Yes, I'm finally doing a disclaimer... it's about time too, I think.
Rhov: I can't believe you talked me into this.
Halbarad: Me neither.
Just do it, Rhov.
Rhov: Fine: This stupid idiot owns nothing except me and Kelly.
Don't call me a stupid idiot, dimwit!
Halbarad: Here we go again...
"Mairzy doates and dozy doates and little lamsey divvy, a kiddley divvy too wouldn't you…"
"What is that nonsense you're crowing?" Legolas asked in a slightly strained voice.
"It's Irish." I replied stiffly, sniffing at his tone.
"Never mind," he sighed, "I'm scared to ask anyway."
"Very well, but you're missing out. Maybe I should sing something else."
"Whoopee…" Elladan muttered and I couldn't help but grin. Now and then, an elf who had more than the usual contact with me would say something that was definitely slang of a sort. I was now waiting for someone to say 'Dang!' in a fight or something.
Legolas must have noticed Elladan's little faux pas –they don't appreciate my influencing them- since he jabbed the aforesaid elf in the ribs. Elladan slapped a hand over his traitorous mouth and shot an extremely dirty look in my general direction.
Several of the accompanying wood elves snickered quietly until Legolas turned and switched on the killer glare. It was freakishly like Thranduil's and struck the giggling retinue dumb with awe and some silent amusement in Hanath's case.
Silence reigned for about ten minutes until I began to sing, very softly, "This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends…"
A general groan arose from the elven company while I thought I heard Golan quietly singing along.
After several hours of long-suffering silence from Hanath, Legolas, and Elladan (the other elves thought the whole song was hugely hilarious after the first ten minutes and were singing their own renditions), the three head-honchos finally broke down and called for silence.
Now Legolas may have a manufactured, gene-induced glare but Hanath could pull a mean one right off the bat and we shut up so fast that the horses nearly stopped.
"Do you really need to squeak?" Legolas grumbled. He did not have any appreciation for my singing… if you want to be kind and call it that.
"Number one: I just like singing but you happen to have delicate ears and secondly, I have nothing to do except ride this stupid horse." I replied hotly.
"Funny," Legolas said suddenly, his frown turning up into a grin, "that stupid horse has been called worse names but not by you."
I sighed, "Let me guess, the great and infamous Rhov was also made to ride on this bony back as well."
"Still as astute as ever." Hanath laughed from the back of the company and then silence reigned again. This time it was a happy reminiscing silence and I got bored again.
Several weeks later, we arrived in what Golan told me was the Land of Holly. "Gee, I suppose they never had a problem finding holly for their wreaths during Christmas." I joked and Golan just stared at me until I realized they didn't have Christmas in Middle-Earth. It's taken me fifty years, give or take a few, to get over the fact that I wasn't getting a lot of loot during winter.
As we traveled through Holly, Elladan began to tell me stories of these, his most sacred of stomping grounds although he didn't use quite that same phraseology. He seemed extremely amused one night as we sat around the campfire until Legolas prodded him into telling us the joke.
"It was here that Rhov was shot by an orc. You remember the incident do you not, Legolas?"
"Slightly. We never heard more about the matter than a few letters sent to us. Is it true that he and Elrohir were playing a prank on Glorfindel?"
"Aye, although why they tagged him for their little prank is beyond me considering the great elf does not take such things lightly."
"Did they survive the thrashing?" Legolas questioned.
"Rhov did because Arwen was there to do it for Glorfindel. Elrohir on the other hand had to go and apologize."
"Could you please just give us the whole story without going around in circles?" I demanded, fed up with Legolas' and Elladan's little inside joke that none of us understood. At least I thought I wasn't the only one.
Grudgingly, Elladan told us the entire story, start to finish. Apparently, this elusive Elrohir –twin brother of Elladan- and Rhov got along quite well and had done almost as much co-damage in Rivendell but surprisingly, Rhov still had the record for sole destruction of Mirkwood. Both of them knew Glorfindel quite well and had decided to play a terrible yet slightly imaginative joke on this seemingly important elf.
Rhov had played dead for the great one and he had ridden up to give what aid he could when a rogue orc, who had been trailing the terrible duo for days, had decided now was the time to get in his two cents and shot Rhov in his shoulder. Glorfindel spotted the fleeing, giggling orc and copped him off without turning a hair.
From what Elladan could get out of Elrohir, Glorfindel was in a right state: mad, annoyed, worried, sad, and overall scared to death on the way back to Rivendell.
"Why would he be scared?" I asked, interrupting Elladan.
"Because he knew that if Rhov died under his supervision, the Lady of Light would never forgive him." He answered, slightly miffed.
"Who's the Lady of Light?"
"You'll find out soon enough, now be quiet." Legolas interjected tersely. I acquiesced to his request (I love that line) and shut up.
Once I'd completely zipped the lip, Elladan continued. "Rhov, however, seems to have great strength hid inside himself and did not even get a fever until they were two days away from Rivendell and even then he didn't get too sick. Upon reaching Rivendell, they met Arwen who was visiting her father…" here he stopped and I took up the narrative for him considering I'd heard enough about Arwen to figure it out.
"Let me guess: she freaked, Glorfindel thought he was going to be dead soon, and Elrohir nearly killed himself trying to hide."
"I suppose you could put it that way…" Elladan mused and then went on to explain Elrond's subsequent healing of the dark-elf and the month it took for Rhov to recover and the tongue-lashing he received after he told Arwen to cremate him.
Of course after that epistle, I found my desire to meet this Rhovanion dude grow stronger and I began to wonder if he was in any way cute. Bear with me, ok? I hadn't seen any sort of cute –at least my idea of cute- in all my life including my stint on Earth and was just about ready to see something different. See, I suppose most girls would be drooling if they saw even Hanath who is ancient, decrepit, crude oil, a fossil, I mean the guy is over 5000 years old! Sure, he may still look really hot I suppose but still. I myself couldn't didn't find much to like about all this pasty-faced –Elladan excluded since he's a brunette- blondies except for their brilliant minds and razor sharp wit. (Believe me, you should see Thranduil go at it when he's in the mood.)
Legolas must have gotten some kind of idea what I was thinking (how I don't know) and came up to me before bedtime. "You know, Kelly. Rhov might be the right match for you."
"What in the world are you talking about?" I gasped. Hey, the dude took me by surprise!
"Well, the Elvenking loves you as a daughter…" I snorted but he continued, "and would love to see you well married sometime in the future considering there is not way you'll ever be getting back to your own world."
"I'm not getting married, Legolas! Sixteen is way too young in our world and I bet that it's babyish in this one."
"Don't forget, you're almost an elf now except for the ears and your abominable singing; you're over sixty now." Legolas said a sad little grin on his face. Then he did something that will go down in my books as one of the sweetest things a guy could ever do. He bent down and kissed my forehead before rising and melting into the darkness. Gee, maybe this whole immortality thing isn't all it's cracked up to be considering how he got all mushy on me when he even hinted at it. Poor brother of mine…
Whoohoo! Rivendell has water and sunlight and pretty trees and cute little animals and extremely weird black and brown-haired elves! THEY AIN'T BLOND! Just the most beautiful spot you could ever imagine and I get to stay here for an unprecedented amount of time! At this point, I was wriggling in excitement as we traveled over the bridge and into the courtyard of the Last Homely House.
Elladan's face had lit up like a fourth of July sparkler and rushed ahead of all of us to meet a tall, kinda cool, kinda scary guy who was standing by a huge door next to an absolutely gorgeous gal. I'm telling you, this lady could win the Miss Universe pageant no sweat.
Just to be honest, I'd never seen old Elladan lighten up apart from the occasional catfight or shouting match but the second he saw those two really distinguished-looking folks, he became an elflet.
"ADA! Arwen!" He yelled with delight before jumping off his galloping mount and hugging the two elves.
I heard Legolas chuckle behind me and I turned around. Oh no, another reminiscing bout: how I detest those. Hanath and the other four wood-elves just let their jaws hang slack. I suppose they were as surprised as I was that ol' Danny Boy could fly off the handle like that.
"Ada, this is the girl I told you about." Elladan said and almost yanked me off my horse that merely snorted and dragged me toward Elrond Half-Elven. Don't get me wrong, meeting Elrond was way cool but please, please, please get me away from Miss America. I'm usually not crazy about keeping up the old female hygiene thingy but when you gotta stand right next to Beautiful, anybody would get self-conscious.
All unknowing of my plight, Elladan shoved me right in front of these people and started chattering about my appearance and everything else. I guess I might have wandered off in my mind or something considering I knew all of that stuff already because Elrond shushed his son. He'd probably noticed my eyes glazing over.
"I can find this all out in good time. Now I must greet our guests and get ready for supper." This dear, absolutely splendid man said before kissing my hand –I'm such a pushover for chivalry- and handed me over to his daughter.
"Welcome to Imladris, Mierien." Arwen said, with a sweet smile.
"Actually," I commented, "The name is Kelly."
"Forgive me, I did not know your true name." She replied and I swear Lady Arwen looked about ready to laugh out loud. "Is it true that you wreaked nearly as much havoc as Rilien Rhovanion in the Great Forest of Mirkwood?"
"Unfortunately, no. As a woman I didn't get nearly as many opportunities as he but perhaps I will here." I stated matter-of-factly.
This time she really did laugh and I decided Arwen would be a lot of fun to be around. Just as I opened my mouth to reply, a black and white streak flew by us and dived into the huddle of males all the while screaming, "Elladan! Legolas! Finally!"
"Who is that?" I asked.
"That is my other brother and twin to Elladan. His name is Elrohir and he arrived several days before you." She sighed slightly and I got the feeling that Elrohir was the wild type, considering the look and groans coming from the named individuals that he was now pounding on the back. "Shall I show you to your room?"
"Yes please." I said tearing my eyes away from the intensely amusing scenery. It was sweet of the dear heart to think of that. How I needed a bath to wash out this icky grit and dust out of my hair.
We walked down the cool, quiet halls in a companionable silence as I stared in wonder and amazement at the beautiful yet slightly plain appearance of the Last Homely House. A sweetness pervaded everything and for once, I didn't mind in the least. Most of the time, I had enjoyed Mirkwood because of its wildness and darkness but this Rivendell place was awesome as well.
"Here is your room, Kelly." Arwen said, breaking me from my comparisons. "I hope you will be comfortable and if you need help just ring that little bell and someone will come."
"Thank you very much, Arwen. It's quite peachy, this room." I said happily since I had always liked those houses that had lovely, silky material blowing in the wind. This room was literally filled with softly waving material and boy oh boy, wouldn't Caitlin be jealous.
"I'm glad you like it." Miss Gorgeous said a puzzled look on her face. Probably because of my strange choice of adjectives. "Dinner will be in a few moments. There are clothes in there and I will come and get you so you won't get lost."
"Thanks, love." She blinked in confusion so I sighed and said, "Thank you, my lady."
It had been a week since us, the Mirkwood group, had arrived and I was getting increasingly attached to my new home. Arwen was wonderful, showing me different places on the grounds and explaining the history while she gave me the grand tour.
All in all, I was enjoying myself immensely except for the fact that there seemed to be a gloom pervading the entire household. Although Arwen was very sweet and endured me more then anyone else I'd met in my Middle-Earth experience, she too seemed preoccupied and somewhat sad. When I asked she would just give me a quick smile and change the subject. See, I suppose everyone else thought I didn't know diddley about Middle-Earth or it's past beyond Mirkwood and it was extremely difficult to obtain news from these people.
I never saw Elladan or Elrohir but Legolas did turn up occasionally with the odd bit of news and that's how I found out about the arrival of an extremely sick hobbit named Frodo. I was meandering down the hallway to dinner when I saw Legolas walking up and down in front of his door chewing on the tips of his fingers and muttering.
"What ever is the matter?" He never bit his fingernails, never. I figured this had to be a real emergency for him to do that.
"Do you remember when father explained to you about Sauron and his defeat?" Legolas asked and to say I was slightly surprised by the question was one way to put it.
"Yes but…"
He glowered at me and continued pacing, "Do you remember the mystery of the Ring of Power?"
Deciding to go along with his sudden inspiration to be a history professor, I sighed and sat down on a handy bench. "Yes."
"It's been found, Kelly." Legolas said and he did something utterly surprising. He flopped onto the stone floor and stared up at the wooden ceiling, tears coursing down his cheeks. "It's been found and Sauron now knows it as well."
Fear clenched my heart in an iron vise and suddenly, I wished I was back home in my room watching movies while eating popcorn. Of course I knew that Sauron existed and his Ring and that he had wreaked havoc on Middle-Earth for thousands of years but that had been in a dusty, moldy, ancient book in the Elvenking's library. Now, the shock of it coming up again struck me dumb with terror. I didn't want anyone I knew or loved to die because some power hungry idiot had risen up to rule over Middle-Earth.
"There is a hobbit in that room right now whose name is Frodo Baggins," he gestured towards a door down the hall, "who carries this ring and he was almost destroyed by the nine."
My voice trembled as I stammered, "T… the… na…zgul…?"
"Aye, the very same and their outward appearance has been destroyed so we shall not have to worry about them for some time, but…" his voice trailed away when he saw my face.
I suppose I'd gotten slightly white as the proverbial paper because he rushed over and clutched my limp hands between his. "Don't be so afraid, Kelly. You will be safe here and I couldn't be happier then knowing you are safe and well. Please, sister, do not fear."
Oh. How. Sweet. Is. That. Never, in all my life had anyone said anything like that to me and I couldn't help but throw my arms around his neck hug him to death. Ok, so maybe I wasn't entirely ready to go home now that I knew I had this sweetest of darling brothers to help me out.
"Now," he released himself after several minutes and began stroking my cheek, "I want you to go outside and enjoy the fresh air. I will tell you if anything very important happens."
With a gentle yet firm push, big brother got me moving toward the lovely outside and when I hit the door, I was running as fast as I could toward my favorite spot: a lonely little bridge by the waterfall. Seriously, now was a time to think and reflect if there ever was one.
A Ranger named Estel arrived with three other hobbits the companions of Frodo Baggins and it was left to me to keep them fed and occupied. Their names were Sam Gamgee, Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrine Took and Sam seemed to be an extremely loyal and close friend considering he never left Frodo's side. Merry and Pippin stayed with me most of the time but their dear little hearts were so heavy with fear and grief I didn't know what to do.
When Frodo finally woke up, I was almost ready to go into that room and give the hobbit the biggest hug of his entire life. Never ever, try to keep three scared hobbits occupied by telling them stories of early Middle-Earth. Scares them out of their wits, of course, I really shouldn't have embellished but oh well.
Since I didn't have any hobbits to take care of, it was nice to just sit in my room and watch the sun as fell towards the West. How one little hobbit I knew nothing about (especially since I didn't even know hobbits existed until Legolas explained) could make me so happy and peaceful by simply staying alive was beyond me.
I closed my eyes and listened to the trees and little animals as they began to prepare for bedtime. Just as I was about to fall asleep, someone began singing the most beautiful song I'd ever heard. Opening my eyes, I looked out the window and saw something that made my heart leap for joy although I didn't know why the bloody stupid thing did it. An elf was skipping down the path that leads to the bridge and it was he who was singing that strange song.
Now you're all probably thinking, 'Oh. Great. Here we darn well go again. Haven't I read enough romance stories by accident as it is?' I could agree with you on the romancy thingy. Give me a break, those paperbacks always made me queasy and I did my best to stay away from that side of the bookstore… I think I'm getting away from the point.
Let's just say I don't know why the heck I was suddenly, inexplicably happy but I was all the same. Moreover, I did the same thing any girl who saw an elf like this would do: subconsciously this thought came into my mind "Whoa, he's cute."
Now remember, I had sent death threats in little notes and other uh, more forward means to both Legolas and Elladan when I first arrived in Middle-Earth and I hadn't changed a millimeter. Orlando Bloom for crying out loud understood what it was to deal with my, shall we say, weird un-interest in guys. Nevertheless, this dark-skinned elf -who was now dancing over the bridge-, was just so different from the norm around here that I couldn't help it so give me a break already.
"Legolas! Rhov has arrived and I dare say he will be overjoyed to see you! Hurry!" I heard someone yell out in the corridor. Whipping around, I hurried out of my bedroom and after Legolas who was almost flying down the hall. Needless to say, I lost sight of him in T-minus-zero-seconds. Fortunately, I had a pretty good idea of where he had disappeared to and continued at a more leisurely pace towards the courtyard.
When I reached it, a large group of people including Legolas, the mysterious Estel, Elladan, Elrohir, and a several men who looked like Aragorn were gathered around the brown elf I had seen earlier. I coughed but they didn't hear I suppose so I coughed louder. No response. After standing there for several moments trying to be polite, I finally gave it up and tapped Legolas on the shoulder.
"Would it hurt you, Leggy, to introduce me to your friends or shall I have to stand here all day?" I almost had to manually put my face muscles into a darlingly sweet smile. Why I decided to do that I don't know so humor me.
The strange elf turned and I found myself staring into the… uh… strangest eyes anyone would like to get their hands on. Seriously, the guy had eyelashes to DIE for and green, ho boy was they ever green. He smiled and I swear the only reasons my legs began to feel like jelly was because I had suddenly realized how tired I was.
"Ah, Mierien, the terror of Mirkwood." He said, his voice so amused I couldn't help but stiffen up.
"From all I've heard, I can't hold a candle to your exploits and believe me, I've done my best but it just hasn't worked." I said, retaining my weird smile. I caught Elladan looking at me with a confused look on his face. He probably hadn't realized I could look nice if I wanted to. I turned my attention back to Rilien Rhovanion. Geez, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to guess who I was talking with.
"Well, milady, it seems that we haven't been introduced properly." Rhovanion said with a small chuckle. I got the worst feeling that he saw me as a mere child. Dang it! I hated it when people did that!
"You seem to know everything important about me but, what the heck…" I sighed gustily and poked Legolas in the side, hoping it would wipe off that bloody smirk that he had suddenly brought onto the scene. "Well buster?"
I heard Elladan snicker while Legolas did indeed lose the stupid grin and blush. "This is Mierien…" "Ahem!" "I mean, Kelly. She has been living with us in Mirkwood for quite some time and will now be residing in Imladris…" "Yes, something he's been waiting for with ill-concealed glee." "-under Lord Elrond's supervision." Legolas spat out before turning to fix me with THE Thranduil glare.
"Shall we go in?" Elladan asked and then began shooing everyone inside. I suddenly realized that Rhov hadn't followed the fleeing males but was still standing in front of me, grinning down from his lovely giantish height. Did I mention that this dude was TALL?
"May I ask what 'buster' means?"
"It's a derogatory statement that I use with everyone except for complete strangers like yourself." I replied still keeping up the sickly smile although my face started feeling strained.
"I see… well, that's something that will have to be explained to me by Legolas." Rhov said and then held up his arm. "Would you like to escort me to dinner?"
I laughed at the outrageous thought of me dragging him to dinner. Not something that was looked on with much appreciation by the vast majority of elves I'd known. Funny, right then it struck me that the Ranger and Rhov's companions were the first humans I'd met in approximately fifty years. Oh well, random thoughts.
"O, of course good sir. Lead me to it!" I chuckled and ditched the stupid smile for my usual evil grin. "Pardon me if I trip now and then, fifty years and I still haven't gotten used to these monstrosities called dresses." I couldn't help but notice that I'd definitely lost my natural tan over the years in Mirkwood and I looked positively pale compared to Rhov, I mean the guy had really dark skin.
Rhov suddenly bent down and whispered in my ear, "And forgive me if I do not understand anything you say tonight. Women are not something I've gotten used to in all my long years. Shall we?"
I giggled and let him pull me into the warm light that was streaming from the front door of the House. Finally, a kindred spirit in Middle-Earth, who woulda thunk it. Did I mention that he was actually quite cute?
Author's Note: WHHEEE! I finally got this chapter up, and to be frank, I really like it. Do not worry, I shall not make dear Kelly into a Mary-Sue. I decided now would be a good time to respond to the many wonderul, splendiforous reviewers sooooo... let us begin.
gothic-ember: well, it's kind of an aproximation if you get my drift since there were about fifty years between the Hobbit and FOTR. Then Elladan procrastinated for twenty years so that they arrived in Rivendell right before Frodo.
The Great White Emu: I suppose I should explain the usage of your name. I actually didn't notice it was your name until you told me so I guess it was in my subconscious or something. It was unintentional...
PrincessofRain: I'm not really sure what you mean by ideas...but thanks for telling me it was funny. I really like being funny.
faeriekittie306animelover: Yes, Kelly thinks of both Elladan and Legolas as brothers. She just doesn't have any interest in guys at all but maybe Rhov will change that... :wiggles eyebrows:
Kya Jaganshi: :thinks: Yeah, she does spaz in the starting. I like that "GIVE 'EM HELL, HARRY!" - don't ask
Casandra: Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for that lovely review!
Crecy: Yes, you do make sense. Sometimes people use crude humor way too much so it's nice to see something traditional and clean now and then.
Princess of Ithilien: I have updated as you requested, your highness. :bows in thanks for her sweet words:
Canadian Coco Chick: That's precisely what I thought.
orliefan: Ah HA! A fellow torturer of elves in disguise! Yes, it's quite fun to torture the great Legolamy himself...
Raina Elanesse: :kisses her on the cheek: thankyou my dear...
If I missed anyone, Rhov will give you a kiss.
Rhov: WHAT?