ZareenBlack suggested that I do a 2nd chapter to 'does this make me look fat?' where it shows Emmett saying the dreaded answer to Alice and because I don't want to refuse a request, I am going to do it... so enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight... Just my ideas and daft jokes...
So, on with the story!
Yes. Yes it does.
Alice danced happily in front of an ornately carved Victorian mirror. She pirouetted in front of it, looking at her shimmery silver dress that floated about her body like a calm waterfall. A small frown puckered her face as she stopped dancing.
"Jazz," she asked quietly. "Does this make me look fat?"
Jasper stood up and walked over to her, putting his arms around her and resting his head in the hollow of her shoulder. "No. Of course it doesn't. You look enchanting as always." He kissed her throat.
"You'd say that if I were dressed in rags with my face covered in mud!" She laughed.
"Probably," Jasper agreed.
Alice turned around. "Emmett, do I look fat?"
Jasper widened his eyes at Emmett, trying to convey a warning to him to remind him to say the right thing. Emmett utterly ignored this advice and a sly grin slowly spread over his features and his eyes sparkled. "Yes," he grinned. "Yes it does."
Jasper stiffened and looked at Emmett in acute alarm. He shook his head and mouthed, 'don't say that!' Then, he slowly looked at Alice.
Her posture was stiff, her golden eyes blazing. Her words were almost incoherent, "w-what... did... you... just... s-say?!"
Jasper quickly unwound himself from his tight embrace with Alice. "You started this," he yelped. "I'm not involved..." He quickly walked out of the room.
Emmett's gaze returned to Alice. She was shaking with visible anger, her tiny frame quivered with it as she bared her teeth threateningly.
"How dare you tell me I'm FAT!" she screeched, her voice ripping through two octaves.
"Umm...Err...Sorry," Emmett whimpered.
She threw a chair at him. "YOU IDIOT!"
"I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!" Emmett repented, shielding himself with his arms as bits of twisted metal, mahogany and fine bone china rained down on him.
Half an hour later, Alice had been dragged away - screaming and swearing and making death threats in thin air - by a moody Edward and a terrified Jasper, who rolled his eyes as if to say 'I told you so.' Emmett picked up his twitching arm and reattached it to his body with a sickening scraping sound. He was visibly shaken.
"Never, ever again..." He whimpered in pain.
And two weeks later, the Cullen mansion rang out with more swearing, and Emmett Cullen's frantic screaming. He never learns his lesson...
Hope you enjoy my stupid comedy stories that I love to write!
Good bye!