DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN CSI:NY OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. I DO HOWEVER, OWN SAMANTHA FLACK AND BABY KIERAN
WOW, FOR A STORY I NEVER INTENDED TO WRITE, I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT TO A HUNDRED CHAPTERS! THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT GUYS! I LOVE YOU ALL, BEG75
THIS CHAPTER, MOST SPECIFICALLY THE LAST COUPLE OF SECTIONS, ARE DEDICATED TO BRTTMCLV AND MUCHMADNESS
Goodbye, hello
"And he cried
there goes my life
there goes my future, my everything
I love you
baby good-bye
He smiles
there goes my life
there goes my future my everything
I love you, daddy goodnight
there goes my life."
-There Goes My Life, Kenny Chesney
Carmen had been moved up to a private room on the women's ward at Trinity General.
It was the only piece of information that Flack had been given when he showed up at the triage desk in the emergency room. After countless tries of getting the young charge nurses' attention, he had resorted to reaching through the partially open glass reception window to physically slam his fingers down on the cradle of the telephone. Abruptly putting an end to the woman's relentless late night babbling and gossiping to a friend. She then had threatened to call security on him if he didn't go in sit in the waiting area to be seen by her. By that time he was so annoyed and agitated and exhausted from being woken up from a perfectly decent sleep, that he'd taken his badge off his pants, shoved it in her face and told her to listen instead of yapping.
He found Danny Messer, his glasses long gone and a thick white bandage covering the nasty gash on his forehead, pacing the width of the hallway outside of Carmen's room with his cell phone pressed to his ear. Using his left hand. His right was laying across his torso and was held tightly in place by a sling. Blood stained the front of his simple grey long sleeve thermal style shirt and his face was contorted by both discomfort and worry. Flack noticed his best friend a distinct limp to his left leg and seemed to be favouring both his arm, and his chest.
Danny talked rapidly into his phone. Wincing every so often and muttering curses under his breath when the pain became too intense to bear. He nodded at Flack in greeting as the detective stalked down the empty hallway and joined him across from the closed door of Carmen's room.
"That was Mac," Danny said as he snapped his phone closed. "He's on his way with Speed. They were up at a crime scene in Long Island when they heard the news and haven't been able to get away 'til now."
"Weather's a fucking bastard," Flack told the CSI. "It's gonna take them a while to get here even with lights and sirens. Took me half an hour from my place and usually it's a ten minute drive from there to here."
"Sorry Santucci woke you up," Danny apologized.
"Don't worry about that. You should have called me a hell of a lot sooner. Like when it first happened would have been a good idea. You okay? What's the damage?"
"Got a separated shoulder," Danny gently lifted his injured arm for emphasis. "Broken nose, twelve stitches to my forehead and I twisted up my knee pretty good."
"You should be sitting down and taking it easy, Messer. Never mind that. You should have been admitted too."
"I was," Danny revealed. "But I discharged myself."
Flack shook his head in disdain. "You're a stubborn bastard, Dan-o."
"I'm fine. Nothing that won't heal. Fucking airbag did the most damage."
"Would have been worse if there'd be no airbag," Flack pointed out. "What about Carmen?"
"Doctors won't tell me a damn thing. All I know is that she was conscious at the scene and coherent. Split lip, bloody nose. Think maybe she had a broken arm and she was complaining about having pains in her stomach."
"Internal bleeding?"
"MRI ruled it out," Danny said. "There's an OB in there with her right now. Doing an ultrasound."
Flack frowned. "For what?"
"What do most OB's do ultrasounds for?" Danny asked. "Come on, Flack. Use your brain. I know it's early in the morning but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out."
"There's no way that Devine is pregnant," the detective said. "No way in hell. She and Speedle would have told all of us if she was."
"Maybe they just found out," Danny reasoned. "Haven't had the chance to tell anyone. And Carmen was sick there for a while and everyone just assumed it was that wicked flu that Adam passed around the entire place. Could have been something else entirely different."
"Could have been. But Carmen would have had least told Sam if she even suspected it. Those two tell each other everything."
The CSI shrugged, and immediately winced as pain shot through him. "Fuck," he muttered through gritted teeth.
"They at least give you something?" Flack asked, as his best friend laid his hand on his shoulder and closed his eyes tightly and struggled to breathe through the agony surging through his body.
"Couple Tylenol threes," Danny managed. "Definitely not doing their job."
"Come on," Flack put a hand around Messer's bicep and led the way to a chair several feet away. Assisting his friend in slowly lowering himself into the seat. "Want me to get you something? See if they can give you something stronger?"
"I'll be okay," Danny said. "Just need to breathe through it. It'll pass soon enough."
Flack sighed and ran his hands over his weary face and leaned up against the wall beside where the CSI sat with his head between his legs, willing the pain to pass. Practically pleading with it to just fuck off and leave him alone.
"I tell ya, Flack," Danny was near tears. "I don't know why it is that I have the shit luck. First those IRA Wilder bastards fuck me up and now this. I am telling you, I need to move on to a new career. Something with less excitement and torture. Maybe go and flip burgers at Mickey D's. Because this…this is not worth the money we make."
"I've been saying that every day since I got caught up in a building explosion and nearly died, Mess. And I am still doing the same job. So you are so preaching to the choir."
"How was Sam?" Danny asked, finally getting the pain under control and sitting up.
"She wanted to come with me. I made her stay home. She doesn't need to deal with any of this. Especially when she thought she was having contractions earlier. Midnight she wakes me up and tells me that she thinks the baby is on the way. I made her wait it out. Whatever she was feeling went away pretty quick and never came back."
"And now you have to come here and deal with this bullshit."
"It's not bullshit, Danny. You're my best friend and my kid's godfather. I'm just glad that you're okay and it's not the morgue I'm visiting you in."
He gave a slight chuckle and leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "I'd be the best damn looking corpse Hammerback ever had on his slab."
"You're a morbid bastard," Flack declared. "So what happened? You guys were on the way to a scene?"
Danny nodded. "Got a call to a suspicious death on the upper east side. We weren't two blocks from the lab when some stupid sonofabitch came through the intersection and BOOM."
"Lights and sirens?"
"Of course. We wouldn't be running reds if we didn't have the lights and sirens going. Driver was D.O.A, huh?"
"That's what Santucci told me. You just know IAB and collision reconstruction are down there right now trying to piece together what happened. And probably talking to everyone they can round up to confirm your guys' story."
"Our story? It's what happened, Flack. We were responding to a call, with lights and sirens going and the other driver came through the intersection completely disregarding them. He hit us. Not the other way around."
"Calm down, Danny. I'm not saying otherwise. I'm just telling you that that's probably what's going on right about now. And if…"
The door to Carmen's room clicked open softly, interrupting Flack mid sentence. He and Danny glanced over as a physician, his stark white lab coat a striking contrast to his dark skin and features, slipped out of the room. He was followed by a young female tech pushing a portable ultrasound machine.
"Detective Messer," the doctor nodded at the CSI.
Danny struggled to get to his feet. Flack stood up quickly and took his best friend under the arm and helped him the rest of the way.
"This is Detective Don Flack," Danny said, motioning to the taller, bigger man beside him.
"Doctor Harrison," the physician offered his hand. "You're the father?"
Both Danny and Flack blinked.
"Come again?" Flack asked.
"The father," the doctor repeated. "I've been waiting for you to get here so that I could go over the details of the miscarriage with you."
Flack shook his head to clear the cobwebs out. "She was pregnant?"
"You didn't know? She never told me that the father wasn't aware of the pregnancy."
"Whoa…whoa…" Danny held up his hand. "Slow your row there, kid…"
"Carmen was pregnant?" Flack asked in disbelief.
"I'm sorry," the young physician apologized sheepishly. "I honestly had no idea that you weren't aware she was with child."
"Back up for a second," Flack said, holding a hand up. "First, I'm not the father. And second, you shouldn't have just assumed I was and blabbed like that to us. I mean, don't you people sign patient confidentiality contracts when you start working here? You shouldn't be out here telling us all of this."
"So you're not the father?" the confused young man asked.
"Jesus H Christ," Flack shook his head and turned away from the doctor, chuckling slightly.
"No. He's not the father," Danny snapped. "Neither of us are. And you shouldn't be out here singing like a damn bird about her and her baby. What's wrong with you? And what the hell is this about a miscarriage?"
"I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything more."
"What!?" Flack laughed out loud in spite of himself. "You've already told us the basics! Why stop now?"
"What's this about a miscarriage?" Danny pressed. "You said something about a miscarriage so out with it already. What happened?"
"I'm sorry. I can't…"
"Tell us anything else," Flack finished. "We got it. Now get the hell out of here before I either strangle you or put you through a wall."
The young doctor blinked.
"Go!" Flack ordered and pointed towards the end of the hall. "Just go. And don't come back until the real father gets here. Better yet, don't come back at all. Get the OB on call to come down here to talk to Miss Devine's fiance. And explain to him what a fuck up you made."
"Detective, I…"
"Go!" Flack nearly bellowed. Than reached out and snatched the medical chart out of the doctor's hands. "And leave these here."
"You can't just…"
"Take them and read them? No. I can't. But I did. And trust me, me taking them is less painful than me subpoenaing you for them or filing a complaint against you with the Chief of Staff. So what's it going to be? You gonna argue with me or cooperate?"
The doctor sighed heavily and turned on his heel and stalked off down the hall.
"That's what I thought," Flack said snidely and flipped open Carmen's chart.
"What's it say?" Danny inquired, peering at the papers in the detective's hands. "Quit flipping through them like that and let me see what the initial exam says."
"Hang on for a second. I'm looking for something here…" Flack skimmed through the papers inside of the folder until he found what he was looking for. A faxed over copy of an initial pregnancy test and ultrasound examination. "According to this, Carmen was just over two and a half months," he told Danny. "She had an ultrasound three weeks ago to date the pregnancy."
"What?" Danny asked in disbelief. "And she never said anything? Why wouldn't she say anything? And why wouldn't Speed say anything? You would think he'd be going around bragging to everyone about it like you did. You know, that whole 'hey, look what I did' thing that you did for a while there."
"Maybe Speed didn't even know," Flack reasoned.
Danny snorted. "I find that hard to believe. She wouldn't hide something like that from him."
"You wouldn't think so. But then again, I…" Flack's voice trailed off as he got to the last paper in the file. Another copy. This time a letter signed by Doctor Lightheart. The same OB that Sam had been seeing since the beginning of her pregnancy. And the only way to get into that doctor was through a referral. Which only meant one thing.
"Isn't that Sam's doctor?" Danny asked, recognizing the name.
Flack nodded and flipped the folder closed.
"You think Sam knew? She knew and never said anything? You would think that she'd tell you."
Flack shook his head. "She wouldn't tell me if Carmen asked her to. Sam wouldn't betray Carmen like that."
"So what do we do now?" Danny asked.
"We sit on this," Flack held the folder up. "We sit on it and wait for Speedle to get here."
"And than?" the CSI asked.
Flack sighed. "I have no goddamn idea."
Samantha couldn't sleep.
She had tried her best to get some rest after Flack had left for the hospital but the effort was futile. Instead she slipped out of bed and wrapped the thick comforter around her body and padded out into the living room and sprawled out on the couch and flicked on the television. There wasn't much to watch at quarter to four in the morning so she left it on QVC and turned the volume down real low and tried to keep her mind from conjuring up the worst images and thoughts possible. Her main thoughts were focused on Carmen. She was worried about Danny, too. He was one of her closest friends and confidants and she dreaded the idea of anything bad happening to him. But he was a big boy that was more than capable of taking care of himself. Carmen on the other hand….
All she could think about was the child that Carmen was carrying. She was the only person that knew. Carmen had come to her a little over two weeks ago waning to know if she could put in a good word with her with her obstetrician. A decent doctor was tough to find that day and age and word of mouth was a powerful tool. Sam was happy to pass along the word that her friend needed the good doctor's services, and even more happy when the news was confirmed through blood work and urinalysis that Carmen was indeed expecting a baby. She had even bit her tongue and accepted her friend's decision when she had announced that she wasn't ready to tell Speed yet and gone along when Carmen had asked her to attend that first ultrasound to date the pregnancy. But she couldn't keep silent any longer when Carmen kept insisting it just wasn't the right time to break the news to the father of the baby.
Sam couldn't understand the hesitation. Having a baby was an amazing, joyous event. Scary and nerve wracking the majority of the time, but something beautiful and pure for two people to experience together. Carmen hedging on telling Speed he was going to be a father was mind boggling. They were madly in love and planning on sharing forever together. And after the whole ordeal with Mathew, news of a baby was that silver lining in a dark cloud that had seemed to be consistently hovering over their heads.
Carmen had argued that she just wasn't ready to tell him. In fact, she was terrified of telling him. He had, on more than one occasion, suggested that children weren't the number one thing on his must do list. He had even told her that anyone who thought about even bringing a child in a Godforsaken world like the one they were living in was out of their mind. Sam had told her that she was being ridiculous. People say things that were taken out of context all the time. Maybe his hesitation about having children was one of those things. After all, Flack had sworn up and down before she had come along that he would never get married and have kids. And now he had embarked on both huge, life altering events.
But Carmen had remained firm to not tell him. How she had ever managed to keep quiet about it while they were living in the same house, Sam would never know. But she had accepted her friend's ultimate decision and did what most friends would do. Backed off and kept her mouth shut even if she did adamantly disagree with Carmen's course of action.
Her main concern now was not only just Carmen's injuries, but the fate of that tiny baby and how finding out he was going to be a father under such strange circumstances would affect Speed. She knew for a fact that he'd be pissed off. More pissed off than he would have been just finding out from the very beginning. Speed had zero tolerance policy for liars, and Sam had gently reminded Carmen of that fact. And that keeping something so important from him would only cause them massive problems in their relationship. He could essentially walk away out of anger and spite. Carmen had simply shrugged and said that was her cross to bear and she'd deal with all of that if, and when, it happened.
Samantha only hoped that Carmen wasn't tossing the best thing in her life away just because of her paranoia.
Yawning noisily, Sam stretched slightly and was immediately rewarded with a strong, vicious kick to her bladder.
"You little shit," she hissed, wincing in pain. The sudden and powerful urge to urinate coursed through her and she pushed off the covers an slowly climbed off of the couch and made her way gingerly down the hall to the small bathroom.
The pains that she had been having earlier had unnerved her. She had the inane fear that she was going to give birth to the kid in the middle of the bathroom floor completely alone and terrified. A stupid fear, really. Because nothing happened that quick.
She had just flicked on the light when an excruciating, knee buckling pain hit her in the lower abdomen. She cried out in agony and had to place her hand on the wall to keep herself on her feet. Tears threatened, t wasn't a normal pain. Her brain told her that. There was nothing normal about it. She had certainly never experienced anything that brutal in the entire pregnancy. Not even with all the problems with the incompetent cervix. The pain was replaced by a burning sensation. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and she forced herself, at a snail's pace to make her way out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Her fingers grazing the top of her cell phone resting on the nightstand when a sudden rush of warmth flooded through her entire body and down her legs.
Please no, she thought, scared to look at the mess she now knew was now in a puddle at her feet. She closed her eyes and breathed deep. She wouldn't panic. She was determined not to freak out and find herself in raging hysterics and completely useless. Instead, she calmly opened her eyes and looked down at the mess of amniotic fluid that was tinged with bright red blood.
So much for ration and calm, she thought, as she scooped up her cell and began dialling the familiar number with trembling fingers.
Tim Speedle had been in the room for fifteen minutes.
And for the last ten there'd been nothing but furious arguing and raging tempers on both his and Carmen's parts. It had started out well. Speed and Mac had arrived at the hospital looking frantic and worried, and he'd asked his friends and colleagues to stick around while the head of the obstetrics department and the general physician in charge of her care had taken them all aside and into a quiet room to list of the extent of Carmen's injuries.
Two cracked ribs. A hairline fracture to the right ankle. A broken nose and multiple contusions and abrasions to her face and her neck. A slight concussion. Nothing life threatening and nothing that wouldn't heal on their own in their own due time. She'd be kept overnight for observation and released, if the physician felt confident about her condition, sometime in the early afternoon. The accident could have been a hell of a lot worse on both Carmen and Danny's parts.
Knowing the secret of the pregnancy had all but been killing Flack and Danny. After their initial discovery, they had tried hard to put it into their back of their minds and focus on other things. Until they found themselves watching and waiting, for the reaction that would come over Tim Speedle's face when the obstetrician informed him that with such an early gestation age and such trauma like the one that had occurred, there was no way his child could have possibly survived.
Flack and Danny had all but held their breath and watched Speed intently. Saw the way his eyes widened and he took a sharp intake of breath and stared at the specialist as if he'd suddenly grown another head.
"What child?" he had asked, in a quiet, calm voice that had unnerved Flack so much that he had had to leave the room.
The initial reaction of shock and disbelief that had come over Speedle's face had been enough to tell Flack that the man had not known his fiancee, the love of his life, had been pregnant. And Flack personally didn't want to be in the room to hear, or see, anything else. Instead, he'd gone down to the patient and family lounge and got three crappy coffees out of the vending machine and walked slowly back towards Carmen's room. Where he found the door closed once again, and Mac and Danny leaning against the wall.
"Put some booze in here I hope," Danny commented, as he accepted the less than stellar coffee from his friend.
"How long they been in there?" Flack asked, passing a coffee over to Mac.
"About five minutes," Danny replied, sipping the brew and grimacing. "This stuff tastes like crap."
"Well when you're ready to go, we'll stop by the café downstairs and I'll get us some real coffees before I take you home," Flack said.
"Home?" the CSI snorted. "I'm not going home. I'm fine. I'm going to the lab and getting some work done. Mac's swamped as it is and can't afford to spare me."
"I can't," Mac agreed. "But there's no way you're working in the condition your in, Danny. Flack's going to take you home and I'm going to go back to the lab and put in my time wherever I'm needed."
"Big boss man working as a lab rat?" Danny chuckled at the idea. "Haven't seen you do that in a while, Mac."
"Well we do whatever we need to. And what you need to do is go home and take some more pain meds and get some rest. The lab can survive for a few days without you."
"A few days?" Danny looked and sounded horrified at the thought. "Come on…I can't stay off that long."
Mac's eyes widened and he gave the younger man a pointed glare.
"Okay maybe I can," Danny sighed.
"How's Samantha?" Mac asked the homicide detective next to him.
"Still pregnant," he replied with a grin. Than immediately felt like an ass for saying it considering that Tim Speedle had just found out the most terrible news of his life.
"It's not your fault what happened to Carmen and Tim," Mac told him. "They lost their baby but yours is still very much alive and doing well. These things happen, Flack. We don't know why or how. We just know they do. How did the appointments go today?"
He shrugged. "Not much really to report. Baby managed to get himself turned around. Doctor gave us February 10th as Kieran's birth date. If she doesn't go into labour by than, we're going in in the morning and she's being induced. Had a little bit of a moment earlier tonight though."
Mac arched a quizzical eyebrow.
"Sam was pretty sure she was having contractions," Flack explained. "Last on and off for about twenty minutes. She was damn near panicking. I made her sit on the couch and wait it and out and they eventually just went away and never came back. I gotta admit. I may have looked calm and seemed in control, but inside? I was shitting myself."
"Just don't be fainting or anything in the delivery room," Danny said. "Last thing Sam needs is you smacking your head off of something and getting a concussion or needing stitches."
"She was just warning me yesterday…"
Flack was interrupted by the sound of Tim Speedle's furious voice exploding from inside of Carmen's room.
"Why didn't you fucking tell me!"
"I don't know…" she responded, in a loud, but shaky voice that gave away she was both crying, and frightened by Speed's outburst. "I just didn't think that it was the right time!"
"The right time! When is it ever a wrong time to tell someone they're going to be a father!"
"I was worried how you'd react!" she reasoned. "That you wouldn't…"
"I wouldn't what? Want the baby!? Is that what you were going to say?"
"Tim…please calm down…" Carmen begged.
"Calm down?! Calm down!"
There was a resounding crash as an unknown object was cast across the room. All three men waiting outside in the hallway jumped. A nurse tending to a patient in a nearby room, hearing both the argument and the noise, stuck her head out into the hallway and frowned.
"I don't want to have to call security on the NYPD," she said in warning.
"Than mind your own business," Danny suggested with a wry smile.
"This gets any farther out of hand, we'll be going in there to break this up," Mac told the other two men. "This is a hospital. These people are sick and need care and they don't need to be hearing Carmen and Tim have a lover's quarrel."
"How long did you know for?" Speed's voice. Fierce and demanding.
"Tim…"
"How long, Carmen!?"
Silence. Than ever so quietly, so that those in the hallway could barely hear: "Two and a half weeks."
"Are you fucking kidding me!" Speed roared. "You've known for two and a half weeks and never said anything!?"
"I was scared!" she cried. "Of what you would say! Of how you'd react!"
"How I would react! What the hell was there to be scared of?!"
"You told me not long ago that you thought anyone who wanted to bring a kid into this world was nuts! That it should be considered a form of child abuse for allowing an innocent baby to have to live in this corrupt and evil society!"
"I had just come off a marathon shift! I had just finished dealing with rapists and child molseters and woman beaters! I was ranting after a difficult day! And you took me word for word?!"
"You seemed so serious and adamant about it. And I was worried about telling you because of that and I wanted to find the right time to tell you!"
"The right time!?" he snorted. "Would that have been before or after the baby was born?"
"This is serious, Tim! I don't need your smart ass comments and you trying to be funny!"
"Funny?" he roared. "Does it sound like I'm trying to be funny! Does it look like I'm trying to be fucking funny!"
"I'm sorry!" she sobbed. "I know I should have told you! I should have told you right away and for what it's worth I feel like shit and Sam told me right from the beginning to tell you!"
Mac's head snapped sideways and he looked at Flack. "Did you know?"
The detective shook his head. "When I took a peek at her medical chart, I saw that she had gone to the same OB as Sam a couple weeks back. And I know for a fact that it's nearly impossible to get into her and that you need either a reference from a doctor in good standing, like we had with Hawkes, or a friend of family member already a patient. So I put two and two together and figured Sam must have known."
"Samantha knew?"
Speedle's voice was lower now, but full of venom and disgust.
"I needed someone. Sam is pregnant and my best friend and she was already going through the whole OB thing so I knew I could go to her and get into her doctor. And I knew she wouldn't say anything to anyone. Not even Flack. I needed someone I could trust!"
"And you couldn't trust me!" he shouted. "I'm your fiance and you couldn't trust me! Does anyone else know? Does Mac know?"
"No…no one knows but Sam…Mac would never have let me out in the field knowing I was pregnant. You know that."
"So all because you're a lying bitch my kid is dead!"
Another loud clatter as Speed sent something else sailing across the room.
"My kid is dead because of you!" Speed roared. "Because of your negligence and your stupidity my kid is dead!"
"It was my baby too!" Carmen argued. "Not just yours!"
"Well you must not have cared too much about it to hide it from me and the rest of the world. Or is that just it? You didn't care about it and you were just hoping something would happen to you so you wouldn't ever have to give birth to it and raise it!?"
"What? No! Of course not! I wanted this baby! Your baby! Our baby!"
"Well there isn't a baby now, is there! All because you're a fucking idiot who never gives a shit about anyone other than herself!"
"I do care about other people!" Carmen sobbed. "I care about you!"
"But not enough to tell me that you were pregnant with my baby! This is your fault, Carmen! I hope your happy! Our baby is dead and it's all your fucking fault!"
"You don't mean that!"
"I do! I do mean it! Every single goddamn word! You lied to me! You lied to me and killed our baby and I will never, ever forgive you!"
"Tim…don't…don't leave!"
"I hate you, Carmen," he hissed, his voice close to the door. "I hate you and I never want to see you again! Ever! That baby is dead because of you! My baby! And for here on out, you're dead to me, too!"
The door flew open. With so much anger and force that the glass in the small window in the middle of it shattered as the door collided with the wall alongside of it. All three men waiting in the hallway were motionless and silent as a red faced and furious Tim Speedle came storming out.
"You knew didn't you," Speed hissed at Flack, pausing in the hallway.
"I didn't know anything," the detective said. "Not a damn thing until now."
"Your wife knew," Speed shook with anger and immense grief. "Your wife knew and she didn't tell you?"
"She wouldn't tell me anything that Carmen didn't want her to," Flack told the enraged man.
"Speed…" Danny took the brave step of approaching his friend and laying a hand on Speed's shoulder. "I am so sorry…"
"Don't…" Speed shoved Danny's hand off of his shoulder and took a step back. "Don't fucking touch me. Just…just leave me the hell alone…all of you…I never should have come to New York…"
"Don't say that Tim," Flack said, cautiously taking a step towards the CSI. "Look at all the great things that have happened here for you. Awesome job, amazing woman…"
"An amazing woman!" Speed laughed ruefully. "That fucking lying bitch in there!?"
"Don't talk like that," Danny scolded him. "That's crap talk right there. You love her. She loves you. She had her reasons. And I know it hurts like a fucking bitch right now, but the last thing you should be doing is talking like that and walking out on her."
"Go home, Speed," Mac suggested. "Go home and sleep on this and…"
"No," Speed said firmly. And reaching for his badge, unclipped it from his pants and held it out to Mac. "I quit," he announced. "That's it. I'm done."
"For fuck sakes, Speedle!" Flack shouted. "Don't be a fucking idiot! I know you're pissed off and hurt! Fuck, I would be too! But don't be going tossing everything away because you're pissed off and bitter! I know you feel like shit but get a goddamn grip on yourself!"
"You know how I feel!" Speed roared. "You know how I feel! You don't know fuck all, Flack! Your wife didn't lie to you like that! She wouldn't keep shit like that from you!"
"I know…but…"
"Your wife didn't kill your baby!" Speed continued, hot tears streaming down his face. "She didn't betray you like that and kill your baby! Your baby is still alive! Mine's dead and yours isn't! What makes you any better than me? Why does your kid deserve to live and mine doesn t?"
"I don't know," Flack said, shaking his head sadly. "It just happened, Speed…I don't have an explanation."
"Your kid is no better than mine!" he raged. "Mine deserved a chance!"
"It did," Flack agreed. "And I'm sorry that things didn't turn out better for you and your baby. But wishing mine dead to spare your own isn't going to bring your baby back, Speed."
"You don't deserve that baby!" Speed sobbed. "You and Sam don't deserve that baby! You weren't even in a proper relationship when that baby was conceived! Fuck, you're not even in a proper one now! You and your fucking joke of a dysfunctional marriage!"
"Look," Flack spoke rationally and calmly. "I know you're going through hell right now. Which is why I'm not I'm not beating your ass for saying that. And I also know that every nurse, doctor and patient in this place has been listening to what's going on and hurt that glass shattering and that someone has called security to come and haul your ass on out of here. And the last thing you need, is this hospital going back to the NYPD and telling them what you did here tonight. So why don't me and you go for a walk and you calm down and while talk about this. Before those rent-a-cops show up."
"Fuck them!" Speed bellowed. "Fuck them and fuck you!"
"Why don't you and I go and take a walk and you can cool down," Mac suggested, calmly attempting to diffuse the situation. He draped his arm across Speed's shoulders and led the younger man away. "Me and you can talk about this. I don't want you to leave anymore than you do. So let's go outside, grab some fresh air and talk about things. Okay?"
Speed sniffled noisily and wiped his eyes with the forearm of his jacket and allowed Mac to escort him down the hall.
Flack sighed noisily and rubbed the back of his neck as he shook his head. "Is this unreal or what?" he said to Danny, as they stood watching Mac and Speed disappear down the hall.
"I can't believe she never told him," Danny said. "Didn't give him a right to go off on her like he did and do the things he did and say what he did, but ya gotta feel for the poor bastard. You really think he'll leave?"
"Nah…he's just lashing out. Mac will calm him down. Talk some sense into him. Think we should go in there and try and talk to Carmen?"
Danny shrugged. "Worth a try, I guess."
They hadn't gotten two steps towards the door when Flack's cell phone rang noisily in the pocket of his winter coat. He'd forgotten to put it on vibrate, out of respect for patients, when he'd entered the hospital. He reached into his pocket and pulled his cell out and checked the call display. Danny noticed the immediate dread and worry that came over his friend's face.
Flack flipped his phone open put it to his ear. "What's wrong?" he asked into the phone. "When?…When did this happen?…what do you mean there was blood?…okay…Sam…Sam, just calm down…don't panic…listen to me very carefully…I'm on my way home. I want you to call Hawkes and ask him to come over, okay?…it's okay…don't cry baby…everything is fine…I know you're scared…just call Hawkes and I'm on my way…okay? I love you, too…bye…"
"What's going on?" Danny asked, as Flack flipped his phone closed.
"That was Sam…her water just broke…I gotta get home."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Danny laughed. "What else can happen tonight? You want me to come with?"
"You stay here," Flack told him, shoving his phone in his pocket as he hurried down the hall. "Take care of Carmen and I'll call you once anything concrete happens."
"Alright…hey, Flack!"
The detective cast a glance over his shoulder.
"Congratulations, daddy."
His best friend gave a huge grin and than disappeared around the corner.
Hawkes was in the kitchen when Flack stepped through the door. The ME turned CSI was leaning against one of the counters, the cordless phone pressed to his ear as he wrote feverishly on a pad of sticky notes in front of him.
"Her BP is 130 over 63," Hawkes was saying into the phone. "Pulse is 83. Fetal movement is strong and consistent…baby has dropped into the birth canal and is presenting head first as according to her last ultrasound taken yesterday…contractions are slow and steady, approximately twenty minutes apart…on my last check she was dilated to six centimeters…"
Flack ran his hand through his hair and paced the width of the small front foyer at the little piece of information.
"Amniotic fluid was free of meconium but tinged with blood," Hawkes continued. "Most likely due to the rupture of sutures in place to treat incompetent cervix..I don't believe she's on any medications…" he glanced at Flack.
The detective shook his head.
"Advice from her OB was to stay at home until the contractions were ten minutes or less apart," Hawkes said into the phone. "But like I said, my worry was the blood present in the amniotic fluid..I understand…but at the same time there's been problems with this pregnancy from the get go and we shouldn't be taken any chances…I will wait but I am telling you right now, if there's any bleeding or unbearable pain outside of contractions, I'm bringing her in myself and there better be a room ready for her."
He hung up and tossed the phone onto the counter and shook his head. "That was the L and D ward at Women's and Children's," he told Flack. "Under no circumstances are we to bring her to the hospital before her contractions are less than ten minutes apart."
"But what about the blood?" Flack asked.
"Most likely from tearing the stitches. When I checked her I saw no signs of any other blood."
"How's Sam?"
"Resting in the living room with Stella. We were coming back from a call in the Bronx when she called me. Judging by the how far she's already dilated, I'm guessing that birth is no more than two to three hours away. If not sooner."
"Jesus…is that normal? Going that quick?"
"Believe it or not, I saw women during my rotation that went from zero to ten in two hours. Doesn't happen often, but it is possible."
"But to not have any pain until now?" Flack asked sceptically.
"You can have contractions in your sleep and not even know it," Hawkes replied. "I'd say she's been going through it for at least four hours. Maybe even as long as six or eight. Would explain the back pain and slight cramping she told me she had earlier in the evening. And there's also a chance that her OB exam yesterday kicked started things."
"This is all just…" Flack took a deep breath and let out slowly. "Surreal. First the accident with Danny and Carmen and know this?"
"I called over to Trinity. Thank God they're both okay. I know they're your friends, but your main concern needs to be your wife and your child. And right now, she's resting quite comfortably on the couch."
"Thanks, Hawkes," Flack said. "For coming over."
"No problem. She's a great patient. I'll stick around until the L and D people kick me out. I'm trying to get as much fluids into her as possible. She's been vomiting off and on since I got here. We're timing her contractions. Try and keep her as calm as possible."
"Wish me luck," Flack said and headed for the living room, where Sam was stretched out on the couch, pillows propped behind her and her eyes closed. A warm flannel blanket wrapped around her and her hands resting on her stomach.
Stella was on the love seat, keeping one eye on a magazine and the other on her patient. She smiled at Flack as he came in and without a word, got up off the couch and left the room to give him and Sam some privacy.
He crouched down beside the couch and smoothed her hair away from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
She turned her face towards him and opened her eyes and managed a small smile. "Hey," she said quietly.
"Hey…how are you feeling?"
"Tired. And sore. Hawkes said that it won't be long until we have to go to the hospital."
"Time will tell," Flack said and laid his hand on her stomach and rubbed softly.
"How did it happen so quick? I felt pretty good all day and I only had a little bit of back pain and some cramps. Nothing major."
"Maybe the doctor started it off."
"Maybe…all I know is that this hurts…bad…and if it hurts this bad now, I will never survive actually giving birth."
"You'll be fine," he assured her. "You're a strong person. Tough little Brooklyn girl."
"Well it seems like my tolerance to pain has depleted. God! Did you feel that? All that moving around he's doing. Shit Donnie, your kid has ADHD already."
"So now he's just my kid?" he teased, stroking her stomach.
"Yep…whenever he does something bad…" she tried to sit up, but a sharp, intense pain took her breath away and caused to her reach for his hand and grip hard enough to actually hurt him. "Oh my God…" she cried and turned her face into him. "It hurts! It hurts so bad!"
"It's okay," he assured her, trying hard to hide the panic in his own voice. All the information he'd learned in the pre-natal classes just completely abandoning him. He smoothed down her hair and held her hand. "Just try and relax, baby."
"I am not ready for this!" she wailed. "I'm not…I can't do this, Donnie!"
"Yes…yes you can…"
"I'm scared…I'm so scared…"
"So am I. But you know what? I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere and we're going to get through this together. Okay?"
She nodded. Letting out a sigh of relief as the contraction passed. "How are Carmen and Danny?" she asked.
"What? Jesus Christ, Sam, who cares at this point in time?"
"Are they okay? Just tell me if they're okay."
"They're fine. Do me a favour and just worry about you and the baby."
"How's our patients?" Hawkes asked as he journeyed into the room.
Sam just shook her head and leaned back against the arm of the couch and put an arm over her eyes.
"Any more contractions?"
"A big one just hit," Flack told him. "She's in a lot of pain, Hawkes. Is there something you can give her to take the edge off?"
"The only thing I have him my kit is some morphine. The joys of being an MD, I guess. You can carry things like tha in your kit. But it's not my first choice for pain relief in pregnant women. We can try a hot compress on the back. Or massaging pressure points. That could relieve some of the agony."
"Anything," Sam begged. "Please…anything is fine…I just want…" she stopped mid sentence, moaned loudly and bit her lip as she squeezed Flack's hand once again. "Shit!…what is wrong with this kid?..seriously…I can't take this!"
Flack checked his watch. "Eight minutes apart," he announced.
"Time for us to go," Hawkes decided. "She's got a bag packed?"
"I'll go and get it," Flack said and stood up.
"No!" Sam cried. "No! Don't go! Please don't go!"
"I'm just going into the bedroom. Stella and Hawkes are with you."
She shook her head vigorously. "Don't go…please…stay here."
"I'll go," Stella said. "Where is it?"
"Closet in the bedroom," Flack replied. "One of those carry on suitcases. All the insurance papers and department benefit crap is in it all ready. Grab a pillow off the bed while you're at it? She's very adamant about having her own pillow."
"Hospital pillows suck," Sam declared through gritted teeth. "Oh God!" she wailed and rolled over onto her side. "This hurts! It fucking hurts!"
"It's okay," Flack rubbed her back soothingly. "Just stay calm…it's okay."
"It's not okay!" she snapped. "It's not! Someone is ripping my insides out of my ass! It's far from okay, Donald!"
"Shhh…" he ran a hand over her hair. "Just take it easy."
"Oh fuck you!" she yelled. "It's your fault this is happening!"
Flack and Hawkes grinned at each other.
"Try and stay calm," Hawkes said. "Can you sit up?"
"No…I don't know…I guess…"
Flack helped her into a sitting position and Hawkes slid a pair of slippers onto her feet.
"Your OB has been paged," Hawkes told her. "There's a room in labour and delivery waiting for you and the birthing tub is all fired up and ready to go. Flack, you're okay to drive the three of us there while Stella follows behind?"
He nodded and wrapped the blanket around his wife's trembling body and helped her to her feet. "You want me to carry you or can you make it downstairs to the car?" he asked.
"I'll be okay…" she said. "I'll be okay…WAIT!" she screamed. "No I won't!" she sobbed as she nearly doubled over in pain.
"This is happening really quick," Hawkes said, stating the obvious. "Stella!" he yelled through the apartment. "Call EMS!"
"Gotcha!" came her response.
"Sit back down, Samantha," Flack instructed.
"I'm not going to make it," she whimpered.
"Yes you will. Just breathe nice and slow and…"
"No! You don't understand, Donnie! I can feel it! The baby! I need to push! I have to push! The baby is coming. Right now! I have to push!"
"Hawkes…" Flack said, but the doctor was already springing into action.
Yanking a pair of latex gloves out of his pants pocket and snapping them on his hands and than made Samantha lie down on a blanket on the floor, while Flack, hands on his hips, paced nervously.
"I'm just going to check you, Samantha…" Hawkes said. "I need you to relax and take deep breaths…good girl…I know this is uncomfortable."
"I have to push!" she screamed.
"Not yet," Hawkes told her. "Don't push." He looked up at Flack. "The baby's head is already in the birth canal and she's nine centimetres."
"What?!" It was Flack's turn to freak out. "How in the hell is that possible!?"
"Fifteen minutes ETA on EMS," Stella announced as she hurried into the room.
"We don't have that long," Hawkes said. "I need towels, scissors, a bowl of warm water and some face cloths. Do you have a first aid baby kit?"
"In the nursery," Flack said, his hands in his hair. "Top drawer of the dresser."
Stella scurried around to gather up the supplies.
"This can't be happening," Flack muttered as he paced. "It can't be…"
"Sheldon!" Sam wailed. "I have to push! Please! I have to!"
"Flack, I need you to sit behind her so she's resting against your chest," Hawkes instructed. "Your job is to try and keep her, and yourself calm and talk her through this. This is going to be quick and unfortunately painful."
Flack nodded complacently and did as he was told.
"Not here," Sam was crying as she leaned against him, holding both of his hands. "It's not suppose to happen here. I'm scared, Donnie. I'm so scared."
"Everything's okay," he kissed the top of her head. "You're in good hands with Hawkes."
"This is embarrassing!" she exclaimed.
"Why's that?" Hawkes asked as Stella came rushing back in with the supplies. "I'm a doctor."
"You're my friend," she reasoned. "I work with you. And you're seeing my privates and delivering my baby! This can't be happening! Can't be…oh, God!…Sheldon!…do something!"
"When I tell yo to push, I want you to push for ten seconds," he instructed her. "All right? You can do this, Samantha. I know you're afraid and that's okay. Now on the count of three…one…two…three. Push!"
She bore down as hard as she could while Hawkes counted down the seconds. When he reached ten she collapsed back against Flack's chest.
"Again," Hawkes said. "Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…"
"Count faster!" she screamed.
"…five…four…three…two…one…good girl, Samantha. Stella, get Flack a wet face cloth to put on her forehead."
She nodded and dipped one of the cloths into the water and wrung it out before passing it to Flack.
"Call EMS and tell them what's going down," Hawkes told her. "Samantha…this baby is crowning…couple more pushes and he'll be out of there…when the shoulders get through, I want you to stop pushing until I tell you to start again. Okay? Deep breaths…and push…keep going…good girl…the head's out…STOP! Dad, you want to take a look?"
"Not really," Flack said, but took a peek anway. Emotion choked at him. Tears filled his eyes.
"I wanna see, too!" Sam exclaimed. "I wanna see!"
Hawkes took one of her hands and laid it on the top of the baby's head. "Can you feel that?" he asked, smiling. "That's Kieran's head. Lots of dark hair. I need the suction thing out of the first aid kit," he told Stella. "And put a towel on Sam's chest."
Stella zipped open the small pouch and took out the nasal aspirator and handed it to Hawkes. Than snagged a towel and laid it over Sam's chest while Hawkes suctioned out the baby's nose and mouth.
"Okay," Hawkes said. "One more push, mommy. Deep breath and push…almost there…keep going…keep going…"
A shrill cry erupted through the room.
"It's a boy," Hawkes announced. "A beautiful, healthy baby boy."
Flack couldn't hold back the tears any longer. He let them flow freely down his cheeks as he kissed the side of his wife's head, followed by her cheek. "Good job, baby," he praised lovingly "Good job. I'm so proud of you. I love you so much."
"Here you go, mom," Hawkes said, as he gently laid the baby on the towel.
"He's beautiful," Stella gushed, crying her own tears. "So beautiful."
"Hi, baby," Sam said through her tears. "Finally daddy and I get to see you. You just had to go and surprise everyone, didn't you."
"Dad," Hawkes held up the scissors. "Would you like to do the honours?"
Flack nodded.
Hawkes pinched off a spot on the umbilical cord to allow the new father to cut through it. The baby now quiet and content, snuggled into his mother's chest, big eyes taking in her face.
"He has blue eyes," Sam sniffled. "Like his daddy."
"And beautiful dark hair," Hawkes smiled.
"Looks just like dad," Stella declared. "His full name?"
"Kieran Shaun Donald Flack," Sam told her.
"Well welcome to the world, Kieran," Hawkes said. "Let me just wrap him up to keep him warm."
He wrapped a clean towel securely around the tiny naked body and lifted him tenderly from his mother's arms.
"Here you go, dad," he said, and laid the baby in his father's big, strong arms as tears streamed unabashedly down Flack's face. "Here's your son. Congratulations."
"Thanks," he managed. "It was…I don't know…amazing…it was amazing."
Stella smiled and rubbed his back comfortingly as father and son stared at each other in complete love and awe.
"Congratulations, Don," she said. "He's beautiful."
He smiled as Stella pressed a kiss to his cheek. Than he looked down at his new son and ran a finger tip down the baby's tiny nose. Complete with freckles splashed across it.
"Your mom carried you for nine months," he whispered as he pressed his lips to Kieran's forehead. "I'm going to carry you for the rest of your life."
Thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing! I appreciate each and every one of you! And thanks to the lurkers too! I know there's lots of you! Please, please R and R people!
Special thanks to:
Brrttmclv
Hope4sall
muchmadness
Forest Angel
Bluehaven4220
Laplandgurl
Soccer-bitch
Greg Rox