DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I DO HOWEVER OWN SAMANTHA ROSS, SOON TO BE SAMANTHA FLACK. SO NO ONE SUE. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET BLOOD FROM A STONE. TRUST ME, I'VE TRIED.
A.N./ A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO HELPED THIS STORY GET TO 600 REVIEWS! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT!
XOXOXOXOX BEG75
Words to live by
"Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down…"
-Stop and Stare, One Republic
Danny woke to bright shards of sunlight poking through the vertical blinds that covered the window next to him. His neck and back both stiff and his ass numb from being parked in the uncomfortable hospital chair all night. He had a brief moment of disorientation. Snapping upright into a sitting position and glancing around the unfamiliar room, the fog gradually lifting from both his brain and his eyes as the events of the previous night came back to him. Of sending Erica home without him and offering to spend the night in case his best friend needed some moral support or even a shoulder to cry on. Settling down in that chair despite Flack's insistence that he didn't need to stay, that everything was under control and he and Sam would be okay on their own. They were almost out of the woods and the nurses and resident physicians were keeping a close eye on things.
But Danny saw that worried, troubled look in Flack's weary eyes and knew staying was the best and only thing for him to do. Flack never asked for help. He was too damn proud and stubborn to seek out assistance even from those closest to him. And Danny wasn't letting him go through the ordeal he was facing alone. Despite their harsh words earlier that day following the raid, they were best friends and nothing would ever change that. They would always have each others backs. And always trust each other with their lives.
After everything that Flack had done for him over the years, Danny felt it only right to start repaying him. Flack never held it over your head or asked for anything in return when he did something for you. A friend like that was rare. Hell, family members like that were rare. Danny found himself having more love and respect for Don Flack Jr than he did for his own brothers and sisters. Even his own parents. Because out of everyone Danny had ever been close to, Flack was the only one to never stab him in the back or disappoint him. And the only one to never cast judgement on Danny or express disappointment in him.
Danny yawned noisily and stretched. He rolled his head from side to side and front to back in a vain attempt to work out all the kinks. He cast a glance over at the bed. Samantha slept peacefully in the semi reclined position recommended by the doctors. It kept pressure off of her stomach and reduced the risk of the contractions returning. The fatal monitor wrapped around her beeped softly as it kept track of the baby's movements and heartbeat. The noise in tune with those coming from the EKG machine that kept an eye on mom's vitals. Both the IV and medicine bags were nearly empty. The nurse would be coming by on rounds so to change them and the catheter bag that hung by the side of the bed.
He'd heard Samantha wake up in the middle of the night and the small exchange between her and Flack. How she'd cried over the loss of dignity being forced to use a catheter had caused her and the worries she had over the operation and the health of their baby. Danny had pretended to be asleep to give them that private, emotionally charged moment. Listening silently to the tender, quiet way that Flack spoke to her and wondering where in the hell the homicide detective had been hiding that part of himself for so long.
Flack was awake in the chair beside the bed. His elbows propped on the mattress and his chin in his hands, watching over Samantha intently. Danny didn't need to ask if his friend had been up all night. It was a give in that Flack would sit there all night and keep an eye on her and their baby. He'd known Flack a long time and had never seen him like that with a woman. Attentive and compassionate. Loving.
Flack was transforming and maturing right before everyone's eyes. He was becoming responsible. A husband and a father. And it made Danny feel bad for ever doubting that Sam and Flack were the real deal. One look at them together and you knew that this was meant to be. Their feelings for each other laid bare in simple glances and touches.
"Morning'." Danny greeted, leaning forward and reaching for his glasses that sat on the window ledge.
"Morning." Flack said in return.
"You sleep at all?" Danny asked, slipping his glasses onto his face and his feet into his boots.
"A bit. Couple hours. If that. Too much going on in my head. I can't stop worrying about the operation. You know, all the complications I told you about."
"Doctor said it was a slight risk that things could go wrong." Danny reminded him.
"I know. But I'm still worried. It's still an operation. It's not something to joke around about."
"It's the best for her and the baby, Flack." Danny said, standing up to stretch his legs.
They both needed a shower and a shave and fresh clothes. And about a gallon of coffee each and some food to put into their stomachs.
"The baby won't make it if they don't do this thing," Danny added. "This was the only decision for you to make. And you know that."
The door clicked open and Gayle stuck her head in and offered up a soft smile.
"How are you two doing this morning?" she asked in a quiet voice, taking in their wrinkled clothes and scruffy faces and the dark circles under their eyes.
"Just lovely." Danny replied. "I thought my couch was uncomfortable. That chair just takes the cake. How are you so cheery this early in the morning? Never mind that, how are you so cheery all the time and all the other nurses around here are the epitome of bitchiness?"
"A long time ago they lost their compassion for the patients." Gayle said. "They just see this job as a pay cheque. I prefer to make things pleasant for my patients and their families. And the day you loose your compassion on this job, is the day it's time to quit."
"Amen to that." Danny agreed. "I say the same thing. The second I stop feeling anything for people, is the day I walk away. Boom. Done."
"How's our patient?" Gayle asked, stepping into the room, pulling behind her a small cart of medical equipment.
"Sleeping." Flack replied, getting to his feet. "She's been out cold since one a.m. She woke up wanting to go to the bathroom. She's got issues with the catheter."
Gayle frowned. "Issues? Pain wise?"
"No. Personal wise. She hates the idea of peeing into a tube and bag. Makes her feel less human. Not to mention she finds it as embarrassing as all hell. How long do you think she'll have to have it in?"
"Probably a few more days. Doctor Light heart will want to keep it in after the surgery to keep pressure off of the bladder. Just as a precaution. I'm going to have to ask you two to step out into the hall so I can check her temperature and blood pressure and change the bags. And the resident is on her way to check to see if there's been any more dilating."
"So you'll have to wake her up." Flack said with a sigh, and looked down at his soon to be wife resting so peacefully and soundly, a soft smile on her lips.
"Unfortunately." Gayle nodded. "We wouldn't do it if we didn't feel it was necessary to check her every six to seven hours."
"I was just thinking more along the lines of how grumpy she is lately when she gets up." Flack laughed lightly. "She used to be one of those really bubbly types that talked your ear off as soon as she opened her eyes. Last month and a bit, she's just wanted to curl up and go back to sleep every morning. Is that normal? To be that tired?"
"All women are different." Gayle answered. "Some fatigue easily while they're pregnant. The blood we sent to the lab last night will show if she's low in iron. She's been taking pre-natal vitamins and folic acid?"
"Faithfully."
"Could be just the way she's been feeling with the high blood pressure and added stress. The tests will pick anything up if there's something to be concerned about. I brought this for you…" Gayle reached into her pocket and pulled out a small black pager. "I know you've been worried about going off the ward for too long. We give these pagers out mostly to the dad's whose partners are in active labour or have a baby down in NICU. So we can get a hold of them quickly and not have to resort to using the public address system. I thought if you had one, you'd feel better about going for a coffee or something to eat."
Flack nodded and took the pager. "I don't know…" he said. "I still don't like going to far."
"She's in good hands." Gayle assured him. "I'll page you if I feel there's a reason to. And if she's that tired, most likely she'll go back to sleep once we're finished here. I'll let her know where you went."
Flack sighed.
"I could use a coffee and a bite to eat." Danny said and clapped his best friend on the shoulder. "You got to be hurting for some food by now. Never known you to go more than two hours without eating something. And I know you're dying for some coffee right about now."
"Go ahead." Gayle urged, moving to the side of the bed. "She's fine. I'll page you if I feel the need to."
He clipped the pager to the pocket of his jeans and went to the bed. Leaning over the railing, he ran a gentle hand over Sam's head, smoothing hair away from her face before pressing a feathery kiss to her forehead.
"I'll take very good care of her." Gayle assured him when he lingered by the end of the bed. She reached out and rubbed his arm comfortingly. "The daddies forget that they need to look after themselves too."
He managed a smile. Every time someone used the word daddy, his heart seemed to tighten a little bit with emotion and he was filled with a sense of peace and happiness that he'd never known until that moment when he saw his unborn child on the first ultrasound. And the thought of having all that taken away from him was frightening.
"Come on," Danny said, laying a hand on Flack's shoulder and gently leading him away from the bed. "You need a break. Let's go and have a coffee and get some fresh air. We both could use it."
Flack went along, albeit reluctantly. He and Danny hung out in the hallway until the resident came and waited for the results of the internal exam. Flack paced, a hand in his hair as he prepared himself for the worst. He figured if he expected the worst case scenario, he'd be more prepared for terrible news. And that he'd be much more relieved and at ease if the results were positive.
The resident emerged ten minutes later with a pleased smile on his youthful face and the announcement that she hadn't dilated any further and the operation could still continue as planned. And that despite the poking and prodding and slight resistance on her part, Sam had simply rolled over after all was said and done and went back to sleep. Giving Flack and Danny the chance to take a much needed breather. And a chance for Flack to sort out the fears and concerns and misgivings clogging his brain.
They found themselves at a small table at the back of the main floor cafeteria. It was open twenty four hours and was packed solid with the breakfast crowd. Both ordered extra large black coffees and triple shots of espresso and scrambled eggs, toast and bacon to eat. Danny was starving and wolfed his down. Flack did little more than push the food around his plate with his fork.
"Tell me what's on your mind, Flack." Danny said. "Don't get it all in. Not healthy doing' that. And it's why I'm here. To listen and help you out. Give me something to work with here."
Flack rubbed at his eyes. "I'm thinking at that ultrasound. The 4D thing. What if they see something, Danny? Something that tells them there's a problem with the baby? Something long term and debilitating?"
"You and Sam talked about that. That it wouldn't change your minds about having the baby. If there's something there," he shrugged and sipped his coffee, "than you guys deal with it head on and go about things day by day. Still your kid, Flack. Regardless. Even the doc last night said the ultrasound they did looked clear. And why are we even saying it or the baby? Let's either say him or call him by his name. I mean, you're having a son. That's incredible. You and Sam have a name picked out for my nephew?"
"Godson." Flack corrected him. "He's your godson. You know that."
"You never asked me." Danny said.
"I was going to eventually."
"How do you know I was going to say yes?" the CSI asked playfully.
"Are you telling me you'd turn me down? That you'd turn Sam down? You're just like me, Messer. You can't say no to her."
Danny just smiled.
"When Sam and I found out about the b…him, there was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted you to be his godfather."
"Yeah? 'Cause I figured with Carmen being Sam's best friend and the godmother and Speed hooking up with her that you'd ask him."
Flack raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"
Danny shrugged. "You guys seem to spend a lot of time together."
"We spend a lot of time together because Sam and Carmen are practically inseparable and they like us to all get together and do couples things. And I'd be doing that stuff with you and Erica too, but Sam and her have been on the outs and you can't seem to do anything by yourself anymore. Sam lets me out of the house to play basketball and what not and Erica can't seem to let you out of her sights for five minutes."
"She likes to spend as much time with me as possible." Danny reasoned. "She has a tendency to be a little clingy."
"Is it going to be a problem for her if you're the godfather and she's not the godmother?" Flack asked. "If it is be honest and tell me now."
"She might be a little put out. Get her nose pushed in a bit. But Sam and her haven't been close in years and it's up to you and Sam who you want to be godmother. If it burns her ass, oh well."
Flack smirked and sipped his coffee. "Shoulda followed that motto when you were with Monroe."
"Easy, Flack. Easy. Not need to resurrect the past like that. And you know I'm more than honoured to be your kid's godfather."
"You're my best friend, Danny. We've been through a lot of shit together. And you're the only one I'd trust my kid's life with."
Danny's eyes grew glassy and he pulled off his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger to stem the tears that threatened. He didn't know if it was because he was tired or because no one had ever asked him to partake in something so important and life altering, but emotion choked at him. He was never embarrassed or ashamed. Flack had seen him cry before. Many times after his brother Louie had come so close to death and when Lindsay was jerking him and his feelings around and Danny got into the JD a little too much and poured out his heart and soul.
Flack had handled those moments just as he did now. By not saying anything. By just being there with that strong, silent way he had at the right moments. He didn't look down on you or accuse you of being weak. Danny had been there time and time again for him after the bombing when the pain during recovery had been too much bear and he just wanted to give up. Curl up in a ball somewhere and die. They always seemed to be there when one needed the other. And it would always be that way.
"So what's my godson's name?" Danny asked, composing himself and slipping his glasses back onto his face.
"Kieran." Flack replied. "Kieran Shaun Donald. Sam's idea throwing Donald in there."
"Nice name. Strong name. Kieran's unusual. Don't think I've ever heard that before."
"It's Irish. Sam bought this baby name book and she looked for ones with Irish roots. I mean, Ross? How Irish can you get? And I kinda like the idea of all our kids having Irish names to go with both our backgrounds."
"Ya always were a proud Irishman. 'Specially when you're pounding back the green beer on St. Patty's Day. So what does Kieran mean?"
"Apparently it means small and black or dark haired."
"Fits. Sam being the size of a toddler and considering you guys are both dark haired. Well, you were, until all of that grey started poking through."
Flack smirked. "I'd shut your mouth, Messer. Don't see my saying anything about you being a four eyes or anything." he teased good naturedly.
"When you get that cast off your hand and we get back out on the ball court, I am going school your ass for that."
"Just wait until hockey season starts and I'm smashing you into the boards." Flack shot back.
"Which is exactly why I'm playing goalie this year." Danny said. "So I keep my teeth and you don't break any of my bones. Like when you broke Pino's collar bone last year. Still say that was a dirty check."
"That hit was perfectly clean." Flack argued. "I can't help it that you and the crime lab and ME office guys are so fragile. And goalie? You can't stay on your feet have the time trying to carry the equipment around on your bony, puny body. How the hell will you manage to deal with the weight of goalie equipment? Buy from the junior department?"
"You're funny, Flack. Trust me, I am all big boy in the areas that matter the most."
"I'll have to ask Erica if that's true." Flack laughed.
"Bastard." Danny said and tossed a package of sugar at his best friend.
A comfortable silence fell between them. They sipped their coffee and finished their breakfasts. Thinking about the many mornings in the years they'd know each other that they'd gone for coffee and something to eat when they were both single and free and everything seemed so much easier. Easier but a hell of a lot lonelier.
"So there gonna be a baby shower or anything?" Danny inquired.
Flack shrugged. "We haven't had time to think about stuff like that. There's been too much going wrong to think of happy, fun stuff. I think Carmen and Stella and Gus will probably get something going. I haven't heard anything as of yet."
"Well once all this bullshit with Sam's health gets straightened away, you guys can concentrate on the bright side of things."
Flack snorted. "Than I've got IAB and Gerrard and Sinclair to worry about. Not to mention all that crap with Max. I just wish…."
"Gentlemen." a familiar voice said from the side of their table.
"Sid." Danny greeted the pathologist with surprise in his voice. "What? You moonlighting here? Delivering babies in your spare time? Death and gore during the day, women's goods and screaming newborns at night?"
"I will take the peace and serenity and silence of the dead over the circus of labour and delivery any day." Sid replied. "I was present at all my children's births and I'll tell you what, what I saw all those times is far worse than anything that has ever crossed my table. In fact, one time, and this is a great story involving the placenta and a mess it can make when the doctor delivering has butter fingers…."
Flack gagged and cleared his throat.
"Sid," Danny shook his head and pointed at Flack. "He doesn't need to hear that."
"My wife and I were just grateful that the slip up hadn't happened earlier while he was delivering the baby." Sid continued. "Because I've heard very unfortunate stories of doctors…."
"Sid." Danny cut him off again. "What are you doing here?"
"Well I was having a coffee and a quick bite to eat when I spotted the two of you sitting over here and…"
"I mean what are you doing here." Danny clarified. "At this hospital."
"I woke up to a phone call this morning from the night shift ME. Detective Angell had been down looking for some autopsy results on her latest case and she happened to mention that Samantha was here because of problems with the baby. I thought I'd stop by and pay her a small visit. If she's up to it that is."
Flack nodded. "She'd like to see you, Sid." he told the older man. He'd always found the medical examiner a bit on the odd, morbid side, but Sam spoke fondly about him and his work. "And that's nice of you to come all the way down here."
"It's no problem really. It's not that far out of my way and she's always been one of the more pleasant, friendly CSIs to come downstairs. I don't get to see as much of her since she was put on lab duty but I'm always asking the others about her and the baby."
Danny nodded to confirm what Sid was saying.
"Is everything okay?" Sid asked "Have the doctors said what was causing all the problems?"
Flack relayed the story to the older man. Leaving out the part about Max causing sheer hell and Sam storming out of the apartment and high tailing it to her brother's. He was sure Sid would hear it soon enough through the crime lab grapevine. He stuck to the information the doctors had given him and the decision he had made to go ahead with the surgery.
Sid stayed silent, listening to the younger man lay down the facts. Hearing the self doubt that crept into his usually confident, assertive voice. He was obviously struggling with the decisions that he had made. And more than likely had never had to make such choices in his entire life.
"You're a doctor, Sid." Flack said after he'd given out all the info. "Have you heard of this incompetent cervix? Do you know if there's anything else that can be done other than this operation?"
"I have heard of it. And the procedure your talking about. But unfortunately, obstetrics and gynaecology is a field I know very little about. Have you asked for a second opinion?"
"I was basically told that this was the only thing to do if I wanted my kid to live and had all kinds of papers shoved in my face to sign. The OB and the radiologist were both there and said the same thing. That this was my one and only chance to save the baby. Pre-op is for one thirty."
"Not much time for a second opinion." Danny said.
"What about Doctor Hawkes?" Sid inquired. "I know from working with him that he did rounds in labour and delivery during his residency and probably knows a lot more than I do."
"Sam talked to him." Flack responded. "He said it was the best choice. But he didn't come right out and say it's the only choice. I'm just worried that by the time I ask for a second opinion and they manage to get someone in, they'll tell me she progressed even further and there's nothing they can do."
Sid nodded. "I can understand not wanting to take that chance. For what it's worth, as a father and seeing my wife go through her own difficult pregnancies, if I was faced with this same situation, I would have made the same decision as you.."
Flack nodded and gave a smile of appreciation. Hearing Sid say that and knowing how much Sam respected the man's work and judgement made him feel much more at ease with his own decisions.
"Thanks, Sid." he said, trying to hide a lump of emotion in his throat. "That means a lot."
Sid smiled as well and laid a hand on the detective's shoulder. "Being with a woman is never easy. But what doesn't kill us will make us stronger."
"Or insane." Danny offered.
"I think I'll head up now." Sid said. "I promise I won't stay long. I know how vital proper rest is for both mother and baby. I will see you two gentlemen later."
"See ya, Sid." Danny bid farewell.
"Thanks." Flack said, and watched as the tall,slender ME headed through the busy cafeteria. Having gained a whole new perspective, appreciation and respect for the man.
Samantha stared at the breakfast tray in front of her. The doctor had given the thumbs up to a light meal now that her sugar levels had come back down to normal and the nausea from the medications had passed. She had felt some of her spirits brighten when Gayle had come in with the tray of food and let her know it was all systems go to get some food into her belly. Despite her overwhelming desire to do nothing but sleep, Sam had never been so hungry in her entire life and was dying to get something, anything, into her stomach.
Until she sat up and saw the meal that was dropped in front of her. A bowl of runny oatmeal, two slices of dry toast, a small container of red hospital jello that she knew, from experience, had absolutely no taste whatsoever. A plastic cup of plain tea and a container of cranberry juice rounded out breakfast. She picked up the spoon and scooped up some oatmeal. It ran off the spoon and back into the bowl and she felt her stomach lurch at the sight.
She dropped the spoon and turned her attention to a slice of toast. Taking smile bites that she washed down with the weak, lukewarm tea. The smell and the look of the oatmeal was making her queasy and she covered the top of the bowl with a napkin in an attempt to hide the disgusting sight. She concentrated on the toast and the jello, which tasted surprisingly good on her empty stomach.
She wanted to go home. She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to have an operation. All she wanted to do was go home and sleep in her own bed. Bury herself under the covers and wait out the next four and a half months.
But she knew that without that operation, her baby wouldn't survive, and as she was sitting there, feeling sorry for herself, a strong fluttering sensation appeared in her stomach. The baby moving around as if to remind her that he was still there. To not give up on him. Or herself.
"If you stare at it long enough, it just may talk to you." Sid Hammerbeck's voice said from the doorway, breaking into her daze.
Sam looked towards the door and smiled. She hadn't realized she'd spaced out and had been staring at a spoonful of jello she held in front of her mouth.
"I was hoping it would grow legs and walk away." Sam said. "And judging by the taste and the look of this food, I wouldn't be surprised it it did."
Sid returned her smile. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humour in spite of all of this."
"If I didn't find a reason to laugh, I'd be doing nothing but crying." she admitted.
"May I?" he asked, gesturing to the bed side chair.
"Of course." she replied, pushing the tray away and pushing herself up further in the bed. "How'd you know I was here?" she asked.
"Detective Angell mentioned it to my night shift ME. He thought I'd like to know considering our work history and gave me a call. And here I am."
Shrugging out of his coat, Sid draped it over the end of the bed and reached out to pluck the napkin off of the bowl of oatmeal. He frowned at the sight.
"Now that is just an abomination." he declared and picked up the entire tray and moved it to the window ledge. "I come bearing gifts." he said, and sitting down on the edge of the bed, opened the small paper bag he'd brought with him and reached inside. Coming up with a banana muffin.
Sam smiled brightly. Her stomach and her eyes said yes. Her brain said no. "Thanks, Sid." she said. "But I can't. I'm on this restricted diet before my operation."
"One little muffin is not going to hurt." he assured her. "Go on. Take it. I would not steer you into dark waters. I am a doctor, remember?"
She grinned and nodded enthusiastically and accepted the delicious smelling and looking treat from him.
"How are you feeling?" Sid asked, getting up to settle himself in the bedside chair.
"Okay." Sam replied, breaking some muffin off the top and popping it into her mouth. "A lot better than I was last night. The pains have subsided and the contractions and dilating stopped. I'm not sure how much you know."
"I ran into Detective Flack downstairs. He told me what happened and about your condition and about the operation you're having. How are you feeling about all of that?"
She shrugged, eyes focused on the food in her hands. "I can't say that I'm surprised that I'd have something pretty uncommon wrong with me. Nothing has seemed to go right in my life the last few years and this is just something else to add to the list. Things have been insane since I've come to New York. I think I've spent more time in hospitals in the past four months than I have in my entire life."
"And the operation?"
"I'm scared. Any kind of operation is scary. And when they told us about all the possible complications…." her voice trailed off and her hand found her stomach. Rubbing it in slow, soothing, protective circles.
"From what Detective Flack told me, the chances of anything going wrong are low and that without the operation, the baby won't survive."
Sam sighed. Tears welled in her eyes. "I can't lose my baby." she said in a small voice.
"And you won't." Sid assured her, leaning forward to lay a hand on her arm. "This operation will see the baby through the next four and half months. The benefits far outway the risks from where I'm sitting."
"I just wish…I wish there was something else we could do. Without having to resort to surgery."
"But you realize this is the only choice there was to make?" Sid asked.
"Don wasn't given any other option. He was told that this was the one and only thing he could do. He didn't have a choice but to make the decision he did."
"And you don't feel he made the right one?"
"He made the decision that he felt was right for me and the baby." Sam said.
"But do you agree with that decision?" Sid pressed.
Sam picked at the muffin, slipping small crumbs into her mouth as she thought long and hard about how to answer.
"Don wouldn't do anything that he didn't feel was the right thing to do for our family." she said finally. "I trust him with my life. With our baby's life. And if he felt that this was the choice to make and the chance to take, than I put all my faith and my hope and my trust in him. Because I know he wouldn't do anything that would put me or our son in harms way."
"Than hold onto that faith and hope and trust and it will see you through." Sid told her. "And love. And these three remain. Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Sam smiled. "First letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians." she said. "Chapter 13, verse 13."
Sid nodded in appreciation.
"Don and I are having Carmen read that at our wedding." Sam told him. "I know that it's just a small, informal thing, but we wanted something that held special meaning to us. And we're both Catholic and thought that that quote seemed to fit. Especially in light of the way things have been going lately."
"I think it's perfect." Sid said. "Now I have a little something for you."
"You mean more presents?" she teased. "It's not even Christmas or my birthday."
He stood up and reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. Sitting back down, he carefully opened it and dumped the contents into his hand. "When my wife was going through her first pregnancy, things didn't look so promising. She had a lot of problems, just like you. And there were many a times we found ourselves sitting in a hospital room just like this. We'd lost all our faith and our hope in the darkest hours. Thankfully, after five months of strict bed rest, our daughter was born healthy."
'Thank goodness." Sam said. "That must have been tough. So you know what we're going through."
"Very much so. My wife's aunt, she's a stickler for superstitions. And good luck charms. Lucky penny, rabbit's foot, horseshoe, you name it. She happened by a religious store and this woman, believe me, she was the last person who would step foot in a place like that. She was more voo-doo hoo-doo than rosaries and holy water. Anyhow, she saw this little quartz rock with the outline of an angel engraved into it and something told her to buy it. It got my wife through some tough, long, lonely days."
Reaching out, Sid took her hand in his and place the smooth, cold stone in the palm of her hand. "I was talking to my wife before I left this morning and we both agreed that we wanted you to hold onto it for a little while. Until that baby has made his way out into the world safely."
She stared down at the simple token in her hand. Tears pooled in her eyes.
"God bless you and your family." Sid said, laying a hand on her stomach. "And watch you and keep all of you."
"Thank you." Sam managed, then promptly broke down. She closed her free hand over his and held on as tight as she could.
"Faith, hope and love." he said and did his best to comfort her.
The sunshine felt good on their tired faces as they stood by the side of Flack's SUV, still parked in the short stay lot and bearing no tickets or warnings on the windshield. He'd handed Danny the keys so he could get home in twenty minutes as opposed to the forty five it would take on the subway. Danny was going to go and grab a shower and clean himself up before heading over to Flack's to grab him a few days worth of clean clothes and some personal belongings. Sam's room had its own shower that the nurses said he could use. And a shower sounded damn good at the moment.
Danny leaned against the driver's side of the SUV and pulled a pack of smokes and a lighter from his jacket pocket. He shook one out and lit it. Than looked up as he took a deep drag to see Flack with his hand outstretched.
"Thought you quit." Danny said, handing him the pack and the lighter.
"I did." Flack replied, taking out a smoke and lighting it. "Sam asked me too and I did. But I've also given up drinking and I need something to calm me down and take the edge off. The stress is unreal, Messer. You have no idea. And I figure smoking is the lesser of the two evils."
"She's gonna kick your ass when you go up there smelling like smoke." Danny said.
"She'll understand. I think she'd rather I'd be smoking than finding a bar that's open this early in the morning and getting shit faced by eleven."
"Good point." Danny said and took a long drag of his cigarette.
"Look, Dan-o," Flack was the first to speak after a long silence. "I just wanted to say I was sorry. For the things I said to you yesterday. After the raid. I know you were just doing your job and all that and I completely over reacted."
"You'd been through a hell of an event, Flack. You'd had a gun held to your head and the trigger pulled. And you held one of your guys' head in your lap as he took his last breath. Totally understandable why you'd react like that."
The detective shook his head. "I was a complete prick. I never should have said the things I did. About Ruben Sandoval and Rikki. That was way out of line. I was just lashing out. I wasn't saying them to intentionally hurt you."
"I know. You were just pissed off and traumatized and all that. And it may have seemed like all I cared about was my job. But I was worried about you and what you'd been through. I was just worried about doing everything right. You know how it is with department related shootings and all that. I just wanted to make sure all the bases were covered. And first and foremost, that your ass was covered."
Flack nodded. Considering what Danny had said. "About time you came to my aid than me running to yours." he teased.
"Figured it was time to start re-paying ya for all the bullshit you've put up with over the years. You could have easily turned Rikki in and you didn't. You could have washed your hands of me after that whole Minhouse thing and you didn't. You went back to the scene and busted your ass to make sure you proved that I didn't do it. You and…" his voice cracked. It had been a long time since the name had crossed his lips. "Aiden." he finished with difficulty.
Flack sighed and inhaled deeply on the cigarette between his lips. "Wonder what Aiden and Sam would have thought about each other." he mused.
"They would have loved each other." Danny said quickly. "Two fiesty Brooklyn girls together? They would have been a force to be reckoned with. I wonder what Aiden would have said to find out you were getting married and having a kid."
Flack smirked. "Other than 'it's about fucking time' or 'I feel sorry for the poor girl'?"
Danny grinned. "Yeah….that's definitely what she would have said. Hell, I say both of those things about ten times a day when I think about you and Sam together."
"All I know is that Sam and Aiden would have clicked right away. And I wish she was here to see Kieran born."
The CSI nodded and gave a sad smile. "I wish that too, Flack." he said. "I wish a lot of things about Aiden."
Flack sighed and tossed the butt of the cigarette down on the pavement and ground it out with his heel. "I better head back in."
"I should be back in a couple of hours." Danny told him, turning around to unlock the driver's side door.
"There's some money in the compartment between the front seats if you need to fill the tank."
"Anything else you need other than some clothes and some personal shit?"
Flack shook his head as Danny climbed into the truck. A sudden and unexpectedly thought hit him and he knocked on the window as his best friend started up the ignition.
"What's up?" Danny asked as he rolled down the window.
"I need a favour. When you go into the bedroom to grab some clothes. I need you to go in the top drawer of my dresser on the left hand side. There's a book in there. Inside the front cover you'll see a piece of folded computer paper. I need that."
"What is it?" Danny asked curiously as Flack walked away from the SUV.
"Things I should have said a long time ago." he replied without looking back.
Sam was awake, watching CNN on the small hospital supplied television when Flack arrived back at the room. There was no sign of Sid. He'd taken off for work fifteen minutes before. But in his place was a large arrangement of brightly coloured flowers in a glass vase with a small balloon stuck in the dirt that read GET WELL SOON.
"Your other boyfriend stop by or something?" Flack asked light heartedly, leaning over the bed to kiss her softly.
"They're from the your guys at the station." she replied, then wrinkled her nose. "Have you been smoking?" she asked, accusation in her voice.
"I just had one." he assured her, than prepared himself for the onslaught of criticism that would come flying out of her mouth.
However, she merely shrugged and reached for a glass of ice water on the beside table. "I guess there's worse things you could be doing." she said and sipped the water through the straw.
"That was not what I was expecting." he told her, smiling as he sat down on the edge of her bed.
"Well it's true. You could have easily turned to booze. And you're not the type to run off and snort coke or shoot up or anything drastic like that. So if smoking is your one and only weakness, I consider myself lucky."
He leaned over to kiss her again. "I love you." he said, nuzzling her forehead with his nose.
"I love you, too. Did you eat? I hope you ate something."
"I did. And for once, stop worrying about other people. There's worse things for you to be concerned with than whether or not I'm eating properly. Sid came up and saw you? Were you awake?"
She nodded and rolled over onto her side to face him, having to be careful with the IV tubes and fetal monitor still attached to her. "We had a nice visit." she said
"Danny's going to go home for a bit and than he's gonna go by our place and get me some clothes and grab you some pyjamas you can wear instead of these hospital gowns that don't cover your ass properly."
She giggled. "The thought of Danny rummaging through my undergarments is just plain wrong. If anything goes missing, I'll know he's got them and either wearing them or sleeping with them under his pillow."
"You're disturbed." Flack told her.
"I need to keep my perverse sense of humour. It's the only thing that's keeping me sane at the moment. You know, you should have someone look at your stitches to make sure everything is still intact."
"Your nurse looked at it earlier. She even put a clean bandage on for me. So don't worry. I am on top of things. Please stop worrying about other people so much."
"I can't help but worry about you. You're going to be my husband. You're the father of my baby. Why wouldn't I worry? And concern goes both ways."
"I know, " he said with a sigh.
"It was nice of Danny to stay over night." Sam said, laying her hand on Flack's thigh. "He knows he didn't have to, right?"
"He knows. But he wanted to. And I'm glad he was here. Because if anything had have happened…" he couldn't finish. He just couldn't think about anything going wrong. Thinking about the negative would only drive him insane. Instead he picked up her hand and held it tightly, his thumb tracing over her smooth, pale skin.
"There was a crane collapse in Harlem." Sam told him. Eager to change the subject. "I guess it happened about an hour ago. It's all over CNN."
"That's the third incident like that in a two months." Flack said. "Guess all the critics are right. Too dangerous putting those huge things up in residential areas. Anyone killed?"
"They're still trying to figure that out. So far one resident of the building it nearly took out when it fell and the crane operator are missing."
"He's a goner for sure. Can't survive that. And I bet you whoever the tenant in that building is in most likely dead. I can just see where the department is going to go with this. They're gonna look at everything from operator error to simple industrial accident to terrorism. 'Cause a building can't fall down in New York City without someone thinking Bin Laden was behind it."
"You are such a cop." Sam teased.
"It's what you love most about me."
"Actually," she said. "What I love best is when you're just you. And you're not all tough and assertive and you're just yourself. Don Flack without the badge and the gun and the attitude."
"So you like me passive and submissive? 'Cause that is never going to happen."
"No." she said with an exasperated sigh. "I just like it when you're you. Am I making any sense?"
"A little." he told her, pressing a feathery kiss to her forehead. "But I think the meds they're giving you are messing with your brain a bit."
"Probably. I'm on enough of them. When can I go home? Have they told you anything?"
"All they said was they would see how the operation went and how well you're doing afterwards and go from there. Could be next week. Could be next month. Could be when the baby is born."
"Christ, I hope not. I was suppose to move this weekend."
He laughed. "All this going on and you're thinking about that? Carmen and Speed have it under control. They've got a lot of help. That should be the last thing on your mind."
"I know. But I kind of wanted to help."
"Help do what? You can't lift anything over fifteen pounds. The best place for you to be is here. Okay?" he let go of her hand and laid his hand on her stomach. "It's the best place for both of you. You know that."
She nodded in agreement. "We should probably head down soon. Gayle said we didn't need a porter. That you could just take me down. I should be fine walking."
"Nice try." Flack smirked. "She already told me you'd try that on me and that you needed to go down in a wheelchair."
Sam pouted dramatically. "I'm not a damn invalid." she complained.
"Yes, sweetie," he said as he stood up. "Unfortunately you are."
"You know what I was just thinking about?" Flack asked, as he pushed the wheelchair down the back hallway towards the radiology department forty five minutes later.
The nurse on duty that had taken over for Gayle had been graciously enough to cap off the IV and medication line and remove the catheter for the trip downstairs. But had said, with no ifs ands or buts, that they were all going back in as soon as they got back.
"Food?" Sam teased, tilting her head back to grin at him.
"Well that too. I was thinking about all your education and stuff and you still became a cop. What would you have done for a living if police work wasn't your thing?"
"The things that don't go through your mind, Don." she said with a chuckle.
"I'm serious. I've thought about it a few times since we've met. You've got this masters degree and I've got a grade twelve. You'd think you'd be with someone more your speed. Brains wise."
"You sell yourself short." Sam scolded him.
"So what would you have gotten into if you weren't a cop?" he asked.
"I don't know. I guess my second and third choices were a professor or a lawyer."
"Prosecution or defense?" he inquired.
"Does that matter?"
"You know how cops feel about defense attorneys. Paid to discredit us. Flush all our work down the toilet and make us look incompetent."
"I think I'd fare better as a prosecutor." she said. "Seeing the immense hatred I have for the scumbags clogging up the justice system."
"Or a professor. Like a forensics professor?"
She nodded. "I did entertain the brief thought of going back to school for my masters in profiling and applying for a job with the FBI. I still think about it from time to time."
"Yeah?" he sounded surprised. "Would you ever do it?"
"Probably not now. Things are different now. But yeah, a lawyer or a professor. Why?"
"I was thinking, if you were one of those, would you still have come to New York?"
"Of course. There was nothing left for me in Arizona. And I needed to get away. To save myself. And my brother is here."
"True." Flack said. "But if you were something other than a cop, we probably never would have met."
"I'm sure our paths would have crossed somehow. Maybe when I paid visits to my brother. And if I was a lawyer, the chances of us running in to each other during a trial would be high."
"But still. You wouldn't have wanted to be with someone like me. A homicide detective."
"Don, I only met you through your job. I'm not with you because of it. So let's turn the tables. What would you have been had you not joined the NYPD?" she asked curiously.
"I don't know." he replied in all honesty. "I guess I would have gone into construction or sanitation. I'd have enough of learning after high school. The thought of going to college did little for me. And my grades weren't that great anyway."
"Okay. So in another existence lets say I would have been a lawyer and you would have been a construction worker."
"And there's no way in hell you would have wanted anything to do with a construction worker. And the chances of us running into each other would have been slim to none." he concluded.
"Maybe. But you'd be that construction worker that would make cat calls at me every time I passed by on my way to work."
He laughed. "You know me so well. But seriously, we probably never would have met had we not both been cops."
"I like to think we were destined to be together and that we would have met somehow." Sam said. "And I would have noticed you in a court house if I was a lawyer and you were testifying in case. And I would have noticed you out on the street. Those eyes are pretty hard to miss. I would have taken one look at them and been all over you."
"Always comes down to the eyes." he said and leaned down to kiss the top of her head.
"Always." she agreed, as he pushed her into the radiology department. He parked her by the chairs on the left hand side of the waiting room and than went to the front desk so he could hand in her chart and requisition form.
She looked down at her left hand and opened it. In her palm was the quartz rock that Sid had given her earlier. She said a little prayer and asked for some form of good news before closing her hand tightly around the stone as Flack joined her.
"They said it's not going to be long." he said, sitting down in the chair beside her and taking her hand. "I guess Doctor Fraser is a big wig around here and made sure you got an emergency spot on the top of the list."
"Are you nervous?" she asked.
Flack nodded. "And terrified." he admitted, tightening the grip on her hand.
"Me, too," she sighed. "We'll get through this right? No matter what happens?"
"We will." he assured her. "Me and you, Sam. We'll get through this. Through anything. It's going to be okay. As long as we stick together."
"But if it's bad news than what…."
He leaned sideways in his chair and silenced her with a kiss. Looked deep into those trusting golden eyes.
"Together." he said simply.
She managed a smile.
"That's what it comes down to." he told her. "Me and you. Nothing else and no one else matters. The baby needs us to hang in there. Regardless of what this ultrasound says. He's still ours. He's still our son. Kieran is still our baby. We made him together and we take care of him together. No matter how hard or how simple it's going to be."
"And you can honestly handle it? If there is a problem?" she asked.
"I love adversity. I thrive when faced with a challenge. I mean, I'm still here right? I'm still with you regardless of the torment you put me through."
"I love you just loved the pain and suffering." she teased.
"In some cases, I love it very much." he laughed and kissed her cheek. "Just remember that love will get us through anything. That's one thing I'm sure of in this world."
She smiled and closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder. Feeling his chin rest on the top of her head and his soft breath in her hair.
Faith, hope and love, she thought.
And it was true. The greatest was love.
Now could it really conquer all?
Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I love and appreciate each and every one of you! Lurkers, please drop a line!
Today, I am plugging:
Aphina: The Tale of Two Girls and Finding Kate (over in Miami land)
Hope4sall: Behind the Scenes, Moving on and Visit from the Past
Brrtmclv: Bonds
Forest Angel: Coming Home and Legacy
And of course, Views from Brooklyn by me (shameless, I know. LOL)
Also, keep an eye out for a new story Aphina and I will be posting soon. I am certain all of you will love it!