DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I DO HOWEVER OWN SAMANTHA FLACK. YES. IT'S OFFICIAL FOLKS. SHE'S A FLACK.
A/N: I am not very good at writing weddings. Just a warning. I actually avoid writing them like the plague. So I warn you all now, it might not be the greatest wedding ever. Enjoy!
At last
"Found what its like to hurt selfishly
Scared to give of me
Afraid to just believe
I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place
Stumbled through the mess that I have made
Finally got out of my own way
I've finally started living for today
I finally know that I needed to grow
And finally my mate has met my soul
Finally
Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Finally
Now my life doesn't seem so bad
It's the best that I've ever had
Gave my love to him finally."
-Finally, Fergie
Adam paced outside of the women's restroom. His hands shoved in the pockets of his dress pants. He was sweating. Profusely. He felt as if he was sweltering in his well tailored black suit. That the collar of his deep burgundy shirt was coming dangerously close to collapsing his trachea and that his black and burgundy patterned tie felt as if it weighed a ton as it sat on his chest. Exaggeration, maybe. But he had honestly never been so nervous in his entire life. And he wasn't even the one getting married.
The third floor of the courthouse was in utter silence. Down the hall, a small group of people had converged in the spacious office of Superior Court Judge Anthony Frank. Flack's go to guy for warrants. Frank was an insomniac with other forty years on the bench. Short and round with snow white hair and thick, black framed glasses and a strong Bronx accent. Any other cop requesting the good judge to hold a wedding in his chambers at nine at night on Christmas Eve would have been told to go take a leap off of the Brooklyn Bridge. Frank had a soft spot for Flack Jr. Mostly because Frank remembered Flack Sr making many a trip to his offices looking for warrants and had always been friendly and professional. They had struck up an amicable friendship based on mutual trust and respect. Frank could even recall the detective coming into his office with cigars, announcing that his wife had just given birth to a baby boy that bore his father's name and likeness.
But it wasn't the only thing that had secured Flack a private wedding in the judge's chambers on Christmas Eve. It hadn't hurt that the detective had unknowingly stumbled on some dirt that involved his father's old friend. Flack didn't mention specifics. All he told people who questioned his ability to score a wedding ceremony after hours the night before Christmas was that he had enough on the judge to have him disbarred. And that he had approached Frank about it months before and had agreed, after much begging and pleading on the other man's part, to keep his mouth shut. It wasn't anything illegal. But it was damn humiliating and marriage ending.
Adam felt sick to his stomach. He'd faced a lot of emotional, trying times, but nothing could compare to what he was now going through. He felt as if he was standing inside of a sauna and in fear of passing out from heat stroke. He journeyed over to the water fountain several feet away and took a long, ice cold drink. Hoping it would cool down his dangerously heated body before it would explode.
The door to the washroom swung open and Carmen stepped out. Looking lovely in a simple hunter green wrap style dress with a modest neckline and black pumps. Her hair up in a graceful bun and slight makeup gracing her smooth features. If he had never met Gus, and Carmen had never hooked up with Speed, and if Adam had have been able to get up the courage to do so, he more than likely would have attempted to get together with his sister's best friend. Carmen was everything any guy could ever want in a woman. Phenomenally attractive, insanely intelligent, fiercely loyal. But there was one, crucial, important thing she wasn't.
She wasn't Gus. And Gus was his entire existence.
"Very nice," Carmen commented, giving an appreciative nod as she joined Adam in the hallway. "You clean up pretty damn good, Mr Ross."
He gave a bashful grin. "You don't look so bad yourself," he complimented. "So where's my sister? She didn't attempt to sneak out the window or anything did she?"
"Not yet," Carmen replied, only half joking. "She's really nervous. Says she's not ready to come out yet. And she's been crying since we left the apartment."
"Why?" Adam asked in concern.
"Nerves. We all know she loves Flack and would go to the ends of the earth to be with him. She's having his baby for God sakes. But the prospect of being a wife and spending the rest of your life with someone, that's pretty damn terrifying. Even when you do love someone to death."
Adam checked his watch and sighed. "It's five minutes to nine, Carmen. The judge already said that he wants everything wrapped up and all of us out of here by nine thirty. And the ceremony supposedly takes about twenty minutes. So if she's not of there soon, chances are, he'll pull the plug on the whole thing."
"Than maybe you should get in there and talk to her. See if you can calm her down a bit," Carmen suggested. "Because I may be her best friend, but there's no one in this world, outside of Don, that she trusts more than you. She needs her brother, Adam."
He sighed heavily. "But what do I say to her? I'm not good at this kind of thing. Giving out advice. It's not me. Sam's usually the one handing it to me and calming me down. What do I say to her?"
"Tell her that you don't exactly know what to say to her and take it from there. If anyone can get her to get her shit together, short of going down the hall and getting Flack to go in and get her, it's you."
Adam nodded. "And if I can't get through to her?"
"Than you'll have a two hundred plus pound homicide detective on your ass for not doing a better job."
The lab tech gulped noisily. "Wish me luck," he said as he headed for the washroom.
She was standing at the sink, her hands firmly planted on the ledge and her eyes closed and her chin tucked into her chest. Trying her best to quell the nausea that knawed at her stomach and made her head pound relentlessly. Her arms and her legs trembled. She was nervous and scared. Nervous because her entire life lay waiting for her. And scared because she feared that one day he would wake up and look at her and realized she wasn't the woman he thought she was. That he'd regret ever meeting her and taking on all the issues and baggage that she brought to the table. Scared and worried that the things in her past that she had yet to tell him would come back and bite her in the ass and drive him away.
Not once was she scared that she was making the wrong decision. Nothing that felt that good and perfect could be wrong. He was everything that she had ever wanted. Charming and trustworthy. Solid and dependable. Tough as nails when he needed to be and compassionate and sensitive and loving when she needed and wanted it the most. He was her best friend. The one person she could give herself wholly and completely to and not regret it. She had been through sheer hell in the past and had still gotten to this moment. She had learned to love someone unconditionally and that it was possible that someone could love her the same way. That not all men were evil bastards out to destroy everything good in their lives.
Don Flack was the best thing that had ever happened to her. There was no doubt about it. And she was scared that she wouldn't be everything he wanted. That she'd be a terrible wife and an even worse mother. Because that was all she knew. How to disappoint people.
She heard the door swing open behind her and turned to face the visitor. Expecting Carmen or even Gus or Erica. And smiling brightly through a veil of threatening tears as her baby brother stepped into the room.
"Wow," Adam said, clearly taken back by what he saw before him.
Of how his older sister looked standing there before him. In a cream coloured ankle length satin skirt and a delicate lace empire waist top with a scooped neckline with long, Victorian style bell sleeves and a satin camisole underneath. Her hair pushed back from her face and held in place by a simple beaded headband.
"What?" Sam asked, feeling embarrassed by the way he was staring at her when she felt so awkward and uncomfortable at seven and a half months pregnant. "I know…I'm a beached whale."
"No," Adam shook his head vigorously. "You're not. You're…you look beautiful, Sammie. More beautiful than I've ever seen you."
She smiled and crossed the bathroom and stood in front of him. "You look pretty sharp yourself, little Peanut," she said, and dusted down his lapels and tightened and straightened his tie. "What happened to your lip?" she asked.
"Just some drunken escapades," he replied. "Nothing major. I just was acting a little crazy and caught an elbow in the mouth. No biggie."
She reached up and combed her fingers affectionately through his thick hair. It had been thinned out and shortened considerably and his beard had been neatly trimmed.
"Very handsome," she gushed, and stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. "Now do you want to tell me what you're doing in the girls bathroom?"
"It's almost nine o'clock," he told her. "Wedding is scheduled for nine. You're wedding. You're suppose to be getting married tonight. In like two minutes. And Flack's down there and he's waiting for you and I'm pretty sure that he's starting to freak out that you're never going to show up. I mean, you can't just hide out in the bathroom all night. Can you?"
"Take a breath, Adam. You would think that you're the one getting married."
"I just think that we should get this show on the road, you know? Because there's a man down the hall that loves you and is willing to put up with you and deal with your crazy bullshit for the rest of his life and if you ask me, he deserves a damn medal of valour just for that alone. So don't do this to him. Don't walk away from him and when you've gotten this far."
"Adam, no one is walking away from anyone. I just…I need some time. Collect myself. Get myself together. This is a huge step."
"It was a huge step when you found out you were pregnant with his baby and accepted an engagement ring from him," he argued. "You entered into a life with him the minute you guys conceived that baby. Whether you're married to him or not, he's part of your life. At least for the next eighteen years."
"I accepted his proposal because I love him. Because I want to spend forever with him."
"So than why are you hiding out in the bathroom?" Adam asked. "You should be down the hall becoming his wife. Taking his name. For better or worse, in sickness and in health and do death do you part and all of that. I mean, you want to marry him, don't you? Because if you don't than just say the word and I will take you out of here right now. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"I do want to marry him, Adam. I wouldn't be here if I didn't," she said.
"Than get out there and go to him and show him you want to be with him instead of standing in here arguing with me! Because there shouldn't be any second thoughts. You love him and he loves you and that's that."
"It's not that simple, Adam. It really isn't. I'm scared."
"Of what? Tell me what you're scared of so I can get you out of here and down the hall to get married."
"I'm scared of being like mom and dad," she said. "That things will go really, really bad and neither of us will know how to get out."
"Don's not like dad. Far from it. And the way mom was back than…you're nothing like her, Sammie. You guys have so much more than mom and dad did. Love and respect and acceptance just to name a few. And if you could only see yourself the way I see you maybe you'd realize that it's time to stop knocking yourself down and…"
"Adam, it's okay," she said, laying a hand on his arm to get him to calm down a bit.
"Just let me finish. I need to finish what I have to say or I may never say it," he snapped. "You're my sister, Samantha. We went through hell together and you've been my best friend and my confidant all my life. You protected me and I was never able to give you that back. What dad did to you…it was wrong and I should have stopped him. And I didn't and I feel horrible for that."
"Adam…"
He held his hand up to silence her. "We made it through all of that together, Sammie. We can make it through anything. And I was so proud of you that you made something out of your life and didn't let our past drag you down. But I have never, ever been as proud of you as I am right now to see you getting ready to become a wife and pretty soon a mother."
She blinked. Taking back by the conviction in his voice and the tears in his eyes.
"You're my sister," Adam said and choked up. "And I love you more than I could ever tell you. And I admire you and respect you and I know that you'll have a long, amazing life with Flack. He loves you. No matter what. And if you ask me, you're damn lucky to have him. Because not many guys would put up with what you bring to the table. So please, cut the guy some slack and let me take you down there and get you married to him."
She smiled, her own tears sparkling in her eyes.
"Me and you, Sammie," Adam said and offered his hand. "Just like it was when we were kids. Me and you. I'll never let you fall. I'll always be here when you need me. You know that, right?"
Sam nodded and curled her fingers around his hand. "Let's go, Peanut," she said. "It's time to give me away."
"I'm not giving you away," he told her. "I'm just lending you to him. Letting him borrow you for awhile."
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed her brother's cheek softly. "Than let's get to it than," she said.
It was ten minutes after nine when Samantha and Adam finally stepped through the door and into the judge's chambers. Danny, standing to Flack's right, heard his friend take a shaky breath and saw the emotion that sparkled in those blue eyes and played on his face a she watched the love of his wife, his future, enter the room on the arm of her brother.
Danny reached out and laid a comforting, supportive hand on his best friend's shoulder. Saw the way that these two people, although both nervous and anxious and even a little bit scared, locked eyes and smiled lovingly at one another. And from that moment, no one existed outside of the two of them.
"Who gives this woman away?" Judge Frank, in his black robe and white collar asked.
"I do," Adam replied shakily. He stepped away from his sister and kissed both of her cheeks softly before turning to Flack and offering his hand.
The detective smiled and warmly shook the hand offered to him.
"Just take care of her," Adam implored. "It's all I ask."
"It's all I want to do," Flack assured him.
The lab tech nodded and gave a small smile and departed to where Gus was standing on the sidelines with Speed and Erica. Gus smiled lovingly at her fiance and wrapped her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek softly.
"You look beautiful," Flack said to Sam, as he took her hand tightly in his and fought the urge to grab her and kiss her right there and than.
She beamed. Already fighting back tears. "Are you nervous?" she asked.
"A bit…do I look nervous?"
"A bit," she told him.
He smiled and brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.
"Dearly beloved," the judge began, reading from a leather bound ledger in his hands. It had been a long time since he had preformed a wedding and needed as much help as he could get. "We are here tonight, on this holy night, to witness the marriage of Samantha Marie Ross and Donald Joseph Flack Jr. If there is anyone here who sees just cause to why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Danny made it a point to cast a glance at all the guests and give them each glare that meant if they even tried something stupid, they'd have him to deal with. When a moment past without a peep from anyone, he gave a satisfied nod and looked back at the judge.
"I got it under control," he said, causing Flack to give a small laugh a slight giggle to erupt from Sam.
"Samantha and Donald, have you both come here freely and without reservation? With no doubt in your hearts or minds?" Judge Frank asked.
"We have," they answered in unison. Flack broke out in a huge grin and Sam gave another nervous laugh.
"I understand that a Miss Broussard has something she'd like to read," the judge said.
Gus nodded and stepped up beside Carmen, unfolding a small piece of paper clutched tightly in her hand.
"It's just a little something that I have always loved and makes me think of Samantha and Flack…I mean Don…and how they feel about each other," she said in her Louisiana accent. "Love is patient, love is kind," she began, reading from the paper. "It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Danny cleared his throat noisily. Clearly touched by the words. Carmen wiped away a tear before it managed to escape down her cheek and ruin her makeup.
Gus smiled warmly at Sam and Flack and than retreated back to her place.
"If the two of you will turn to each other and join hands," the elderly judge instructed.
Flack took a deep, shaky breath and let it out slowly before turning to face his soon to be wife and taking both of her hands in his.
"Do you Donald take Samantha to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to cherish and to love? From this day forward, forsaking all others? Until you are only separated by death?"
He smiled lovingly as the woman before him. "I do," he replied confidently.
"And do you Samantha, take Donald to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, to cherish and to love? From this day forward forsaking all others? Until you are only separated by death?"
"I do," she answered quickly, her voice cracking with emotion.
"May I have the rings, please?" Judge Frank asked.
Both Danny and Carmen stepped forward and dropped the simple white gold rings onto the book in the judge's hands.
He picked up the smallest of the two. "Donald, take this ring and place it on the third finger of Samantha's left hand and repeat after me…"
Flack took the ring in his trembling fingers and did as the judge instructed.
"Samantha, accept this ring as a token of my love and fidelity. I promise to honour you, love you and respect you all the days of my life."
He repeated the simple words in a clear, calm voice and slipped the ring onto her finger. Than raised her hand to his lips and kissed the top of it softly and winked at her.
"Samantha," the judge spoke. "Take this ring and place it on the third finger of Donald's left hand and repeat after me…"
She plucked up the thick white gold band.
"Donald, accept this ring as a token of my love and fidelity. I promise to honour you, love you and respect you all the days of my life."
She spoke in a wavering, nervous voice. Gold eyes never left blue as she conveyed all her feelings and thoughts in the touch of her hand and the look in her eyes as she pushed the ring onto Flack's finger.
"And now, Daniel Messer has something he'd like to share," the judge said, nodding at Danny.
The CSI pulled a piece of paper from the pocket of his suit jacket and unfolded it. Pushing his glasses up onto his nose, he cleared his throat. "I'm not good at this kind of thing," he said. "But I stumbled upon this the other day and I thought it was perfect for Flack and Brooklyn…sorry, Don and Samantha…"
Everyone laughed at the slip up.
"This is the Apache Wedding Blessing," Danny began. "Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now there is no more loneliness. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May your days together be good and long."
Carmen sniffled noisily and wiped at her eyes with a crumpled Kleenex Speed had slipped her during the ring exchange.
"Under the eyes of God and in front of these witnesses, and according to the state of New York, I now pronounce that this man and this woman are now husband and wife," Judge Frank announced. "What God has brought together, let no man put asunder. Donald, you may kiss your bride."
He smiled brightly and dropped her hand and took her delicate face in both of his hands and kissed her long and soft.
No kiss had ever tasted so good.
"Well?" Danny asked, as he clapped his best friend on the shoulder outside of the courthouse. "How does it feel to be a married man?"
It was shortly before nine thirty when the small group stepped out into the frigid night air. A light, delicate snow was falling and the moon was full and bright and stars twinkled in the black velvet sky. The wedding licence had been signed by the happy couple and the witnesses and pictures had been taken. Now they were biding their time before a ten o'clock reservation in the Crystal Room at Tavern on the Green. The plan was to hit Rockefeller Centre. See the lights and the massive tree. Take some more pictures. After dinner, Sam and Flack had two nights planned at the luxe Pierre Hotel courtesy of Mac and Stella. They had decided to leave opening Christmas presents and a quiet, relaxing dinner until they returned to their apartment in the early afternoon of the twenty-seventh.
"Honestly?" Flack asked, as he buttoned his winter jacket. "Feels awesome."
"Yeah? What's so different about how you felt before and how you feel now?"
The detective shrugged. "It's just different that's all. I can't explain it. Just knowing that she's my wife, in every sense of the word, it's surreal. Knowing that for the rest of my life, her face is going to the first thing I see when I get up in the morning, and the last thing I see before I got to sleep at night. That we're going to grow old together and raise a family…I don't know. It just feels incredible when I think about all that. And a little weird, too."
Danny frowned. "Weird?"
"I'm someone's husband, Messer. How damn scary is that?"
"Let's just say that if she was my sister, I never would have let you within fifteen feet of her," Danny teased.
"I've seen your relatives, Danny. And you. Last person's sister I'd mess with would be yours considering how damn ugly she'd be," Flack shot back.
"Easy, Flack. Easy. I'd hate to put the beats down on you just after you got married. I gotta say though, I was impressed that you didn't faint or bolt out of there. You're a bigger, braver man than I am."
"It was just time, Danny. Time to grow up, start a new life for myself."
The CSI nodded as he took in those words. "And about that whole thing yesterday at the hospital. You know…Lindsay and the things I said about you and Sam's marriage tanking and you wanting to mess around with Devon…" he spoke quietly, so that Erica, walking several feet behind them with a giddy Samantha and Carmen, couldn't hear him. "I never should have said those things. I'm sorry."
"Look, Danny. I just want you to be happy, alright? And I thought that you were happy with Erica."
"I am," he said. "For the most part."
"But I also know that there's that part of you that's still in love with Lindsay Monroe."
Danny sighed and didn't deny it.
"And if you just take the time to look inside of you think about who you love more and who would make you the most happy, than you'll realize that's who you're meant to be with. And if it's Monroe, than you should be getting your ass on a plane to Montana and telling her these things."
"It's not that simple, Flack," Danny said, shaking his head slowly. "Things may have been pretty cut and dry with you and Sam, but it's not the case here."
"Cut and dry?" Flack laughed. "Are you kidding me? I'd love to know when things have been cut and dry between me and Sam. You know how hard I had to work my ass of to get myself, and her, here tonight.? Come on, Danny. You know all the bullshit and the fighting and the sheer craziness that's gone on with me and Sam. It's never been easy."
"I know that. I know it hasn't always been a bed or roses for you guys. What I mean is that you guys knew, almost from day one, how you felt about one another. That was never a mystery to either of you. You knew she loved you, she knew you loved her. You never kept that from each other. You guys were open and honest about how you felt from each other right from the get go."
"I took a risk, Danny. I told her how I felt about her really early on. And it could have gone either way. We hadn't known each other that long and she was just coming out of something really, really bad and there I was, telling her I loved her and promising her forever. And she could have easily told me I was full of shit and to take a hike. But you know what? She didn't. And if I hadn't have taken that risk, we probably wouldn't be here right now. Just married, a baby on the way."
"Like I said, you're a bigger man than I am, Flack. You weren't afraid to take that chance that she'd tell you to beat it."
"I wasn't afraid? I was fucking terrified. But it was better to take that chance and hope that she was feeling the same things for me, than not take it and live the rest of my life without her and wondering what if and kicking myself for never telling her."
Danny sighed. "I know, Flack, I know…but think about the way I treated her. I shut her out after Ruben and than I had a thing with Rikki and none of that was very fair to her at all. I could have handled things so much better. I pushed her away. And she's got every right to hate me."
"All I'm saying is that you need to make a decision, Messer. Who knows what Monroe is going to say. And you won't know if you don't get some balls and start making amends for all the shitty things you did to her. Shit or get off the pot. One or the other. Lindsay or Erica. It's that fucking simple. You could be missing out on something amazing with Monroe in favour of something that recently, and no offence, has been pretty damn mediocre at best with Erica."
"It's not that I don't love her, Flack. 'Cause I do. But when things are great they're really great and when things are bad, their horribly bad. And lately, it's been more of the latter. And I'm not the guy that deals with that shit very well. I bail when the going gets tough. That's my huge fault."
"You are so preaching to the choir, Mess. Trust me, all relationships go terribly, horribly bad from time to time. I'm in couples therapy still for Christ sakes. Therapy. Never in a million years did I think I'd go willingly to therapy. And you can roll your eyes all you want. 'Cause that shrink keeps me, and Sam, grounded. Hell, he keeps us sane half the time and prevents us from killing each other. And he's made me realize how much I do love her and appreciate her and respect her. And that she's not some possession."
"So what? You telling me to go to therapy now?" Danny scoffed.
"No. I'm just telling you that the sooner you get your shit together, the sooner you'll be able to have somewhat of a normal life with someone you love. And that's one person, Dan-o. Not two."
"You know," Danny gave a little laugh as he kicked at some snow beneath his feet. "I find it hard taking advice from a guy that's been married all of twenty minutes."
"It's well meaning advice from a best friend, Messer. And you know what? You started this conversation. And this is my wedding night and the last thing we should really be talking about is bad shit. I just want to enjoy tonight. As a newly married man. And I want you, as my best man and my best friend to do the same thing. All this other crap? It's up to you to figure it out. Lindsay or Erica. That's what it comes down to. So now shut up about it and worry about it tomorrow. Alright? And speaking of being married. How in the hell did I lose my wife after only twenty minutes?"
"She's with the gaggle of women," Danny said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "You just got that ring on her finger and she's already abandoning you for her friends."
"It's alright. I've got my whole life to be with her. I think I can spare her for a little while."
"That doesn't freak you out? Talking about spending your whole life with someone?" Danny asked.
Flack shrugged. "A little. But not nearly as much as the thought of not having her in my life at all."
A slight smirk tugged at Danny's lips. "You are a sentimental, soft bastard, Flack. What happened to you? Where'd the old Flack go?"
The detective chuckled. "He's gone, Mess. Long gone. And he couldn't have left soon enough."
"I'm happy for you, and for Sam," Danny said. "You guys found something real and special in this God forsaken mess of a world."
Flack nodded slowly as he let those words sink in. "I think you have, too," he told his friend. "I just don't think you realize who you found it with yet."
"And how do I realize that? Any other well meaning best friend advice?"
"Yeah…get your head out of your ass and open your eyes and the choice should become pretty damn clear."
Danny frowned.
"What? You actually want me to tell you who to pick? Come on. That's your battle. I don't care which one it is. As long as you know what you're doing and you're ready to face whatever comes after you make the choice. But sitting on the fence like this? It's just plain goddamn stupid."
"You always did have a talent for telling it like it is," Danny remarked.
"You're a big boy, Mess. So act like it."
No sooner did those words get past Flack's lips, he felt something smack up against the middle of his back. Than heard the loud giggling of the group of women behind them. And turned to see Carmen Devine bent down, gathering up two handfuls of snow.
"That was real fucking mature, Devine," he snapped, hunched down to grab some snow himself and packed it into a tight ball and chucked it at her. Catching her in the chest and sending wet, dirty snow spraying up into her face.
"You asshole, Flack!" she shrieked, and tossed her own snow ball and ran at him.
Laughing, he intercepted her easily, picked her up and put her over his shoulder and than none to gently deposited her, ass first, in the nearest, deepest snow bank.
"And you tell me to grow up?" Danny asked with a smirk, as Flack and Carmen, laughing, found themselves embroiled in a snow tossing fight. Carmen squealing when the detective shoved a handful of snow down the back of her jacket and shirt. She responded by smashing a handful of the white stuff in his face.
"You bitch," Flack said with a chuckle as he stood up and used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe the cold, slushy snow off of his face. "Come on, get your ass on up out of there," he offered his hand. "And don't even think about pulling me down there."
"Oh you're just so damn scary," she responded sarcastically, taking his hand and letting him pull her to her feet. "You're such a moron, Don," she declared, dusting the back of her jacket off.
"Hey, I could have dumped you face first into some yellow snow," he told her. "Be thankful it was relatively clean."
"I seriously don't know how Sam puts up with you," Carmen huffed.
"Easy," he said. "She loves me."
"Poor delusional girl," Speed commented as the rest of the group finally caught up.
"I don't know," Sam said, a permanent beaming smile on her face as she wrapped her arm around her new husband's waist. "He's a pretty damn good catch. I think I just may keep him."
"You think?" Flack asked, smiling down at her and running a hand over her hair. "Is there some kind of thirty day exchange policy I don't know about? Dissatisfied after a month and you can turn me in for another husband? Is there one for wives, too?"
"Sorry," she said, stepping in front of him and putting both arms around him and snuggling into his chest as the others, giving the newlyweds some space and privacy, continued down the sidewalk. "I am afraid you are stuck with me for at least fifty years."
He put both of his arms around her and held her tightly. And they stood there, holding one another in the middle of the snowy New York City sidewalk with snow flakes trickling softly down around them. It was as if they were the only two people in the world at that moment. That nothing else existed outside of them and the surreal wholeness and completeness that enveloped them. And the immense love and happiness that was almost over whelming.
He pulled back and kissed her softly. Removed one arm from around her in order to brush snowflakes from her cheeks with a gentle hand.
"Fifty years isn't near long enough," he told her.
She smiled softly and rested her head against him once again. "Sixty years?" she asked.
"Longer."
"Seventy? We'd probably be dead by than."
"I was thinking more like an eternity," he told her.
She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling.
"An eternity sounds just about right to me," she said.
Danny was just a little tipsy. The champagne had went down a little too easy. Mixed in with the fact he'd never managed to get all the booze out of his system from the night before and it didn't take much for him to feel the affects. Throughout the dinner and the happy chatter taking place among the guests, he'd been unusually quiet and withdrawn. The words that Flack had spoken regarding his relationship with Erica and his lingering feelings for Lindsay had hit hard. The truth of the matter was that no matter how much he had convinced himself that he hated Lindsay and had moved on, a part of him still missed her. And loved her.
And he had told her as much during one of their late night chats while he was working the graveyard. He wasn't even sure how the near daily phone calls had started. She had emailed him three months before. Telling him all about life back in Montana and about her family and how strange it felt to be back in the crime lab there. Although she was born and bred there, she felt out of place. It wasn't her home anymore, she said. New York was where she was meant to be. Where her heart still lingered. And she had told him she missed him and was sorry for the way things went down.
He'd sat on those words for about a week. Reading and re-reading that e-mail until he had memorized it and could recite it word for word. He felt like a bastard. He'd been the one that had caused the demise of their relationship. He hadn't let her be there for him when he had needed her. When Ruben had died, he'd completely withdrew from her. It had been a selfish, immature act. One that he regretted to that very day. Because he now knew, as he watched Sam and Flack exchange vows despite all the hardships and issues they had faced, that the support of the one person you loved more than anything, could see you through anything.
He had pushed Lindsay away. He had had a fling with Rikki. They had been drawn together out of the sheer grief of Ruben's death. He had never had any intention on promising tomorrow, let alone forever to Rikki. They had been at a weak moment in their lives. They had been there for each other when they needed it the most. He felt bad about that. Using Rikki as a ways to quench his pain. Because Rikki had deserved so much more than that. She was a beautiful, amazing woman that deserved to be wanted and cherished and loved. She deserved her son back, too. And that was something Danny couldn't give her no matter how hard he tried. And it was partly because of his negligence, that Ruben had been killed in the first place.
If I'd only made sure he got home, Danny thought, as he sipped champagne and listened to the conversations taking place around the table. If I had had just not stopped to help out and taken him home, none of this would have ever happened. He would still be alive and Rikki and I never would have happened. And Lindsay would still be here. And who knows where my life would be.
Not that it was a bad life. Far from it. He'd met an amazing woman. Erica was smart and beautiful. She had a great job and lived the high life thanks to her ex husband. But she was possessive and clingy and tried, and almost succeeded, controlling every aspect of Danny's life. He did love her. But sometimes he wondered if she felt the same for him. Or if she was just hanging in there until something better came along. All he knew was that he didn't want to be alone. And if Erica was in it for the long haul, than so was he. She was the sure thing. He couldn't take the chance on something or someone that wasn't guaranteed.
There was a lull in the conversation as his companions sipped their drinks and feasted on caramel pecan cheesecake. He smiled at Erica as she leaned sideways in her seat and pressed a kiss to his cheek and rubbed his thigh softly.
"Maybe you should make your little speech now," she suggested. "Before you get too much champagne in you."
He nodded in agreement and stood up and cleared his throat and tapped his fork on his champagne glass to get everyone's attention.
"I just want to say a few things," he said. "A best man's speech, if you will. Now you all know that I'm the best guy for sentimentality or words, but I just felt like I needed to say a little something about Samantha and Flack. Yes, he's Flack. Not Donald or Don. He's Flack. He's never been anything but Flack to me. I remember, meeting him at a crime scene many, many moons ago it seems, and him making a smart ass comment about how us science geeks just thought we ruled the world. I told the chump that maybe if he had have been smart enough to go to college than maybe he could have something better to say to me than some lame ass insult. That was it. Boom. We were instant friends. And he introduced himself as Don Flack. Not Jr at the end because it didn't matter to either of us to be honest. He didn't care that I was some smart ass kid from Staten Island with a somewhat shady past anymore than I cared that he was the offspring of NYPD royalty. I was Messer or Dan-o and he was just Flack. Plain and simple."
Danny reached for his glass and took a sip of champagne before continuing.
"Flack's not just a colleague," he said. "He's my best friend. The best one anyone could ever ask for. He doesn't judge you or look down on you. He offers up well meaning, if not a little off handed, advice. He stays quiet when you need him to be. Although a quiet Flack is somewhat of a rarity. If he isn't tossing out some kind of sarcastic comment, it's safe to say that he's not feeling very good or he's just having an excessively crappy day. Flack's the guy you want covering your ass in an interrogation or going through the door on a raid. The one you want running behind you while chasing a perp. Because you know, no matter what happens, that he's got your back. And that goes for personal stuff too. He's helped me through a lot of stuff. He's never belittled me or felt sorry for me. Although I'm sure he's wanted to kick my ass a few times."
"A few dozen," Flack corrected.
"To make a long story short," Danny continued. "As much as he knows about me, I also know about him. And trust me, he's not a scary as he seems. Usually his bark is worse than his bite. He's made some really good choices the past several years and trust me, he's made some really, really bad ones. And that day that him and Sam met outside of the crime lab, I just knew that this night would eventually come. There was just something there immediately. I can't explain it. But I know I felt it. And I know they did too. And that's why we're here tonight. Because these two just happened to find each other. At a time they both needed someone the most. And you can say what you want. You can say that it's all happening way too quick and will never last. I know I thought it at first. And said it. But watching them tonight, I can tell you, without a doubt in my heart, that these two will make it. Because they love each other. And you'd have to be a fool not to see it. Or be a slight bit jealous about it."
Flack smiled at his new wife, who sat watching and listening to Danny intently, tears in her eyes. He picked up her hand and held it tightly and leaned sideways in his chair to press a kiss to her cheek.
"I know I'm rambling," Danny said. "So I will wrap this up with these last words. Samantha and Flack…I hope that you still love each other forty, fifty years from now as you do at this moment. I wish you both nothing but happiness, health and love. Most of all, I wish you both forever. So," he held his champagne glass up. "To Samantha and Flack."
The guests echoed the sentiment as well and toasted the happy couple now kissing softly and gazing into each other's eyes.
Danny sat back down and took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Flack leaned over and laid a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Good job, Messer," he said just loud enough for the CSI to hear. "Now take my advice and go after your own forever, okay?"
Danny smiled and nodded.
There was more for him to gain than loose.
The hotel room was spacious and opulent. Plush cream wall to wall carpeting and elaborately carved ceilings and rich cherry wood antique furniture. A canopy bed that boasted gold, cream and burgundy brocade draperies and matching pillows and comforter. A bathroom big enough to fit most one bedroom apartments in and came complete with a Jacuzzi tub that had a flat screen television mounted above it. When they had arrived, shortly after midnight, the bed had been done up with rose petals strewn across it and a box of imported chocolates at each pillow and a bottle of sparkling cider chilling in a bucket of ice near the picture window that over looked Central Park.
In less than ten minutes, all those rose petals and the boxes of chocolates and most of the covers had been tossed on the floor along with clothing. The doctor had said no sex. Specifically no getting off on Sam's part because of the fear that the contractions of the uterus would bring on premature labour. And they'd obeyed those rules. They'd made out like a couple of horny high school kids on prom night. Although he'd been careful not too take things to far in case they found themselves unable to stop. Neither were prepared for the consequences of what could happen if they went any further. But it hadn't stopped Sam from going that extra distance so he wouldn't have to suffer as much as she was.
And an hour later, as Flack sat up in their rumbled bed, leaning back against the head board in just his boxer shorts as he sipped a glass of the cider and watched ESPN, he had honestly never been more satisfied and more frustrated at the same time. Frustrated because he hadn't been able to return the favour to his wife of less than three hours.
She didn't seem too fazed by the lack of personal satisfaction. And as she came out of the bathroom, there was a soft, content smile on her face. She wore a knee length, long sleeve grey nightshirt that boasted a huge picture of Jerry, the mouse from the cartoon Tom and Jerry. Jerry had an ice cream cone in his hand and just above his head, written in green glitter, were the words YUMMY MUMMY.
Flack could not agree more.
"You're watching the Rangers on our wedding night?" she teased, as she climbed into bed beside him and fixed her pillows and leaned back against the head board as well.
"Well I had to see if someone scored tonight," he answered dryly, chuckling as he received a playful elbow in the stomach. He wrapped his arm around her slender shoulders and pulled her in tight to his side.
"I'm sorry," she said, as she rested her hand on his stomach and her head on his shoulder.
"For what?"
"You know…because we can't do what most people do on their wedding night."
He grinned and kissed the top of her head. "Ask me, you shouldn't be the one apologizing. It should be our son saying he's sorry for screwing things up for you. I made out just fine, didn't I?"
"More than fine I would say," she said with a laugh, and reaching for the glass in his free hand, took a sip of the cider. "Where's the chocolate?" she asked.
"Somewhere on the floor, I think. Buried underneath all of our clothes. Why? You hungry?"
She nodded. "When am I not?"
"All night room and concierge service," he reminded her. "I mean, who needs sex when you have free satellite t.v, complimentary wet bar and a Jacuzzi tub? We have our whole lives to have sex. We'll probably never step foot in the Pierre Hotel again. Unless someone gets killed here and we investigate the crime scene. So, what do you feel like? Whatever your little heart desires."
"Hmmm…chocolate covered strawberries and some ice cream would go really good right about now."
"I'll see what I can do," Flack told her, pressing another kiss to the top of her head before slipping out of bed and going to the table by the window and grabbing the room service menu. But not before stopping at the duffel bag of clothes and personal affects he had brought along. He unzipped it, rummaged around for a few moments and came up with a folded piece of lined paper.
"This is for you," he said.
"You're not going to make me cry again, are you?" she asked, taking the paper from him. "That card you had Angell gave me did me in. I still cry when I think about it."
"It might make you a bit teary," he replied. "You remember that thing the shrink asked us to write? Five things I hate and love about you? And we never got around to it because of that whole thing with the raid and when we got back to therapy it was like that other stuff got shoved to the back burner?"
She nodded.
"Well, that's my offering. I was going to give it to you when you were in the hospital having the operation but I honestly forgot about it with everything that was going on. I just found it again when I got the bag out to pack for tonight. So I figured, no better time to share it with you than on our wedding night."
He retreated to the table by the window and flipped open the room service menu.
"You're not going to sit with me while I read it?" she asked, as she unfolded the paper.
"I already know what it says," he teased. "Besides, I'm not sure how you're going to react so I better stay a safe distance."
She frowned and reached for her glasses that she'd unpacked and left on the beside table. She slipped them onto her face and settled herself against the pillows once again.
FIVE THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
1. That I never met you sooner. Like say five years ago so I could avoid a lot of hurt and rejection and crap in my life
2. That I don't tell you often enough how I really feel about you
3. That I'm not brave enough or strong enough to tell you how I really feel sometimes
4. That you and I never had more time to just be us without having to worry about other things
5. That when you look at me I can see just how you feel but I don't know if you see the same thing when you look at me
FIVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU
1. The way you smile at me and your nose and your eyes crinkle and I know that you are truly and genuinely happy
2. The way you make me feel each and every time you touch me
3. The way you kiss me like you've never, ever kissed anyone else half as good as me in your entire life
4. The way you don't look down on me because I'm just some dumb cop with a grade twelve
5. That despite everything I've put you through, you still look at me as if I'm the greatest man on the earth and that I can do no wrong
6. (I had to add an extra one) That you gave me chance to prove that I am a good person.
7. (okay, so there's an extra two) That you're going to be the mother of all my children.
Tears spilled down her face and she wiped them away with the sleeve of her pyjamas. "I hate you," she declared.
He smiled and stood up and sat back down beside her on the bed. He reached out and gently cleared the tears away with his thumbs.
"Tell me you love me," she gently demanded, sniffling noisily.
"I love you," he told her. "I will always love you."
She smiled and kissed him softly. "Forever?" she asked.
"However long that is," he replied.
She curled her arms around his neck and pulled him into her for a long, tight hug.
"I love you, too," she said, running her fingers through his hair and kissing his cheek. "Now feed me."
He laughed and pulled away from her. "So this is how it's gonna be, huh? You're going to be one of those bossy, demanding wives, huh?"
She grinned and nodded. Picked up his left hand and ran her fingertips over the wedding band he now wore.
"Seems kind of weird," she said. "Seeing that on your finger. Does it feel weird? Having it there?"
He shrugged. "Not really. I was never one for jewellery so I guess it might take some getting used to. But when I look at it…I don't know. It doesn't seem weird to me."
"No?"
Flack shook his head. "Seems more perfect than anything," he admitted.
She smiled brightly. "You know what seems odd? When someone calls me Mrs Flack. When the desk clerk said it I thought your mother was standing behind me or something."
"Well, that's who you are now. Goodbye Miss Ross and hello Mrs Flack. Kind of like putting everything old behind you."
She nodded. "I like that idea," she said. "I become a new person. With a new name. And God knows," she looked down at her stomach. "An entirely new body."
"Hey, who knows? Maybe this time tomorrow night we'll be parents, too."
"You bite your tongue!" she laughed, swatting his arm playfully as he climbed off the bed and went to order room service. "You know," she said, rubbing her stomach. "I'm really glad you're my husband."
"I'm glad I'm your husband too," he said, picking up the phone. "But not nearly as glad as I am that you're my wife."
"You really as a corny bastard now that you're nearing thirty-one," she declared.
He winked at her and dialled the number for the front desk.
She sighed contently and closed her eyes.
She had gotten the ending she wanted. And now, a whole new story had begun.
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