CHAPTER EIGHT || fragile
"Rose? Are you alright? I can go get Lissa if you want." Christian knocks hesitantly on the bathroom door and I swear silently. I need more time to do this; I can't concentrate with him out there. Later, I promise myself.
I rinse my arm and pull a clean bandage over the cuts. Quickly, I dry my hands and pull my hoodie back on, slipping the razor into my jeans pocket when I remember I'm staying in Christian's room for the next six weeks. "I'll be out in a sec," I say back, flushing the bloody tissues down the toilet. The evidence disappears.
When I come out, Christian gives me a questioning glance, but doesn't ask what upset me. "You hungry?" He asks.
I shake my head, still feeling some sort of high from the sting in the bathroom. "I just need to pack some clothes for our sleepovers. Then let's go get you some blood, fire boy."
The day passes slowly; there are no attacks from the 'Strogoi', so I spend the time standing mostly in the corner of the room- watching over Christian. It's boring, but I know how essential it is.
When curfew comes, Christian and I go back to his room, giving everyone a short goodbye. I'm bored, but I don't feel like cutting- knowing it would be weird doing it in his bathroom of all places. Besides, my whole body still feels refreshed from earlier, like I've just taken a cold bath. Christian is lying in his bed, glaring at me as I throw blankets on the floor for my sleeping place.
"Do you ever sleep?" He asks me. "Because you may not need your beauty sleep, but I do."
"Sorry," I say, but continue pacing across his room. "I'm just so bored."
"And I'm just so tired." He lightly growls, mocking me in the process. I stop and grab the pillow from the floor before chucking it at his face. He lazily catches it, smirking proudly. "Thanks, I like having two pillows. How thoughtful of you."
Deciding that I will not tire easily, I give up getting ready for bed and make a decision to escape his dorm and go for a walk. "You can defend yourself for a while, right?"
Christian stares at me. "What are you going to do now?"
"I'm bored. I'll go for a run." I'm about to slip out the door, but turn and face him again first. "If any Strogoi come in, tell them to wait because I'll be back later."
"Don't wake me up when you come back in." Christian groans and turns over, burying his face into his pillow.
A feeling of loneliness looms over me as I walk around campus. I stay close to the edges, just in case someone in security spots me. My hands hide in my hoodie pockets, staying out of the cold. Absentmindedly, I run my fingers over the cool surface of the razor. Its weird- how something so small can cause so much damage.
"You're not supposed to be out here." Dimitri speaks from behind me and I yank my hand out of my pocket, spinning to face him. I give him a weak smile.
"You caught me…" I tell him, strongly hoping that he won't force me to go back to Christian's room.
He raises one eyebrow, tilting his head slightly to the side in curiosity. "Something's wrong. Are you not tired?"
"Just because I'm alone doesn't mean that something's wrong." I groan, sitting down on the closest bench. Dimitri pulls of his duster coat and lays it across my shoulders before placing himself next to me. Our legs touch and the tingle warms me more than his jacket. "I'm just… not tired." I answer his earlier question, sighing lightly.
He wraps his arm around me, letting my head rest on his chest.
"Tell me." He whispers, softly stroking my hair.
"I just wish that… I didn't have to…" I stop, biting my lip. Dimitri lightly kisses the top of my head. I continue, sinking into his warmth as it draws the cold and the truth from my body. "I don't want to do this forever. Protecting Lissa, being alone. I want you. I love you."
Dimitri pauses and then moves his hands onto my cheeks, tuning my head so that I'm looking straight into his eyes. "I love you too." He tells me, honesty consuming us. "I wish we could be together, more than anything. And Roza, you will never be alone. You have me, always."
Our lips meet.
My fingertips slide back into my pocket, unnoticed. The razor is a cold contrast to his hot lips as they move against mine. Dimitri's eyes are closed.
An invisible tear rolls down my cheek.
What is wrong with me?
A/N Sorry for the late/ short update. I've been ill and I have a load of exams coming up again. I will definitely update every week, and I thank you massively for your beautiful, supportive, amazing, inspiring reviews. I love you all and I'm always here. And I have a really bad headache right now, so I haven't read this chapter over yet. Sorry if it's just pointless rambling!
The story should move on more soon. And just in case it doesn't make sense: At the moment, Rose has realized that cutting herself is helping her stay 'the old her'- happy and carefree. It's her relief, just as it was Lissa's. She's already starting to depend on it, so at the moment it is her biggest secret. She's starting to see Mason's ghost, which is re-enforcing the feelings of guilt and self-hate that cutting takes away. It's the field experience, which is 6 weeks long. She's assigned to Christian, so she has to stay at his dorm for the time being. Her feelings of Dimitri are conflicted at the moment. She's lying to him, not wanting him to know about her cutting/ depression. But, she loves him, as he loves her. She doesn't think she's depressed, and she doesn't realise how much the darkness is affecting her. - So, if anything doesn't make sense, just say. :')