brought her in, she was experiencing pre-term labour contractions."
"At only four and bit months." Hawkes said quietly, more to himself than anyone else, shaking his head at the news.
"I guess they gave her some meds to stop them." Carmen continued. "Indo something or other. I can't remember the name off the top of my head."
"Indomethacin." Hawkes said. "It's used to stop contractions to hold off labour for a day or two. I'm surprised they'd administered it this soon in the pregnancy. It's usually just given to slow things down until doctors can start rounds of antenatal corticosteroid that helps the fetus' lungs to mature. But a fetus could never live at this early of an age. We're talking more if she was twenty four weeks or later where there's a chance of saving it. Did they say if the meds have worked or not?"
"The nurse told Flack that the first round didn't take but the second stopped the contractions all together." Carmen said. "And that the baby's heart rate is healthy and strong."
"Well that's some good news at least." Speed said with a sigh. "I mean, if its heart is beating and its moving around, than things can't be that bad, right?"
He was directing the question at a silent, contemplative Hawkes.
"More than likely it's a problem with the mother." Hawkes said.
"What kind of problem?" Carmen asked.
The ME turned CSI shrugged. "Could be a lot of things." he replied. "Could be the pre-eclampsia is causing her problems. Could be the start of a miscarriage. There's a lot of different things and it's wrong to surmise. I'm sure the doctors will find out exactly what it is and treat it appropriately."
"Do you think it could be a miscarriage?" Carmen asked, fearing the answer.
"I'm not the examining physician." Hawkes replied. "So I can't make a diagnosis based on symptoms. Where's Adam now?"
"In the quiet room." Carmen nodded down the hall. "He's on the phone with Gus. She's on her way here. Mac and Stella are picking her up."
"Whole team coming in?" Speed asked.
"Did you expect anything less?" Carmen responded with a question of her own. "We're family. All of us. You know that."
"I'm going to go and check on Adam." Hawkes said. "I'm sure he'd could use someone right about now. Tell Flack if he needs me or if he has any questions or things he wants me to look over, I'm just down the hall here."
"I will." Carmen assured her colleague and watched Hawkes as he headed down the hall, his hands stuffed in his pockets. She sighed when he disappeared into the quiet room and rested her head on Speed's shoulder and closed her eyes.
"It's going to be okay, Red." Speed said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
She managed a smile. "You haven't called me that in a while. I missed it."
"So did I." he said. "And it is, you know. Going to be all right."
"God I hope so. I just want something to go right for them. Everything seems to be going so wrong for them all the time. And this baby means so much to them. The thought that it could be taken away just like that…."
"Don't think that way." Speed scolded her gently. "You heard Hawkes, there could be a lot of different things wrong. The most important thing is that she's here, getting the best possible care and her and the baby are in good hands. The doctors will find out what's wrong and hopefully do something about it."
"What if there is nothing they can do?" she asked. "What if it's beyond hope?"
"Than Sam and Flack deal with that if and when the time comes. And we have support them every step of the way."
Carmen smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're a good man Timothy Speedle." she told him.
"I try my best." he said.
The door to Sam's room clicked open and Carmen sat up and dabbed at her moist eyes with the sleeve of her blouse as an ultrasound tech in scrubs emerged, pushing a portable sonogram machine in front of her. Following close behind was a tall, slender white haired gentleman in a lab coat, intently reading a medical chart in his hands. Carmen had briefly been introduced to him. Doctor Fraser, the radiologist on call that evening. He was intense and said very little and when he did, he was blunt and straight to the point. He paused in the hallway and waited for his colleague that was still inside. He offered Carmen and Speed a small smile but said nothing.
Doctor Lightheart, a lab coat over top of her street clothes, slipped out of the room next, talking quietly over her shoulder to Flack who was behind her. The two stepped out into the hallway and joined the radiologist. Carmen noticed that although his face and eyes were weary and full of concern, Flack seemed less tense and on edge as he had been when he'd first arrived at the hospital. She took that as a good sign. She was sure if there'd been bad news delivered, his expression and mannerisms would be far more ominous.
"On the plus side of things," the radiologist was saying. "I spotted no obvious signs of fetal abnormalities. The 4D ultrasound will unable me to look closer for smaller, less obvious markers that may suggest a problem. A nurse will bring you and your wife down to the department for ten tomorrow morning."
"That's fine." Flack said. "Thank you, Doctor."
"I have operating time available tomorrow afternoon." Doctor Lightheart said, as she eyed a PDA in her hand. "The sooner we can get the procedure done the better for both mother and baby. As I said to both of you earlier, despite the numerous risks, we feel that the operation is worth it."
"It's a lot of bad things that can happen though." Flack told her with a heavy sigh.
"The chances of anything happening are very minimal." she assured him. "And most physicians feel it's a life saving operation well worth any risk. If we don't do it, she will miscarry the baby. There's no ifs ands or buts about it."
"Will she need the same operation done if we have other kids?" Flack asked.
"Incompetent cervix is rare and although I have seen women that need the procedure with each pregnancy, it's not guaranteed that your wife will be one of them. It would be something we'd keep an eye out for in any additional pregnancies. And the sutures will be removed when she reaches thirty-six weeks gestation, prior to going into labour."
"And what if she goes into labour before thirty-six weeks?" Flack inquired, needing every piece of information possible. "Stitches will still be in. What than?"
"The pressure of the baby in the birth canal and her membranes rupturing would pop the stitches." the doctor replied.
"That's gonna be a hell of a lot pain, isn't it?"
"No worse than actual labour itself."
"It's a big decision to make." Flack said, running a hand over his face.
"I understand that. But we wouldn't recommend it if the life of the baby wasn't jeopardized. If we wait any longer than tomorrow, she could be dilated too far to prevent a miscarriage. We only have a small window to work with. Anything above four centimetres and we're looking at a pre-term delivery. And eighteen weeks gestation is too soon for a fetus to survive outside of the womb. Even with the technology we have these days."
"And she's already at two centimetres?" Flack asked, needing clarification, his brain still struggling to process all the information.
Doctor Lightheart nodded. "If you give consent to perform the operation, she'll be monitored throughout the night and into tomorrow. If she dilates further, she'll be taken to the OR immediately."
Jesus Christ, Flack thought, a hand to his forehead as he paced the width of the hallway. Sorting out his fears and concerns in an attempt to make the best decision for everyone involved.
"She'll be put under general anaesthetic and the operation should only take minutes barring there's no adverse reactions to the anaesthetic or other complications such as maternal hemorrhaging."
"How long until she can go home?" Flack asked.
"If things go smoothly and she shows no signs of infection or complications, she could be home within a week, two at the most."
"What about going back to work?" he asked. "That's the first thing she'll want to know. She can't stand hanging around the house."
"There's a chance she may not be going back to work or normal activities until after the pregnancy." Doctor Lightheart replied. "It all depends on how well her body takes to the operation and if the placental tear is larger on her next ultrasound."
"It's a very small tear." Doctor Fraser added. "I don't see it as being a threat to mother or baby. But she'd need to follow a strict light duty regimen when and if she returns to work."
"And there's nothing else that can be done to save the baby other than this procedure?" asked Flack, closing his eyes briefly, hoping and praying his decision wasn't going to come back and bite him in the ass.
"I wish there was." Doctor Lightheart said. "This is our one and only option."
"Fine." he said with a nod. "Where do I sign?"
Doctor Lightheart held out the clipboard in her hands and handed him a pen from the pocket of her lab coat. "Print your name and today's date on the bottom left hand side. Your signature goes to the right."
"I can't believe this is happening." Flack said, more to himself than to anyone else as he took the pen and followed the physician's instructions.
"I'll leave instructions at the desk that the nurse is to come to set Samantha up for pre-op at one thirty. An orderly will come and take both of you down to the operating suite. You can sit with her until she's put under sedation. Then you'll be directed to the waiting room. Things shouldn't take very long and I'll have someone come and get you when we're done and bring you to the recovery room."
"But someone's going to check her through the night, right?" Flack asked, handing the pen and clipboard back. "Because I don't want her going all night and then into tomorrow and us getting down there and you people telling me that she's past four centimetres and can't do anything."
"A resident will check her every hour on the half." Doctor Lightheart assured him. "And if she feels any pain that she believes may be contractions, you're to have me paged immediately. No hesitations."
Flack nodded in affirmation and shook both doctors' hands, watching them as they headed down the hallway, conversing quietly as they read over the medical charts in their hands. Hoping that he'd made the right decision and that things wouldn't go from bad to much, much worse.
He turned to join Speed and Carmen in the chairs, but found them already on their feet, waiting patiently for him to be finished with the doctors before approaching.
"What was that all about?" Speed asked, nodding in the direction the physicians had gone.
"How's Sam and the baby?" Carmen inquired nervously. "They're okay, right? Please tell me their okay."
"The baby seems fine." Flack told her. "They didn't see anything that suggests any kind of abnormality or problem. But they want to do a more intense 4D ultrasound to get a more detailed look. But his heart rate is strong and there's lots of movement so they're not too concerned about him."
"Him?" Carmen asked. "You're saying that with absolute certainty."
"Kid opened his legs and took a leak right in the middle of it." Flack said, a small smile curving his lips. "Tech said if that's a girl, it has all the wrong parts."
Carmen stood on her tiptoes and hugged him warmly. "Congratulations. A boy, huh? It's a Kieran and not a Mikayla after all. Is Sam happy? I know how badly she wanted your guys' first to be a boy."
"I think we'd both be happier to hear it if there wasn't so much going wrong." Flack said.
"What's up?" Speed asked. "What they tell you?"
"Doctor Lightheart, Sam's OB did an internal exam and found that Sam's dilated to two centimetres. So it was contractions that she was having."
"Thank God they stopped." Carmen said, relief evident on her voice. "We heard something about taking her down to the OR immediately if there were problems…."
"Ultrasound picked up two issues." Flack told them. "One's a slight tear in the placenta that they're not too concerned about, the other is more serious. A lot more serious. And a necessity apparently if we went the baby to make it."
"You're scaring me, Flack." Carmen said.
"Sam has an incompetent cervix." he explained. "So it's opening long before the baby is even ready to be born. They're going to take her into the OR tomorrow and stitch the cervix closed. It's called a cerclage or something like that. They'll knock her out to do it and it only takes a few minutes if there's no complications."
"What kind of complications?" Carmen asked, her eyes narrowed, dread overtaking her once again. She felt Speed lay a strong, comforting hand on the back of her neck.
"All kinds of crap. I can't remember most of it off the top of my head. Things like uterine rupture and hemorrhaging and bladder rupture. Not to mention it could cause her to just go into labour even more, make her water break and all of that."
Carmen shivered at the list of possibilities.
"If they don't do it, we'll lose the baby." Flack said. "Plain and simple. There's no other option. Believe me, I asked."
"And Sam? How's she handling all this news?" Speed inquired.
Flack shrugged. "She's pretty closed off about it. She wants me to make all the decisions. She's scared and exhausted and just wants the whole ordeal to be over and done with. So I signed the papers and the operation is going down tomorrow afternoon. Pre-op's at one thirty."
"You seem pretty calm about the whole thing. Pretty final." Carmen observed.
"I'm dying inside, Devine. Believe me. But I need to hold it together. For her. I'm not going to do her any good if I start losing it and breaking down and second guessing my decision. She's trusting me to do the right thing, and if I go in there doubting what I've done, she's only going to get even more stressed out. And that we don't need."
"You think you made the best decision?" Speed asked.
"I made the best one I could. For her and the baby."
"Than that's all that you need to be concerned about." Speed said. "Don't doubt it. Just go with it. You're instincts won't lead you far wrong, Flack. And if this is the only thing that will keep that baby from coming way too early, than you made the right choice and I don't second guess or doubt you for a minute."
"Thanks." Flack said. "Because I was starting to doubt myself there for a bit."
Carmen reached out and rubbed his shoulder soothingly. "How long will she be here? Do they know?"
"Could be a week or two, could be the rest of her pregnancy. All depends on how the operation goes."
"She up for visitors?" Speed asked.
"She's resting but I doubt she'd object to you guys going in there. I need to go and make a call to her parents. Doesn't seem right holding something like this back. And the Sarge would kill me if he ever found out I hid something like this from him. Tell her I'll be back in a few?"
"Of course." Carmen said. "And grab yourself a coffee. You look like you could use one."
"I could." he agreed, pulling out his cell phone as he journeyed down the hall. "One with about half a bottle of liquor in it."
"Be good, Flack." Carmen called to his departing back. She sighed and looked at Speed.
"Some good news, right?" he asked. "If the operation is going to save the baby, I can't see a reason to say no. The baby being okay far outweighs the risks if you ask me."
"It's a lot of risks." Carmen sighed. "I don't want anything happening to either of them."
"I know." he said, and rubbed her back softly. "But Sam's a tough little thing and she'll get through this. And if that baby is anything like it's mother, a year from now it's going to causing all kinds of havoc and tormenting its parents."
"God I hope so." Carmen told him. "Because I honestly don't know how either of them would cope if they lost this baby."
"Well let's just pray we won't have to find that out. You wanna go in? See how she's holding up?"
Carmen nodded and he laid his hand on the small of her back and directed her towards the room. "I know this sounds selfish, but I am so glad that it's not us going through this. And I hope we never have to go through it. Is that awful of me? To feel that way?"
Speed shook his head and pushed the door open slowly. "It's normal." he assured her. "I don't think I could do it. Make decisions like that. I'm a strong person, but to have to make a decision like that when it regards someone I love that much….I couldn't do it and come out sane in the end."
"Well let's just hope that nothing like that ever happens. Because if you're not the strong, dependable one, I'll be completely lost. What do we say to her, Tim? She's my best friend and I have no idea what to say to her."
"Say, congratulations. Heard you're having a boy. Accentuate the positive all the way."
Carmen laughed. "There's something positive about having a boy? Boys are hell raisers. You have to worry about them getting all kinds of girls pregnant."
"Yeah? And having a girl you have to worry about them teasing the boys and getting themselves pregnant. It's a double edge sword . There's no less of two evils. Both come with problems. Although I am starting to think that every girl born should come with an instruction booklet and a chastity belt."
"Jesus, what are you going to do if we have a girl? Wait up all night with a shot gun in your lap whenever she goes out on a date? Terrorize all the boys in the neighbourhood when they dare look at her in what you consider an improper way?"
"Let's put it this way," Speed said, as he pushed the door to Sam's room open. "My daughter doesn't date until she's thirty. And even than I will run every name and all of their family members through the system to make sure she's safe."
"And what if it's Kieran Flack she decides she has a thing for?" Carmen asked, her eyes twinkling playfully.
"In that case, she's being locked in the house for the rest of her life." Speed declared, motioning for Carmen to step into the room ahead of him. "Can you imagine? Our daughter with Flack's son? He'll corrupt her. If he's anything like his father….."
"What if he's like his mother?" Carmen inquired.
Speed blanched. "That's even worse." he said. "Look at how badly she torments Flack."
"I heard that." Sam's small voice, tired and weary, appeared from behind the curtain pulled around her bed.
"I only speak the truth." Speed said, as he stepped between the curtain and bent over the bed to press a kiss to the top of her head. "I don't want your evil son corrupting my baby."
"How are you feeling now?" Carmen asked, gently rubbing her friend's stomach.
"Tired. And scared. Don told you? About the operation?"
Speed nodded.
"Why does everything always have to go so wrong?" Sam asked, shifting uncomfortably in the bed. "Why can't we just have something go nice and smooth and normal for once?"
No one had an answer for that.
Gus woke to an empty bed. She'd been in the midst of a fitful sleep. Her brain overwhelmed by medical jargon and the worry that they'd get a phone call in the middle of the night that things had taken a turn for the worse. She had arrived at the hospital with Mac and Stella. And while the rest of the team had paid Samantha brief visits and spent some time lingering and chatting over cups of coffee in the quiet room and in the chairs outside of Sam's room, they'd gone home when the yawning became more frequent and Stella and Carmen's heads kept falling onto Mac and Speed's shoulders. Danny had decided to stick around. He wasn't going to leave his best friend alone in case the shit hit the fan in the middle of the night, and had taken up residence in one of the chairs in Sam's room.
Gus and Adam had hung around for hours despite Flack's insistence that everything was under control and they could leave for the night. But Adam couldn't bring himself to wander to far from his sister and he paced the hallway relentlessly for an hour and a half before Gus suggested they hang out in the quiet room and attempt to get a little sleep. They had drifted off on the couches and an hour later, when she woke with a stiff neck and an aching back from the cramped confines, she had decided enough was enough and went back in to see Sam. Danny was already fast asleep and snoring in the chair across the room and Flack was still up, doing little more than holding his soon to be wife's hand and watching her attentively as she slept peacefully. Worrying incessantly.
"You need to get some sleep, Flack." she had whispered, leaning over the railing of the bed to push hair away from Sam's face and press a gentle kiss to her temple.
"I will." he responded.
"You've had a hell of a day. Don't burn yourself out. She's going to need you and you won't be any good to her if you're completely exhausted."
He had simply nodded and continued his silent vigil.
Gus had fixed Sam's blankets, tucking her in securely, and than headed back to Adam and shook him awake and convinced him the best thing to do was leave. They had gone back to her place. It was closer to the hospital. A shorter drive if something went wrong in the middle of the night. They'd made love slowly and tenderly. And afterwards, she had held Adam tight as he cried tears of worry and shame. Feeling guilty for doing something that made him happy and that he enjoyed while his sister was suffering like she was.
The bedside clock read 2:47. Moonlight streamed through the sheer curtains covering the bedroom window. The sheets and pillow next to her were empty and cool to the touch. In the short time that they had been together, Gus had discovered that Adam Ross could sleep through a nuclear bomb going off right outside the window. He barely moved let alone got out of bed. So not having his warm body to cuddle into was a slight case for concern.
She slipped out of bed and into her robe, pulling her hair out of the collar as she journeyed from the bedroom and down the hall and into the living room. Finding Adam, in his t-shirt and boxers, at the dining room table with her lap top open and on in front of him.
"What are you doing, peanut?" she asked, standing behind him and pressing a kiss to the top of his head and curling her arms around his neck. She had fallen in love with the childhood nickname that Sam had given Adam and couldn't resist using it herself.
"I was just looking up stuff for Sam and Flack." he said, nodding at the screen. "Stuff on incompetent cervix in case there's another option out there for them instead of that operation. I just….I don't like the sound of it Gussie. And I know that the risks are minimal, but they're still there. And that doesn't sit right with me."
"There's risks in everything." Gus reminded him gently.
"I know….." he said with a sigh and rubbed at his weary eyes. "I was just hoping I could come across something that didn't have so many risks attached to it."
"And have you found anything?" she asked, peering over his shoulder at the information displayed on the computer.
"No." he replied, sounding despondent. "The OB was right. It is the only option."
"They're highly skilled and trained specialists, Adam. She's in good hands. And her doctor has probably done this procedure a million and one times and had no complications with any of them."
"There's always that one time, Gussie. And I don't want my sister and my nephew being that one time."
"I know." she said and hugged him to her. "Feel like a coffee?" she asked, massaging his shoulders. "I feel like a coffee. I can't sleep properly with all these thoughts racing through my head. You feel like one?"
"I'd love one." Adam said, and tilted his head back to look up at her.
"Your wish is my command." she told him and kissed him softly. "One shot of Bailey's or two?" she asked, as she padded into the kitchen.
"Three!" Adam called to her.
"You're a man after my own heart, Adam Ross." she laughed and stood on her tiptoes to grab the bottle of Bailey's from the top of the fridge.
Adam logged off and powered down the computer and rubbed at his eyes. They were tired and burning and although his body was telling him to just go back to bed and give in to sleep, his mind was racing and no matter what he did, he couldn't shut it down. He pushed the chair away from the table and yawned noisily and stretched until his back cracked.
He journeyed into the kitchen and leaned against the door frame as he watched his girlfriend busy herself brewing the coffee. Her blond hair tumbling over her shoulders. The satin of her robe shimmering in the light and moving sinuously against her willowy body as she worked. Sometimes it was still so hard to believe that this amazing, sexy, beautiful woman was all his. There were many men in the world that could have her. Men who were far better long and had thick wallets and drove fancy cars and could provide for her and keep her. And she chose to be with him. A lowly lab tech with less than stellar looks and a blue collar job. God truly did work in mysterious ways.
"I love you, Gussie." he said.
She smiled at him. "I love you, too Adam."
"Let's get married." he blurted out.
Gus blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Married. Me and you. Husband and wife. Let's do it."
"Okay….." she said.
"All this stuff going on with my sister and Flack….with the baby and all the other craziness and seeing how much they love each other and battle through everything and never lose that love or their faith in each other. I watched my sister go through hell growing up and with Zack and seeing her with Flack, how happy they are despite the hardships, gives me hope that you and I can be like that too."
"Married, Adam? Are you serious?"
"Hundred percent. I don't know how good I'd be at the whole husband thing. This is practically my first really serious, grown up kind of relationship and I've never even give thought to being married before. Never mind starting a family and what not."
"Whoa….whoa….family?"
"I just want to marry you, Gussie. I know you said a while back that the last thing you ever wanted to do was get married after the disaster your previous relantionships have been. And I know it's hard for you to think about spending the rest of your life with someone when you've grown so accustomed to being alone and I know you said you never wanted kids and all that, but I really, really, really want to spend the rest of my life with you and…."
"Yes." she said, cutting him off mid rambling.
It was his turn to blink. "What?"
"Yes." she repeated, walking over to him and laying her hands on his sides. "Yes to marriage. Yes to husband and wife and to death do us part and all of that. Maybe to the kids, because I'm just not sold on the idea of rug rats. Especially watching your sister go through sheer hell."
"I can live with that. I don't have to have kids. I can always borrow Sam's. I doubt they'll stop at just one regardless of how bad she's suffering. I can be the best uncle in the world and do all sorts of stuff with them. I don't need kids of my own if my nieces or nephews are around."
"Slow down, Adam. Let Sammie have this one before you start planning on others."
"Are you serious though, Gussie? About the marriage thing?"
She nodded and wrapped her arms around him and leaned into him. "Dead serious." she said.
He kissed her. Long and hard, his arms around her warm, welcoming body. "God I love you." he said, looking deep into her eyes.
"I love you, too, Adam. And you changed the way I look at marriage. You've made me realize that not all men hurt. That there are decent, loving, amazing men out there. And I was very lucky to have found one."
He beamed. "I am a pretty damn good catch." he boasted.
"You are." Gus agreed. "And I'll be damn honoured to call you my husband."
He kissed her again. "Could we do something though?" he asked.
"What's that?"
"Let's not tell anyone quite yet. Not with everything that's going on with Sammie. She and the baby need to be the main focus right now."
Gus smiled. "You are truly devoted to your sister."
"She was always there for me, Gussie. No matter what. She'd bear the beatings to protect me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Can we do that? Hang onto the news until she's well and out of the hospital? And until I can get you a ring?"
"We can do whatever we want. And I think it's a great idea. The focus should be on her and the baby. Going to be hard keeping it a secret though."
"I know." Adam said and giggled. "I already want to call everyone and tell them."
"There's still a way we can celebrate, just the two of us, without letting everyone else in on our secret."
"Yeah?" Adam asked, reaching between them for the sash on her robe. "Hope it's the way I'm thinking."
"You know, we've baptised just about every available space in this apartment. But there's one we haven't touched yet."
He grinned. "What spot is that?"
"How comfortable to you think laminate is?" she asked, casting a glance down at the floor.
He kissed her passionately. Until they were left panting yet wanting so much more. Desire in their eyes. "Guess there's only one way to find out." he said.
Samantha stirred. Momentarily forgetting where she was, she attempted to roll over in bed and snuggle up to the warm body that was always there for such moments. Only to feel a sharp pain in the top of her left hand as she nearly yanked the IV line out of her vein and a slight burning sensation from nearly pulling off the sensor pads from the EKG machine attached to her chest. The fetal monitor digging into her stomach. She opened her eyes and glanced around the room. Her dream had been a reality after all. She was in the hospital hooked up to machines and tubes and everything the doctors had said were a reality. Not just some figmant of an overactive imagination.
Danny was fast asleep in the chair by the window. His legs stretched out, boots kicked off and his head tilted at an akward angle. His light snoring and the beeps from the various machines the only sounds in the dimly lit room.
Flack was out like a light in the chair next to her bed. Shoes off, his feet propped up on the mattress, a wool hospital grade blanket pulled up to his chin.
Her bladder ached. And remembering the strict instructions to not attempt to get out of bed alone and not travel anywhere unless she was being pushed in a wheelchair, she pushed herself up in the bed and reached over to shake Flack awake.
"Donnie…." she wiggled his foot back and forth, speaking in a loud whisper. "Donnie."
He moaned lightly and let his head fall to the side, still asleep.
"Donnie!" she shook his foot harder, more urgent. "Wake up! Donnie!"
His head snapped back to its original spot and he blinked several times before finally opening his sleepy eyes and focusing on her. "What's wrong?" he asked groggily. "You have pain?"
"No. I have to go pee. And I can't get out of bed or get to the bathroom alone."
"Okay." he said and rubbed at his eyes and pushed the blanket off as he sat up. He yawned noisily and stood. Than, as if remembering something, he sat back down.
"I really, really have to go." Sam pleaded.
"Baby, you have a catheter in." he said. "You can just go where you are."
"What? A catheter? Why?"
"Don't you remember them putting it in when we got up here? Because you've been having trouble emptying your bladder completely?"
She shook her head. "I don't remember….probably the drugs they gave me. But I don't want to go pee in a tube."
"You don't have much of a choice. It's in there so you have to use it. Just relax and don't think about it and just go."
"It's embarrassing!" she exclaimed in a harsh whisper.
"Why? Lots of people have to use them."
"Danny's in the room!"
"So? He's sleeping. Besides, he spent many a time at my bedside after the bombing and I was on a catheter for months and it never bothered him. So just lie back and relax and stop thinking about it and just go."
She sighed heavily and lay back on her pillows and closed her eyes.
A couple of minutes passed and she opened her eyes again and looked at him.
"Feel better now?" he asked.
She nodded. Then promptly burst into tears.
"What's wrong, baby?" Flack asked, getting to his feet and leaning over the side of the bed. He laid a hand on the back of her head as she put her head on his chest. "Don't cry….everything's going to be okay…..the doctor's are going to fix everything… I promise."
"Why do bad things keep happening to us? Why? Why can't we just be happy and normal? Look at us! You've got a busted hand and stitches above your eye and had a gun held to your head today! I'm hooked up to all this crap and I have to pee in a fucking bag!"
"It's not permanent." he assured her, stroking her hair. "Once this problem is fixed and your healed from the operation, things will go back to normal. We just have to get things looked after first."
"Why us though? Why can't things go normal for us?"
"Normal is too boring." he reasoned "We need a little excitement."
"I just want to be plain and boring for a while." she sniffled. "Just for a little while."
"Soon." he assured her. "Soon."
He held her head to his chest until her crying subsided, than wiped her tears with gentle fingertips when she pulled away. He bent down and kissed her softly.
"I am so tired." she said, resting her forehead against his lips.
"Lie back and close your eyes and get some sleep." he told her.
"Will you lie with me?" she asked. "I'll feel better if you lie with me."
"You're hooked up to too much stuff, Sam. I don't want to be screwing anything up. You need to be as comfortable as possible."
She nodded, realizing he was right.
He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down once again. Waiting for her to get comfortable once again before reaching through the railing to take her hand with his injured one. He reached over it and across the bed to stroke her forehead. Running his fingertips along her eyebrows and down her nose and across her cheeks. He'd done it many a time before when she was having trouble sleeping. The soft, feathery motions enough to completely relax her.
"Donnie?" her voice was tired, her eyes heavy.
"Hmm?"
"I love you. Thank you. For taking such good care of me."
"Anytime baby," he said with a soft smile. "And I love you, too. Everything's going to be okay. You have to trust me. In me."
"I do." she assured him.
"I won't let anything happen to you. Or the baby. Ever."
A small smile curved her lips. "Good." she said and closed her eyes.
He ran a finger over her lips and down onto her chin. When he was certain she was asleep, he sat back in his chair and looked at her.
He stayed there, wide awake, watching her until the sun came up.
Thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing!! Much appreciated!! I hope you all keep enjoying this. It's such a joy to write for all of you. I love each and every one of you! I have now banned the b/f from my e-mail. So next chap I shall be back to normal with review replies!